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I lied to him and he broke up with me. Watch

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    Apologies for the length.

    Where to start...

    According to my ex he's never loved anyone as much as me and wants to get married blah blah blah.

    So fairly on my ex would ask me questions and I guess I was a little too honest? According to him a set the precedent and he thought I did to hurt his feelings. Examples; he asked what kind of porn I liked and answered and I took he took it personally because that wasn't what he was physically. Also asked if I like tall guys (he's a little on the shorter side) and I said yea so he also took that personally. Just to name a few examples...

    Now, this is where I screwed up. I was out with my then-boyfriend and my girlfriends. My best friend who is in a relationship started dancing with another guy and he got mad at me. He assumed that's what I do when we're not together and he was fairly angry with me for almost two days. A few weeks later it's father's day and I'm with my family. He sent me a bitmoji (animated emoji) saying that he missed me. I completely forgot to respond since I'm with my family. He calls me and asked if I got his emoji and I lied and said yes, and I sent one back :/. He confronts me a week later in person and said that he knows I'm lying (he told me he went through my phone months later). I admit that I lied and said sorry. I explained that I just wanted to keep the peace because I don't know what he's going to get upset about. He, on the other hand, thought I lied to win an argument.

    Fast forward about 2 months ago.

    I was out with my girlfriends (who I rarely ever see anymore) one night. My best friend is good friends with the club owner. My ex was near the club with his friends so I told them to swing by. He comes in and I give his friend a hug and him a kiss on the cheek and then he and his friends decide to check out the second floor. Meanwhile, while they're upstairs the club owner buys my friend a shot but she can't finish it so she hands me the shot. I ask what it is and he says tequila and repeatedly says "take the shot, just take it". I do, then he the owner leaves. I turn around and my ex was there but he goes back upstairs. My friend tells me he looked a little weird so I figured he was upset over the shot. I didn't want him to think the guy bought me the shot so I went upstairs talked to him for a bit and explained who the guy was. We leave and I thought everything was fine but he isn't walking with me and say that he and friends are going somewhere else. I text him that it would be weird not cuddling with him that night (I was staying in the city with my friend that night instead of driving all the way back). He replies with a curt message and said that we need to talk.

    He calls and asked me if I know why he's mad, I say no, to which he says, "you really don't know". He said he watched for 20 SECONDS and that the guy had his hands all over me to which I said I didn't feel hands on me. He then starts yelling and cursing saying I'm full of **** and I'm a liar. I really didn't feel the guys hand at all. I had been drinking and you know in a club where it's loud people lean in and can subtly place their hand on you to speak to you in your ear. He just kept saying he was trying to hit on me and I can't be trusted. He said me saying it would be weird not cuddle with him and telling him who the guy was made me seem guilty. He then said he's had a gut feeling that I'm a liar and I'm manipulative. since the very beginning and it won't go away.

    Even more background: According to him he's never loved anyone as much as me and has thought about marriage and kids with me which is a first for him. He was cheated on by his last two girlfriends. The last one was an alcoholic but he kept giving her chances. His father also just passed away in December. With us he always seems to find issues with me. Ex., we were out with my girlfriends and he got mad at ME because my friend was dancing with another guy. He said his ex would dance with other men in front of his face despite him telling her he didn't like it. I said but I didn't do anything and he said I should've known to begin with and think these things through and I'm not "mindful", what the heck? I'm apparently an attention seeker too. My girlfriend's and I have a mutual guy friend who had/has a crush on me. He is very nice and I've rejected him multiple times. We don't hang out and we speak every 4/5 months. I sent him a text for his birthday just saying happy birthday, nothing more, nothing less, and according to him I don't respect boundaries and I did that because "I like attention".

    A week goes by and he calls my best friend to talk things out with her because he still loves me but couldn't do it if was going to stand firm that I didn't feel the guys hand. Told her he talked to his mom about what's been going on to try to fix things. He contacts me another week later saying that he misses me and still wants to be with me.He said when he loves someone he just becomes obsessive and starts to "lose his identity" in the process because he becomes so consumed in the relationship. He said he wanted to talk less at night (we're long distance) so he could dedicate more time to doing things he likes. I said that I didn't want to rush back into things and that he needed therapy before we would move forward. I think he hasn't dealt with his father's death (he went work the next day, didn't cry etc., then had a mini break down one day a few months ago) and he still has baggage from his previous relationships. He compartmentalizes a lot and I know that's not healthy. During one of our arguments, he got so worked up and upset he lost a patch of hair overnight, which is common for him when he gets really upset which is just another sign he needs to get therapy.

    Stupidly, we get back together not and he agreed to therapy (he hadn't started going yet). All is fine then out of the blue he starts to explain why he's the way that he is. Saying he's been stuck in past and been an a-hole to me, that he's never been this rude to his girlfriend's before blah blah blah. He then brings up how I set the precedent for him being a jerk because of a joke that I made 6 months prior. I said I didn't say it like that and he then he says how he doesn't trust me because I'm changing my wording from an argument from 6 months ago.

    He then calls everything off because he'd be too naive to think I lied about the one thing. He said that I lie during arguments. When he brings up issues this happens way too often where we get into you said this, no I didn't, yes you did, etc. That he can give me the benefit of the doubt some of the time but this happens way too often. I told him how I like to start arguments out of the blue weeks and sometimes months later so unless I have a perfect memory it's unfair to think that I would have what I said exactly correct. He as though I say something completely opposite of what I said previously and of course when you recount an argument or what someone said you're going to deviate just a little, again, unless you have a perfect memory.

    He said I've never had a gut feeling like this with another woman before and how lying is worse than cheating to me. Told me he was more accepting of his last ex who cheated on him a few times because she at least told him the truth eventually. I said he needed counseling because he's 'damaged' and irrational. His previous two girlfriends cheated on him. I said it doesn't make sense that his 'gut' didn't go off with the cheating ex but somehow I'm the bad guy. He said that to him lying is worse than cheating, which is so illogical to me. He said if I would just admit to lying to something else then we could move forward. I refused to do that since I only lied about the bitmoji. He said he's mentally moved on, he's happy, and isn't interested in this anymore. I said okay and leave.

    10 min later he sends me a text saying he's sorry and how the back and forth is getting to him. I don't respond. Another 30 min. later he sends me another diatribe about how I broke up with him really screwed him up blah blah blah. Then another hr. later another text which I ignore. The next day he sends me another lengthy message. Why continue to send me messages if you have mentally moved on from the relationship? With the last message, he was reiterating how he was more forgiving of his ex, despite her cheating multiple times she eventually told the truth but I'm not doing that so I've, 'lost all credibility'. So in all he sent me 3 messages the night he closed the door, which I didn't respond to, and then another one the next day. I eventually respond and say that I love him and needs to get help, to which he replied, "I wish it was just about you lying one time".

    I know he needs help, but I just can't help but think I contributed. Maybe I was too insensitive when I joked? I'm starting to think that I just as much at fault as he is...
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      woah....can u summarise that please...
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      It sounds like your ex has been through some emotionally hard times recently and I think your suggestion of counselling is an excellent idea.I don't think you can blame yourself.

      From experience it's a fearful and disorientating feeling discovering a partner has lied, somehow even for small things like receiving a message. However you seem to have been open and honest eg. with porn etc. (which in my opinion openness is a good thing, and while we're here, it's obvious that when in a relationship you'll find other people attractive, doesn't mean you love the other people more and your partner can still be the most attractive holistically) and everyone lies sometimes even though it never really works out. Furthermore, in this case it does seem that you only lied about this small thing so that it wouldn't blow up (oh the irony lol). I don't think you can put yourself to blame.

      As I said at the start, I think going to see someone would really help him process things through. For example, after talking to his mum and the friend he seemed much clearer and he might find it even better to talk to someone completely removed from the situation. I think counselling would be super beneficial.
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      (Original post by jennabrooks)
      Apologies for the length.

      Where to start...

      According to my ex he's never loved anyone as much as me and wants to get married blah blah blah.

      So fairly on my ex would ask me questions and I guess I was a little too honest? According to him a set the precedent and he thought I did to hurt his feelings. Examples; he asked what kind of porn I liked and answered and I took he took it personally because that wasn't what he was physically. Also asked if I like tall guys (he's a little on the shorter side) and I said yea so he also took that personally. Just to name a few examples...

      Now, this is where I screwed up. I was out with my then-boyfriend and my girlfriends. My best friend who is in a relationship started dancing with another guy and he got mad at me. He assumed that's what I do when we're not together and he was fairly angry with me for almost two days. A few weeks later it's father's day and I'm with my family. He sent me a bitmoji (animated emoji) saying that he missed me. I completely forgot to respond since I'm with my family. He calls me and asked if I got his emoji and I lied and said yes, and I sent one back :/. He confronts me a week later in person and said that he knows I'm lying (he told me he went through my phone months later). I admit that I lied and said sorry. I explained that I just wanted to keep the peace because I don't know what he's going to get upset about. He, on the other hand, thought I lied to win an argument.

      Fast forward about 2 months ago.

      I was out with my girlfriends (who I rarely ever see anymore) one night. My best friend is good friends with the club owner. My ex was near the club with his friends so I told them to swing by. He comes in and I give his friend a hug and him a kiss on the cheek and then he and his friends decide to check out the second floor. Meanwhile, while they're upstairs the club owner buys my friend a shot but she can't finish it so she hands me the shot. I ask what it is and he says tequila and repeatedly says "take the shot, just take it". I do, then he the owner leaves. I turn around and my ex was there but he goes back upstairs. My friend tells me he looked a little weird so I figured he was upset over the shot. I didn't want him to think the guy bought me the shot so I went upstairs talked to him for a bit and explained who the guy was. We leave and I thought everything was fine but he isn't walking with me and say that he and friends are going somewhere else. I text him that it would be weird not cuddling with him that night (I was staying in the city with my friend that night instead of driving all the way back). He replies with a curt message and said that we need to talk.

      He calls and asked me if I know why he's mad, I say no, to which he says, "you really don't know". He said he watched for 20 SECONDS and that the guy had his hands all over me to which I said I didn't feel hands on me. He then starts yelling and cursing saying I'm full of **** and I'm a liar. I really didn't feel the guys hand at all. I had been drinking and you know in a club where it's loud people lean in and can subtly place their hand on you to speak to you in your ear. He just kept saying he was trying to hit on me and I can't be trusted. He said me saying it would be weird not cuddle with him and telling him who the guy was made me seem guilty. He then said he's had a gut feeling that I'm a liar and I'm manipulative. since the very beginning and it won't go away.

      Even more background: According to him he's never loved anyone as much as me and has thought about marriage and kids with me which is a first for him. He was cheated on by his last two girlfriends. The last one was an alcoholic but he kept giving her chances. His father also just passed away in December. With us he always seems to find issues with me. Ex., we were out with my girlfriends and he got mad at ME because my friend was dancing with another guy. He said his ex would dance with other men in front of his face despite him telling her he didn't like it. I said but I didn't do anything and he said I should've known to begin with and think these things through and I'm not "mindful", what the heck? I'm apparently an attention seeker too. My girlfriend's and I have a mutual guy friend who had/has a crush on me. He is very nice and I've rejected him multiple times. We don't hang out and we speak every 4/5 months. I sent him a text for his birthday just saying happy birthday, nothing more, nothing less, and according to him I don't respect boundaries and I did that because "I like attention".

      A week goes by and he calls my best friend to talk things out with her because he still loves me but couldn't do it if was going to stand firm that I didn't feel the guys hand. Told her he talked to his mom about what's been going on to try to fix things. He contacts me another week later saying that he misses me and still wants to be with me.He said when he loves someone he just becomes obsessive and starts to "lose his identity" in the process because he becomes so consumed in the relationship. He said he wanted to talk less at night (we're long distance) so he could dedicate more time to doing things he likes. I said that I didn't want to rush back into things and that he needed therapy before we would move forward. I think he hasn't dealt with his father's death (he went work the next day, didn't cry etc., then had a mini break down one day a few months ago) and he still has baggage from his previous relationships. He compartmentalizes a lot and I know that's not healthy. During one of our arguments, he got so worked up and upset he lost a patch of hair overnight, which is common for him when he gets really upset which is just another sign he needs to get therapy.

      Stupidly, we get back together not and he agreed to therapy (he hadn't started going yet). All is fine then out of the blue he starts to explain why he's the way that he is. Saying he's been stuck in past and been an a-hole to me, that he's never been this rude to his girlfriend's before blah blah blah. He then brings up how I set the precedent for him being a jerk because of a joke that I made 6 months prior. I said I didn't say it like that and he then he says how he doesn't trust me because I'm changing my wording from an argument from 6 months ago.

      He then calls everything off because he'd be too naive to think I lied about the one thing. He said that I lie during arguments. When he brings up issues this happens way too often where we get into you said this, no I didn't, yes you did, etc. That he can give me the benefit of the doubt some of the time but this happens way too often. I told him how I like to start arguments out of the blue weeks and sometimes months later so unless I have a perfect memory it's unfair to think that I would have what I said exactly correct. He as though I say something completely opposite of what I said previously and of course when you recount an argument or what someone said you're going to deviate just a little, again, unless you have a perfect memory.

      He said I've never had a gut feeling like this with another woman before and how lying is worse than cheating to me. Told me he was more accepting of his last ex who cheated on him a few times because she at least told him the truth eventually. I said he needed counseling because he's 'damaged' and irrational. His previous two girlfriends cheated on him. I said it doesn't make sense that his 'gut' didn't go off with the cheating ex but somehow I'm the bad guy. He said that to him lying is worse than cheating, which is so illogical to me. He said if I would just admit to lying to something else then we could move forward. I refused to do that since I only lied about the bitmoji. He said he's mentally moved on, he's happy, and isn't interested in this anymore. I said okay and leave.

      10 min later he sends me a text saying he's sorry and how the back and forth is getting to him. I don't respond. Another 30 min. later he sends me another diatribe about how I broke up with him really screwed him up blah blah blah. Then another hr. later another text which I ignore. The next day he sends me another lengthy message. Why continue to send me messages if you have mentally moved on from the relationship? With the last message, he was reiterating how he was more forgiving of his ex, despite her cheating multiple times she eventually told the truth but I'm not doing that so I've, 'lost all credibility'. So in all he sent me 3 messages the night he closed the door, which I didn't respond to, and then another one the next day. I eventually respond and say that I love him and needs to get help, to which he replied, "I wish it was just about you lying one time".

      I know he needs help, but I just can't help but think I contributed. Maybe I was too insensitive when I joked? I'm starting to think that I just as much at fault as he is...
      I agree with the person above, but it also seems like your ex is a bit needy and dependant on you. Sometimes its okay to have space to yourself.
      You shouldnt blame yourself because its not like you did anything wrong.
      Yes you lied but over what? A bitmoji? Thats so small compared to bigger issues
      What are your feelings like towards him now?
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      There are red flags all over this, abuse isn't just physical. He is an abusive person and if he is like this now god help you if you were dumb enough to get pregnant or marry the cretin. Run like the wind and don't look back
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      Dump the guy.

      Why is everything your fault when he's clearly insecure and taking it out on you?

      Why are you letting him monitor every thing you do, spy on you and go over your phone (which is your personal property and he has no right to see stuff on it)?
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      Hi, I don't think you did anything wrong. The problem lies with your ex. I think maybe he has issues with his past relationships which are reflected in the way he treats you. He wants you to be his "ideal girlfriend" and it can border on being controlling and possessive. I think you should stop listening to him, it is clear that he does need help. Try to break off contact with him - you are perfectly allowed to live your life without being shouted at, scrutinised, blamed (for nothing).
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      (Original post by ThePricklyOne)
      Dump the guy.

      Why is everything your fault when he's clearly insecure and taking it out on you?

      Why are you letting him monitor every thing you do, spy on you and go over your phone (which is your personal property and he has no right to see stuff on it)?
      Thanks. I didn’t think he had issues like that. I just thought he was insecure. He said he’s never had issues like this before and it may just be our dynamics. So I just thought he meant we were incompatible.
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      Having bothered to read the whole post, the lad's head is clearly ****ed. You didn't really do anything wrong.

      yeaah.... I don't you what else you want out of the replies here so Imma make a terrible joke instead thx
      (Original post by jennabrooks)
      Apologies for the length.
      That's what I tell all the girls
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      (Original post by tamil fever)
      woah....can u summarise that please...
      confusing af love
     
     
     
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