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    Hi all,

    Back in late July my girlfriend of three years broke up with me, just as she was about to head off after uni to a high flying position in the city. I thought everything was going well, and then bam: turns out that for the last year she hadn't actually been in love with me - just wanted me around to help her get through uni and not to have anything upset the apple cart in terms of her studies. I was just so shocked, and I still am - perhaps the main reason why I'm now feeling so low.

    After the initial shock, about 2-4 weeks in, I was starting to feel good: motivated, confident, wanting to do more things, hit the gym harder and speak to more people - almost like somebody had slipped me some kind of unexpected amphetamine. I was telling my counsellor, my parents, my friends, that I felt like a new man and that I had 'moved on'. A part of my was thinking 'this is too good to be true', and it was.

    About 5-6 weeks in, I started to feel worse. More feelings of loneliness, despair, sadness and nostalgia of the worst kind. Thinking back to the good times and dredging up some of the most happy and soppy memories we had together. I relapsed back to calling my mother in the early hours of the morning on the way to work, like when I did in the first couple of weeks, just because the loneliness of the walk was really starting to get to me. I've begun to really hate my job and I don't feel at all motivated to do all of the stuff that I was doing back in mid/late August, such as go out of my way to help people and go the extra mile in terms of workload. I try taking mood improvement supplements, but I think they just make me feel worse.

    So I'm just a little worried really. My friend said that with his relationship, after about 2 months, he had almost completely forgotten about his ex and that he had gotten over her. If anything, I've gotten worse - poor sleep, vivid and depressing dreams and just a more anxious attitude as a whole.

    So I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience, or is going through one right now? Any help/advice would be much appreciated.


    There is no set time for a person to recover from a break up, it differs from person to person. Don't feel worse because you still haven't gotten over her. After all she was a big part of your life and she let you down in a big way.

    Keep trying to keep yourself busy. Go out with friends, do hobbies and the things you love. It won't be easy, but with time, things will get better.

    I am having a very similar experience. The first 2 weeks were really hard, but as soon as my mind would start going down the rabbit hole I could get a pep talk from a friend and snap out of it. The next 4-5 weeks I was crushing the break-up. I felt good. Everyone was telling me how strong I was being and handling it like a rockstar. I was surprising myself because I never thought I could go through a break-up again but like you, this was too good to be true. Then the anxiety kicked in. I could no longer be happy just sitting. I had trouble sleeping again. Also sorry if this is TMI but I've had diarrhea every day since. Amidst the break up, I decided I was going to pick up and move to a new city. So I have a lot of changes happening and life stressors all at once. I decided to seek professional help and have my first appointment with a therapist today. I'm hoping that gives me some relief. Right now the anxiety is constant

    The main point to be answered is how long were you with her.

    The reason I say that is because the longer a relationship continues for, the harder it is to get over a split.

    The best thing you can do is get together with a few friends and talk to them about how your feeling or go out sometime with them.

    At some point you will meet a girl who will want you for who you are and not just to help her through uni.

    Just take your time and you will get through this.

    Although I have been with my other half now for 15 years I have been through a few break ups and I agree it is hard but trust me you will get through this rough patch.

    If I can help any further I will try.
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