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    I started a levels we had I am doing biology,chemistry and maths I received EEC I feel devastated I want to do something about it but I can't I feel like my home is a bad environment to study as I share a room with my sister and she is always watching absolute bs on her computer and the library is too far it would take like 45 minutes to get there.I want to pursue medicine but I am scared I won't get the grades.Everyone thinks I am so smart yet no one realizes that behind this show that I put on is someone who is struggling psychologically and is terribly afraid.I come home I clean or cook or wander around the house I just want to escape reality I hate coming to school and face the truth and then put on a show for everyone and show everyone what they want to see.

    When people ask me whether I am sad or ok I always say I am ok and in fact I may feel quite sad.I don't really have friends there are people I speak to but, nothing meaningful no one who I trust and can speak to about things besides academia.Yesterday as I laid on the couch and played some Mandarin music which I had not done in a while I started to feel sad and cry as I realized that I stopped doing what I love and I have lost sight of who I am and of my dreams in some aspects.I always wanted to speak Mandarin well and I just stopped trying and doing it.I may play a movie to distract myself but watching movies is not something which really makes me happy.The last time I did something I really enjoyed was over a month ago when I went out with my parents to get some ice cream and pizza.My parents work long hours and if they are at home we don't really speak as they are working at home.

    I want to be that ambitious,determined and diligent person I used to be I used to be.I thought I would love a levels as I would actually do what I want and I don't enjoy them at all but I know I want to be a doctor so badly.I feel like I lost control of my life I just live day to day letting life pass by I stopped studying I do my homework last minute if I do it at all.I attend school only because my mum forces me to.I feel just so powerless and overwhelmed.I want to take back control and do well in school and be a doctor but I just can't do it.I don't know what to do I just try and consume my time watching tv or movies not because I want to or like to watch tv but because I don't want to face the truth and I feel nothing.

    I went to the GP they had sent me for therapy not sure if it will help to be honest.I went to therapy before but it just made me lose trust.It is not that I do not care about my education I do care but I feel I can't describe how I feel.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I started a levels we had I am doing biology,chemistry and maths I received EEC I feel devastated I want to do something about it but I can't I feel like my home is a bad environment to study as I share a room with my sister and she is always watching absolute bs on her computer and the library is too far it would take like 45 minutes to get there.I want to pursue medicine but I am scared I won't get the grades.Everyone thinks I am so smart yet no one realizes that behind this show that I put on is someone who is struggling psychologically and is terribly afraid.I come home I clean or cook or wander around the house I just want to escape reality I hate coming to school and face the truth and then put on a show for everyone and show everyone what they want to see.

    When people ask me whether I am sad or ok I always say I am ok and in fact I may feel quite sad.I don't really have friends there are people I speak to but, nothing meaningful no one who I trust and can speak to about things besides academia.Yesterday as I laid on the couch and played some Mandarin music which I had not done in a while I started to feel sad and cry as I realized that I stopped doing what I love and I have lost sight of who I am and of my dreams in some aspects.I always wanted to speak Mandarin well and I just stopped trying and doing it.I may play a movie to distract myself but watching movies is not something which really makes me happy.The last time I did something I really enjoyed was over a month ago when I went out with my parents to get some ice cream and pizza.My parents work long hours and if they are at home we don't really speak as they are working at home.

    I want to be that ambitious,determined and diligent person I used to be I used to be.I thought I would love a levels as I would actually do what I want and I don't enjoy them at all but I know I want to be a doctor so badly.I feel like I lost control of my life I just live day to day letting life pass by I stopped studying I do my homework last minute if I do it at all.I attend school only because my mum forces me to.I feel just so powerless and overwhelmed.I want to take back control and do well in school and be a doctor but I just can't do it.I don't know what to do I just try and consume my time watching tv or movies not because I want to or like to watch tv but because I don't want to face the truth and I feel nothing.

    I went to the GP they had sent me for therapy not sure if it will help to be honest.I went to therapy before but it just made me lose trust.It is not that I do not care about my education I do care but I feel I can't describe how I feel.
    *we had a test*
 
 
 
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