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New Flatmate's Boyfriend is Over ALL the time!!! Watch

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    Found a great little flatshare last month, advertised as living with two international (European) girls. One of them is away at the moment on holiday but I've met her before and she seems OK. I haven't met the landlord though I have communicated w him so not your normal rental agreement.

    The one here at the moment though seems to spend a few nights a week at her boyfriend's place and then having her boyfriend round the rest of the time. As in, sleeping round, having him leave his dirty trainers in the sitting room above the radiator to dry and generally being a pain. They hog the living room/kitchen (sometimes even in the daytime, idk if they're students or what, just watching TV and basically doing nothing) and make life extremely awkward when I'm there, they shut the door, there's a lot of awkward conversation between them and long periods of silence and make it clear they don't want me in there. Or if I'm using the kitchen they hide in their room and won't come in which is also kind of weird, obviously it's none of my business if they talk to me or not but I have had female housemates at uni who had boyfriends round and it was NEVER this awkward. I've also tried to get to know her better but beyond saying hi etc at first she isn't very sociable at all. I don't even know if she's at uni or a professional.

    I do really like the flat and have never fallen out with a housemate before but she's obviously very selfish. She and her boyfriend have made a racket in the bathroom at 6am on weekdays and 2am on weekends!!, don't wash up for days on end, texted me to ask me to feed the other girl's hamster when she went on holiday for a few days, leaves the bathroom light on and did stuff like pull out the bin in the middle of the kitchen floor when it was full till I texted her and made it clear to her I expected her to take it out as often as me. I've heard her whining to her boyfriend about how something (presumably to do with me) that she was rearranging in the kitchen was "weird" when they thought I wasn't around.

    Anyway she and the other girl are presumably pretty close as they're from the same country. But what should I do? Speak to her or the landlord or what? I also live in the city centre whereas my friends are in the same suburb so I tend to visit them rather than the opposite, and I cba to invite friends round to "get back" at her that's petty and childish. She does seem to spend about half her time at her boyfriend's place during which she just pops in during the daytime occasionally but I never signed up for him sleeping over half the time either!

    Bills are covered by the contract btw, but council tax is not. Another reason I feel it's unfair if he lives here.
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    You could talk it straight with her, but from your information I feel this would do very little. Your best bet is probably talking with your landlord about it.
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    (Original post by boriapple)
    You could talk it straight with her, but from your information I feel this would do very little. Your best bet is probably talking with your landlord about it.
    Thanks, might do. Idk if he knows already though. I got the impression from the previous girl who lived in this room and showed me round that she was fed up but she didnt say why.

    I also don't want to rock the boat in that she's clearly close with the other girl who lives here from her country (who's away) and if they both start hating on me it's going to be awkward.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, might do. Idk if he knows already though. I got the impression from the previous girl who lived in this room and showed me round that she was fed up but she didnt say why.

    I also don't want to rock the boat in that she's clearly close with the other girl who lives here from her country (who's away) and if they both start hating on me it's going to be awkward.
    Yeah, I guess you have to decide if you want to maintain the status-quo or attempt change. I suppose the best case from waiting would be that they break up or stop hanging around.
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    Landlord won't do anything. As long as rent is being paid, he is happy. You have 2 options. Talk to her about your concerns, and hope she changes somewhat, or leave. I reckon you will need to leave. This is always the risk you take in flatsharing with people you don't know.
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    (Original post by boriapple)
    Yeah, I guess you have to decide if you want to maintain the status-quo or attempt change. I suppose the best case from waiting would be that they break up or stop hanging around.
    I might speak to her. It's hard though because I'm good with people but like I said she isn't very chatty. I tried to get to know her on the day I moved in but she didn't seem interested so I gave up lol.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Landlord won't do anything. As long as rent is being paid, he is happy. You have 2 options. Talk to her about your concerns, and hope she changes somewhat, or leave. I reckon you will need to leave. This is always the risk you take in flatsharing with people you don't know.
    Not necessarily, a lot of landlords don't want more people than are on the rental contract moving in. I agree its always a risk though.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Landlord won't do anything. As long as rent is being paid, he is happy. You have 2 options. Talk to her about your concerns, and hope she changes somewhat, or leave. I reckon you will need to leave. This is always the risk you take in flatsharing with people you don't know.
    Whatever you do, do not talk to them directly. Saying this from personal experience. Cuz if you speak to her and she still decides not to change trust me she'd try to be a bigger pain in the butt than she is now.

    So either speak to the landlord directly and in confidence (even if he cannot do anything about it at least he will know that someone is living in his house rent free) or, pack your bags and look for another place.
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    TBH you sound like you're being OTT. If you want to deal with this you need to sort out the genuine problems from all the silly stuff. For example - being asked to feed a hamster is not a big issue, the light is annoying but if you don't pay bills it's not really an issue, wanting the kitchen arranged differently is not an issue either. Taking out bins is a normal flatmate gripe and providing she did it after you asked there is no problem. The only real issue on your list is the noise at 6am/2am.

    The boyfriend thing is a little annoying but shouldn't be a big deal, she's spending half the week at his place so it's not like she's moved him in. The council tax is a non issue as it's no different for more than 2 people and only considers people living there - which he isn't. If you have specific concerns e.g. not being able to use the living room, mess they're leaving - then address those alongside the noise complaint by talking to them in person and suggest specific solutions e.g. cleaning rota, rules about how long stuff is left, flat 'quiet times'. Again - keep the focus on PROPER issues, not nonsense like 'your trainers were on the radiator one time'. Don't contact your landlord, they honestly will not care one bit about this - it's just normal flatmate stuff, it's really not a big deal.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    TBH you sound like you're being OTT. If you want to deal with this you need to sort out the genuine problems from all the silly stuff. For example - being asked to feed a hamster is not a big issue, the light is annoying but if you don't pay bills it's not really an issue, wanting the kitchen arranged differently is not an issue either. Taking out bins is a normal flatmate gripe and providing she did it after you asked there is no problem. The only real issue on your list is the noise at 6am/2am.

    The boyfriend thing is a little annoying but shouldn't be a big deal, she's spending half the week at his place so it's not like she's moved him in. The council tax is a non issue as it's no different for more than 2 people and only considers people living there - which he isn't. If you have specific concerns e.g. not being able to use the living room, mess they're leaving - then address those alongside the noise complaint by talking to them in person and suggest specific solutions e.g. cleaning rota, rules about how long stuff is left, flat 'quiet times'. Again - keep the focus on PROPER issues, not nonsense like 'your trainers were on the radiator one time'. Don't contact your landlord, they honestly will not care one bit about this - it's just normal flatmate stuff, it's really not a big deal.
    I wouldn't care if she JUST asked me to feed the hamster or w/e, but it seems like a general reflection of her attitude. For the record, I've been quite close with my previous landlords and know a few people who are landlords IRL and none of them would be OK with someone "moving in" part time. There was a thread on TSR a few days ago when someone was in a very similar situation and most people were capable of seeing how it could affect someone's lifestyle.

    She obviously has moved him in for half the week as his things are here. It's an odd situation but am guessing he lives nearby. I work shifts as I'm on a gap year meaning that if I come home for lunch (or even in the evenings!) they'll be in the living room/kitchen. Normally this wouldn't be an issue obviously, as I mentioned above I had female housemates at uni with bfs and I'd be quite happy with it if they were the normal sociable sort, but they make it very clear that they don't want me in there. Quite frankly I'm not paying to have two people behave passive aggressively towards me... not to mention as well as making it awkward even when I'm in there for 15 minutes cooking, I also can't go and sit down and watch TV when they're already there. If she wants "private time" with him she can do it in her own bedroom but nobody has the right to monopolise common areas *especially with someone who is not paying to live there*.

    Will discuss it with her though, usually this would not even be an issue for me but like I posted in the OP she's unfortunately not the chattiest and if I try to talk to her she makes it obvious she'd rather be doing other things.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wouldn't care if she JUST asked me to feed the hamster or w/e, but it seems like a general reflection of her attitude. For the record, I've been quite close with my previous landlords and know a few people who are landlords IRL and none of them would be OK with someone "moving in" part time. There was a thread on TSR a few days ago when someone was in a very similar situation and most people were capable of seeing how it could affect someone's lifestyle.

    She obviously has moved him in for half the week as his things are here. It's an odd situation but am guessing he lives nearby. I work shifts as I'm on a gap year meaning that if I come home for lunch (or even in the evenings!) they'll be in the living room/kitchen. Normally this wouldn't be an issue obviously, as I mentioned above I had female housemates at uni with bfs and I'd be quite happy with it if they were the normal sociable sort, but they make it very clear that they don't want me in there. Quite frankly I'm not paying to have two people behave passive aggressively towards me... not to mention as well as making it awkward even when I'm in there for 15 minutes cooking, I also can't go and sit down and watch TV when they're already there. If she wants "private time" with him she can do it in her own bedroom but nobody has the right to monopolise common areas *especially with someone who is not paying to live there*.

    Will discuss it with her though, usually this would not even be an issue for me but like I posted in the OP she's unfortunately not the chattiest and if I try to talk to her she makes it obvious she'd rather be doing other things.
    He hasn't moved in though. Having a partner stay over a couple of nights a week is really normal. Having him stay over 3-4 ngihts a week is a little excessive but he isn't actually living there. I agreed with the OP in the other thread - she had two other people actually living in the flat and increasing the bills etc while she was still paying 1/3 of the rent. You have one extra person for half the week and one less person for the other half, no financial impact.

    You can't force your housemates to be friends with you.

    You do make a good point about the common areas btu that's what you need to discuss with her using specifics - i.e. not 'you give me funny looks and stop talking' but 'you sit and watch TV all night with your boyfriend so I can't leave my room'. It's not unreasonable to ask her to hang out in her room sometimes if she has her partner round. TBH on that point I think your best bet is to totally ignore any vibes you're getting - hang around in the kitchen, put the radio on etc, go sit in the living room while they're there, ask to watch something on TV in half an hour then wait around - you'll probbaly find they don't want to sit in there with you and will start hanging out elsewhere.
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    OP, your housemate is being incredibly selfish even if she's not technically breaking any rules. I've been in a similar situation although there were 6 of us originally living in the house so it was less awkward.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Found a great little flatshare last month, advertised as living with two international (European) girls. One of them is away at the moment on holiday but I've met her before and she seems OK. I haven't met the landlord though I have communicated w him so not your normal rental agreement.

    The one here at the moment though seems to spend a few nights a week at her boyfriend's place and then having her boyfriend round the rest of the time. As in, sleeping round, having him leave his dirty trainers in the sitting room above the radiator to dry and generally being a pain. They hog the living room/kitchen (sometimes even in the daytime, idk if they're students or what, just watching TV and basically doing nothing) and make life extremely awkward when I'm there, they shut the door, there's a lot of awkward conversation between them and long periods of silence and make it clear they don't want me in there. Or if I'm using the kitchen they hide in their room and won't come in which is also kind of weird, obviously it's none of my business if they talk to me or not but I have had female housemates at uni who had boyfriends round and it was NEVER this awkward. I've also tried to get to know her better but beyond saying hi etc at first she isn't very sociable at all. I don't even know if she's at uni or a professional.

    I do really like the flat and have never fallen out with a housemate before but she's obviously very selfish. She and her boyfriend have made a racket in the bathroom at 6am on weekdays and 2am on weekends!!, don't wash up for days on end, texted me to ask me to feed the other girl's hamster when she went on holiday for a few days, leaves the bathroom light on and did stuff like pull out the bin in the middle of the kitchen floor when it was full till I texted her and made it clear to her I expected her to take it out as often as me. I've heard her whining to her boyfriend about how something (presumably to do with me) that she was rearranging in the kitchen was "weird" when they thought I wasn't around.

    Anyway she and the other girl are presumably pretty close as they're from the same country. But what should I do? Speak to her or the landlord or what? I also live in the city centre whereas my friends are in the same suburb so I tend to visit them rather than the opposite, and I cba to invite friends round to "get back" at her that's petty and childish. She does seem to spend about half her time at her boyfriend's place during which she just pops in during the daytime occasionally but I never signed up for him sleeping over half the time either!

    Bills are covered by the contract btw, but council tax is not. Another reason I feel it's unfair if he lives here.
    I would probably speak to her about if first and then go to your landlord if it doesn't do anything for you
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    Update: Landlord said that she's moving out in a couple of months (with the other girl), now how to deal with the situation till then...

    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    OP, your housemate is being incredibly selfish even if she's not technically breaking any rules. I've been in a similar situation although there were 6 of us originally living in the house so it was less awkward.
    Ugh that must have sucked, did they also try to shut you out of common areas etc.?

    Just got out of the bathroom and they were both in the hallway (her room is opposite it), it was so awkward omg. Smiled and tried to say hi, she said hi back but her boyfriend just cleared his throat and coughed. He's English so obviously he can communicate with me lol. He left his shoes in the hallway too, wtf. :rolleyes:
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    So generally people agree and empathise with you as do I yet there's nothing they can tell you. Unless you can afford to get your own place.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Not necessarily, a lot of landlords don't want more people than are on the rental contract moving in. I agree its always a risk though.
    They can 'dont want' all they like, I highly doubt a landlord would start eviction proceedings due to it!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ugh that must have sucked, did they also try to shut you out of common areas etc.?
    Not on purpose I don't think, but my social anxiety was quite bad during that time so it was difficult to go downstairs into the kitchen when there were people I don't know that well in there etc
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    Update: he's now definitely staying over all the week. The other girl has returned from holiday and she's reasonably clean and tidy but the couple are still very entitled. I always hear them whinging and gossiping about tiny things I do like using the shower for slightly longer than usual. FFS he doesn't even pay to live here. They have also become VERY messy (woke up on Sunday morning and somebody had knocked the other girl's toothbrush and my mouthwash into the sink, wtf).

    Woke up early yesterday so I could go for coffee with the bf before work and they were all sitting around in the kitchen/living room. Didn't even say hi back and one of them started asking me why I was up so early. I was pretty cold back. Seriously don't know what their problem is.

    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    Not on purpose I don't think, but my social anxiety was quite bad during that time so it was difficult to go downstairs into the kitchen when there were people I don't know that well in there etc
    Sorry to hear :console: It is annoying having a stranger in your house when they're antisocial, entitled and rude as her boyfriend clearly is.
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    Can you get out of the contract at all?

    Honestly I would ignore any passive aggressive stuff, let them ***** about your shower if they want, don't they have anything better to do with their time - obv not. If you have to take your stuff out of the bathroom and only take it in with you when you go in, I had to do this in one house I lived in for uni so I bought a little box from Wilko and put in it a toilet roll, toothbrush, toothpaste, skincare etc and just carried that in when I went in. And had another one for the shower. If they're making a mess in the kitchen do you have a table or something that you can put their stuff on when they make a mess so it's out of your way?

    I mean this is the sensible solution, I would be inclined to also start making a load of noise at a stupid time, knock over some of their stuff, fill the bin up etc and not bother saying hi or speaking to them. Then if they get fed up and say something you can say they've been doing exactly the same thing.
 
 
 
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