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I love my boyfriend of 6 years, but want more life experience Watch

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    hi all, this is a difficult one to explain but ill try keep it short and simple.

    Have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, since i was just 14. we have never taken a break or been on/off before. i love him to pieces and we are best mates. However, because we met so young, and are now 20 and 21, neither of us have had single life experience, dated anyone else, kissed anyone else, slept with anyone else, etc etc.

    I love him and have no reason to want to end things - we have grown up together and have loads in common, we study the same subject, but at different unis, and see one another around once a week on average. However, as ive grown into an adult, i am beginning to wonder about general life experience and am worried that i shouldnt settle down with one single person, possibly for life, judging by the way that it has been going, when ive had no other experiences with single life/dating, etc.

    What should i do? any advice would be really appreciated or from anyone who has gone through similar. Also, i have already told him all of the above. He was really understanding and said he sees what i mean, but still loves me too, like i do him. We just dont know where to take it from here

    thanks in advance <3
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    (Original post by worry347)
    hi all, this is a difficult one to explain but ill try keep it short and simple.

    Have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, since i was just 14. we have never taken a break or been on/off before. i love him to pieces and we are best mates. However, because we met so young, and are now 20 and 21, neither of us have had single life experience, dated anyone else, kissed anyone else, slept with anyone else, etc etc.

    I love him and have no reason to want to end things - we have grown up together and have loads in common, we study the same subject, but at different unis, and see one another around once a week on average. However, as ive grown into an adult, i am beginning to wonder about general life experience and am worried that i shouldnt settle down with one single person, possibly for life, judging by the way that it has been going, when ive had no other experiences with single life/dating, etc.

    What should i do? any advice would be really appreciated or from anyone who has gone through similar. Also, i have already told him all of the above. He was really understanding and said he sees what i mean, but still loves me too, like i do him. We just dont know where to take it from here

    thanks in advance <3
    We humans always want what we don't have. You just need to acknowledge this and to also understand the consequences if you do leave a good relationship.
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    One thing that came to mind is "you don't know how good you've got it until you lose it". If you decide to break up with him, you might end up realising it's not all great to be dating randomers all the time, and you'll miss the connection you have with him. It's a gamble for you. You end it, and you might end up loving experimenting or you could really hate it and wish you had him back.
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    A bit radical but you could ask him about an open relationship? Ie you have other ‘experiences’ while you’re not together eg at uni

    Not something I would do but you never know?
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    (Original post by worry347)
    hi all, this is a difficult one to explain but ill try keep it short and simple.

    Have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, since i was just 14. we have never taken a break or been on/off before. i love him to pieces and we are best mates. However, because we met so young, and are now 20 and 21, neither of us have had single life experience, dated anyone else, kissed anyone else, slept with anyone else, etc etc.

    I love him and have no reason to want to end things - we have grown up together and have loads in common, we study the same subject, but at different unis, and see one another around once a week on average. However, as ive grown into an adult, i am beginning to wonder about general life experience and am worried that i shouldnt settle down with one single person, possibly for life, judging by the way that it has been going, when ive had no other experiences with single life/dating, etc.

    What should i do? any advice would be really appreciated or from anyone who has gone through similar. Also, i have already told him all of the above. He was really understanding and said he sees what i mean, but still loves me too, like i do him. We just dont know where to take it from here

    thanks in advance <3
    Figure out why you feel you can't have the experiences you want with him, why does not having been physically with other people matter to you?
    Apart from physical intimacy things of course, you should be able do everything you would do as a single person whilst being in a relationship if you can't then perhaps it's not the best relationship for you.
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    (Original post by worry347)
    hi all, this is a difficult one to explain but ill try keep it short and simple.

    Have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, since i was just 14. we have never taken a break or been on/off before. i love him to pieces and we are best mates. However, because we met so young, and are now 20 and 21, neither of us have had single life experience, dated anyone else, kissed anyone else, slept with anyone else, etc etc.

    I love him and have no reason to want to end things - we have grown up together and have loads in common, we study the same subject, but at different unis, and see one another around once a week on average. However, as ive grown into an adult, i am beginning to wonder about general life experience and am worried that i shouldnt settle down with one single person, possibly for life, judging by the way that it has been going, when ive had no other experiences with single life/dating, etc.

    What should i do? any advice would be really appreciated or from anyone who has gone through similar. Also, i have already told him all of the above. He was really understanding and said he sees what i mean, but still loves me too, like i do him. We just dont know where to take it from here

    thanks in advance <3
    Obviously I dont know the history of your relationship so what I say may be slightly wrong but it sounds like you just want to get with/see/sleep with other people to see if its better. You cant really be that happy in your relationship if you want those things tbh. You want your cake (have a bf that you are at least content with) and to eat it (try 'insert scenario' with other people which you can't do without cheating) and thats not how relationships really work (except open relationships I guess).

    Imo if you can't get over these feelings then you should break up (at least for a while) as that isnt how you should feel when youre in a happy relationship, if you guys are meant to be together you may reconnect in the future.

    You said you have told him all this but how would you feel if he said 'I really want to have a ONS, fwb with my friend, date another girl' etc as thats kinda what you have said you want (but in a less direct way)

    I am not being mean or anything, thats how the stuff in your post comes across to me.

    As for general experiences (other than stuff I mentioned above) what can't you do/feel like you are missing out on because you are in a relationship?
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    thanks everyone for replies so far.

    to be honest, i have to say that i never felt like this until the past year. I always felt like i didnt need those other experiences because i was the luckiest girl ever to have a great relationship. But, ive been struggling with other peoples' judgements. Almost every week i have another person tell me im missing out on this or that experience, or its weird to be in such a long-term relationship or to have only dated one person, or people even tell me that i "cant" know if i love someone if ive only dated one person
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    I understand you, I have a girlfriend but sometimes you just want to have dirty, degrading sex with a stranger, ain't nothing wrong with that. I know I'm down to eat some teen girl's ass whenever
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    (Original post by madmadmax321)
    Obviously I dont know the history of your relationship so what I say may be slightly wrong but it sounds like you just want to get with/see/sleep with other people to see if its better. You cant really be that happy in your relationship if you want those things tbh. You want your cake (have a bf that you are at least content with) and to eat it (try 'insert scenario' with other people which you can't do without cheating) and thats not how relationships really work (except open relationships I guess).
    i dont want to "see if its better", i guess i just kind of want the experiences.... for the experience, and to grow more as a person. And not necessarily sleeping with others, i simply even just meant what it is like to be a single adult, as i have never been one.
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    (Original post by worry347)
    thanks everyone for replies so far.

    to be honest, i have to say that i never felt like this until the past year. I always felt like i didnt need those other experiences because i was the luckiest girl ever to have a great relationship. But, ive been struggling with other peoples' judgements. Almost every week i have another person tell me im missing out on this or that experience, or its weird to be in such a long-term relationship or to have only dated one person, or people even tell me that i "cant" know if i love someone if ive only dated one person
    Any chance that these people could be jealous of what you've got?

    It's quite sad how other people's comments have made you feel like this. I'm guessing you'll go on a 'break' and then you'll realise the grass isn't greener but you will have lost what you had before if you attempt to get back together.

    Good luck with it all though.
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    (Original post by worry347)
    thanks everyone for replies so far.

    to be honest, i have to say that i never felt like this until the past year. I always felt like i didnt need those other experiences because i was the luckiest girl ever to have a great relationship. But, ive been struggling with other peoples' judgements. Almost every week i have another person tell me im missing out on this or that experience, or its weird to be in such a long-term relationship or to have only dated one person, or people even tell me that i "cant" know if i love someone if ive only dated one person
    You shouldnt listen to what other people say, they arent the ones in your relationship so they dont know what you are/arent missing out on. A lot of people that tend to judge you are just jealous as well.

    As for the last bit I am not sure if I agree or not, I mean surely you could say the same if you had only dated 5, 10, 20 people? there are millions of people in this country alone so how can you really know. You just have to do what makes YOU happy, if that is being with your boyfriend and spending time together do that but if you arent happy and you think it is because you're not happy in your relationship (rather than people judging your relationship as that will happen all through life) then break up.

    You wont really know how it is going to feel after breaking up until you do it, you can only make the decision that you think is going to make you the happiest and live with the consequences (whether they be good or bad)
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    You don't have to break-up you can try being in an open relationship
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    (Original post by Wilfred Little)
    Any chance that these people could be jealous of what you've got?

    It's quite sad how other people's comments have made you feel like this. I'm guessing you'll go on a 'break' and then you'll realise the grass isn't greener but you will have lost what you had before if you attempt to get back together.

    Good luck with it all though.
    Thank you. I guess they could be, i never really thought of that. Sadly, im one of those people who really get bothered/affected by other people's judgements/comments. I know that the feelings i am having make me a complete selfish jerk, but would rather admit and confront them than pretend they aren't there.

    I've been considering suggesting a break, but from everything i've heard, they are a bad idea, as you suggest, and the last thing i want to do is hurt my boyfriend any more than i may have already, as he does not deserve it.
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    (Original post by worry347)
    i dont want to "see if its better", i guess i just kind of want the experiences.... for the experience, and to grow more as a person. And not necessarily sleeping with others, i simply even just meant what it is like to be a single adult, as i have never been one.
    fair enough but why cant you grow as a person while being in a relationship? (in fact a relationship should bring a net benefit to your life)

    I mean lets say you break up and dont get with anyone else etc, then what do YOU think you will gain from being single?
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    (Original post by worry347)
    thanks everyone for replies so far.

    to be honest, i have to say that i never felt like this until the past year. I always felt like i didnt need those other experiences because i was the luckiest girl ever to have a great relationship. But, ive been struggling with other peoples' judgements. Almost every week i have another person tell me im missing out on this or that experience, or its weird to be in such a long-term relationship or to have only dated one person, or people even tell me that i "cant" know if i love someone if ive only dated one person
    Those people don't sound particularly mature, a friend of mine is happily married to her husband who she met at 15. If they are the person for you to settle down with then their the person for you, your previous or lack of relationships shouldn't change that.
    Perhaps those people aren't in serious relationships so they aren't the best people to advise you.
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    (Original post by worry347)
    Thank you. I guess they could be, i never really thought of that. Sadly, im one of those people who really get bothered/affected by other people's judgements/comments. I know that the feelings i am having make me a complete selfish jerk, but would rather admit and confront them than pretend they aren't there.

    I've been considering suggesting a break, but from everything i've heard, they are a bad idea, as you suggest, and the last thing i want to do is hurt my boyfriend any more than i may have already, as he does not deserve it.
    If you want to go on a break thats completely fine but you have to consider the following
    1. he doesnt want to go on a break and from hearing this just breaks up with you permanently
    2. he gets with other people, finds someone else, just decides he doesnt want to get back together even if you do (not saying it will happen but it is a possible outcome)
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    to be honest, i was expecting a resounding number of people to tell me to get a life and go enjoy single crazy uni life. I think i've been mixing with the wrong people. . . it's a relief to know that i am not some crazy person and that im not missing out on proper "uni experiences", supposedly... actually feeling quite a lot better about the entire thing already (which immediately suggests im letting other people influence my relationship too much, i guess)
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    (Original post by madmadmax321)
    If you want to go on a break thats completely fine but you have to consider the following
    1. he doesnt want to go on a break and from hearing this just breaks up with you permanently
    2. he gets with other people, finds someone else, just decides he doesnt want to get back together even if you do (not saying it will happen but it is a possible outcome)
    i feel like the fact reading this broke my heart to think of it might be telling me something
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      (Original post by worry347)
      thanks everyone for replies so far.

      to be honest, i have to say that i never felt like this until the past year. I always felt like i didnt need those other experiences because i was the luckiest girl ever to have a great relationship. But, ive been struggling with other peoples' judgements. Almost every week i have another person tell me im missing out on this or that experience, or its weird to be in such a long-term relationship or to have only dated one person, or people even tell me that i "cant" know if i love someone if ive only dated one person
      Don't feel pressured into a certain lifestyle by others. If you lived in a bad neighbourhood, you'd have a similar pressure to try drugs for example.

      You don't really need to date someone in order to know that they don't interest you. Conversely, you don't need to date others in order to know that you want to stay with one guy.
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      (Original post by worry347)
      thanks everyone for replies so far.

      to be honest, i have to say that i never felt like this until the past year. I always felt like i didnt need those other experiences because i was the luckiest girl ever to have a great relationship. But, ive been struggling with other peoples' judgements. Almost every week i have another person tell me im missing out on this or that experience, or its weird to be in such a long-term relationship or to have only dated one person, or people even tell me that i "cant" know if i love someone if ive only dated one person
      What the hell is wrong with those people? Such terrible opinions to have, ignore them all
     
     
     
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