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best jokes... Watch

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    (Original post by iqra2159)
    :lolwut:
    What? :unsure:
    • Very Important Poster
    • Welcome Squad
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    Maybe OP should have said clean jokes :lol:
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    my social life
    my love life
    my grades
    my future
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    2 men walk into a bar.

    The third one ducks
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    5 pigs go to a restaurant.
    The waiter comes and takes their order for drinks. The oldest pig says "We'll have two orange squashes, two apple juices and he'll just have water please"
    So the waiter brings the drinks and takes orders for the meal. The oldest pig says "OK, we''ll have one large pizza to share around us, and he''ll just have water please."
    So the waiter brings the pizza (and water) and later takes orders for dessert. The oldest pig replies "We'll have two chocolate ice creams and two chocolate cakes, and he'll just have water."
    The waiter then asks "Why dose he only want water?"
    The pig replies: "Well one of us has to go wee wee wee all the way home."
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    (Original post by NBingham)
    5 pigs go to a restaurant.
    The waiter comes and takes their order for drinks. The oldest pig says "We'll have two orange squashes, two apple juices and he'll just have water please"
    So the waiter brings the drinks and takes orders for the meal. The oldest pig says "OK, we''ll have one large pizza to share around us, and he''ll just have water please."
    So the waiter brings the pizza (and water) and later takes orders for dessert. The oldest pig replies "We'll have two chocolate ice creams and two chocolate cakes, and he'll just have water."
    The waiter then asks "Why dose he only want water?"
    The pig replies: "Well one of us has to go wee wee wee all the way home."
    Possibly the worst joke I have ever read.
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    I'll never forget my Grandad's last words.

    "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT AXE"
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    Statistics suggest you have a 1 in 3 chance of living next to a paedophile.

    Not me, though. I live next to a sexy 12 yr old.
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    (Original post by utr)
    Statistics suggest you have a 1 in 3 chance of living next to a paedophile.

    Not me, though. I live next to a sexy 12 yr old.
    :lolwut:

    Reported your IP to police.
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    They say "You are what you eat". But I don't remember eating a frickin' legend.
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    Are you a shower?

    Spoiler:
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    cuz you're making me wet
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    What do you call are happy mushroom?

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    A fun guy
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    what's square, blue and never gets used?


    charlie gards bedroom
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    (Original post by King Leonidas)
    :lolwut:

    Reported your IP to police.

    You may of misread the thread title... Grass
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    (Original post by charliertn)
    what's square, blue and never gets used?


    charlie gards bedroom
    ohhh nooo, no, no :no:

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    what's loud and sounds like an apple?

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    AN APPLE
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    religion
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    (Original post by King Leonidas)
    Possibly the worst joke I have ever read.
    Well, everyone's subject to their own opinion
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    (Original post by NBingham)
    Well, everyone's subject to their own opinion
    Yes, I'm aware of that.
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    There was a man living in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living, it was a job he thoroughly enjoyed as it had been a dream of his ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.

    Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. By some miracle, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.

    Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.

    "You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped into the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.

    The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."
 
 
 
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