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    I’ve spoken about what happened quite a bit with friends but don’t feel satisfied cause I still think about what was said to me.

    About two weeks ago I decided to see my college counsellor after having an anxiety attack which lead to me taking a day off. In the session I spoke about how I’m scared to talk to people I love and care about because of what they’d think of me and didn’t want to be seen as mentally unwell and weak. Especially this guy that I’ve been seeing for a year, I don’t want him to be put off me even if it has been so long. At this point in the conversation the counsellor was asking my relationship status and whether me and him had sex and I said that we had sex a month and a half ago (my first time) and that we’re kinda taking it slow cause I’m in A2 and he works full time (he’s a year older). She then went on to say that what she is about to say to me is as a mother not a counsellor and that until I clarify what my relationship is with him I should keep my legs closed. She also said that he probably doesn’t care about me now that he’s had sex with me even tho we are still together right now. After she went on to say that women can’t have casual sex, we think we can but we can’t but men can because they’re made differently to us and all men cheat now matter how much they’re involved in the relationship.

    All of what was said has just been f*cking with my head since, she doesn’t know me or him but she got me so paranoid that every time I spoke to him I felt like I couldn’t breathe (before I told him what happened, I’m better now but still worry). I felt as though she passed judgement when she wasn’t in a place to. I didn’t regret having sex with him cause I feel so strongly for him and vice versa but after the session she made me feel as though I was throwing myself at him to make him fall for me more and that I’m just a whore who basically can’t keep her legs shut. But because she said it so casually and then justified why she said it I’m struggling to grasp that what she said was awful.
    I have made a complaint but they still haven’t spoken to her and I don’t know what to expect, yeah I don’t want her to continue being a counsellor but the damage has been done. I don’t feel the same anymore, I feel so fragile and hurt all the time and I want to release my stress somehow but this is my 3rd bad experience with a counsellor, I can’t take anymore. I just don’t want to feel upset over what was said anymore.

    Is there any advice for me getting over what was said?? It’s impacting my personal life and while I study cause I can’t stop myself thinking about it. I have been diagnosed with moderate depression and mild anxiety in the summer of 2015 but I feel as though since then my anxiety has risen slightly and depression has calmed but instead has been replaced with anger and this plays in when I’m anxious cause I then get angry with myself and this builds up which causes me to easily get into arguments with family.

    Btw I can’t speak to my family about this, they’re very strict, talking to a boy is forbidden let alone having sex.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I’ve spoken about what happened quite a bit with friends but don’t feel satisfied cause I still think about what was said to me.

    About two weeks ago I decided to see my college counsellor after having an anxiety attack which lead to me taking a day off. In the session I spoke about how I’m scared to talk to people I love and care about because of what they’d think of me and didn’t want to be seen as mentally unwell and weak. Especially this guy that I’ve been seeing for a year, I don’t want him to be put off me even if it has been so long. At this point in the conversation the counsellor was asking my relationship status and whether me and him had sex and I said that we had sex a month and a half ago (my first time) and that we’re kinda taking it slow cause I’m in A2 and he works full time (he’s a year older). She then went on to say that what she is about to say to me is as a mother not a counsellor and that until I clarify what my relationship is with him I should keep my legs closed. She also said that he probably doesn’t care about me now that he’s had sex with me even tho we are still together right now. After she went on to say that women can’t have casual sex, we think we can but we can’t but men can because they’re made differently to us and all men cheat now matter how much they’re involved in the relationship.

    All of what was said has just been f*cking with my head since, she doesn’t know me or him but she got me so paranoid that every time I spoke to him I felt like I couldn’t breathe (before I told him what happened, I’m better now but still worry). I felt as though she passed judgement when she wasn’t in a place to. I didn’t regret having sex with him cause I feel so strongly for him and vice versa but after the session she made me feel as though I was throwing myself at him to make him fall for me more and that I’m just a whore who basically can’t keep her legs shut. But because she said it so casually and then justified why she said it I’m struggling to grasp that what she said was awful.
    I have made a complaint but they still haven’t spoken to her and I don’t know what to expect, yeah I don’t want her to continue being a counsellor but the damage has been done. I don’t feel the same anymore, I feel so fragile and hurt all the time and I want to release my stress somehow but this is my 3rd bad experience with a counsellor, I can’t take anymore. I just don’t want to feel upset over what was said anymore.

    Is there any advice for me getting over what was said?? It’s impacting my personal life and while I study cause I can’t stop myself thinking about it. I have been diagnosed with moderate depression and mild anxiety in the summer of 2015 but I feel as though since then my anxiety has risen slightly and depression has calmed but instead has been replaced with anger and this plays in when I’m anxious cause I then get angry with myself and this builds up which causes me to easily get into arguments with family.

    Btw I can’t speak to my family about this, they’re very strict, talking to a boy is forbidden let alone having sex.
    I had a school counsellor. She was pretty much the same. She'd been at the school for about 3 or 4 years, perhaps more. She quit halfway through I was in Year 11, although I was unaware. She also dealt with my case so badly that her misconstruing things purposely eventually led to me going to A&E.

    I struggle with therapy sessions now, but the old counsellor who works there I get on really well with, better than any other counsellor or therapist I've had.

    It took me just over a year to get over some of the things that happened.

    Speaking from a perspective of someone who may or may not have been in the same position as you, does this boy NOT possess any of the following traits?:
    - Hugging/kissing you without you asking (non-possessive kissing)/cuddling from behind (this shows he's affectionate and wants to connect with you)
    - Asks constantly how your days been
    - Asks about how you are
    - Worries about you when you are sad
    - Makes/buys you anything that he wasn't obligated to
    - Talks about a future with you

    If he doesn't do a single one, your counsellor did have the correct assumption, but the way she dealt with it was wrong. She should have led you to an answer about whether or not you should be with him, not tell you that you shouldn't be with him. Her assumption about your personality was wrong, but not his. She let her experiences cloud yours.

    I will say, exactly 1/2 of the times I've been used for sex, and it's even *****ier trying to get over that. Technically 1, who I was just flirting with, rejected me on the basis that I was mentally ill and clingy, but for my own good (I had depression at the time). It was actually really sweet looking back at it. Then the final one is my current boyfriend. It's nice to say he doesn't use me at all. Heck, even one of the other two who did apologised. So...

    You will meet boys in your life that want to use you. Your parents don't help, as by not letting you branch out and meet these boys early on in life allows for abuse to occur later in life, especially with porn, fetish snuff films being easily accessed. This can make boys even worse when it comes to their drives.

    How to get over it? Justify that the counsellor was wrong. The thing that allowed me to get over it was her leaving and being replaced by a way more qualified counsellor.
 
 
 
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