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    Okay, so ive never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. And I think I want one but I think is someone asked me to be, I would say no. Im not sure why. Im questioning the thought of being asexual and not wanting an actual relationship becuase if i did i couldnt offer the other half of the relationship sex. I dont know if i am telling myself i could be asexual to give a reason why i dont have relationships. I dont like the idea of having sex myself particually which backs up the idea of me being asexual. I do however like the idea of fictional characters having sex. i dont know if i am scared if having sex or just not wanting it altogeher. I think i might fancy boys and girls but the idea of having sex with anyone, i dont know i just dont want to, i dont think. Im not sure if i was more attractive if id want sex but i really dont know! can anyone help?
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    (Original post by MeropeGaunt)
    Okay, so ive never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. And I think I want one but I think is someone asked me to be, I would say no. Im not sure why. Im questioning the thought of being asexual and not wanting an actual relationship becuase if i did i couldnt offer the other half of the relationship sex. I dont know if i am telling myself i could be asexual to give a reason why i dont have relationships. I dont like the idea of having sex myself particually which backs up the idea of me being asexual. I do however like the idea of fictional characters having sex. i dont know if i am scared if having sex or just not wanting it altogeher. I think i might fancy boys and girls but the idea of having sex with anyone, i dont know i just dont want to, i dont think. Im not sure if i was more attractive if id want sex but i really dont know! can anyone help?
    Hi,

    From the sound of it asexual (or ace as some people say) could well be a description you like to use. It’s a lack of sexual attraction - so being attracted to the someone in a sexual manner. Not wanting to get with them in that way. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy talking about sex or imagining others having sex. It also doesn’t meant you’re not attracted to anyone. It could be romantic attraction or platonic, your romantic attraction doesn’t have to line up with your sexuality, eg you could be a biromantic asexual.


    Being asexual is pretty hard to describe, describe the lack of something with you have never felt. One way I heard it describes was “if you have to ask what sexual attraction is you are probably asexual”
    If you feel happy using the identity of asexual feel free to use it. If then one day you decided it doesn’t describe you then that’s fine as well.

    Hope that helps
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    (Original post by Snoozinghamster)
    Hi,

    From the sound of it asexual (or ace as some people say) could well be a description you like to use. It’s a lack of sexual attraction - so being attracted to the someone in a sexual manner. Not wanting to get with them in that way. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy talking about sex or imagining others having sex. It also doesn’t meant you’re not attracted to anyone. It could be romantic attraction or platonic, your romantic attraction doesn’t have to line up with your sexuality, eg you could be a biromantic asexual.


    Being asexual is pretty hard to describe, describe the lack of something with you have never felt. One way I heard it describes was “if you have to ask what sexual attraction is you are probably asexual”
    If you feel happy using the identity of asexual feel free to use it. If then one day you decided it doesn’t describe you then that’s fine as well.

    Hope that helps
    Or it could be because she's never been in a relationship before. I think the only way to know is if she finds someone who she really likes and see how she feels towards them.
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    (Original post by GreenBell)
    Or it could be because she's never been in a relationship before. I think the only way to know is if she finds someone who she really likes and see how she feels towards them.
    I get what you’re saying here, and it could be the case, but comments like this can lead to a lot of people feeling pressured about the fact that they haven’t been in a relationship and may cause people to get into relationships that they don’t really want to be in. It’s very much along the line of “you won’t know until you’ve tried” which isn’t helpful for anyone.
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    (Original post by Snoozinghamster)
    I get what you’re saying here, and it could be the case, but comments like this can lead to a lot of people feeling pressured about the fact that they haven’t been in a relationship and may cause people to get into relationships that they don’t really want to be in. It’s very much along the line of “you won’t know until you’ve tried” which isn’t helpful for anyone.
    Yes, I agree with you also but her thinking she's def asexual when she might not be can also be a big problem. My best advise for her is to wait for the right person who she really likes not a randomer who she feels nothing for but wants to be in a relationship with.
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    (Original post by GreenBell)
    Yes, I agree with you also but her thinking she's def asexual when she might not be can also be a big problem. My best advise for her is to wait for the right person who she really likes not a randomer who she feels nothing for but wants to be in a relationship with.
    I feel as though this may be a situation where we may have to agree to disagree in order to prevent what may end up in us derailing the OP’s post. But since we’re still on topic for now the issue with your suggestion is that you may end up waiting your whole life for the right person instead of building non sexual relationships with other people. Whether they be romantic or platonic. Sexuality is fluid and what you identify as now may well change so if you are currently comfortable with one label that’s okay. It’s fine it is always how you identify but it’s also fine if you realise that that no longer describes you and if the latter happens it doesn’t invalidate the time you went by a different identity.
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    (Original post by Snoozinghamster)
    I feel as though this may be a situation where we may have to agree to disagree in order to prevent what may end up in us derailing the OP’s post. But since we’re still on topic for now the issue with your suggestion is that you may end up waiting your whole life for the right person instead of building non sexual relationships with other people. Whether they be romantic or platonic. Sexuality is fluid and what you identify as now may well change so if you are currently comfortable with one label that’s okay. It’s fine it is always how you identify but it’s also fine if you realise that that no longer describes you and if the latter happens it doesn’t invalidate the time you went by a different identity.
    Oh no I didn't mean for OP to wait for someone her entire life. I just meant that if she finds someone who she likes then she'll know if she's sexually attracted or not. She won't be able to know by sitting down and thinking 'am I or am I not'.
    One of my friends thought she was asexual because she didn't feel any sexual attraction to the guy she was dating and he was the first ever guy she really liked. But after they broke up and she started dating another guy she realised she's not asexual and that she just wasn't sexually attracted to the first guy she was dating. So what am saying is you never really know until you really know (if that makes sense).
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    (Original post by GreenBell)
    Oh no I didn't mean for OP to wait for someone her entire life. I just meant that if she finds someone who she likes then she'll know if she's sexually attracted or not. She won't be able to know by sitting down and thinking 'am I or am I not'.
    One of my friends thought she was asexual because she didn't feel any sexual attraction to the guy she was dating and he was the first ever guy she really liked. But after they broke up and she started dating another guy she realised she's not asexual and that she just wasn't sexually attracted to the first guy she was dating. So what am saying is you never really know until you really know (if that makes sense).
    That’s makes more sense, sorry if I sounded a bit put off. Just had enough people say, you’re just waiting for the right person or you’ll change as you get older of you’re a late bloomer. Tends to make me a tad defensive.
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    Making a list of your boundaries might be a good idea. Like are you okay with kissing, hugging and other stuff like that? What are the boundaries you have with yourself (like with masturbation and stuff) and what would be big 'turn offs' for you?

    I feel like with fictional characters, the way you feel might be different because they aren't actual people who are interested in you. Like you're separate from them and you aren't thinking about them touching you, so it's a bit different.

    There's no rush to work it out, if you don't want to have sex right now then that's okay, it doesn't matter why exactly in the short term as long as you're comfortable.
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    (Original post by Snoozinghamster)
    That’s makes more sense, sorry if I sounded a bit put off. Just had enough people say, you’re just waiting for the right person or you’ll change as you get older of you’re a late bloomer. Tends to make me a tad defensive.
    No it's okay, I also made it sound like that too.
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    (Original post by Snoozinghamster)
    Hi,

    From the sound of it asexual (or ace as some people say) could well be a description you like to use. It’s a lack of sexual attraction - so being attracted to the someone in a sexual manner. Not wanting to get with them in that way. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy talking about sex or imagining others having sex. It also doesn’t meant you’re not attracted to anyone. It could be romantic attraction or platonic, your romantic attraction doesn’t have to line up with your sexuality, eg you could be a biromantic asexual.


    Being asexual is pretty hard to describe, describe the lack of something with you have never felt. One way I heard it describes was “if you have to ask what sexual attraction is you are probably asexual”
    If you feel happy using the identity of asexual feel free to use it. If then one day you decided it doesn’t describe you then that’s fine as well.

    Hope that helps
    Thank you so much!! this really helped
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    Thank you all so much
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    (Original post by MeropeGaunt)
    Thank you so much!! this really helped
    Happy to help.
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