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My personality pushes people away? watch

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    So, I am probably the most honest and most loyal person you will EVER meet. Honestly, I am so honest and loyal that even if I want to, I cannot stop. I also have a very outgoing personality and I genuinely love debating. My main circle of friends currently is telling me that my honesty is not what they want to hear and basically, I'm too harsh and I put people down. I'm the type of person who will be brutal to your face and say what others say behind your back and I'm the type of person who praise you and say good things behind your back. I don't understand what to do because apparently I can be intimidating and I don't know how to take this. The thing is, me and my friends are really close and we have been friends for over four years. So what do I do? I understand that honesty and loyalty are two features that are more appreciated once people are wiser.
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    They sound like sensitive wastemans....Man i'd love to have a buddy like you. I am not really that into the "put up a front" friends thing coz thats the only way I seem to have any chance of making friends and I also attract those kinds as well....*sigh*
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    not everything requires a comment tbqh and maybe they dont want u to be brutal to them???

    whats the point bigging ur friends up if ur putting them down to their face???
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    You sound like a perfect friend tbh.
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    I suppose I can get where you/your friends are coming from cause I used to be similar, as a kid I was logical and abrupt to a fault, before I eventually learnt that that's not how people expect you to be. I learnt to tone down the honesty - the truth is, while human beings prefer honesty, they don't like it at any and every time, just in small doses. Giving your unfiltered opinion at every opportunity you have would make you come across as aggressive and standoffish, and that's not a kind of friend that's easy to tolerate.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So, I am probably the most honest and most loyal person you will EVER meet. Honestly, I am so honest and loyal that even if I want to, I cannot stop. I also have a very outgoing personality and I genuinely love debating. My main circle of friends currently is telling me that my honesty is not what they want to hear and basically, I'm too harsh and I put people down. I'm the type of person who will be brutal to your face and say what others say behind your back and I'm the type of person who praise you and say good things behind your back. I don't understand what to do because apparently I can be intimidating and I don't know how to take this. The thing is, me and my friends are really close and we have been friends for over four years. So what do I do? I understand that honesty and loyalty are two features that are more appreciated once people are wiser.
    How brutally honest are you talking? Like what extent? If it's the extent of being direct and transparent that's great and they are just being oversensitive like a lot of young people. But if it's of a critical nature that can be off putting.
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    (Original post by slee551)
    How brutally honest are you talking? Like what extent? If it's the extent of being direct and transparent that's great and they are just being oversensitive like a lot of young people. But if it's of a critical nature that can be off putting.
    It's not to the point where I literally put people down and make their lives hell. It's just when they are in situations and I give my honest opinion, they often don't like it because they like to think that what they are doing is right.
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    (Original post by The_Architect)
    I suppose I can get where you/your friends are coming from cause I used to be similar, as a kid I was logical and abrupt to a fault, before I eventually learnt that that's not how people expect you to be. I learnt to tone down the honesty - the truth is, while human beings prefer honesty, they don't like it at any and every time, just in small doses. Giving your unfiltered opinion at every opportunity you have would make you come across as aggressive and standoffish, and that's not a kind of friend that's easy to tolerate.
    I don't put anyone down I just like to give my opinions and they don't like to admit anything so that's why they have started to dislike me
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    (Original post by The_Architect)
    You sound like a perfect friend tbh.
    Thank you, that's something I've been doubting lol.
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    (Original post by perspirationting)
    not everything requires a comment tbqh and maybe they dont want u to be brutal to them???

    whats the point bigging ur friends up if ur putting them down to their face???
    It's just that the rest of my friends aren't as outgoing or as honest as me so upfront nobody really tells the truth as they don't like confrontation and when something happens I always give the honest answer and they don't like admitting when something they did was wrong.
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    (Original post by JDieMstr)
    They sound like sensitive wastemans....Man i'd love to have a buddy like you. I am not really that into the "put up a front" friends thing coz thats the only way I seem to have any chance of making friends and I also attract those kinds as well....*sigh*
    *sigh* people like us aren't appreciated and people seem to prefer people who are fake. I read an interesting quote saying that honesty has a power very few people can handle and I think it's very accurate.
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    As you get wiser you will learn how to deal with different people. It is good to be honest, but not to the point that you are constantly hurting people's feelings. If your friends comment about it, they must feel put down by you too often. Try and stay honest without commenting on everything and try to say it a bit more friendly. If you don't like someone's shoes you can just say it's not my style instead #! ugly shoes. Even if you like debating, try to listen more and talk/comment less.
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    And I'm a loyal person who always defends people in their absences so whenever something happens I've always got someone's back but when the opposite happens, because people have this stigma attached to me because of my honesty, nobody really steps up and I'm left to pick up the pieces all the time. Which makes me question whether I should really be loyal anymore. I mean i know nowadays it's a rare trait and I shouldn't loose it for the future but how much people do you know that can you call them loyal? I worry if I stop being loyal now because it's a one sided street then I'll just stop completely.
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    But surely, people would prefer someone who is honest to you and hides nothing from you than someone who says the same stuff behind your back?
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    If you are seriously keen to resolve these issues in your personality then I really recommend you read this book by Dale Carnegie.
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    They do. But you forget about the part that people want to be friends with friendly people. You can be honest, just choose your words wisely. Constructive feedback is the answer and no comment if nobody asked for your opinion.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not to the point where I literally put people down and make their lives hell. It's just when they are in situations and I give my honest opinion, they often don't like it because they like to think that what they are doing is right.
    Ah okay I understand. I like your honesty. I would say I'm the same.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not to the point where I literally put people down and make their lives hell. It's just when they are in situations and I give my honest opinion, they often don't like it because they like to think that what they are doing is right.
    Do they ask for your opinion in those situations? If not, then that is the reason they don't like your opinion. Try and be aware of other people's needs. Do they really care about your opinion at that time?
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    sounds alright to me.
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    Might be time to rethink your friendship group from what you're saying.

    If you can't be yourself around your friends then what's the point?
 
 
 
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