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    Should i break up with my boyfriend? We've been together 4 years LDR, I have been at uni for 3 of those years and it was easier for us to see each other then and we did see each other quite a lot and stayed together often. Graduated this year and haven't seen him in 4 months or so, we talk everyday and have an ongoing text conversation all day. It's a great relationship, we love each other very much and I can't see myself with anyone else now.
    Only thing is, my family won't allow me to be with him for various reasons including their own shallowness and racism. My family is dysfunctional, there's a lot of emotional abuse and some physical abuse I have gone through. My parents have never been particularly loving or kind (this has nothing to do with my boyfriend, it has always been like this).
    The only way for me to be with my boyfriend is if I leave home, I have thought about it a lot for a long time, I want a different life, abuse free and happy. I have 3 sisters though and I can't just leave them which is the only reason why I've stuck around so long.
    I don't really know what to do. I've thought about just breaking up with my boyfriend and doing what my parents want me to but what kind of a life would that be..
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    Why would you just end the relationship if you love him a lot? Unless there's something else you're not telling us, throwing it away like that will only be heartbreak for both of you.

    If your parents are the issue, you should think about whether you love your boyfriend enough to consider detaching yourself from them. You are old enough to make your own decisions without parents holding your hands every step of the way.
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    (Original post by UWS)
    Why would you just end the relationship if you love him a lot? Unless there's something else you're not telling us, throwing it away like that will only be heartbreak for both of you.

    If your parents are the issue, you should think about whether you love your boyfriend enough to consider detaching yourself from them. You are old enough to make your own decisions without parents holding your hands every step of the way.
    because i cant just leave my sisters like that. I dont want to throw it away obviously, but the only way i could be with him is if i leave home and detach myself which is something im thinking about a lot but its difficult.
    i know i am and i dont need them to hold my hand, thats why im thinking about this and what i should do
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    (Original post by moonzig)
    because i cant just leave my sisters like that. I dont want to throw it away obviously, but the only way i could be with him is if i leave home and detach myself which is something im thinking about a lot but its difficult.
    i know i am and i dont need them to hold my hand, thats why im thinking about this and what i should do
    You will eventually have to leave your siblings. Even if it's not now, it would be later down the line. How else are you going to live independently and one day, with a family?

    Second question. Why can't you continue to see your boyfriend as it is? No one is saying you have to move out now, you can still continue to be LDR (assuming you are both happy with that) until you feel you are ready to move out.
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    Asian Parents?

    you've already graduated then you gotta find a job and move out asap... live your live and leave your toxic (harsh word but still) parents behind since its only gonna eat you away
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    (Original post by UWS)
    You will eventually have to leave your siblings. Even if it's not now, it would be later down the line. How else are you going to live independently and one day, with a family?

    Second question. Why can't you continue to see your boyfriend as it is? No one is saying you have to move out now, you can still continue to be LDR (assuming you are both happy with that) until you feel you are ready to move out.
    my parents don't want me to be with him for cultural and their own selfish reasons
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    (Original post by ItsTheLegend27)
    Asian Parents?

    you've already graduated then you gotta find a job and move out asap... live your live and leave your toxic (harsh word but still) parents behind since its only gonna eat you away
    yes. I have had a good job even before I graduated which I'm working at the moment and I've saved quite a lot of money so I would be fine in terms of living and supporting myself.
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    (Original post by moonzig)
    my parents don't want me to be with him for cultural and their own selfish reasons
    This sort of thing really upsets me because it feels like you're being controlled by your parents. How much do you love your boyfriend and do you see a future in him to stray away from your parents?
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    (Original post by UWS)
    This sort of thing really upsets me because it feels like you're being controlled by your parents. How much do you love your boyfriend and do you see a future in him to stray away from your parents?
    I love him more than my family because he's been there for me more than they have. I definitely see a future with him and don't see anything with my parents apart from being forced to do what they want me to.
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    (Original post by moonzig)
    I love him more than my family because he's been there for me more than they have. I definitely see a future with him and don't see anything with my parents apart from being forced to do what they want me to.
    Then I cannot understand why in this thread you are considering breaking up with him.

    Follow your own path, move out with your boyfriend when you can.
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    (Original post by UWS)
    Then I cannot understand why in this thread you are considering breaking up with him.

    Follow your own path, move out with your boyfriend when you can.
    Its just the problem with leaving my sisters. I guess I could stay low for a while and then get back in contact with them. When I say leave home, I can't tell my parents I'm moving out because they wouldn't allow it, it would be a case of 'running away'.
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    (Original post by moonzig)
    Should i break up with my boyfriend? We've been together 4 years LDR, I have been at uni for 3 of those years and it was easier for us to see each other then and we did see each other quite a lot and stayed together often. Graduated this year and haven't seen him in 4 months or so, we talk everyday and have an ongoing text conversation all day. It's a great relationship, we love each other very much and I can't see myself with anyone else now.
    Only thing is, my family won't allow me to be with him for various reasons including their own shallowness and racism. My family is dysfunctional, there's a lot of emotional abuse and some physical abuse I have gone through. My parents have never been particularly loving or kind (this has nothing to do with my boyfriend, it has always been like this).
    The only way for me to be with my boyfriend is if I leave home, I have thought about it a lot for a long time, I want a different life, abuse free and happy. I have 3 sisters though and I can't just leave them which is the only reason why I've stuck around so long.
    I don't really know what to do. I've thought about just breaking up with my boyfriend and doing what my parents want me to but what kind of a life would that be..
    I can sort of understand your dillemma. My parents are also quite xenophobic and believe in the whole marrying someone of your own religion and culture.

    You can't keep making sacrifices to please your parents. The more you give in to your parents the more they will think they have the right to control every aspect of your life.

    You can't put your life on hold for your sisters. You will have to leave your sisters eventually. Your sisters can look after their selves.

    This is what you should do. Find a place to live and once you have signed the tenancy contract and it is confirmed that you have a property to live in, only tell your parents then that you are leaving. Don't tell them where you are living. If they start to get physically aggresive to you, get the police involved.
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    My dad doesn't like my boyfriend. We are long distance and lives across an ocean, so he hasn't met him. But my dad thinks his only motive to be with me is "just for sex". If that were true, and all he wanted was sex, wouldn't he just choose a girl in the same country as him? Anyway, after I graduate my plan is to move to him and be with him, even though that means probably not having a relationship with my dad anymore. I'm okay with that, because I am living my life for me, not my dad. I'm going to do what makes me happy not what makes my dad happy. Because in the end, my dad will die one day and then what will I do if I've lived my life doing what he wants? I would have thrown away everything I loved and hoped for because it makes him happy. No, that's not a life to live. You need to live your life for you, not your parents or your sisters. I know it'll be hard leaving your sisters, but surely they feel the same way you do about your parents. You can do what you want with your life and unfortunately you'll just have to come to terms with your parents' reactions. It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it to have the life you want.
 
 
 
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