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How do I stop feeling resentment for my ex? Watch

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    Hi people, I'm dealing with some tough and conflicted emotions right now. Me and my ex boyfriend are both 18, were together since last October until I ended it (after a few months of debating it) about a month ago.

    There are many elements as to why, the long and short of it is 'mental/emotional cheating' ie perving on girls' instagram pages and requesting to follow them when he has barely ever/never spoken to them, screenshotting photos of my friends or acquantances or girls from his work for fap material (some of them not posted themselves such as an innocent picture my friend took of my other friend of her sunbathing, this was especially freaky), screenshotting a girls' nude she accidentally posted on instagram who we also kind of know etc. the whole time we were together despite him 'loving' me. I found all of this really disrespectful to me and those girls and very creepy. not sure why he can't just watch porn of actual naked people having sex like a normal person. though he claims it isn't because he knows them, just that he finds them attractive and 'seperated' the fact that he knew them, which I find impossible to believe since there are countless photos of beautiful strangers on the net, or actual videos and not still-photos he has to fantasise about :P

    I only found out through snooping on his phone (wrong, I know) because he's a wonderful guy but I just had a feeling of mistrust. It frightens me I could have gone on being oblivious to who he really is for maybe years. Because I saw us being together for a long time.

    I think I still love him and part of me wants to be with him.
    He explained himself and feels guilty about it and explained the distinction between fantasy and reality (although I still feel very weird about it). He says he will never do it again but I don't know whether to believe he truly has changed because it's only because i found out, he knew it would upset me but didn't know it would upset me as much as it did. we've talked a lot about it and he said he knew it's wrong/perverted and I asked how he'd feel if I did it and he said it would take him a while to move past it - so obviously even if it is 'just fantasy' it's still hurtful to put the effort in to fuel that fantasy and search for their pictures.
    I understand some people especially young guys might think I'm being silly but I've never been so heartbroken and angry in my life. I've. However I also feel sympathy simultaneously, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me and I get angry again. I just don't know how someone could act like that in a loving committed relationship.

    My ideal was that I could get over it and believe him and move on with the relationship, I think we go really well together if he genuinely has changed, 2nd best option is move on but be civil with him (as he is in my social circle) and get rid of my anger. I couldn't decide between the two but I wanted to spend time with him so we started a friends with benefits arrangement but every time it pops into my head my heart sinks and I can't even be comfortable being intimate with him, I kind of feel used or like a victim now lol? Maybe I'm being dramatic but I don't feel as much affection and that he 'deserves my body' in a way? I don't want to be angry at him. Help!!!? <3
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    (Original post by liiv18)
    Hi people, I'm dealing with some tough and conflicted emotions right now. Me and my ex boyfriend are both 18, were together since last October until I ended it (after a few months of debating it) about a month ago.

    There are many elements as to why, the long and short of it is 'mental/emotional cheating' ie perving on girls' instagram pages and requesting to follow them when he has barely ever/never spoken to them, screenshotting photos of my friends or acquantances or girls from his work for fap material (some of them not posted themselves such as an innocent picture my friend took of my other friend of her sunbathing, this was especially freaky), screenshotting a girls' nude she accidentally posted on instagram who we also kind of know etc. the whole time we were together despite him 'loving' me. I found all of this really disrespectful to me and those girls and very creepy. not sure why he can't just watch porn of actual naked people having sex like a normal person. though he claims it isn't because he knows them, just that he finds them attractive and 'seperated' the fact that he knew them, which I find impossible to believe since there are countless photos of beautiful strangers on the net, or actual videos and not still-photos he has to fantasise about :P

    I only found out through snooping on his phone (wrong, I know) because he's a wonderful guy but I just had a feeling of mistrust. It frightens me I could have gone on being oblivious to who he really is for maybe years. Because I saw us being together for a long time.

    I think I still love him and part of me wants to be with him.
    He explained himself and feels guilty about it and explained the distinction between fantasy and reality (although I still feel very weird about it). He says he will never do it again but I don't know whether to believe he truly has changed because it's only because i found out, he knew it would upset me but didn't know it would upset me as much as it did. we've talked a lot about it and he said he knew it's wrong/perverted and I asked how he'd feel if I did it and he said it would take him a while to move past it - so obviously even if it is 'just fantasy' it's still hurtful to put the effort in to fuel that fantasy and search for their pictures.
    I understand some people especially young guys might think I'm being silly but I've never been so heartbroken and angry in my life. I've. However I also feel sympathy simultaneously, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me and I get angry again. I just don't know how someone could act like that in a loving committed relationship.

    My ideal was that I could get over it and believe him and move on with the relationship, I think we go really well together if he genuinely has changed, 2nd best option is move on but be civil with him (as he is in my social circle) and get rid of my anger. I couldn't decide between the two but I wanted to spend time with him so we started a friends with benefits arrangement but every time it pops into my head my heart sinks and I can't even be comfortable being intimate with him, I kind of feel used or like a victim now lol? Maybe I'm being dramatic but I don't feel as much affection and that he 'deserves my body' in a way? I don't want to be angry at him. Help!!!? <3
    Both of you are still inexperienced.
    I understand what hes done, but he wont change as at the moment hes full of hormones and he is growing up. Whatever words come out of his mouth at the moment its likely they will change, so your idea of love, is only teenage love and I wouldnt put too much stock in it. Very few people marry the first person they meet. You tend to have a number of relationships until eventually you settle down.. that means hes almost certainly just your first and you will have several others before you find the right person.

    My advice.

    1. He wont change, even if he says so, because its all part of growing up.
    2. The friends with benefits is the wrong thing because you both talk about love. That isnt FWB.. It will just make you unhappy
    3. Going through his phone is a dumpable offence.
    4. Theres no trust..Its boring and his only regret is hes been caught.
    5. Boys says things, but its not always the truth and they have no intention of keeping to it. Its just easier and gets them what they want. Girls fall for it.
    5. Move on and find someone else who you can trust and be happy with..
 
 
 
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