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Help! My sister wants to run away... Watch

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    I am from a muslim family
    My dad is very strict when it comes to religion
    He had anger issues and took it out on my oldest sister the most in her childhood, and to this day their relationship is almost non existant
    My sister is now 24 and she has a boyfriend who is a sikh and 29. They began dating around october 2016
    Only my sister (18) and I know about this.
    She seems very im love with him and vice versa and has plans of running away with him next year (around april 2018). I dont want to know the impact this will have on my family but about 4 months ago I told my mom everything about her and her plans and my mom was shocked, of course, but I told her not to mention anything.
    My mom is worried I can tell and she asks me questions sometimes when we are alone and I answer them but she hasnt mentioned anything until today she asked me if "anythings happened since I last told her everything"
    I am close with my sister too and I shouldnt have told my mom because if my sister finds out or my mom tells her, then **** will break loose and I cant imagine the worst.
    What should I do? Shall I tell my mom that they "broke up" so she lets it go? Or leave it?
    Thanks
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    You're sister is 24 an adult it is upto her it isn't really considered running away as long as she stays in contact with you, your sister and your mum. If she really does have a strained relationship with your dad it kind of does make sense for her to move away from him. I am muslim aswell and never had a problem like this.
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    (Original post by hmmmm9)
    I am from a muslim family
    My dad is very strict when it comes to religion
    He had anger issues and took it out on my oldest sister the most in her childhood, and to this day their relationship is almost non existant
    My sister is now 24 and she has a boyfriend who is a sikh and 29. They began dating around october 2016
    Only my sister (18) and I know about this.
    She seems very im love with him and vice versa and has plans of running away with him next year (around april 2018). I dont want to know the impact this will have on my family but about 4 months ago I told my mom everything about her and her plans and my mom was shocked, of course, but I told her not to mention anything.
    My mom is worried I can tell and she asks me questions sometimes when we are alone and I answer them but she hasnt mentioned anything until today she asked me if "anythings happened since I last told her everything"
    I am close with my sister too and I shouldnt have told my mom because if my sister finds out or my mom tells her, then **** will break loose and I cant imagine the worst.
    What should I do? Shall I tell my mom that they "broke up" so she lets it go? Or leave it?
    Thanks
    I mean she is 24, maybe encourage her to talk with your mom who then can speak with your dad ? At the end of the day its her choice I guess.
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    (Original post by hmmmm9)
    I am from a muslim family
    My dad is very strict when it comes to religion
    He had anger issues and took it out on my oldest sister the most in her childhood, and to this day their relationship is almost non existant
    My sister is now 24 and she has a boyfriend who is a sikh and 29. They began dating around october 2016
    Only my sister (18) and I know about this.
    She seems very im love with him and vice versa and has plans of running away with him next year (around april 2018). I dont want to know the impact this will have on my family but about 4 months ago I told my mom everything about her and her plans and my mom was shocked, of course, but I told her not to mention anything.
    My mom is worried I can tell and she asks me questions sometimes when we are alone and I answer them but she hasnt mentioned anything until today she asked me if "anythings happened since I last told her everything"
    I am close with my sister too and I shouldnt have told my mom because if my sister finds out or my mom tells her, then **** will break loose and I cant imagine the worst.
    What should I do? Shall I tell my mom that they "broke up" so she lets it go? Or leave it?
    Thanks
    Persuade your mum to be on your sister side and tell your dad to **** off if he ever finds out.
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    Your mother seems to be the most understanding in this situation, and since she hasn't grassed up on you or punished you yet, (as much as it pains me say) you can trust her. She's being real to you and I think you should tell her everything, because I assume she understands the pain/conflict between your aggressive father. Maybe she wants to give her daughter a wave of goodbye, or advice or a solution to this mess. I know your sister might go ape-****, but what if, (HUGE emphasis on what if) it all goes right in the end. What if this abuse and conflict ends, and your dad gets convinced/comes to the realisation of whats going on. what if this boyfriend of hers, treats her very badly? She will be in an even worse situation.

    Besides all this, your sister is 24, a fully fledged adult and can make decisions on her own. I know in our Muslim family's this is looked down upon, but its just something to consider. If she wanted to, she could get a job, and save up for a house away from your parents. This way nobody lives in distraught and despair, and shes away from that father of yours. Although probably unrealistic, just a possible solution. Furthermore, you could call social services/helpline on your dad, but Idk if your mum will accept that or other members idk. If they do then great! I understand that family is important in, not only Islam, but in everything, and without family or close ties/bonds to other beings, life will get really hard. Im not sure running away will solve everything as the guilt may still bear weight on both your sister and your family, and maybe situations will worsen at home (or improve on the fact that they will make sure nothing like this will ever happen again).

    Im sorry for the HUGE blocks of text, its just I really do hope you get this sorted out, I feel bad :C. Also, A lot of the things I have assumed in this, so please don;t get offended if I said anything i didnt mean thanks
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    When it comes to asians and explaining a situation like this to them then lord have mercy. I understand what you're going through and to be honest it's a good thing you told your mom but however this is going to end the outcome will be bad. They say the truth is never hidden it comes out one day or the other. The best thing to do is tell your sister that your mom knows and she's alright with her partner (thats if she is?) and let her decide on what she wants to do after that. After all your dad is strict and is not going to understand the situation and flip out more. Furthermore if your sister does run away she will stay in touch with you as you stated your close but just remember all the questions will be down to you at the end.

    In a situation like this we can't really advise you what to do however the only thing we can do is give you a better alternative.
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    (Original post by hmmmm9)
    I am from a muslim family
    My dad is very strict when it comes to religion
    He had anger issues and took it out on my oldest sister the most in her childhood, and to this day their relationship is almost non existant
    My sister is now 24 and she has a boyfriend who is a sikh and 29. They began dating around october 2016
    Only my sister (18) and I know about this.
    She seems very im love with him and vice versa and has plans of running away with him next year (around april 2018). I dont want to know the impact this will have on my family but about 4 months ago I told my mom everything about her and her plans and my mom was shocked, of course, but I told her not to mention anything.
    My mom is worried I can tell and she asks me questions sometimes when we are alone and I answer them but she hasnt mentioned anything until today she asked me if "anythings happened since I last told her everything"
    I am close with my sister too and I shouldnt have told my mom because if my sister finds out or my mom tells her, then **** will break loose and I cant imagine the worst.
    What should I do? Shall I tell my mom that they "broke up" so she lets it go? Or leave it?
    Thanks



    sounds like something out of a soap tbh......


    you know what, ask the BBC to film it

    could replace Citizen Khan....
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    (Original post by mc_miah)
    Your mother seems to be the most understanding in this situation, and since she hasn't grassed up on you or punished you yet, (as much as it pains me say) you can trust her. She's being real to you and I think you should tell her everything, because I assume she understands the pain/conflict between your aggressive father. Maybe she wants to give her daughter a wave of goodbye, or advice or a solution to this mess. I know your sister might go ape-****, but what if, (HUGE emphasis on what if) it all goes right in the end. What if this abuse and conflict ends, and your dad gets convinced/comes to the realisation of whats going on. what if this boyfriend of hers, treats her very badly? She will be in an even worse situation.

    Besides all this, your sister is 24, a fully fledged adult and can make decisions on her own. I know in our Muslim family's this is looked down upon, but its just something to consider. If she wanted to, she could get a job, and save up for a house away from your parents. This way nobody lives in distraught and despair, and shes away from that father of yours. Although probably unrealistic, just a possible solution. Furthermore, you could call social services/helpline on your dad, but Idk if your mum will accept that or other members idk. If they do then great! I understand that family is important in, not only Islam, but in everything, and without family or close ties/bonds to other beings, life will get really hard. Im not sure running away will solve everything as the guilt may still bear weight on both your sister and your family, and maybe situations will worsen at home (or improve on the fact that they will make sure nothing like this will ever happen again).

    Im sorry for the HUGE blocks of text, its just I really do hope you get this sorted out, I feel bad :C. Also, A lot of the things I have assumed in this, so please don;t get offended if I said anything i didnt mean thanks

    Oh my, I didnt realise how helpful and nice people on the student room are!
    That really helped mc_miah . I think I should have pointed out that when I told my mom, she was really really shocked, and she was more so shocked because he is sikh and its forbidden in islam, and also the reputation of our family after when she runs away. My mom also said that if I or my sister ever tried to get into contact with my older sister then she will basically cut ties with us too...but at home she treats my sister as normal as if she didnt even know. But all I know is that my mom is also against this and shes tried to introduce my sister to other muslim males but she turned them down.

    Also, my dad is generally a "bully" and angry, like he made my mom cry yesterday, and generally just the way he is comes across as a narcissist
    I want my sister to be happy of course but its not right, and like you said, I dont know if it would affect me and my sister next year when we start university and move out?
    I also think, did I actually do the right thing by telling my mom and breaking my sisters trust?
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    (Original post by Asha_19)
    When it comes to asians and explaining a situation like this to them then lord have mercy. I understand what you're going through and to be honest it's a good thing you told your mom but however this is going to end the outcome will be bad. They say the truth is never hidden it comes out one day or the other. The best thing to do is tell your sister that your mom knows and she's alright with her partner (thats if she is?) and let her decide on what she wants to do after that. After all your dad is strict and is not going to understand the situation and flip out more. Furthermore if your sister does run away she will stay in touch with you as you stated your close but just remember all the questions will be down to you at the end.

    In a situation like this we can't really advise you what to do however the only thing we can do is give you a better alternative.
    Thanks for your reply! I should have added that my mom doesnt approve of this, and she even said to me that if I or my sister tried to contact her after she moved out then we wouldnt be part of the family anymore, like she was that mad
    I dont know if I did the right thing by telling my mom because she could say anything to my sister any time which will be THE WORST THING although she hasnt yet. I dont know why I even told my mom because I was angry at my sister at the time
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    (Original post by Asha_19)
    When it comes to asians and explaining a situation like this to them then lord have mercy. I understand what you're going through and to be honest it's a good thing you told your mom but however this is going to end the outcome will be bad. They say the truth is never hidden it comes out one day or the other. The best thing to do is tell your sister that your mom knows and she's alright with her partner (thats if she is?) and let her decide on what she wants to do after that. After all your dad is strict and is not going to understand the situation and flip out more. Furthermore if your sister does run away she will stay in touch with you as you stated your close but just remember all the questions will be down to you at the end.

    In a situation like this we can't really advise you what to do however the only thing we can do is give you a better alternative.
    I can never tell my sister that my mom knows or she will literally end our relationship I think..
    Sorry I should have made it clear in the other post but what better alternative could you give me?
    Thanks again
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    (Original post by mc_miah)
    Your mother seems to be the most understanding in this situation, and since she hasn't grassed up on you or punished you yet, (as much as it pains me say) you can trust her. She's being real to you and I think you should tell her everything, because I assume she understands the pain/conflict between your aggressive father. Maybe she wants to give her daughter a wave of goodbye, or advice or a solution to this mess. I know your sister might go ape-****, but what if, (HUGE emphasis on what if) it all goes right in the end. What if this abuse and conflict ends, and your dad gets convinced/comes to the realisation of whats going on. what if this boyfriend of hers, treats her very badly? She will be in an even worse situation.

    Besides all this, your sister is 24, a fully fledged adult and can make decisions on her own. I know in our Muslim family's this is looked down upon, but its just something to consider. If she wanted to, she could get a job, and save up for a house away from your parents. This way nobody lives in distraught and despair, and shes away from that father of yours. Although probably unrealistic, just a possible solution. Furthermore, you could call social services/helpline on your dad, but Idk if your mum will accept that or other members idk. If they do then great! I understand that family is important in, not only Islam, but in everything, and without family or close ties/bonds to other beings, life will get really hard. Im not sure running away will solve everything as the guilt may still bear weight on both your sister and your family, and maybe situations will worsen at home (or improve on the fact that they will make sure nothing like this will ever happen again).

    Im sorry for the HUGE blocks of text, its just I really do hope you get this sorted out, I feel bad :C. Also, A lot of the things I have assumed in this, so please don;t get offended if I said anything i didnt mean thanks
    Also, do you actually think it was a good thing to tell my mom about this. I guess its good in the sense that it wont be a shock to her when my sister does her things at the time. However, I told my mom out of anger, and a bit of being worried about my sister, but otherwise I had no other reason to tell my mom and I feel like IVE gone behind my sisters back bigtime... should I be feeling like this?

    Its fine your message helped me the most seriously so THANK YOU it means everything to me
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    (Original post by hmmmm9)
    Thanks for your reply! I should have added that my mom doesnt approve of this, and she even said to me that if I or my sister tried to contact her after she moved out then we wouldnt be part of the family anymore, like she was that mad
    I dont know if I did the right thing by telling my mom because she could say anything to my sister any time which will be THE WORST THING although she hasnt yet. I dont know why I even told my mom because I was angry at my sister at the time
    (Original post by hmmmm9)
    I can never tell my sister that my mom knows or she will literally end our relationship I think..
    Sorry I should have made it clear in the other post but what better alternative could you give me?
    Thanks again
    At the end of the day if I was you I would tell your sister. I'll tell you why your sister will end up forgiving you its bound to happen. If you sister does move out what makes you think that your sister and mom will be in contact with on another? She's bound to be mad at the consequences it's understandable especially the pakistani culture. In a way YOU did right by telling your mom why? Because the truth is never hidden and one day or another she would have known. If you even lie to your mom about them breaking up that is NOT going to stop your mom from opening her mouth to your sister because it's going to happen.
    You're in a difficult scenario on one side its your sister and the other your mother but if i was you I'd always choose the mothers side why? because no matter what the mother will always be there for you.

    The best thing would be is to tell your sister on how your mom has reacted or ask her in a way for example if she told your mom what would you do?

    Lastly, do you accept what your sister is doing is right? I'm not judging or anything but I want you to follow your gut instinct.
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    Tell your sister how it would make you feel if she left and make her promise to stay in contact at let you visit but she wont hold it against you that you told your mum forever just explain why you did and understand she need to start her life good luck girl i hope it works out sister are da bomb always there for ya.Xx
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    Your sister needs to live her own life, she can't sacrifice herself for her family, as heartbreaking as that sounds. Hopefully when it all comes out you'll maintain your relationship with her, but it doesn't seem like it's going to be easy I'm afraid.
 
 
 
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