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Extenuating circumstances for university Watch

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    I want to apply for extenuating circumstances but dont know if my problems are bad enough. I have tried asking at school who said that I should probably get counselling. I've had it before and it didn't work. I don't feel entirely safe opening up to stranger. I DO NOT THINK THAT I CAN BE HELPED WITH COUNSELLING. I have friends who listen to me vent already. I have a diary. I have acceptable coping methods atm. Either way, I might try it since it could help. But should I still apply for extenuating circumstances? Doesn't it seem like excuse making? What parts should I talk about? It makes me feel pathetic and I have just finished writing this all. I feel like a broken human because I can't even function basically. But I feel it's my fault and not bad enough to use as excuse making.

    I have struggled with really bad depression through year 8-11. When coming to secondary school I was bullied and felt pretty isolated, but this was also whilst I was having problems at home such as a toxic environment as my dad is a drug addict and so parents are always arguing.

    My mother suffers epilepsy which leads to memory loss and a not present mother. But she can focus on her phone or TV instead. I feel like she just doesn't care enough really. I was near tears yesterday over feeling ignored by her. I can literally walk in front of her and repeat something 5 times to which she shouts at me and then I explain I said something else so she goes back to ignoring me.

    I was always late to school in primary school, also late to be taken home and the headteacher had to drop me off tp ny grans once ha. Never had forms in to school. Never did homework either. Well, actually not till my first year of GCSE where it was late 90% of the time but now mainly consistently done during A level. Teachers were pissed with me but I got away with it most the time because I looked like a slothy shy kid but contributed the most and got highest marks in lessons. One trainee teacher mentioned being aware of my situation so cut me some slack with homework and gave me less-perhaps this was the reason with the rest.

    My mum told me my dad is a drug addict when I was 10 to spite my dad. This was after living in religious family where we were taught alcohol and drug use are terrible sins. So my view of my dad crumbled. He's still a pretty crap person, prioritising his drug use over us. I guess that's what an addiction does though.

    He had a huge breakdown and was admitted into a psychiatric unit when I was in year 7? Cant remember the year. We had social services come to mine and my siblings school and my mum told us to say it's all good and we know nothing of our dad's problems. My parents aren't abusive. They do scream and shout a huge amount, and I'm APPARENTLY hyper sensitive to sound and light so it's worse for me (can start crying over shouting) but maybe its just because theyre so desensitised to it that they think it's okay but any normal person would not. They do insul us a huge amount which has battered on my self esteem recently. My dad used to beat my brother tithe point where he is screaming but it was rare. And they only sometimes threaten to hit, rarely actually hit now. It might sound sort of abusive but the goods outweigh the bads. They love us. But it often makes me feel like smashing my head against a wall and then driving a knife into my chest repeatedly.

    Honestly I hate thinking about this.

    My dad is still a struggling drug addict but I don't want to mention this to others for fear of social services becoming involved with my family and taking the kids away. Then I would be blamed. Even if it doesn't happen my mum won't want others to know since she'll be worries about this. It's betraying my parents. But at the moment it's my biggest problem since we have no steady income and often have no food, and my mum ignores us to deal with my dad. And so thwy argue a lot. He's been a drug addict for at least 8 years now. 100% likely more years just I don't know how much more.

    I'm probably not mentioning the drug addiction at all. But I want to know what others think...yes or no? If someone thinks I really should then do say.

    Can social services track me down through this post?...would they? Probably can but won't.

    I've always been really paranoid. I thought my parents were watching me with cameras. I thought everyone could mind read except me. I remember puffing my inhaler like 50 times in one go and then hallucinating in year 4 and maybe that triggered it. So since year 4 to year 10 ive been dead scared that's all true. My family has a history of mental health problems (grandma is disabled due to severe depression-but gets no treatment?) They made jokes about it when they found out. My boyfriend later in year 11 convinced me he's part of a magical world and left me scared for my life for months if I thought about it. I eventually opened up to someone about it. He said it was just a joke but he knew full well about how paranoia effected me since I had told him.

    I'm getting better now. Did have a breakdown in hospital but that was probably due to steroid use. I went to doctors about this in year 9/10 who I unfortunately lied to. Only cus my mum was there. I told my mum i hallucinated so that she takes me seriously since she kept saying I'm just weak and can't cope. Since hallucinations can seen like I have no influence in them but depression and paranoia seems like it's my fault. She'd tell me it's my fault then tell me her life problems ("I HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY HUSBAND AND CHILDREN!!! BUT I AM STRONG. WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE ME") I didn't want to tell doctors but she mentioned it when we went. Ugh. False records. They referred me to CAMHS though my mum was always there with me and told me to lie about being good to quit. I did.

    Anyways depression in year 8-11 included suicidal ideation and self harming. My mum strangled me when she found out which really hurts me. It was just done in anger but still...she's meant to be my protector. Anyways in year 8 I made friends!! There was a sort of folie a deux effect with us all making each others mental health worse. It was toxic. Some guy introduced me to self harm. I lied about trying to kill myself once (I had no energy to stab myself and probably also lacked willpower...i sharpened a kitchen knife but couldn't do it... but wanted to so bad and then wanted others to realise how bad I feel so told my friends) and spent many days just crying or wanting to die, some harming myself. School found out about self harm but told me they wouldn't speak to my family due to my family problems. There was a relationship break up which further aggravated this all in year 11. I was also in physical pain and often carried hot water bottle around with me to calm it down.

    This all effected my GCSEs. I was predicted all As and A*. I got 7 grades below what I was expecting because I didn't revise and just moped about instead. I had a 40 day period and lost 10kg in a week due to feeling like absolute ****. Doctors prescribed pills to stop my periods. Learning support said my grades were good and I'm just sad i got a few Bs so i don't need help. They don't understand though. I'm not performing to my best. I struggle so much but I just ********ted my way through GCSEs and thankfully got no Cs.

    They made me do a test but I got slightly above average for it all except handwriting which was slightly below average because I was too tired to write. They said the handwriting bit is not an official government test so doesn't count and only slightly below average doesn't matter. But the handwriting test was last and that was after an hour where I got so tired of the exam. My main problem is fatigue. The bits before I wasn't so tired though they were stilldone slowly and I have physically felt my brains processing speed decrease.

    BUT

    Can I just point out that I am in year 13 and that they make year 7s do this test to check for learning disabilities. It's inconsistent. The test is lacking. I am not saying I have a learning disability and am performing bad in comparison to the average of year 7s but that I am not performing to my best.

    I met an online friend who is now my best friend and I probably rely on too much emotionally. He makes me feel so loved and cared for. 😍😍 So I am not struggling as much now.

    Now I am just in constant physical pain and always fatigued. Difficulty concentrating. Can't breathe too well but I am on fairly high asthma medication that is helping. I found out my inhalers cause anxiety (I am a very anxious person) which is annoying because I'm sacrificing mental health for physical but that could make me want to die again-and what use is my body if I have no willpower to get through life, or if I'm ACTUALLY DEAD. I was admitted into hospital because of an asthma attack two weeks ago and was kept there for 3 or 4 days. I learnt that I have constant asthma attacks without realising and my asthma has not been under control for the past. I'm always in pain so I'm constantly clutching a hot water bottle to me (This pain has been ongoing since year 8) Pain in my chest, womb, and back mainly but can be anywhere else except my arms. My bed has sunk though and has been sunken for the past few years and sleeping out in tents feels good so maybe it's my bed. Mum said she would change it. They haven't. The chest pain is probably anxiety I think. Isn't due to asthma I don't think...asthma is different pain.

    I told head of sixth form about the 40 day period, 10kg loss, and feeling depressed only during the months of my GCSE exams. He said he will edit the end of my reference and add one sentence about it. I don't think he understands the true impact of my problems and I feel one sentence at the end isn't good enough. But at the same time I don't feel safe telling him because it makes me feel like I'm grasping for attention. I can easily get letters from Doctors and hospital about my problems.

    My best friend said I'm not a broken fail of a human but it's just my family life that is making everything hard for me. So maybe that's true and I could focus on that but I don't feel safe doing it as social services might take my siblings away.

    What should I do?
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    (Original post by A_Human_Being)
    I want to apply for extenuating circumstances but dont know if my problems are bad enough. I have tried asking at school who said that I should probably get counselling. I've had it before and it didn't work. I don't feel entirely safe opening up to stranger. I DO NOT THINK THAT I CAN BE HELPED WITH COUNSELLING. I have friends who listen to me vent already. I have a diary. I have acceptable coping methods atm. Either way, I might try it since it could help. But should I still apply for extenuating circumstances? Doesn't it seem like excuse making? What parts should I talk about? It makes me feel pathetic and I have just finished writing this all. I feel like a broken human because I can't even function basically. But I feel it's my fault and not bad enough to use as excuse making.

    I have struggled with really bad depression through year 8-11. When coming to secondary school I was bullied and felt pretty isolated, but this was also whilst I was having problems at home such as a toxic environment as my dad is a drug addict and so parents are always arguing.

    My mother suffers epilepsy which leads to memory loss and a not present mother. But she can focus on her phone or TV instead. I feel like she just doesn't care enough really. I was near tears yesterday over feeling ignored by her. I can literally walk in front of her and repeat something 5 times to which she shouts at me and then I explain I said something else so she goes back to ignoring me.

    I was always late to school in primary school, also late to be taken home and the headteacher had to drop me off tp ny grans once ha. Never had forms in to school. Never did homework either. Well, actually not till my first year of GCSE where it was late 90% of the time but now mainly consistently done during A level. Teachers were pissed with me but I got away with it most the time because I looked like a slothy shy kid but contributed the most and got highest marks in lessons. One trainee teacher mentioned being aware of my situation so cut me some slack with homework and gave me less-perhaps this was the reason with the rest.

    My mum told me my dad is a drug addict when I was 10 to spite my dad. This was after living in religious family where we were taught alcohol and drug use are terrible sins. So my view of my dad crumbled. He's still a pretty crap person, prioritising his drug use over us. I guess that's what an addiction does though.

    He had a huge breakdown and was admitted into a psychiatric unit when I was in year 7? Cant remember the year. We had social services come to mine and my siblings school and my mum told us to say it's all good and we know nothing of our dad's problems. My parents aren't abusive. They do scream and shout a huge amount, and I'm APPARENTLY hyper sensitive to sound and light so it's worse for me (can start crying over shouting) but maybe its just because theyre so desensitised to it that they think it's okay but any normal person would not. They do insul us a huge amount which has battered on my self esteem recently. My dad used to beat my brother tithe point where he is screaming but it was rare. And they only sometimes threaten to hit, rarely actually hit now. It might sound sort of abusive but the goods outweigh the bads. They love us. But it often makes me feel like smashing my head against a wall and then driving a knife into my chest repeatedly.

    Honestly I hate thinking about this.

    My dad is still a struggling drug addict but I don't want to mention this to others for fear of social services becoming involved with my family and taking the kids away. Then I would be blamed. Even if it doesn't happen my mum won't want others to know since she'll be worries about this. It's betraying my parents. But at the moment it's my biggest problem since we have no steady income and often have no food, and my mum ignores us to deal with my dad. And so thwy argue a lot. He's been a drug addict for at least 8 years now. 100% likely more years just I don't know how much more.

    I'm probably not mentioning the drug addiction at all. But I want to know what others think...yes or no? If someone thinks I really should then do say.

    Can social services track me down through this post?...would they? Probably can but won't.

    I've always been really paranoid. I thought my parents were watching me with cameras. I thought everyone could mind read except me. I remember puffing my inhaler like 50 times in one go and then hallucinating in year 4 and maybe that triggered it. So since year 4 to year 10 ive been dead scared that's all true. My family has a history of mental health problems (grandma is disabled due to severe depression-but gets no treatment?) They made jokes about it when they found out. My boyfriend later in year 11 convinced me he's part of a magical world and left me scared for my life for months if I thought about it. I eventually opened up to someone about it. He said it was just a joke but he knew full well about how paranoia effected me since I had told him.

    I'm getting better now. Did have a breakdown in hospital but that was probably due to steroid use. I went to doctors about this in year 9/10 who I unfortunately lied to. Only cus my mum was there. I told my mum i hallucinated so that she takes me seriously since she kept saying I'm just weak and can't cope. Since hallucinations can seen like I have no influence in them but depression and paranoia seems like it's my fault. She'd tell me it's my fault then tell me her life problems ("I HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY HUSBAND AND CHILDREN!!! BUT I AM STRONG. WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE ME" I didn't want to tell doctors but she mentioned it when we went. Ugh. False records. They referred me to CAMHS though my mum was always there with me and told me to lie about being good to quit. I did.

    Anyways depression in year 8-11 included suicidal ideation and self harming. My mum strangled me when she found out which really hurts me. It was just done in anger but still...she's meant to be my protector. Anyways in year 8 I made friends!! There was a sort of folie a deux effect with us all making each others mental health worse. It was toxic. Some guy introduced me to self harm. I lied about trying to kill myself once (I had no energy to stab myself and probably also lacked willpower...i sharpened a kitchen knife but couldn't do it... but wanted to so bad and then wanted others to realise how bad I feel so told my friends) and spent many days just crying or wanting to die, some harming myself. School found out about self harm but told me they wouldn't speak to my family due to my family problems. There was a relationship break up which further aggravated this all in year 11. I was also in physical pain and often carried hot water bottle around with me to calm it down.

    This all effected my GCSEs. I was predicted all As and A*. I got 7 grades below what I was expecting because I didn't revise and just moped about instead. I had a 40 day period and lost 10kg in a week due to feeling like absolute ****. Doctors prescribed pills to stop my periods. Learning support said my grades were good and I'm just sad i got a few Bs so i don't need help. They don't understand though. I'm not performing to my best. I struggle so much but I just ********ted my way through GCSEs and thankfully got no Cs.

    They made me do a test but I got slightly above average for it all except handwriting which was slightly below average because I was too tired to write. They said the handwriting bit is not an official government test so doesn't count and only slightly below average doesn't matter. But the handwriting test was last and that was after an hour where I got so tired of the exam. My main problem is fatigue. The bits before I wasn't so tired though they were stilldone slowly and I have physically felt my brains processing speed decrease.

    BUT

    Can I just point out that I am in year 13 and that they make year 7s do this test to check for learning disabilities. It's inconsistent. The test is lacking. I am not saying I have a learning disability and am performing bad in comparison to the average of year 7s but that I am not performing to my best.

    I met an online friend who is now my best friend and I probably rely on too much emotionally. He makes me feel so loved and cared for. 😍😍 So I am not struggling as much now.

    Now I am just in constant physical pain and always fatigued. Difficulty concentrating. Can't breathe too well but I am on fairly high asthma medication that is helping. I found out my inhalers cause anxiety (I am a very anxious person) which is annoying because I'm sacrificing mental health for physical but that could make me want to die again-and what use is my body if I have no willpower to get through life, or if I'm ACTUALLY DEAD. I was admitted into hospital because of an asthma attack two weeks ago and was kept there for 3 or 4 days. I learnt that I have constant asthma attacks without realising and my asthma has not been under control for the past. I'm always in pain so I'm constantly clutching a hot water bottle to me (This pain has been ongoing since year 8) Pain in my chest, womb, and back mainly but can be anywhere else except my arms. My bed has sunk though and has been sunken for the past few years and sleeping out in tents feels good so maybe it's my bed. Mum said she would change it. They haven't. The chest pain is probably anxiety I think. Isn't due to asthma I don't think...asthma is different pain.

    I told head of sixth form about the 40 day period, 10kg loss, and feeling depressed only during the months of my GCSE exams. He said he will edit the end of my reference and add one sentence about it. I don't think he understands the true impact of my problems and I feel one sentence at the end isn't good enough. But at the same time I don't feel safe telling him because it makes me feel like I'm grasping for attention. I can easily get letters from Doctors and hospital about my problems.

    My best friend said I'm not a broken fail of a human but it's just my family life that is making everything hard for me. So maybe that's true and I could focus on that but I don't feel safe doing it as social services might take my siblings away.

    What should I do?
    The main point about extenuating circumstances is that they require proof. All through your post you're saying you don't get help, and when you've seen a doctor you've lied. This, unfortunately, makes it very difficult for your referee to mention anything.

    Your referee could talk about your referal to CAMHS, but it doesn't sound like you were there long so that might not be much use. They could mention your breakdown in hospital. They could also mention the asthma. But for most of your problems, there's nothing official to prove it happened, and so unis won't be interested.

    Rather than dwelling on this, you need to concentrate on your future education. If you're having continuing problems, go to the GP and get them noted. You say you don't want counselling, but you can't claim that your problems are bad enough to qualify for extenuating circumstances and yet you don't need help.
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    You can't say counselling won't help you because you tried it once and didn't feel comfortable. It can often take a while to find the right person that you click with and feel comfortable around, so I strongly suggest you try this route again.
 
 
 
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