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How to deal with a really snarky and needy friend? Watch

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    Hello. I'm currently at university in the UK (aged 19) and have made several good friends.
    My best friend is a nice person at heart and invites me to loads of things all the time, but has a few flaws that are really starting to get on my nerves.


    When I hang out with him alone, he is REALLY quiet. So quiet that I will ask a question to his face and he won't reply, or he will give a one-word answer. I have nothing against quiet people (I'm a quiet person myself!) but it is difficult to have a conversation with him. Yet he always wants to hang out with me.


    However, as soon as us two are in the presence of other people / friends, he transforms:

    1. He is DESPERATE to talk all the time, and talks about himself nearly always. It's like he feels like he's on radio, and can't be quiet even for a second.

    2. He interrupts me, and others in a really blatant way. For example, earlier I was asking someone a question about skiing when he suddenly cuts in and talks about what he bought on his shopping trip earlier. The fact that he has a really loud Scottish voice makes it difficult to stop him interrupting.

    3. Whenever someone asks me my opinion on something, before I can even answer he just cuts in and answers for me!! I am capable of talking you know!

    4. The snarky attitude. Oh my, the snarky attitude. Ok, I'm used to being teased for things, it's part of socialising and for the most part it's a bit of light-hearted fun. But this person takes it to the extreme:

    > If I do something stupid, you can bet the next 5 times I have a group conversation, that stupid thing will be mentioned by my friend.

    > Whenever we meet someone new together, within the first 10 mins of chatting, my friend will have reeled off all the mistakes I've made in the last 6 months.

    > It doesn't help that my friend is a massive hypocrite! Example: I regularly get messages from my friend at 2am saying "Sorry I got locked out of the house, can you let me in please." Then yesterday afternoon I got locked out. For the first time in a year. And lo and behold, the next day my friend has told everyone how clumsy I am.

    > Teasing is a one-way street with him. When people tease him back, he gets really serious and defensive, immediately cutting them off, arguing about it for 5 mins, and being pedantic. If you tease people, you should be able to handle being teased back.


    I've tried chatting to him in a friendly way about it, and I've got the following in return:

    "I'm only joking!"
    "You know I'm snarky, don't get so upset."
    "I'm sorry. I don't care about myself so I make fun of other people."

    Whenever I say "Can you let me finish talking" he immediately kneels on the floor in front of me and starts bowing, saying "Ah hail Lord <CycloneChilli>". It's silly and embarrassing.

    He just seems a bit insecure and definitely not malicious. However I've had enough. I completely lose the ability to chat to other people when he's around (as I get interrupted all the time). He's not much fun to be around when it's just us two, as he is so quiet then! Yet, he does invite me to loads of things and he is very tightly woven into my friendship network, so I end up seeing him all the time. So I guess I need to learn how to deal with his behaviour. How TSR, how?! I just want to be able to talk to other people when he's around!!
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    Hi CycloneChilli,

    I know every story has two sides, but we only have yours so I will address what you have said.

    I'm sorry you're experiencing this, I've been in many friendships where I've felt lost and a bit suffocated by someone's behaviour. The way I've dealt with those situations is beginning to distance myself. You mentioned your friend is woven into your friendship group, but the world is big, there are many people to meet and talk to! Another thing I've done is address the things when they happen, rather than letting it build up. If your friend says something inappropriate, say to them "that's an example of something you say which makes me feel uncomfortable". If they are really genuinely your friend, you should be able to talk about this. Maybe ask them how they feel about themselves, is there anything you could do to be a better friend to them and see their response, whether they may be suffering from something and projecting it on to you.

    Ultimately, the friendship needs to end if the person is affecting the way you feel more negatively than positively. It's not worth it. A friendship should be mutual and have respect on both sides.
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    It sounds like he loves a bit of attention.

    It also sounds like he is charging his batteries when around you so that he can run for longer when around more people...
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    (Original post by CycloneChilli)
    1. He is DESPERATE to talk all the time, and talks about himself nearly always. It's like he feels like he's on radio, and can't be quiet even for a second.

    2. He interrupts me, and others in a really blatant way.

    3. Whenever someone asks me my opinion on something, before I can even answer he just cuts in and answers for me!! I am capable of talking you know!

    4. The snarky attitude. Oh my, the snarky attitude.

    > If I do something stupid, you can bet the next 5 times I have a group conversation, that stupid thing will be mentioned by my friend.

    > Whenever we meet someone new together, within the first 10 mins of chatting, my friend will have reeled off all the mistakes I've made in the last 6 months.

    > It doesn't help that my friend is a massive hypocrite! Example: I regularly get messages from my friend at 2am saying "Sorry I got locked out of the house, can you let me in please." Then yesterday afternoon I got locked out. For the first time in a year. And lo and behold, the next day my friend has told everyone how clumsy I am.

    > Teasing is a one-way street with him. When people tease him back, he gets really serious and defensive, immediately cutting them off, arguing about it for 5 mins, and being pedantic. If you tease people, you should be able to handle being teased back.
    .............

    Whenever I say "Can you let me finish talking" he immediately kneels on the floor in front of me and starts bowing, saying "Ah hail Lord <CycloneChilli>". It's silly and embarrassing.
    The above clearly shows this so-called friend is not your friend. A real friend does not undermine you by interrupting you, constantly telling people whenever you screw up, and instead of considering your reasonable requests (e.g. to let you finish talking), he gets sarcastic and openly disrespectful towards you.

    I think he's actually jealous of you and wants to take your place among your mates.

    Dump this dude and start setting up meets with friends without inviting him.
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    (Original post by avecmoi)
    Hi CycloneChilli,

    I know every story has two sides, but we only have yours so I will address what you have said.

    I'm sorry you're experiencing this, I've been in many friendships where I've felt lost and a bit suffocated by someone's behaviour. The way I've dealt with those situations is beginning to distance myself. You mentioned your friend is woven into your friendship group, but the world is big, there are many people to meet and talk to! Another thing I've done is address the things when they happen, rather than letting it build up. If your friend says something inappropriate, say to them "that's an example of something you say which makes me feel uncomfortable". If they are really genuinely your friend, you should be able to talk about this. Maybe ask them how they feel about themselves, is there anything you could do to be a better friend to them and see their response, whether they may be suffering from something and projecting it on to you.

    Ultimately, the friendship needs to end if the person is affecting the way you feel more negatively than positively. It's not worth it. A friendship should be mutual and have respect on both sides.
    (Original post by arminvanpite)
    It sounds like he loves a bit of attention.

    It also sounds like he is charging his batteries when around you so that he can run for longer when around more people...
    (Original post by ThePricklyOne)
    The above clearly shows this so-called friend is not your friend. A real friend does not undermine you by interrupting you, constantly telling people whenever you screw up, and instead of considering your reasonable requests (e.g. to let you finish talking), he gets sarcastic and openly disrespectful towards you.

    I think he's actually jealous of you and wants to take your place among your mates.

    Dump this dude and start setting up meets with friends without inviting him.
    Thank you all very much for replying and giving advice, I really appreciate it.
    You've all really opened my eyes to this. I felt I was being sensitive, but it now does sound like he is a bit of a non-friend.
    I think distancing myself from him is a good idea, I will see how that goes.

    Once again, thanks so much!
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    (Original post by CycloneChilli)
    Hello. I'm currently at university in the UK (aged 19) and have made several good friends.
    My best friend is a nice person at heart and invites me to loads of things all the time, but has a few flaws that are really starting to get on my nerves.


    When I hang out with him alone, he is REALLY quiet. So quiet that I will ask a question to his face and he won't reply, or he will give a one-word answer. I have nothing against quiet people (I'm a quiet person myself!) but it is difficult to have a conversation with him. Yet he always wants to hang out with me.


    However, as soon as us two are in the presence of other people / friends, he transforms:

    1. He is DESPERATE to talk all the time, and talks about himself nearly always. It's like he feels like he's on radio, and can't be quiet even for a second.

    2. He interrupts me, and others in a really blatant way. For example, earlier I was asking someone a question about skiing when he suddenly cuts in and talks about what he bought on his shopping trip earlier. The fact that he has a really loud Scottish voice makes it difficult to stop him interrupting.

    3. Whenever someone asks me my opinion on something, before I can even answer he just cuts in and answers for me!! I am capable of talking you know!

    4. The snarky attitude. Oh my, the snarky attitude. Ok, I'm used to being teased for things, it's part of socialising and for the most part it's a bit of light-hearted fun. But this person takes it to the extreme:

    > If I do something stupid, you can bet the next 5 times I have a group conversation, that stupid thing will be mentioned by my friend.

    > Whenever we meet someone new together, within the first 10 mins of chatting, my friend will have reeled off all the mistakes I've made in the last 6 months.

    > It doesn't help that my friend is a massive hypocrite! Example: I regularly get messages from my friend at 2am saying "Sorry I got locked out of the house, can you let me in please." Then yesterday afternoon I got locked out. For the first time in a year. And lo and behold, the next day my friend has told everyone how clumsy I am.

    > Teasing is a one-way street with him. When people tease him back, he gets really serious and defensive, immediately cutting them off, arguing about it for 5 mins, and being pedantic. If you tease people, you should be able to handle being teased back.


    I've tried chatting to him in a friendly way about it, and I've got the following in return:

    "I'm only joking!"
    "You know I'm snarky, don't get so upset."
    "I'm sorry. I don't care about myself so I make fun of other people."

    Whenever I say "Can you let me finish talking" he immediately kneels on the floor in front of me and starts bowing, saying "Ah hail Lord <CycloneChilli>". It's silly and embarrassing.

    He just seems a bit insecure and definitely not malicious. However I've had enough. I completely lose the ability to chat to other people when he's around (as I get interrupted all the time). He's not much fun to be around when it's just us two, as he is so quiet then! Yet, he does invite me to loads of things and he is very tightly woven into my friendship network, so I end up seeing him all the time. So I guess I need to learn how to deal with his behaviour. How TSR, how?! I just want to be able to talk to other people when he's around!!
    What a weak pathetic small person. Sounds like a glass cannon to me.


    Defintiely not a friend from what it sounds like, just get rid of them asap for your well being. You can now control this friendship now, it's your turn.
 
 
 
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