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    Well its been like this for as long as I can remember, theres no intimacy at all and don't say try being intimate because its more painful than it is comforting. I think its just the way we were raised, and have such awkward/painful relationships with eachother and parents. Like sure, we can have nice small talk and talk about work and school and stuff but it doesn't get any deeper than that. Also the way we talk is so limited, and like a broken mix between our languages so I cant really ever be fluent or express myself at all.. everythings trapped inside. There's my mum whos the most negative person ever, like sure I have the unconditional love that every son does but i just get shouted at and judged for every action, and I know nothings ever gonna change that. I always have to witness my parents arguing whenever they try talking in any situation on any matter. and then there's my older sister who's the epitome of disrespect and rebellion. she does things no parents would want their daughter to do, and stresses them out so much and the only talking i ever hear at home is something negative and what they don't realize is I'm here in the background trying to succeed in my already stressful A -Levels and having to witness all this crap. Theres my brother, who gets a kick out of mocking and annoying me 24/7 and laughs at whoever shows an ounce of emotion, or anything sentimental. In fact, it's like they're all immune to emotion. My only escape from this atm is school where I can actually be myself. I really dont know what to do about these painful, and irreversiblly awkward relationships. i dont know how to get through this until I get married or move out which there's still years left for.

    Im sorry for ranting, this is literally the only time I've tried expressing this in my life, so I'm hoping for some genuine advice on how I could get through this without it affecting my grades and future :'p
    Im also sorry for the lack of eloquence in my writing, Im just trying to type out my thoughts

    Strange how I just had an argument with my mum & I can relate to this 100%.

    Been crying for over an hour because of it now and will probably have it bother me emotionally for the next 2 weeks.

    Hang in there. I just focus on getting myself to Uni and out of the house and enjoy times when I am out of the house as much as possible.

    Idk, like go to the park or something or for a run when it all gets a bit too much.
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