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I cheated, what should I do? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I have a girlfriend of 22months now and about 2 nights ago I got very very drunk and got with a random girl in a club. Next thing I knew I was back at hers and we were looking for condoms. Failing that we just had sex anyway around 4 times that night (not sure how I managed for such a long time). My pull-out game is not strong at all and made worse when drunk. I can probably see you guessing where this is leading. Yes, is the answer to your question, all 4 times. She afterwards told me she wasnt even on the pill.... Great.... I just have to hope that the morning after pill works.

    That is the detail of what happened and now to what I need an answer to...
    My girlfriend of 22months does not know any of this happened and really I don't want her to know because this truly is not who I am and I had no idea what was going on. I feel so so ****. I don't want to tell her because she is very Christian and also I know she would not stay with me or even think/question it for one second if I told her. Yes things between us haven't been great recently but yeah. What I am trying to say is that I don't know if I still want to be with her but I don't want to lose the last 22months of my life including a once in a lifetime holiday to New York etc. I don't know what is best for me (which I know is selfish but yeah).

    Please world help a brother out here. I am very confused and all and well really I think what caused it was the attention because I am not a very good looking lad, I have my issues and it was an amazing feeling for someone to appreciate and actually take a liking to me. I have severe depression also so please no trolls becasue this is quite a personal and heartfelt cry or rather plea for help.

    Thank you
    • #2
    #2

    You cheated now face the consequences.
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    • #3
    #3

    Read your post again and reevaluate yourself. You haven't once spared a thought for how this affects your girlfriend. Doesn't she get a choice to decide whether to stay with you?

    It doesn't matter whether you were drunk, whether these actions are like you or not, or even if it's because you don't get much attention - you should tell your girlfriend.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I know and I understand that it affects her massively and all it really does, im not saying it doesn't I am just saying that she is my world and I never thought I would be such a disgusting individual to do such a thing
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You cheated now face the consequences.
    True
    Painfully so but true

    I do really just need a good slapping round the face
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have a girlfriend of 22months now and about 2 nights ago I got very very drunk and got with a random girl in a club. Next thing I knew I was back at hers and we were looking for condoms. Failing that we just had sex anyway around 4 times that night (not sure how I managed for such a long time). My pull-out game is not strong at all and made worse when drunk. I can probably see you guessing where this is leading. Yes, is the answer to your question, all 4 times. She afterwards told me she wasnt even on the pill.... Great.... I just have to hope that the morning after pill works.

    That is the detail of what happened and now to what I need an answer to...
    My girlfriend of 22months does not know any of this happened and really I don't want her to know because this truly is not who I am and I had no idea what was going on. I feel so so ****. I don't want to tell her because she is very Christian and also I know she would not stay with me or even think/question it for one second if I told her. Yes things between us haven't been great recently but yeah. What I am trying to say is that I don't know if I still want to be with her but I don't want to lose the last 22months of my life including a once in a lifetime holiday to New York etc. I don't know what is best for me (which I know is selfish but yeah).

    Please world help a brother out here. I am very confused and all and well really I think what caused it was the attention because I am not a very good looking lad, I have my issues and it was an amazing feeling for someone to appreciate and actually take a liking to me. I have severe depression also so please no trolls becasue this is quite a personal and heartfelt cry or rather plea for help.

    Thank you


    tbh I don't think you're sorry at all


    4 times?

    fam you stopped and recharged, and kept coming back for more and more like a fat kid at an all you can eat buffet.

    you ain't sorry.
    The only thing you're sorry about is that it's all over.

    I wish your unwitting girlfriend good luck with you, hopefully she'll find out about it someday..
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by ANM775)
    tbh I don't think you're sorry at all


    4 times?

    fam you stopped and recharged, and kept coming back for more and more like a fat kid at an all you can eat buffet.

    you ain't sorry.
    The only thing you're sorry about is that it's all over.

    I wish your unwitting girlfriend good luck with you, hopefully she'll find out about it someday..
    I am genuinely very remorseful but I know that it has happened and theres not much I can do about it now but you are right I was not using my head and as harsh as it is fair enough
    • #4
    #4

    I’m not sure what you want out of this.

    Do you want to find ways to keep your current girlfriend without having her know you cheated? Or get away with impregnating the girl you cheated with?

    All I can say is that if you want to stop being a cheater, you already know the reasons why. You can learn online about how to deal with feeling like you don’t get much attention etc.
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    • #1
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    #1

    God no I dont want the girl pregnant! Thats the last thing I want and well I'm not sure even what I want man its tough and I have messed up big time
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    God no I dont want the girl pregnant! Thats the last thing I want and well I'm not sure even what I want man its tough and I have messed up big time
    I hope she gets pregnant so you learn your lesson.

    Cheating once? Okay fine, but 4 times.

    You know what, I hope she’s pregnant with twins.

    Perhaps, in the mean time get a moral compass and some dignity for yourself?

    Or you could always drown yourself in a pity party.

    ****.
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    Get yourself tested for everything and DO NOT have sex with your girlfriend before you get the results back. You could be putting her at risk, which is a disgusting and selfish thing to do.

    In the mean time figure out how you're going to either break it to her, or leave her. She deserves no less. Depression is never and will never be an excuse for poor behaviour.
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    You're staying with her because you don't want to lose 22 months of your life, not because you really want to. Are you listening to yourself? Set her free, man, she deserves better and you need to learn how to cope when a relationship starts becoming hard to be in.
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    You could well be riddled right now.

    I hope you have the decency to get yourself checked before doing anything with your girlfriend. But judging by your previous behaviour I fear you might not afford her that consideration.
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    You don't want to tell her because she is "very Christian" but she can't be because your fcking her which is not very Christian at all
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    You should not get drunk to the point of not knowing what you're doing.
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    Be ashamed of yourself, and tell your girlfriend so she can dump your sorry ass and find someone who deserves her.
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    You sound like a horrible person without an ounce of remorse in your post.

    Tell her and hopefully she does the right thing by dumping you.
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    You ****** UP BAD. Leave her.

    Tell her everything, as she deserves better than you, 22months relationship, why do you care, when you ****** the girl 4 times, in one night. As if you were drunk on the 2/3/4th time having sex. Should’ve at-least gained some conscious back to not do it 4 times. Either way its ****** up thing to do. Like wth

    Don’t keep it in you, it isn’t worth it, as shes gonna find out sooner or later. And, who cares about 22 months relationship, do you care about statistics over her feelings? Break the news. This is gonna be hard, but you asked for it. Theres never a easy way when it comes to cheating. You jus gotta move on and tell her.

    Be straight out honest to her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have a girlfriend of 22months now and about 2 nights ago I got very very drunk and got with a random girl in a club. Next thing I knew I was back at hers and we were looking for condoms. Failing that we just had sex anyway around 4 times that night (not sure how I managed for such a long time). My pull-out game is not strong at all and made worse when drunk. I can probably see you guessing where this is leading. Yes, is the answer to your question, all 4 times. She afterwards told me she wasnt even on the pill.... Great.... I just have to hope that the morning after pill works.

    That is the detail of what happened and now to what I need an answer to...
    My girlfriend of 22months does not know any of this happened and really I don't want her to know because this truly is not who I am and I had no idea what was going on. I feel so so ****. I don't want to tell her because she is very Christian and also I know she would not stay with me or even think/question it for one second if I told her. Yes things between us haven't been great recently but yeah. What I am trying to say is that I don't know if I still want to be with her but I don't want to lose the last 22months of my life including a once in a lifetime holiday to New York etc. I don't know what is best for me (which I know is selfish but yeah).

    Please world help a brother out here. I am very confused and all and well really I think what caused it was the attention because I am not a very good looking lad, I have my issues and it was an amazing feeling for someone to appreciate and actually take a liking to me. I have severe depression also so please no trolls becasue this is quite a personal and heartfelt cry or rather plea for help.

    Thank you
    Okay. I'm going to make a lot of assumptions based on what you've said so I could be wrong here but my sense of things is...

    To you this seems like a shock out of the blue, you would never have seen yourself doing something like this and can't understand how or why it happened. But there are clues.

    You have incredibly low self-esteem and are not necessarily that compatible with your girlfriend. For a start the use of a morning after pill doesn't seem to present a moral problem for you in itself (nothing wrong with that, just a difference), while your girlfriend is very Christian. I imagine that you keep a different internal world/way of thinking to her and I wonder if you talk about it in any depth, if it ever comes up, or you keep it to yourself? Differences in world view and ways of perceiving/viewing things in general are not necessarily bad (they can even be good), but it can be a barrier that leaves you feeling unconnected and isolated if you don't feel fully known or understood by the other - even if you never consciously think about it. If you couldn't or simply don't openly talk, interacting only on the levels that have been so pleasant in the past, but not on all of them, you're not completely being yourself. You say she wouldn't even consider, she would leave you instantly - which she wouldn't be wrong to do in this situation - but what I'm hearing is that there is no room for you to be understood or thought about if you don't fit the image she currently has, which may well be an incomplete one.

    This is not something you will have been thinking, but perhaps something you will have been feeling before this even happened without knowing what it was. No one can be completely known by any other, that's the nature of being separate selves, but to alleviate the anxiety this causes - you must feel secure that the person's love for you is such that they will at least try to understand and know you, come what may. I am not saying someone who crosses serious red lines deserves to still be considered, not at all - but that there must be a feeling that as long as you are yourself, they will make the effort to understand you within reason. It's shakey ground if you feel as though there isn't room for discovery and change without rejection and abandonment; change is inevitable throughout life. If you've got an accidental and maybe even unacknowledged oversized private side to you, out of low self-esteem and a compulsion to only interact in ways that are felt as safe, then you won't feel this security.

    You mention things have not been great recently, which happens in every relationship. However, in the average relationship, this doesn't tend to normally lead to such a fevered rush - despite your character and against all risks (potential pregnancy/STD being a big one) - to fully exploit (you can't even believe you managed to last that long yourself) the first chance of self-interested betrayal you come across. A clear sign of a much deeper and more fundamental schism at play. Desperation, insecurity, fear of inadequacy and rejection could perhaps all lead to being overcome by a powerful need to assert yourself and recklessly seek empowerment, personal gratification, connection - a sense of value and interpersonal ability that has been lacking in your life so far. That you thought you had gained from your girlfriend, but hadn't truly - it can only come from within through time and experience (which includes experience with people, but there's a difference between them giving you these things and you gaining them yourself).

    So, with all of this, you're not even sure you want to be with her - but you don't want to be found out or to let go of what you have, anxiety causing as the relationship is. You don't want to lose all that time and those memories on a failed attempt at being human, which initially you thought had been going so well. What you're failing to realise is that you can not lose those memories or the things you genuinely have gained and learned from your relationship, from knowing and having been close to her. They will not disappear when your daily routine changes to be without her in it. You have grown, and sometimes when you do the most terrible things of all you're forced to address issues that were there all along within yourself but you had no concept of. It's scary, letting go of a beautiful dream that had given you so much joy - but it's already over, and the next step in your life is just as important so you'll be doing yourself and her a disservice to draw this one out. I don't know whether you should tell her or what you will do next, but I think you should definitely talk it out with someone - you might realise things and surprise yourself with what comes out. Whether that's the Samaritans, or an online relationship counselor, or a friend or relative if you have any you can open up to - I think it would help. This post was a good start.

    Good luck with everything anyway. And oh my this is embarrassing if it turns out I've written an entire essay barking up the wrong tree, but you'll forgive me for trying I'm sure.
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    With a lot of luck hopefully you never once managed to find the right hole.
 
 
 
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