Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

How often do you have to speak to old friends from school/uni to remain friends? Watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Hi everyone,

    I am just posting this question for a bit of advice and perspective on friendships. I have quite severe Aspergers, so all of this is quite difficult for me to understand. I have posted some threads on here before about some more specific concerns and the responses that I received helped me a lot, so I will just post this hare too.

    Because of my Aspergers, I don't really speak to many people - I never really did at school, nod do I at Uni. At least 7 people have advised me to join societies, but I just find it so hard to follow up on my advice.

    Anyhow, when I have been feeling a little bit stressed at Uni, I have been contacting some of the people I knew from school. I didn't really speak to them much at school because I was so shy, but many (when I got really stressed before) assured me that I have always had friends, and that even though I didn't speak to people at school much, many people liked me. I was always seen, so I was told, as king, funny, caring and very hard working.

    I do my old school a lot - I guess though for the wrong reason - It was a sheltered environment which I thrived in. When I entered the real world at Uni, the effects of my Aspergers on me saw me struggle.

    Anyhow, I have had messages saying the likes of 'Just because you don't always speak to friends doesn't mean they aren't always there for you' from people who I knew at school.

    I just wanted to question is this generally true.

    To people on here at Uni, do you naturally divulge from friends who you knew from school when you start and progress in uni? Does the frequency of contact become less?

    However, my main question is: If you speak to old friends from school rarely/occasionally, perhaps even once a year or less, do you still consider them as a friend, and would you be there for them?

    It would be really helpful if there are 'Neurotypical' people on here who has friendly feelings towards someone with an Autistic spectrum condition to explain how you would feel in this circumstance.

    I tell myself often that I have no friends, however, just in May, when I was feeling under a lot of pressure for exams I mentioned how I felt I had no friends to someone I knew from sixth form. Their response - 'if you think you have no friends then you are wrong' - I only speak to this person (at a different uni) about once a year, so why would they feel compelled to say that?
    • Community Assistant
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    If I only spoke to someone once a year, I wouldn't consider them a friend however, depending on the situation that they are in, I would still be there for them.

    (Original post by Tomm98)
    However, my main question is: If you speak to old friends from school rarely/occasionally, perhaps even once a year or less, do you still consider them as a friend, and would you be there for them?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by squirrology)
    If I only spoke to someone once a year, I wouldn't consider them a friend however, depending on the situation that they are in, I would still be there for them.
    Hi @squirrology,

    Thanks for responding -

    Do you think the people who said 'Just because you don't always speak to friends doesn't mean they aren't always there for you' and 'if you think you have no friends then you are wrong' are still my friends even though we don't usually speak often (yearly if that) - how can they be so confident that I have friends?
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I think it really depends on the people involved and the friendship.

    For example, myself and my BFF (Best Friend Forever) have been BFFs for 17 years! But in the grand scheme of things, we don't really talk that much. Never really have after Year 11 (which was 12 years ago). In Sixth Form we barely talked - not because we had fallen out, but just because we didn't have any lessons together anymore, etc. I'd estimate we maybe have a brief WhatsApp chat once a month and we probably meet an absolute maximum of 4 times a year! Yet despite all this, I consider her my BFF above everyone else because we're comfortable and secure in our relationship to the extent that we don't get paranoid or worry or get offended if things are silent for ages! We both know we're there for each other

    Then there are friend of mine from my undergrad degree who I don't really see or hear from much. I'm aware they probably wouldn't call me a best friend anymore but due to our shared history and what we went through together, I will always call them a best friend (unless they do something awful!) :moon:

    Then there are people who I haven't seen or heard from for years but there isn't that closeness/sense of shared history, so I wouldn't call them my friends/best friends anymore...

    So as you can see, things can really vary! But I really don't think communication has to be constant or even consistent for a friendship to remain intact
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    You can absolutely remain friends! Me and my best friend of 7 years didn't talk for 2 years, we didn't fall out just both had busy lives (also she lost my number haha) but when we met back up again after that time we just picked up from where we left off before as if no time had passed at all, that's true friendship! And I never once didn't consider her a friend in the time we weren't talking, we always pick things up again!
    I know how bad mental health can make you feel as if you have no friends, I don't have aspergers but I have anxiety and depression and that can definitely make you feel like everyone hates you forever, even when you have people willing to talk to you and be there for you and inviting you out etc. but it's the condition talking not you. In my experience the negative perception you have of yourself is often totally different to how others perceive you so you should ignore it if you can (easier said than done I know).
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 19, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Will you be richer or poorer than your parents?
    Useful resources
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.