Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    Online

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by stormeranna)
    Just notice which bathroom they use
    This is the answer.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nerry)
    first two lines were cringy af
    You mean the "Yo" part?

    What's wrong with yo!, it's a normal formal introduction to a conversation.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by bluemadhatter)
    You've got to be ****ing kidding me right now. You don't need to know anything. Why the **** would you feel uneasy and uncomfortable, you are clearly transphobic and need to stay the **** away from her. You must also be a troll so bye now.
    (Original post by Existing ID)
    What's the big deal? She/he is your colleague, not your partner. As long as she/he is professional on the job and get it done perfectly, there's nothing wrong with his/her gender or sexuality. I would be happy to work with anything/anyone that's hardworking, for it being a dog or a machine.
    (Original post by TitanCream)
    Just go with it. I'm sure one day it will come up in conversation. With all due respect but, is it so important? I met someone the other day who was built like a boxer but had heavy make-up on and spoke with a feminine twang. I couldn't care less if they identify as an alien tbh, it is their choice and it doesn't bother me in the least.
    You're all missing what is being asked.

    OP is trying to find out a way of addressing said person without offending them.
    He doesn't care what they identify as.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Kravence)
    You're all missing what is being asked.

    OP is trying to find out a way of addressing said person without offending them.
    He doesn't care what they identify as.
    No hes really not, if she identifies as a she then she would be addressed as her/she. Read his replies, he doesn't seem to care whether he offends or not.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Kravence)
    You're all missing what is being asked.

    OP is trying to find out a way of addressing said person without offending them.
    He doesn't care what they identify as.
    Yes!

    Exactly.:closedeyes:
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    no
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Get her to fill a review form sort of thing or go old school and get a scrap book, ask all your work mates to fill in, and most of them do have the M or F option, so, maybe that would help. Situations like these can be hard, even if a person is transgender, it's hard to ask which pronoun do they prefer without sounding rude. * I'm not offending anyone, I'm being honest*
    That is exhausting work.

    I can't be bothered to put all that work in just find out someones chosen gender.:dry:

    I need something simple but effective!
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Whilst one's gender really doesn't matter too much, I can understand your curiosity. I figure if you're just polite about it, it'll be fine. But I will say, just because one does typically "feminine" or "masculine" things, or appears that way, doesn't automatically put them into either one of the categories.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    okay don't be going around saying trans people make u feel 'uneasy' and 'uncomfortable' ... its 2017 man get a grip.

    you could ask them politely what their preferred pronouns are.

    be kind and what-not when asking like don't shout about it man! trans people are still people, you don't need to know what going on in someone else's life they same way you don't want your business out there!

    It's not rude to ask how someone wants to be addressed (just because they are feminine they still might be HE/HIM pronouns!) if it comes across rude you can just explain that you didn't know! an honest mistake! as long as you considered their feelings and how it might come across!
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cixrx)
    okay don't be going around saying trans people make u feel 'uneasy' and 'uncomfortable' ... its 2017 man get a grip.

    you could ask them politely what their preferred pronouns are.

    be kind and what-not when asking like don't shout about it man! trans people are still people, you don't need to know what going on in someone else's life they same way you don't want your business out there!

    It's not rude to ask how someone wants to be addressed (just because they are feminine they still might be HE/HIM pronouns!) if it comes across rude you can just explain that you didn't know! an honest mistake! as long as you considered their feelings and how it might come across!
    When you say politely, you mean like say please and excuse me:mute:?

    For example: Excuse me, not to sound rude or anything but could you by any chance elaborate on your select gender please?

    Does that sound polite?:curious:

    I am curious what people mean by "polite way" of asking someone a question that could potentially offend and upset them to the point of tears!:erm:

    I don't know if there is truly a polite and gentle way of asking an offensive question.

    That is like me saying pardon to someone and then casually stabbing them and then apologising profusely afterwards. I stabbed them but as long as I was polite about it then I guess the stabbing was okay.

    Terrible analogy, but you get the point.:closedeyes:
    • #5
    #5

    Ask someone who knows Alex, but is not really close to him/her.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    i dont reckon its that offensive of a question, i get asked it all the time!

    it definitely won't be that offensive to ask politely what someone's pronouns are or what they would like to be called!

    when I / people say to ask politely and with respect it just means you should consider their feelings, approach the situation with a 'do no harm' attitude!

    i feel that you should ask their 'pronouns' or 'gender pronouns' because when you just say 'gender' it could come across as rude but thats just my personal feeling!

    i think it's more about how you act after as well, if this person is trans you should be accepting and move on!

    (Original post by LondonsSweetBoy)
    When you say politely, you mean like say please and excuse me:mute:?

    For example: Excuse me, not to sound rude or anything but could you by any chance elaborate on your select gender please?

    Does that sound polite?:curious:

    I am curious what people mean by "polite way" of asking someone a question that could potentially offend and upset them to the point of tears!:erm:

    I don't know if there is truly a polite and gentle way of asking an offensive question.

    That is like me saying pardon to someone and then casually stabbing them and then apologising profusely afterwards. I stabbed them but as long as I was polite about it then I guess the stabbing was okay.

    Terrible analogy, but you get the point.:closedeyes:
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cixrx)
    i dont reckon its that offensive of a question, i get asked it all the time!

    it definitely won't be that offensive to ask politely what someone's pronouns are or what they would like to be called!

    when I / people say to ask politely and with respect it just means you should consider their feelings, approach the situation with a 'do no harm' attitude!

    i feel that you should ask their 'pronouns' or 'gender pronouns' because when you just say 'gender' it could come across as rude but thats just my personal feeling!

    i think it's more about how you act after as well, if this person is trans you should be accepting and move on!
    Seriously?:shock:

    People are comfortable enough to ask you if you're male or female?

    How often have you been asked that question?

    It must really offend you though, if you get asked the same question on your gender all the time!
    • #6
    #6

    hey,
    i would maybe ask around first, try to find out more about her/him- like a boss or something?
    i wouldn't ask her/him themselves bc it might insult them
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    if im in a new situation like a new job or class then i get asked it a lot at the beginning so it clears up any confusion!
    co-workers/ strangers/ customers have all asked me what my pronouns are and i don't mind, they've never asked it in a malicious or ill intended way, they've either asked out of curiosity (like yourself with your co-worker) or respect (for example they wanted to know what to write in an email)

    I've only been asked if im male or female by people over the age of 50! and that's always come across as rude!

    i think you should only approach your co-worker if you know that whatever answer they give wont be a problem for you, you said they are feminine so if they turn around and say their preferred pronouns are He/Him, would you respect that?

    (Original post by LondonsSweetBoy)
    Seriously?:shock:

    People are comfortable enough to ask you if you're male or female?

    How often have you been asked that question?

    It must really offend you though, if you get asked the same question on your gender all the time!
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Given their name is "Alex", you could probably ask what Alex is short for? It's a good indicator?
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    As a transgender man myself, I can just say that if you're confused ask them. If they're obviously presenting as female and other coworkers address them as such, then it's obvious that they prefer female pronouns.

    Just don't be a **** about it or ask them publically. Just say "what's your preferred pronouns?" in a private enviroment lol.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cixrx)
    if im in a new situation like a new job or class then i get asked it a lot at the beginning so it clears up any confusion!
    co-workers/ strangers/ customers have all asked me what my pronouns are and i don't mind, they've never asked it in a malicious or ill intended way, they've either asked out of curiosity (like yourself with your co-worker) or respect (for example they wanted to know what to write in an email)

    I've only been asked if im male or female by people over the age of 50! and that's always come across as rude!

    i think you should only approach your co-worker if you know that whatever answer they give wont be a problem for you, you said they are feminine so if they turn around and say their preferred pronouns are He/Him, would you respect that?
    I don't want to sound rude, just out of curiosity. Are you transexual or a male that looks female or female that looks male?
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Londons SweetBoy)
    What are you on about?:dry:

    She/he is my work partner I need to know these things!

    We work together so if she/he identifies as transgender then it's important she makes me aware so I don't feel so uneasy and uncomfortable around her/him.

    Because this is just running through my mind. Everytime I see her/him it's the only thing I think about:unsure:

    It will take a load off my mind if I let out of my system.

    I think I might eventually just blurt it out just so I can concentrate on my work better!
    You need to know.... so you don't feel uncomfortable?

    But it's perfectly fine making a thread online telling complete strangers about them?

    You sound so transphobic, I feel incredibly sorry for the person you're referring to.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    im a girl with a shaved head, i wear a lot of pink/glittery make up and dress quite ambiguously, so when people see me from behind im normally address as Sir or Mr. and from the front get called ma'am or miss, so it does raise questions sometimes but its never been a problem for me or anyone ive encountered. its the 21st century so there's a lot of freedom to be who you want but theres also a lot of judgement (ive been blessed not to encounter) i think you are genuinely not meaning to be in any way transphobic but you could research into gender and sexuality a little more if you're really not wanting to offend anyone.

    i think you need to think about whether or not it is genuinely a necessity to know this persons gender and what not, because they are your co-worker you should keep it very professional, you can always refer to someone as THEM/ THEIR / THEY or even better 'Alex'!

    (Original post by LondonsSweetBoy)
    I don't want to sound rude, just out of curiosity. Are you transexual or a male that looks female or female that looks male?
 
 
 
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 16, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.