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Sexually harassed by flatmate Watch

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    I have been in my flat for a month now and am on very good terms with 4/5 of my flatmates, 2 male, 2 female. However, no.5 "Flatmate C" is horrible.

    He continuously makes sexual remarks about me which he does not do to the other girls. With any other flatmate these would be a dirty sense of humour, but it is the frequency of such sex jokes and the way in which he says them that makes them concerning. For example, there is never any air of innuendo that people are laughing about, normal dry conversations about where I am that are not even slight banter are answered by him with "fingering herself" etc.

    The first big thing was about the second week, he was sat at the table and I bobbed down next to him to pick something off the floor from under the table. As I was reaching underneath, he slammed his hand on the back of my head and pushed it down very forcefully, which the female flatmate present said looked very compromising and went too far. I tried to laugh it off because I was a little scared of him but it was clear I was shaky.

    The second big incident was yesterday. He sat next to me on the sofa and put his legs on the coffee table, and I couldn't get past. He has done this before and I have made it clear before that I did not like it when he didn't move his legs for me. Again, anyone else would move their legs, or if not I would have no issue stepping over them but with him it feels like he enjoys forcing me to touch him as I try to push past. He did this, and I half-shouted at him to move his legs. Eventually he did but he shouted back that I should just climb over. My flatmates all witnessed this as some came into the corridor to see if I was okay and they could see I was annoyed.

    When I came back with my phone charger he had put his legs back. I asked him to move his legs and he swung them over the sofa so that I couldn't sit down at the last second. My flatmate said to just sit on them to squash him but I didn't want to do that because I felt that that was what he was trying to make me do, so I decided to go past him to sit next to her on the sofa opposite. As I tried to do this he put his legs back on the table, and at this point I had no idea what to do so I called for a male flatmate (I don't know why,I thought maybe C would move his legs when he came in or that he would 'jokingly' kick C's legs down) and luckily they both came in, but C did not move his legs. He put one down, and I had no option to step over the other one he quickly kicked his leg all the way up between my thighs, and hit my inner crotch with his (just a sock on) foot. Luckily I was wearing jeans with a thick seam, but if I had been wearing leggings he put his foot so far so fast that he would definitely have felt my individual labia.

    I storm off into my room because I did not want to sit with him, and I told my flatmates what he had done. I only wish I had screamed in his face at the exact moment, he was very quick about it and I think that he did it with flatmates present in the room so I wouldn't. So they do know what happened but as they were in my room attempting to persuade to come back in (everyone hates him anyway because he is rude and leaves dirty cooking equipment in the kitchen to fester for days) he came in too, and continuously made sexual remarks about me, my room etc.

    What do I do??? Is this serious enough to go to the accommodation office about, do I attempt to talk to him about it?

    Please note: I do not know if this can be deemed 'sexual harassment, but that was the easiest way to sum it up in the title, please do not turn the debate into what does and does not equal sexual harassment. Thanks)
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    be firm and tell him to get lost, if it continues, fight!
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    (Original post by LucyRose6)
    I have been in my flat for a month now and am on very good terms with 4/5 of my flatmates, 2 male, 2 female. However, no.5 "Flatmate C" is horrible.

    He continuously makes sexual remarks about me which he does not do to the other girls. With any other flatmate these would be a dirty sense of humour, but it is the frequency of such sex jokes and the way in which he says them that makes them concerning. For example, there is never any air of innuendo that people are laughing about, normal dry conversations about where I am that are not even slight banter are answered by him with "fingering herself" etc.

    The first big thing was about the second week, he was sat at the table and I bobbed down next to him to pick something off the floor from under the table. As I was reaching underneath, he slammed his hand on the back of my head and pushed it down very forcefully, which the female flatmate present said looked very compromising and went too far. I tried to laugh it off because I was a little scared of him but it was clear I was shaky.

    The second big incident was yesterday. He sat next to me on the sofa and put his legs on the coffee table, and I couldn't get past. He has done this before and I have made it clear before that I did not like it when he didn't move his legs for me. Again, anyone else would move their legs, or if not I would have no issue stepping over them but with him it feels like he enjoys forcing me to touch him as I try to push past. He did this, and I half-shouted at him to move his legs. Eventually he did but he shouted back that I should just climb over. My flatmates all witnessed this as some came into the corridor to see if I was okay and they could see I was annoyed.

    When I came back with my phone charger he had put his legs back. I asked him to move his legs and he swung them over the sofa so that I couldn't sit down at the last second. My flatmate said to just sit on them to squash him but I didn't want to do that because I felt that that was what he was trying to make me do, so I decided to go past him to sit next to her on the sofa opposite. As I tried to do this he put his legs back on the table, and at this point I had no idea what to do so I called for a male flatmate (I don't know why,I thought maybe C would move his legs when he came in or that he would 'jokingly' kick C's legs down) and luckily they both came in, but C did not move his legs. He put one down, and I had no option to step over the other one he quickly kicked his leg all the way up between my thighs, and hit my inner crotch with his (just a sock on) foot. Luckily I was wearing jeans with a thick seam, but if I had been wearing leggings he put his foot so far so fast that he would definitely have felt my individual labia.

    I storm off into my room because I did not want to sit with him, and I told my flatmates what he had done. I only wish I had screamed in his face at the exact moment, he was very quick about it and I think that he did it with flatmates present in the room so I wouldn't. So they do know what happened but as they were in my room attempting to persuade to come back in (everyone hates him anyway because he is rude and leaves dirty cooking equipment in the kitchen to fester for days) he came in too, and continuously made sexual remarks about me, my room etc.

    What do I do??? Is this serious enough to go to the accommodation office about, do I attempt to talk to him about it?

    Please note: I do not know if this can be deemed 'sexual harassment, but that was the easiest way to sum it up in the title, please do not turn the debate into what does and does not equal sexual harassment. Thanks)
    i understand the issues however i think he may have just misunderstood flirtacious actions? It doesnt seem overly serious but maybe you should try and move dorm/flat or have him removed.I hear blue suede shoes can help. Hope this helped x
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    It’s harassment of a sexual nature... making it sexual harassment. Either go to the accommodation office or be firm and tell him if he continues you’ll go to the police.
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    I would speak to him first. He may genuinely think you're flirting together or something (some people are seriously deluded). It's also possible the accommodation office does nothing... you won't have any actual evidence he's done anything wrong. Be really seriously clear that he is making you uncomfortable by making inappropriate jokes and give the other examples. Tell him explicitly that you do not want him to talk about sex or for him to make comments about sex about you, you also do not want him to touch you AT ALL and in any circumstances or impede you in any way which might cause you to touch him. TBH I would probably say having another flatmate 'witness' the conversation would be a good move - show him you're serious. If he actually continues at that point then 100% report him - also do not engage AT ALL with his behaviour. If he does anything just walk away - even arguing with him can encourage someone like that.
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    Go straight to the accommodation office and report his filthy arse. He's repulsive and deserves to be kicked out of the accommodation. Please don't tolerate this any longer and get the girls in your flat to back you up. Good luck xx
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    Sounds like you need to report him to the authority such as dean or even his academic supervisor . His behaviour abhorrent and I would seriously not talk or interact with him for your own sake otherwise your person may be compromised so please stay away from him
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    What do u mean ???
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    (Original post by Jessue;[url="tel:74153254")
    74153254[/url]]What do u mean ???
    How can you say that are you out of your head?
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    You need to see a psychiatrist as your delusional sense of non existence of rape leads me to think that you have no idea what happens to young girls in the world at large including injustices such as child marriage or forced rape by Gangs how dare you say such disgusting remark ! Perhaps your little cocooned world of being a student in a protected envviroment allows you think that such things don’t happen at university and certainly not if your a doctor but get a reality check and the read papers as well then you might realise things are not always as they appear
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    This is unacceptable behaviour, and if I were you I would report it to the accommodation office, so that the situation can be resolved.

    If you just laugh it off, or ignore it, it may make things worse. You should never have to feel uncomfortable, whilst living with others. Plus, I'm sure you have other stresses, like settling into University, and to the new course itself. So, it's better to go with one of your flatmates to speak with the college dean or accommodation office. He needs to formally apologise to you and the other flatmates for his behaviour, and if he doesn't want to change his ways, then the college will deal with him as appropriate.
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    (Original post by sophiamacdonald)
    rape doesn't exist x
    Shut up you silly cow, rape does exist. Its stupid turds like you that worries me about the future.
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    You need to report this behaviour. It is literally not acceptable. There must a team that deals with wellbeing and this kind of issue so you should definitely go to them and discuss your options. It is unacceptable.
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    (Original post by sophiamacdonald)
    i am a girl, i enjoy it.
    I bet you do ,u know what’?for the girl you think you are if you like it up the arse the size of a tree trunk why don’t you ask a man called Gabriel to show you.a Good time and he will rape in every way possible and if you say no he likes it more especially if you don’t like him ? Shall I introduce him to you ?
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    (Original post by sophiamacdonald)
    im 64 and now the law
    You may be 64 but you clearly have the mental age of a 10 year old.
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    Thank you to all who gave advice and sent well wishes. We have compiled a list of issues we have with him, as I said we already dislike him, all other flatmates are aware of the situation and are disgusted by his comments. I think one of them is going to attempt to tell him to apologise. If he does anything else or does not stop I will go to the accommodation office and report him, people in the flat below us are aware (we are friends with them) and they have said (law students) that is clearly harassment.

    Just a side note- I have reported the childish idiot who made comments about rape for making comments that are off-subject and offensive. Hopefully they will be removed and I would appreciate not interacting with them anymore as this thread could be useful not just to me but to others going through the same thing. Thanks again x
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    Are you able to move to a new place with mainly female flat mates?
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    (Original post by LucyRose6)
    I have been in my flat for a month now and am on very good terms with 4/5 of my flatmates, 2 male, 2 female. However, no.5 "Flatmate C" is horrible.

    He continuously makes sexual remarks about me which he does not do to the other girls. With any other flatmate these would be a dirty sense of humour, but it is the frequency of such sex jokes and the way in which he says them that makes them concerning. For example, there is never any air of innuendo that people are laughing about, normal dry conversations about where I am that are not even slight banter are answered by him with "fingering herself" etc.

    The first big thing was about the second week, he was sat at the table and I bobbed down next to him to pick something off the floor from under the table. As I was reaching underneath, he slammed his hand on the back of my head and pushed it down very forcefully, which the female flatmate present said looked very compromising and went too far. I tried to laugh it off because I was a little scared of him but it was clear I was shaky.

    The second big incident was yesterday. He sat next to me on the sofa and put his legs on the coffee table, and I couldn't get past. He has done this before and I have made it clear before that I did not like it when he didn't move his legs for me. Again, anyone else would move their legs, or if not I would have no issue stepping over them but with him it feels like he enjoys forcing me to touch him as I try to push past. He did this, and I half-shouted at him to move his legs. Eventually he did but he shouted back that I should just climb over. My flatmates all witnessed this as some came into the corridor to see if I was okay and they could see I was annoyed.

    When I came back with my phone charger he had put his legs back. I asked him to move his legs and he swung them over the sofa so that I couldn't sit down at the last second. My flatmate said to just sit on them to squash him but I didn't want to do that because I felt that that was what he was trying to make me do, so I decided to go past him to sit next to her on the sofa opposite. As I tried to do this he put his legs back on the table, and at this point I had no idea what to do so I called for a male flatmate (I don't know why,I thought maybe C would move his legs when he came in or that he would 'jokingly' kick C's legs down) and luckily they both came in, but C did not move his legs. He put one down, and I had no option to step over the other one he quickly kicked his leg all the way up between my thighs, and hit my inner crotch with his (just a sock on) foot. Luckily I was wearing jeans with a thick seam, but if I had been wearing leggings he put his foot so far so fast that he would definitely have felt my individual labia.

    I storm off into my room because I did not want to sit with him, and I told my flatmates what he had done. I only wish I had screamed in his face at the exact moment, he was very quick about it and I think that he did it with flatmates present in the room so I wouldn't. So they do know what happened but as they were in my room attempting to persuade to come back in (everyone hates him anyway because he is rude and leaves dirty cooking equipment in the kitchen to fester for days) he came in too, and continuously made sexual remarks about me, my room etc.

    What do I do??? Is this serious enough to go to the accommodation office about, do I attempt to talk to him about it?

    Please note: I do not know if this can be deemed 'sexual harassment, but that was the easiest way to sum it up in the title, please do not turn the debate into what does and does not equal sexual harassment. Thanks)
    In my opinion If its what ur saying just tell him that ur not enjoying these games and that they are making u uncomfortable (cos ur not interested. 99/100 he stop.

    Either he's a bit of a ding and hasn't clued on u don't like him

    Or he doesn't really like u at all just bored ou his head and thinks its really funny to get on ur nerves. Is he that type of lad who is kinda funny but just likes to take the piss out of things whenever he gets bored? But even in this case if u get it across that it's no laughing matter he'll probably stop.

    In the rare event that he still won't stop then take it from there to deal with it more serious
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    Please please please report him! This is so important! It's not acceptable in any way. Explain it to the accommodation office. Don't talk to him cause anyone with a normal brain would have understood that you weren't happy with it. The fact that he continued makes me think that there's no way he will understand ever. So please go and talk to them and say everything (even the kitchen stuff and the fact that he is rude), insist to make them kick him out. Also speak with your parents and let them know as well.
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    (Original post by LucyRose6)
    Thank you to all who gave advice and sent well wishes. We have compiled a list of issues we have with him, as I said we already dislike him, all other flatmates are aware of the situation and are disgusted by his comments. I think one of them is going to attempt to tell him to apologise. If he does anything else or does not stop I will go to the accommodation office and report him, people in the flat below us are aware (we are friends with them) and they have said (law students) that is clearly harassment.

    Just a side note- I have reported the childish idiot who made comments about rape for making comments that are off-subject and offensive. Hopefully they will be removed and I would appreciate not interacting with them anymore as this thread could be useful not just to me but to others going through the same thing. Thanks again x
    This is a very sensible approach. He needs to see that it is totally unacceptable to behave like this and that women will not tolerate it.

    The most important thing is for you to feel safe and comfortable in what is your home for the rest of the academic year.

    Wishing you the best
 
 
 
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