hate my flat so much :(

hey
i moved to uni over a month ago now and I was so excited and ready to move, but now i am just depressed. i think i have just been placed with the complete wrong people. there is one main girl who has like become the leader of the flat and its always about her. i am in a flat with 5 other girls so i can understand that would probably cause some issues, but this girl is just ruining my life. everything i do, she will comment negatively on and makes me feel bad about everything. for example, if i put makeup on she will literally say 'why are you putting makeup on?'.. or if i go out, which i try to get out as much as i can now to avoid her, she will ask me WHY I'm going for a walk or seeing another friend. i cannot do anything without her trying to be negative about it. she has formed a clique with 2 other girls in the flat, and us other 3 like to live our lives and stay away from their *****iness and negativity. myself and the other three girls went for a meal and the girl who organised it didn't invite the others as she doesnt get on with them, when we got back to the flat the girl who leads the flat kicked off and said she has never been so upset and angry in her life that she wasn't invited. this girl is 20 years old and acts so immature. has anyone had experience with someone like this before? how did you deal with it? i cant even cook or buy food really otherwise she will take it or want to use it. she uses my shelf and takes my food and claims it was an accident but i know she is doing it just to get at me. i really really cant live with her anymore, its making me miserable. the university does not have any other available accommodation. does anyone know what I can do or have any advice on how to deal with her? i am so miserable and she is completely ruining university for me.
please help :frown:

thank you

Reply 1

claireestelle

Original post by pizzagirl20

thank you

see if other students want to swap accommodation with you. you could speak to the other girls in the flat and see if they have any thoughts on how to handle this.

Reply 2

pizzagirl20

Original post by claireestelle

see if other students want to swap accommodation with you. you could speak to the other girls in the flat and see if they have any thoughts on how to handle this.

the two other girls in her clique worship her. the other 2 who arent a fan of them just do their own thing and live their lives outside of the flat, but that causes the horrible girl to say mean things about them

Reply 3

claireestelle

Original post by pizzagirl20

try and find a way of speaking to the other 2 who also arent a fan, if that doesnt work then try and switch flats with other students who want to.

Reply 4

pizzagirl20

Original post by claireestelle

try and find a way of speaking to the other 2 who also arent a fan, if that doesnt work then try and switch flats with other students who want to.

im not sure how to find other people who want to swap?

Reply 5

claireestelle

Original post by pizzagirl20

im not sure how to find other people who want to swap?

check out university facebook groups as there's likely to be people on there.

Reply 6

NKSSSSS09

do you have any residential advisors in your halls?

Reply 7

doodle_333

If you think there's any chance of her being reasonable then you should have a 'flat meeting'. Label every shelf in the fridge/freezer so she has no excuse to use other people's stuff - and keep anything expensive/nice in your room. And just try and stay away from her. If she asks why you're doing something say 'why? because I want to? I'm not sure what you're asking' and laugh. Do your own thing and don't tell her where you're going.

Reply 8

MinnieD

This sounds like an issue you should really talk to someone higher up about. Does your university not have anyone who runs the halls or deals with flat issues? They'll probably organise a flat meeting where they are present (so it doesn't all kick off). By the sounds of things they will definitely be on your side. I know it sounds a little childish to "tell on her" but you need to put your own happiness first. Quite frankly she sounds like a bully and that is surely something your university will not stand for.

I also think you should be straight with her next time she says something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell her she doesn't own you and you don't appreciate her trying to belittle you. I once had a friend that would roll her eyes at me when I was putting makeup on and one day I just snapped and was like stop being so f***ing judgemental I can do what I want. She was a little taken aback and offended but she never rolled her eyes again so no ragrets.

Reply 9

Dekuyper

Original post by pizzagirl20

What I would say...

You would be best served playing her ego a little. Give her compliments. Nice nothings. Compliments about her hair, her clothes, whatever little things that she does and just whatever you can think of. Just say things that make her feel good about herself but do not cost you any self-esteem or cause you any pain. As in...do not compare yourself to her or become her slave/groupie/sycophant.

You should ignore much of the advice given above. This girl does not sound like she would respond well to diplomacy. Moving accommodation is not a good idea either. The people in your next accommodation will be wondering what happened regarding your previous arrangement and it does not look good that you have to say something like "I didn't get on with the people."