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he asked me to pay. what should i do? second date? Watch

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    I don't think anybody going on about how sexist it is to expect him to pay has actually read the thread properly. Guy takes the girl to a fancy place, drops hints that he's paying, eggs on the girl to order more whilst ordering **** all for himself then splits the bill? naahhhh fam

    OP you might want to edit your original post a bit to clarify before this gets irritating.
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    (Original post by yungaheartz)
    You do realise what 'my treat' means right? if not, I suggest you look it up



    whats the weather like on that little planet of yours. long gone, really? is that why the world of sugardaddies is more popular than ever? not to mention men STILL paying for first dates. just cos you're stingy, does not mean the rest of the world is. and that is probably why you are still single




    because women choose, men chase. like i said when you actually become old enough to start dating you will learn this.



    so why do men treat us as if we are then? we don't ask you to practically bend over backwards trying to impress us, guys seem to do it willingly.



    oh CAN THEY?! oh hows that then? you must be talking about using a prostitute right? I'm not sure if this still works in 2017 but... prostitutes still have to be PAID right??!



    but it is VERY ridiculous to say its 'your treat', order her a whole bunch of stuff she didn't want and then ask her to pay for it.
    You guys are acting as if because he said my treat it constitutes some sort of legal relationship between the two where he is bound to his word. Sure it makes him a jerk for not paying when he suggested he would BUT seeing as she never knew him well prior I don't think it's all ridiculous for her to only order what she can afford and end up paying for herself, maybe he had less in his account than he thought or something we don't know the whole story.

    Actually it's the norm in numerous countries now for women to "go Dutch" and pay their way on first dates, I don't think it's stingy on the behalf of either party. If a date was unsuccessful and there was mutual lack of chemistry then why does it fall on the man to pay for it ? What services is he paying for exactly ? Does it entitle him to anything ? I'm just saying the quicker women lose this mentality the better, you aren't princesses anymore and can't campaign for equality in one sense yet expect to be objectified and boughht in another. I also think it encourages a certain culture in men where they think women are separate entities entirely and often leads to sexism, misogyny etc

    You're mentioning sugar daddies if you're almost proud of the fact that women happily commodify themselves and sell their dignity in return for probably a measly sum for some rich man. What a great sort of thing to be promoting for future generations of young women.

    Women choose men chase ? Hahaha that's true till you're about 25 and realise you're running out of options while your fertility ticks away. Any man of quality doesn't particularly need to chase nor doesn't he need to pander to some pathetic woman with distorted views. Actually some of you practically do ask for men to bend over for you and the pathetic ones follow in suit.

    You must have missed the last ten years of sexual politics, now it's cool for women to sleep around. Casual sex is the thing.

    Bla bla bla he didn't force her to buy anything, she ordered everything herself. Of course I wouldn't extort the most expensive items out of a generous date, that doesn't make meek its something called decency which women like you seem to lack.
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    (Original post by ParadiseFound)
    Bla bla bla he didn't force her to buy anything, she ordered everything herself. Of course I wouldn't extort the most expensive items out of a generous date, that doesn't make meek its something called decency which women like you seem to lack.
    You're right, he didn't force me to buy anything, but like I have said if you read the thread: he was the one who insisted on ordering loads and loads of food and drink and desert and tbh I just felt awkward to say no. I DON'T CARE THAT HE DIDN'T PAY. It is more the fact that he asked me on this date and kept saying it was his treat that made me annoyed. What is the point in 1. Asking a girl out on a date, 2. Getting loads of **** ordered to the table when I DIDN'T ASK FOR IT, and 3. Asking me to pay for "my half". To me, it seems as though he is trying to get his own back for something I didn't even do. I ended up paying for it though which shows I was prepared to pay and would have offered to anyway.

    Sorry if I haven't made myself clear enough.
    • #10
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ...and 3. Asking me to pay for "my half". To me, it seems as though he is trying to get his own back for something I didn't even do. I ended up paying for it though which shows I was prepared to pay and would have offered to anyway. Sorry if I haven't made myself clear enough.
    - did you in fact pay for half of the total, and he pay for half, including him effectively paying fo part of your food as you had a lot and he didn't; or, did he just pay for his ?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    - did you in fact pay for half of the total, and he pay for half, including him effectively paying fo part of your food as you had a lot and he didn't; or, did he just pay for his ?
    I paid 100 he paid like 20 quid. its in the original post
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I went out with this guy who seemed really nice and funny. I wasn't really up for it but he insisted so I went along with it. He kept asking me to order more (wine, dessert etc) which was a bit full on but it was fine (free food, right). At the end of the date the total was 120 and he wanted me to pay for what I got and for him to pay for his. This usually would be completely fine but guess what? HE ONLY GOT AN ENTREE! So I ended up paying about 100 quid including service charge.

    I just don't understand what he's playing at. He is the one who practically begged me to go out with him to some annoying fancy place and then he hardly wants to eat anything but is ordering me all sorts. My friends say to ditch him but I can't help thinking that's a bit shallow. He was nice to look at though lol
    Ewwww ditch him now!!!! Wtf
    How disgusting
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    If he invited you out it's fair for you to assume he was paying, especially if he was encouraging you to order stuff. He should have known he was giving that impression and made clear his expectation from the start if it were different.

    Tbh just as worrying is that he wanted you to each pay for what you'd ordered rather than split the bill. This generally indicates tightness in my experience.
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    Take responsibility for your own actions. You have to be prepared for all circumstances. Do not expect to be paid for. Unless he is blatantly clear he will pay for you beforehand, you need to be ready to pay your own half. Your time is not more valuable than his - he should not have to pay for you to be there. If you did not want to order that much, do not. Stop this victim blaming, sexist attitude and take responsibility!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're right, he didn't force me to buy anything, but like I have said if you read the thread: he was the one who insisted on ordering loads and loads of food and drink and desert and tbh I just felt awkward to say no. I DON'T CARE THAT HE DIDN'T PAY. It is more the fact that he asked me on this date and kept saying it was his treat that made me annoyed. What is the point in 1. Asking a girl out on a date, 2. Getting loads of **** ordered to the table when I DIDN'T ASK FOR IT, and 3. Asking me to pay for "my half". To me, it seems as though he is trying to get his own back for something I didn't even do. I ended up paying for it though which shows I was prepared to pay and would have offered to anyway.

    Sorry if I haven't made myself clear enough.
    If you didnt ask for it and didnt want it.... guess what genius - dont eat it! You can't eat it, then say oh i didnt want it anyway...
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    Just recycled comments. Let the thread die.
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    I think it's fair if you paid for only what you ate and not what he ate. Just because somebody "takes" you out doesn't mean they need to pay for you and do everything. I'd honestly feel quite guilty if the guy paid for me.

    Definitely don't let the fact that he made you pay for your own food get in the way of whether or not you go out with him on a second one. If he is as sweet as you said, then I'd say keep him if you really like him.

    If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and how old is he?
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    I really hate this culture we're getting now of figuring out exactly what each person spent and dividing the bill accordingly. What on earth was the problem with people, especially people who are romantically involved, treating each other occasionally?

    In a relationship, it works out roughly equal anyway, unless perhaps the better-off partner decides to treat more often (which isn't exactly unfair anyway). Otherwise, it should be down to who arranged the date. If he's asked, repeatedly, for you to come out with him, then he should at least offer to pay. This isn't some new-age equality, it's just rubbish manners.
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    I find it odd that he invites someone for dinner and only eats on entree.
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    • #11
    #11

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I paid 100 he paid like 20 quid. its in the original post
    he did all that and you're still contemplating whether you should see him again. stuff like that is a complete dealbreaker for me. heck if a guy doesn't even pay for the first date he never sees me again. if he did sh i t like this to me, i'd probably steal his car or phone or something
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    You ate £100 of food? Respect.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he did all that and you're still contemplating whether you should see him again. stuff like that is a complete dealbreaker for me. heck if a guy doesn't even pay for the first date he never sees me again. if he did sh i t like this to me, i'd probably steal his car or phone or something
    and that is why you are single, sexist ididot
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Because he kept hinting. He was saying things like 'let me treat you' and 'my treat' and 'let me take you out'. I was fully prepared to pay and I always offer but the way he was acting was just odd to me.
    This is really weird. My first thought was that you were super selfish expecting him to pay for you but seeing this... clearly mentioning treating you really implies he's going to pay... the only thing I can think is that maybe he misjudged what it would cost and was too embarassed to say he didn't have enough so thought making you pay for your food would look better? If not then he's really an *******. Why would he encourage you to buy loads of expensive food if he's not prepared to do so himself?

    I would probably ditch the guy but I guess you could talk to him first?
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    [QUOTE=Saoirse:3;74035378]I really hate this culture we're getting now of figuring out exactly what each person spent and dividing the bill accordingly. What on earth was the problem with people, especially people who are romantically involved, treating each other occasionally? In a relationship, it works out roughly equal anyway, unless perhaps the better-off partner decides to treat more often /QUOTE]

    - on a related note, male friends who are married or long term cohabiting universally (that is, among the few I've had this conversation with - I've asked several recently after a working female friend told me her husband pays for everything, leaving her with all her earnings for her) report the following, including in cases of comparable earnings :

    Wife or g/f earns, but keeps her money for her. She does pay for her own car and mobile phone, except sometimes "borrowing2 to pay e.g. the insurance or garage bills - and never pay it back.
    Man earns, but spends the greater part his money paying rent or mortgage plus all other household bills plus most of the cost of their holidays together (she may chip in). Result, money the man has left to spend on himself << money the lady has to spend on herself. Is that fair ? Unspoken basis seems to be (or you may speculate other underlying causes, if you disagree; I am merely speculating/guessing how this inequality comes about) that the man is buying sex (maybe, RELEVANT TO THIS THREAD, there is some basis also in the old custom, still practised by some, that men pay for food on dates - like a male animal "wooing" the female animal with food prior to attempting copulation). But women need sex too, so if that is the primeordal underlying thingiebob, that's a little odd if you step back from it; it's like pretending that women just "do" sex as a favour, which isn't true.
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    Man's not hot.

    Lol jk, why would he pay for you? But if he ordered stuff for your without you actually wanted it, then asked you to pay, then that is different. Then he's a d***
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    feminists be like you are a gift from god don't you dare pay a dime gurl
 
 
 
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