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he asked me to pay. what should i do? second date? Watch

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    Whether you see him again isn't up to whether this was a jerk move or completely normal. It's about whether you yourself have an issue with it. Relationships are about compatibility; if he thought that was okay, and you didn't, you're probably not very compatible.
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    Please don't meet him ever again, there are much better people. He did it on purpose. He's in the wrong.
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    I think you're giving away more than you intend by saying 'what the hell, it's free food right?' as in screw it he can pay £100 for me but then when the tables turn and you're the one paying suddenly its disgusting and how dare he! You assumed you could order all this fancy stuff off of his wallet and when you ended up reaching into your own then you're upset because he 'dropped hints' he was paying.

    Either he did it to see if you would pay, as a joke, or you totally misread and he was wanting you to have a good time. Personally I think it's very odd he didn't eat much himself, I usually eat way more than my girlfriend as do most guys (anecdotally) so that part is odd.

    Simply put, you banked on a free meal and didn't get it. Tough.

    If you still like him, then be more cautious and see what he does next time. If you don't then either you got together for the wrong reasons or didn't click enough on the night so leave it.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is just the FIRST date, you know, the one where the guy is usually acting his best trying to impress the girl. If he's like this now then what will he be like when he actually gets really comfortable around you. He was very misleading, end it and save yourself the struggle. There are plenty of guys out there that both look good and act decent.
    Maybe, for a lot of people the first date is after talking for a while etc etc so it isn't about trying to make the ultimate show off impression. First date to me is about compatibility. If you like going to f**king McDonalds then take her there. I'm not saying don't make an effort, dress up nice, lead the conversation, be as much yourself as you can be but honestly if she likes you then where you took her the first time is totally irrelevant and its a good way to weed out people more interested in factors that aren't personality or chemistry. My girlfriend (not at the time) wouldn't let me pay for food on the first 'date' because I bought the tickets - it was what made up my mind that she was the sort of person I wanted in my life. Strong personality, a sense of fairness and was with me for me. If you play it like someone you aren't, doing stuff you don't normally do, 9/10 times you end up looking like a t!t.
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    (Original post by GonvilleBromhead)
    If you play it like someone you aren't, doing stuff you don't normally do, 9/10 times you end up looking like a t!t.
    This could be what happened here to be honest. Sounds to me like OP's date might have taken her somewhere he couldn't really afford. Of course by then being really frugal and not picking up the bill as seems to have been implied, or even half of it, he ended up looking like a tit.
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    I have payed for dates plenty of times. Many of them are above 300 USD (Michelin starred restaurants and ordered wine). However, if the girl does not show appreciation, she will not get a second chance, so likewise, I think you should not waste your time and energy on this guy.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I went out with this guy who seemed really nice and funny. I wasn't really up for it but he insisted so I went along with it. He kept asking me to order more (wine, dessert etc) which was a bit full on but it was fine (free food, right). At the end of the date the total was 120 and he wanted me to pay for what I got and for him to pay for his. This usually would be completely fine but guess what? HE ONLY GOT AN ENTREE! So I ended up paying about 100 quid including service charge.

    I just don't understand what he's playing at. He is the one who practically begged me to go out with him to some annoying fancy place and then he hardly wants to eat anything but is ordering me all sorts. My friends say to ditch him but I can't help thinking that's a bit shallow. He was nice to look at though lol
    Don't know if this has been suggested, it's been pages: are you sure he doesn't have a deal with the restaurant going, on a commission?

    If not that he is too much of a weirdo, bed him if you like but it's on you. God knows what he'd be like in it, make you pay for condoms?
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    (Original post by arielynjoan)
    DITCH HIM NOW. HE WAS EGGIN U ON TELLIN U TO ORDER MORE CAUSE HE KNEW U THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA PAY. Or if u wanna be a savage, ask him on a second date then order loads of food and say you need the toilet then leave him to pay the bill.
    lol great idea
    honestly, i was all ready to be like "wow it's really not a big deal if he asks you to pay" but the guy seems like a skeeze, or he's broke AF but doesn't want to admit it?? maybe just ask him what was up with that, but don't make it seem like you were expecting him to pay? idk, hope it works out anon!
    • #12
    #12

    But even if I went on a date with a guy and he said my treat and all that I still wouldn't expect him to pay, and I certainly wouldn't order a lot of food, even if he kept asking me to. (Obviously this is my personal prefrence, and if he was going to pay for me I wouldn't want him spending a load on me)
    I feel as though what he did to you was very wrong he shouldn't be trying to egg you on making you buy more stuff to drop you in it at the end, but then you shouldn't be expecting him to pay you do get lads like that out there. I'd say go 50/50 is the best bet, but then if your ordering a lot of food regardless of what he's said why should he have to pay for what you've eaten? I think I'd really hate if someone was making me pay 50/50 and they've eaten a lot more than me don't think that's fair
    Personally don't think you should see him again, he doesn't seem worth it.
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    Lmfao "but he was nice to look at" typical female logic


    and god forbid a female has to pay for her own food
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    heck if a guy doesn't even pay for the first date he never sees me again
    LMFAO. That's great, you're doing the guy a favour.
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    in my opinion his behaviour sucks. you shouldn't continue to go out with him because he played with you
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    Honestly, you ate the food. What's the problem here.
    If you were expecting the dude to pay for everything on a date, then you shouldn't really be out with a dude in the first place. I'd say it's karma, since it's the second date, I assumed he paid for everything on the first one. So that's your personal problem. Not his.
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    It would have been less difficult if you didn't eat the food that got ordered. If you didn't want it (and you said that to him) he would have had to pay for that food. Even if it would have been a little awkward...

    And if that part of the date (where you paid more than expected) annoyed you I think you should stop dating him as other things may come up that may become worse, for both of you, especially if it involves bigger purchases.
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    But only you anon really knowed what happened that night, and you MAY be omitting some info or exaggerating in some cases, so I don't think anyone can accurately judge anon's or her date's personality. All I can say is that you know what you should do.
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    Lol why should guys have to pay on the first date. It’s 2017 and I assumed everyone was about equality. I pay for my own food when I go on dates (or I’ll pay one time, he’ll pay the next, etc). If you’re not happy with being treated as an equal to him, go ahead and leave him.
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    • #13
    #13

    (Original post by Masstech)
    Well i don't sympathise with you because women are so eager for equality but expect men to pay on dates, but in this case you didn't really want to go and even though he was encouraging you to get more, you still at the end of the day expected him to pay because he is a guy. It's funny though because i think he did it on purpose because he knew you as a girl would expect him to pay, and only at the end to reveal that you should pay for what you got for yourself.
    wooooow not every female is a feminist...also he did say it was his treat and things like that if I am treating someone I am paying for it... however, I don't know how she was willing to let him pay £100. That is more than a days pay....not cool
 
 
 
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