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    I feel so lame even posting this, but I'm just struggling and not sure what to do about it.

    I'm a med student and after intercalating last year, I'm now in my fourth year of uni. I've just moved into a new house with new flatmates for the start of this year, none of whom I know very well.

    First three years of uni- I was fine, I got by. I'm naturally quite shy and introverted, but I made friends with people in halls and I felt like I was doing alright. I lived with three of them for the last couple of years and we got on well, we had some fun nights out. In terms of the course- its great, I'm really enjoying medicine still.

    However, at the end of last year most of those friends I had made at uni were on shorter courses and have now graduated. It's since become abundantly clear to me I don't have any close uni friends left. The ones I did have are off intercalating at other unis or have graduated and moved away again.

    We've had some introductory lectures the last few weeks before we start placement and I have literally been sat on my own for most of them. There is nothing quite so disheartening as realising you don't know any one in the sea of hundreds of students in your year.

    I honestly just feel lost. Everyone, including my new housemates, have their own cliques and groups of friends. How do I make new friends at uni, three years in? I don't know how I did for the first few years. Now seem unable to make any more. What can I do?

    TL;DR

    Currently friendless in med school and unsure how to make new ones. Help?
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    Join a sports club maybe?
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    Never too late to join a society. Try your union website for a full list and see what interests you. New people join societies all the way through to February (seriously) so there is no rush at all. I know you said you're an introvert, but if you want to branch out more, maybe it's time to grab the confidence and just go up to someone random at the end/beginning of the lecture and just say "hi I'm (name), what's your name?" then say you haven't seen them around before in lectures or whatever and just go from there. People like it when you seem interested in them. They will, in turn, become more interested in you. A thing about confidence is that you just need to think 'I don't care what anyone thinks of me' and then you won't care how you look and you'll find it so much easier to branch out
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    I'm sorry you're feeling lonely.

    As above, joining new societies is always a good shout. Especially sport ones because they have so many socials.
    Are you in small groups for placement? I always find I become really good friends with the people in my placement groups cause you spend so much time together waiting around/ commuting/ eating etc. So that could be a good way to meet people across the year group.
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    (Original post by a_little_unsure)

    I honestly just feel lost. Everyone, including my new housemates, have their own cliques and groups of friends. How do I make new friends at uni, three years in? I don't know how I did for the first few years. Now seem unable to make any more. What can I do?

    TL;DR

    Currently friendless in med school and unsure how to make new ones. Help?
    I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago and I know how horrible it is.
    I would say try and make new friends outside of medical school by taking up other hobbies/activities like volunteering or whatever. Having a new circle of friends will build up your confidence and you will find that will help you make friends at uni as well.
    It worked for me and it may not work for you but either way stay positive and try to be friendly with all of your course mates!
    Also, join clubs and societies at uni!

    you could also try to find a "study buddy", once you're good friends with them, they will introduce you to their circle of friends and you will feel a bit "less lonely".
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    Just jump in. Go sit beside random people in class. Being a 4th year you probably have small groups so can mame friends that way. Pop up to a couple of your friends "cliques" with beers (or other) and they're hardly going to refuse.
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    I was a bit hesitant about posting, because I'm not really sure if my experience will help or hurt. But here goes anyway.

    I was similar in that I made some friends in early years, but then most people graduated, or we drifted apart. I never made any friends on my course, and by 4th year the medic cliques were pretty well established, and despite knowing lots of people peripherally, I never became proper friends with any of them (never hung out outside of medical stuff). I was pretty lonely through much all of med school. People always advised me to 'just join a society', but I guess it never felt that easy, and I never did.

    I finally figured out the friend thing in 5th year when I moved into a large and sociable household (a housing co-operative in fact), and through purely spending so much time with people through house events and seeing them every day I made some amazing friends. You don't know your flatmates very well yet, but it's still early in the year and things could develop. Have you put any effort into getting to know them, or organise events with them? Do you have a house group chat or house dinners?

    I'm not sure there's a point to this beyond to say that you're not alone, and I don't think it's a very uncommon experience. For me, working is a different social experience that is mostly better, so you may have that to look forward to. But if you want change sooner, expect to have to make some intentional effort towards it, whatever that may look like to you. Friends don't tend to fall into one's lap
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    Following on from what Ghotay said ^,

    What you are describing is actually quite common so please don't feel like you are in this alone!

    This is going to sound very embittered almost, but having been through various schools and universities, and thinking back to all the friends I've made and grown out of touch with, I don't even know if I believe in life long friends anymore. I am sure they exist (my dad has a close friend he's known for 40 years), but they must be very rare.

    The more I think, the more I believe friends are made out of necessity/circumstance/convenience of being at the same place/time more than anything else. Friendship stories are like little moments captured, with time and location as units.

    I find that even though I make friends on placement/rotations, once we move on, it gets harder and harder to keep in touch. It also doesn't help that some people intercalate, while others do not. I tried really hard to keep in touch with high school friends, but as we started having different life experiences, a lot of the common values and views we shared started to diverge. Family means more to me now. I still make friends, but I view friendships more lightheartedly without expecting anything long lasting from them. (Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised)

    P.S If you just ignore what I just said, this is probably going to be more useful: once you start placements (after your lectures are over), you'll meet lots of people on the same rotation order/or people in your firm, and you'll be able to make friends much easier!
 
 
 
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