I hate boarding school, help me Watch

Ticky123
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It's been two and a half months since I started boarding school, I am 16 and my family lives 17 hours plane ride away. I will be going home in 2 weeks and I am wondering whether I should tell my parents I want to quit. I used to love school, loved lessons, loved teachers and my friends.i left thinking there might be something better out there but now I have become depressed and have to keep tears back everyday, I fooled myself into thinking I would fit in with lots of really rich people. My family and I worked so hard to get here and I feel like I have let them down.
I obviously want to go back home but I don't want to disappoint my family and look like a failure but at the same time I want to be happy and I know that I won't be happy here.
What should I tell my parents and how should I tell them?
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melissa_an
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As a 16 year old you made this decision together with your parents.
Considering that you spent only 2.5 months there, I think you need more time for adaptation in order not to feel homesick.
To my mind, when your parents put so much effort/time/money into it, than it is your obligation to try make the best out of it.

Also you said "and I know that I won't be happy here" and it means that you already programmed yourself! No matter how nice and beautiful everything will be, your thinking is "I know that I won't be happy here". It is crucial to change your perspective, so you will be able to build resilience and face stressful situations in the future.

Personally, I must admit that the first year in college waa awful, I couldn't accomodate at all. Everything would make me mad and sick (either weather or people), but I promised myself to give it a try. And, believe it or not, I started to enjoy the community, subjects, weather! Later on, I started dating and everything turned very well.

So, I suggest you to give your boarding school another try (at least a couple more months), this way you will show that you respect your parents and that you don't give up easily. Sorry, it may sound harsh, but definitely it is your decision to make.
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Linx64
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Hey, i am in a similar situation and its the worst... all week full on torture ! and its really hard do be optimistic about the future... My only satisfaction / relif was when after shool I chilled on with friends, on my computer or on my tv until i slept and the next day comes ! But with that routine came some drawbacks ,i never did my homework and this last year i was a bad student and now the only place that accepts me is a boarding school far away... evrything is bad about it ... But i try to be optimistic but my grades are bad and lately i have ben feelling sad... any tips... or updates on your story?
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Anonymous #1
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I was literally in the same position 4yrs ago... 16, starting boarding school. I knew very quickly I hated every minute of it. Told my family I was having the best time, trying to convince myself by telling other people that I was enjoying it all. I acc never wanted to talk about school unless somebody else other than me brought it up. I felt guilty if I told them. Cried every night, tried endless times to connect with other ppl and also felt different i wasn't as rich as everybody else there (scholarship), ended up isolating myself towards the end. Despite all these feelings and other issues, I forced myself to complete the 2yrs I was to be there when I knew I wasn't happy... tbh quieting my emotions took its toll on me, i finished sixth form there with social anxiety and depression which i am currently dealing with.

I would say my situation is tends toward a worse case scenario but while you've acknowledged your feelings, I would definitely give it more time as you've just started and as well as getting used to new people, there are new surroundings too, all of which is normal to be overwhelmed btw. If it comes to the point where this starts affecting your school work badly then i would definitely let your family know.

Regardless of that, as you're going home for the holidays it may be good to make them aware of how you're feeling as i imagine any parent just wants their child to be happy and they would want to know. It's all your decision, never feel guilty about being unhappy. As long as you gave it a chance and tried your best to make it work, sometimes you just have to accept some things aren't right for you or doesn't work out. In any case it would be good to speak to someone who is able to provide more guidance, maybe a teacher you like or a counsellor there? Hope this helps!
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rajansh
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same here i am stuck in a boarding school. actually where i live there aren't many good schools so my parents sent me here i hate it here i am 16 and i am in class 11. i want to leave but can't cause i dont want to let down my parents but i hate it here. its been 4 years and i have still not adjusted. please help me
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Lillywalker
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I’ve just started boarding school and i cry everyday and can’t wait to get home. The food is bad here and a girl in my room snores. I am friends with the day girls as they are more like me however all of the boarders are foreign like asian and don’t have similar interests at all to me. I like going shopping and partys and makeup and stuff but they don’t do any of that. I’m so upset. I’m going home this weekend but it takes 4 and a half hours to get there and i am worried that i might get home and hate having to go back to school. I can’t go to a school at home though because it is my first year of gcse’s and the schools where i live are very bad.😔
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Stiffupperlip
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I can only assume that the person who wrote this did not go to boarding school or has done and is completely cut off and alienated from herself. In this reply she reinforces a few of the most pernicious, ongoing and least obvious emotional wounds inflicted on children sent away:1. Put up and shut up - don’t make a fuss or tell anybody, particularly your parents, how bad you feel. Hang on as long as you can. 2. The heavy burden of responsibility to parents who are spending lots of money on you3. Don’t be weak, you’ll toughen up eventually. If you feel it, make sure no-one knows.Very few children stop being homesick at the start of each and every term, even if they are thought to be happy and settled there. They just learn to hide it and to cry very quietly in bed at night. And experience dread at the end of every holiday, sometimes for all of every holiday.
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Erikw
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Heres the thing. I went to boarding school for a year and a half. I hated it. What I was doing was taken a space from someone who would have wanted to be there. I was being selfish to that person. Your parents are being selfish to that person. If you can get a quality education back home why stay at a school that makes you miserable and take that space from someone who wantS it and therefore benefits. You are being selfish by stayimg
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Anonymous #2
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Yeah, but what if boarding school is a chance for a better education. Is it worth it then? To be sad? And miss your parents?
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dressage15
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it is completely same for me. my parents understand that I don't like it here but I try to be positive. my parents cant live in uk so i board. i don't have any boarder friends only faygirls but we have different lives, i cant even talk to the boarders because we are so different there is nothing we can talk about. i cant go back home because the school there is really bad.
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dressage15
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(Original post by Lillywalker)
I’ve just started boarding school and i cry everyday and can’t wait to get home. The food is bad here and a girl in my room snores. I am friends with the day girls as they are more like me however all of the boarders are foreign like asian and don’t have similar interests at all to me. I like going shopping and partys and makeup and stuff but they don’t do any of that. I’m so upset. I’m going home this weekend but it takes 4 and a half hours to get there and i am worried that i might get home and hate having to go back to school. I can’t go to a school at home though because it is my first year of gcse’s and the schools where i live are very bad.😔
same situTAION
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dressage15
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(Original post by anonymous)
yeah, but what if boarding school is a chance for a better education. Is it worth it then? To be sad? And miss your parents?
yeah i dont know i think about it all the time is it worth it? Sorry for the caps lock
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14lovem
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I understand that you don't want to let anyone down but you have to prioritize yourself and your mental health. There isn't any point putting yourself through an incredible amount of stress and misery for anything.

What I always say to myself when I have to make a hard choice is decide what is best for me right here, right now because that is what matters most. Your present effects your future, so make sure your doing the best you can for yourself. (To summarize, 'At the time it was fine', my cheesy saying that even makes me cringe to say it sometimes)

Or, as my mum would say, make a list of pros and cons but be really realistic with it and make a choice based on that.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best for now and the future ahead.
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Anonymous #3
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Went to a boarding school in Switzerland for a couple of years, and I did all my leaving certifications there. Whilst it has mostly been an amazing experience it left me very, very sad. For me it was the fact that whilst I was surrounded by all these amazing people the entire time I couldn't escape the work. Money factor aside, I feel like sometimes it would've been nice to simply NOT be 5 minutes away from where the teachers lived. To not be constantly supervised 24/7. To be with my parents who didn't really have time for me before I went to boarding school anyway. But to my family prestige and good connections were more important.

Don't get me wrong, boarding schools CAN be amazing. Some people thrive in them - I did, but only academically. But I wouldn't say that boarding schools are worth the misery. OP, it's too early to decide for now. Give it a few more months and see how things go.
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Unbeatable2
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Someone once said, the one good thing about boarding school is that nothing will ever be as bad again. I was incarcerated from the age of 7 till 16 and i was beaten every week, which would be illegal today. I subscribe to whoever wrote that, but it gives you such an inner strength that no one can defeat you after those years of hell. So try to bear it, think of what you will be and how strong you will finish up. No one can ever stop me at anything i wish to do. I am scared of no one and nothing. That is what you will get out of the hell you are now going through. Good luck little warrior. You will be fine in the end.
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SahilAkhtar12
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Yes You should brother. parents always want their children to be Happy so tell them that you don't like there and you just want to go home.
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generaldecay03
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I was literally in the same position 4yrs ago... 16, starting boarding school. I knew very quickly I hated every minute of it. Told my family I was having the best time, trying to convince myself by telling other people that I was enjoying it all. I acc never wanted to talk about school unless somebody else other than me brought it up. I felt guilty if I told them. Cried every night, tried endless times to connect with other ppl and also felt different i wasn't as rich as everybody else there (scholarship), ended up isolating myself towards the end. Despite all these feelings and other issues, I forced myself to complete the 2yrs I was to be there when I knew I wasn't happy... tbh quieting my emotions took its toll on me, i finished sixth form there with social anxiety and depression which i am currently dealing with.

I would say my situation is tends toward a worse case scenario but while you've acknowledged your feelings, I would definitely give it more time as you've just started and as well as getting used to new people, there are new surroundings too, all of which is normal to be overwhelmed btw. If it comes to the point where this starts affecting your school work badly then i would definitely let your family know.

Regardless of that, as you're going home for the holidays it may be good to make them aware of how you're feeling as i imagine any parent just wants their child to be happy and they would want to know. It's all your decision, never feel guilty about being unhappy. As long as you gave it a chance and tried your best to make it work, sometimes you just have to accept some things aren't right for you or doesn't work out. In any case it would be good to speak to someone who is able to provide more guidance, maybe a teacher you like or a counsellor there? Hope this helps!
Oh my god Ticky123 I know this was 2 years ago but I can relate to you and anon so much – I could have written the original thread myself word for word! I've just moved to a new boarding school for sixth form, 13 hours plane ride away from home, and… I think it's the worst decision I ever made. I'm 16 and I used to love school – my lessons, teachers, friends, everything! I came here really optimistic and excited… yeah, that feeling lasted about fifteen minutes. I don't know what I was expecting but the kids here are awful… they're snobby, entitled, ridiculously rich and don't care about making new kids feel welcome. I don't fit in AT ALL with my tattered laptop case, ratty sweaters and awkward, introverted, oddball demeanour. I'm an academic scholar which makes it even worse to try fit in, even though I'm trying my ****ing best. I tried to leave for weeks – talked to teachers, my parents, etc… but I can't. One thing is people not taking me seriously, and another is all the teachers thinking I'm some ungrateful brat who cries all the time. Yeah, well, I cried myself to sleep for the first three weeks, sue me for being homesick and lonely. Not that anyone ever asked if I was okay until I asked to leave the school . My mental health's been below satisfactory for a while but now it's spiralling down the drain at breakneck speed. I'm trying to make friends but every time I say something I'm either 1) ignored 2) regarded with distaste or 3) flat out rejected. So… I stopped trying. My mindset is **** it, I only have to survive the next two years. Studies over socialising any day, right? But God, it's so hard. I used to be pretty popular but now I have no friends… I have never felt more alone or depressed in my life. I just want to run away and never come back but I can't. For ****'s sake. I just want to get to uni and get this bull**** over with.
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DHC
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generaldecay03. I feel you sooooo much. I’m in the same situation although not as far way from home but still a good few hours! I’ve got to go back after tomorrow as half terms over and I just feel like I can’t! I keep f**king crying and then laughing and how stupid I was and then crying again. I’m a mess! Why does anyone think boarding schools a good idea
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generaldecay03
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(Original post by DHC)
generaldecay03. I feel you sooooo much. I’m in the same situation although not as far way from home but still a good few hours! I’ve got to go back after tomorrow as half terms over and I just feel like I can’t! I keep f**king crying and then laughing and how stupid I was and then crying again. I’m a mess! Why does anyone think boarding schools a good idea
Oh my gosh DHC I get you COMPLETELY. My old boarding school was only a few hours away and I still got pretty homesick, don't worry! It's kind of nice to know I'm not alone in this but it sucks that you're going through a tough time too. Just know that you're not alone and once school is over, you won't ever have to go through this again. boarding school sucks big time but you can do this, I'm rooting for you. you got this!
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DHC
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(Original post by generaldecay03)
Oh my gosh DHC I get you COMPLETELY. My old boarding school was only a few hours away and I still got pretty homesick, don't worry! It's kind of nice to know I'm not alone in this but it sucks that you're going through a tough time too. Just know that you're not alone and once school is over, you won't ever have to go through this again. boarding school sucks big time but you can do this, I'm rooting for you. you got this!
Ah it’s so nice to find a fellow sufferer generaldecay03 ! Everyone at my school can just be so fake and are just acting like everything’s brilliant (I know it’s probably not but it’s still nice to have someone express it!) Thank you for rooting for me and I’m rooting for you too! Would you like to private message? I get it if not I could be a creep or something! 😬😊

Ps I love your username!
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