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Relationships & Travelling Dilemma - Girlfriend wants to travel with friends? Watch

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    It's been a while since I've logged into TSR but I figured this might be my best place for some advice.

    Myself and my girlfriend have been together for seven months now, although we've known each other for about three years now. If there's one thing in particular that has brought the two of us closer together, that'd be talking about travelling.

    We both started new jobs in August and were both considering going to Florida around this time next year to Disney. She priced things up as the two of us, and then decided to price it up for four of us going and sharing a room, it came up £600 cheaper. The other two would be her best friend and boyfriend. As much as I like her friend, I'd rather it just be the two of us, and I was working a lot of overtime at work and was earning a lot, so I offered to pay the extra £600 it'd be. But she didn't want to let her friend down.

    We'd be on holiday though, I don't want to be sharing a room with two other people, as couples, you need that 'alone time' together. And I think I was scared of being ditched by those two maybe going off on their own, and I honestly can't see her friend's boyfriend being the type of guy I'd get on with. I've tried to make an effort with him before now and he really wasn't bothered.

    Back to the subject, my girlfriend assured me she wouldn't ditch me and we would get alone time, I learnt to accept this and they proceeded to price things up. When the friend's boyfriend turned around and said he couldn't afford it. So the annoying thing about that was that my girlfriend turned around and said we can't go now.

    We're planning somewhere else just the two of us, but it didn't have the same feeling to it. I talked to her about this though and she said if they say the same next year, we will go on our own. I agreed to that.

    Anyway, last week I was with her for the afternoon and me and my friend just booked tickets for February to see a music artist we both like. I was telling my girlfriend we managed to get it for London but we were nearly going to Amsterdam for them. She told me we should have gone and I explained I've been to Amsterdam with him before, I want to go with her, and travel only with her now. And she told me not to stop travelling with my friends because she still wants to go travelling with her best friend. She mentioned Berlin which she's talked about before, and then Thailand, which Thailand is somewhere we've both talked about together. This really got to me though. When I said "but we've mentioned that..?" She talked about going as two couples again.

    I appreciate she wants me to spend time with my friends and she isn't controlling and trying to stop me. But it bothers me that we've both had this dream to travel, and yet she seems to want to go places I want to go, without me. Because I don't think her friend's boyfriend is somebody who wants to travel. So if he lets us down again, she'll more than likely go without me. That's how I feel anyway.

    But the way I see it, we're both 21, she's spent the last few years travelling with her friends, as have I with mine. Now it's our turn together. I've even spoken to two of my friends who I've travelled with for the last few years, in regards to this and they've both backed me up. And they'd tell me if I was overreacting to a situation.

    It seems even to me like I'm being controlling, wanting her all to myself and being like "You can't go away with your friend" "You can't go to this particular location with her." Etc. But that isn't the case. That isn't how I'm trying to be. I just see things as if a couple should travel together, maybe go as two couples every so often. I wouldn't even complain if they went on a long weekend away together or a holiday, but it's more wanting to travel long distance just the two of them that I think bothers me.

    But she doesn't seem to quite understand that. And I don't understand her because I remember last Summer she was talking to me about a guy she was in a relationship with, they weren't working because he wanted to settle down and start having a family, and she wanted to travel with him and he didn't want to. So now she has this opportunity with me and yet wants to go places with her friend instead?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's been a while since I've logged into TSR but I figured this might be my best place for some advice.

    Myself and my girlfriend have been together for seven months now, although we've known each other for about three years now. If there's one thing in particular that has brought the two of us closer together, that'd be talking about travelling.

    We both started new jobs in August and were both considering going to Florida around this time next year to Disney. She priced things up as the two of us, and then decided to price it up for four of us going and sharing a room, it came up £600 cheaper. The other two would be her best friend and boyfriend. As much as I like her friend, I'd rather it just be the two of us, and I was working a lot of overtime at work and was earning a lot, so I offered to pay the extra £600 it'd be. But she didn't want to let her friend down.

    We'd be on holiday though, I don't want to be sharing a room with two other people, as couples, you need that 'alone time' together. And I think I was scared of being ditched by those two maybe going off on their own, and I honestly can't see her friend's boyfriend being the type of guy I'd get on with. I've tried to make an effort with him before now and he really wasn't bothered.

    Back to the subject, my girlfriend assured me she wouldn't ditch me and we would get alone time, I learnt to accept this and they proceeded to price things up. When the friend's boyfriend turned around and said he couldn't afford it. So the annoying thing about that was that my girlfriend turned around and said we can't go now.

    We're planning somewhere else just the two of us, but it didn't have the same feeling to it. I talked to her about this though and she said if they say the same next year, we will go on our own. I agreed to that.

    Anyway, last week I was with her for the afternoon and me and my friend just booked tickets for February to see a music artist we both like. I was telling my girlfriend we managed to get it for London but we were nearly going to Amsterdam for them. She told me we should have gone and I explained I've been to Amsterdam with him before, I want to go with her, and travel only with her now. And she told me not to stop travelling with my friends because she still wants to go travelling with her best friend. She mentioned Berlin which she's talked about before, and then Thailand, which Thailand is somewhere we've both talked about together. This really got to me though. When I said "but we've mentioned that..?" She talked about going as two couples again.

    I appreciate she wants me to spend time with my friends and she isn't controlling and trying to stop me. But it bothers me that we've both had this dream to travel, and yet she seems to want to go places I want to go, without me. Because I don't think her friend's boyfriend is somebody who wants to travel. So if he lets us down again, she'll more than likely go without me. That's how I feel anyway.

    But the way I see it, we're both 21, she's spent the last few years travelling with her friends, as have I with mine. Now it's our turn together. I've even spoken to two of my friends who I've travelled with for the last few years, in regards to this and they've both backed me up. And they'd tell me if I was overreacting to a situation.

    It seems even to me like I'm being controlling, wanting her all to myself and being like "You can't go away with your friend" "You can't go to this particular location with her." Etc. But that isn't the case. That isn't how I'm trying to be. I just see things as if a couple should travel together, maybe go as two couples every so often. I wouldn't even complain if they went on a long weekend away together or a holiday, but it's more wanting to travel long distance just the two of them that I think bothers me.

    But she doesn't seem to quite understand that. And I don't understand her because I remember last Summer she was talking to me about a guy she was in a relationship with, they weren't working because he wanted to settle down and start having a family, and she wanted to travel with him and he didn't want to. So now she has this opportunity with me and yet wants to go places with her friend instead?
    I think you're being a bit weird to be honest. Just because you're part of a couple- it doesn't mean that you have to do everything together all of the time.

    Firstly; If you were sharing a 1 room apartment with this other couple in Florida I can see what that might be odd. But if it were a two room apartment it's no big deal at all.

    Secondly; Just because you've spoken about wanting to go somewhere- it doesn't mean that she can't go there with anyone but you.

    If you're really keen to go to the same place why not arrange to go with a friend at the same time and you can all meet up there and have a few nights out/do some exploring.

    You've only been going out 7 months. It's still very early days to commit to booking a trip months in advance at a significant cost together.
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    (Original post by Friffinghell)
    I think you're being a bit weird to be honest. Just because you're part of a couple- it doesn't mean that you have to do everything together all of the time.

    Firstly; If you were sharing a 1 room apartment with this other couple in Florida I can see what that might be odd. But if it were a two room apartment it's no big deal at all.

    Secondly; Just because you've spoken about wanting to go somewhere- it doesn't mean that she can't go there with anyone but you.

    If you're really keen to go to the same place why not arrange to go with a friend at the same time and you can all meet up there and have a few nights out/do some exploring.

    You've only been going out 7 months. It's still very early days to commit to booking a trip months in advance at a significant cost together.
    It would be four of us all in one room, not a separate apartment this is what bothers me.

    But my point raised isn’t that she can’t go anywhere without me. It’s more we’ve shared and promised each other for about three years, this dream of travelling and now it’s like she’d rather go with somebody else which is a bit of a let down to be honest
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    Why don't you just tell her? If you both spoke about going to Thailand together then why don't you just say to her let's go there together and you can go somewhere else with your friends. Maybe she forgot that you also wanted to go there as well. You're making a big deal out of a small situation.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by GreenBell)
    Why don't you just tell her? If you both spoke about going to Thailand together then why don't you just say to her let's go there together and you can go somewhere else with your friends. Maybe she forgot that you also wanted to go there as well. You're making a big deal out of a small situation.
    I have spoken to her about it, and once I did that she pretty much turned around and said we’d go as two couples again, thus meaning we’d be sharing a room with the two of them again, and risk her friends boyfriend letting us down again. That’s my issues here, that we are relying on other people because it seems like she’d rather go with her friends now
 
 
 
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