I've just found my dream job (as an HCA) in the hospital nearest to me - I say dream job, dream for the time being I suppose is what I mean! But yeah, I've said for ages that this is what I want to do until I go back to uni but now I've found one I feel sick to my stomach about applying.
I'm terrified that if I apply they'll turn me down or I won't be declared medically/mentally stable enough to work the shifts needed etc, terrified that even if I got the job I'd mess it up big time, hate it or end up having to leave because my health got the better of me. Terrified that they won't want someone with BPD or anorexia working for them because I know I can be turbulent at times and that at the moment things aren't great.
I don't want to apply and to be told 'you can't look after yourself properly' or for anxiety to get the better of me. I'm already terrified about the prospect of even filling out the form to apply - what does this say about how good I would even be? I don't want my mental health to get in the way of me achieving one of my dreams, like it did with uni, but already it feels like it is 😔
We have the answer...