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Her ex just text asking to meet Up? Watch

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    My girlfriend at the start of our relationship wanted to have drinks with her ex and I told her I wasn't comfortable with it so she agreed she wouldn't, I then discovered a month later she was trying to arrange to do it again and wasn't happy, she apologised and said she realised it was weird to be so keen to head out and have drinks with her ex. She hasn't spoken to him for a few months now, but out of nowhere he's just messaged her something menial (clearly a conversation starter) and asked if she wanted to catch up over a drink. Red flags started for me, clearly he's not over her (there were a few things at the start that gave me that impression, but after a while I put it down to paranoia).
    My girlfriend said she didn't want to do that, was confused why he's decided to randomly message her that after literally like 3 months of not talking at all.
    She told me she was going to just text him to move on, because she has and she's not interested. Turns out she's been texting him back and forth generally about how their work is going (they have the same job, just at different locations) and how she knew he wouldn't like a particular thing.
    Now I'm a little concerned that firstly she didn't bother telling him to move on, secondly she's gone back to messaging away with her ex, and finally he's revealed his hand that he still likes her and I'm concerned she might be interested, despite her being adamant that even if he wanted her back she didn't wanna go back there.

    What do you guys & gals think?
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    I forgot to clarify, she was with this ex for over 5 years, had a couple of months single then got with me and we've been together like 5 months now, so not unfeasible to believe she'd still have residual feelings for the lad. She said they split up mutually and since they split she realised he wasn't really into her and it was a **** relationship hence not wanting to go back ever, and she's happy with me. Doesn't really cover why she's been messaging away once more and the eagerness to meet up initially.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My girlfriend at the start of our relationship wanted to have drinks with her ex and I told her I wasn't comfortable with it so she agreed she wouldn't, I then discovered a month later she was trying to arrange to do it again and wasn't happy, she apologised and said she realised it was weird to be so keen to head out and have drinks with her ex. She hasn't spoken to him for a few months now, but out of nowhere he's just messaged her something menial (clearly a conversation starter) and asked if she wanted to catch up over a drink. Red flags started for me, clearly he's not over her (there were a few things at the start that gave me that impression, but after a while I put it down to paranoia).
    My girlfriend said she didn't want to do that, was confused why he's decided to randomly message her that after literally like 3 months of not talking at all.
    She told me she was going to just text him to move on, because she has and she's not interested. Turns out she's been texting him back and forth generally about how their work is going (they have the same job, just at different locations) and how she knew he wouldn't like a particular thing.
    Now I'm a little concerned that firstly she didn't bother telling him to move on, secondly she's gone back to messaging away with her ex, and finally he's revealed his hand that he still likes her and I'm concerned she might be interested, despite her being adamant that even if he wanted her back she didn't wanna go back there.

    What do you guys & gals think?
    Nah she seems pretty geniune but if she's having to hide stuff from you then that's a bit ****. Talk it out, try and understand it from her perspective. Is she over her ex ? Ask her all the questions you want to ask on here. Good luck.
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    (Original post by __gurlll1011__)
    Nah she seems pretty geniune but if she's having to hide stuff from you then that's a bit ****. Talk it out, try and understand it from her perspective. Is she over her ex ? Ask her all the questions you want to ask on here. Good luck.
    I asked if she's over him and she was adamant she is, but in reality she's not gonna turn around and say no to me. I've asked her some questions and she says she was messaging him back hoping he would mention something else about meeting up so she could tell him to move on. Not really buying that when she could have just told him straight on the first message, or not replied at all, since she said she was happy forgetting about him before.
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    Its a tricky one. The way you've got to look at it is if you have spent a lot of time with someone over the last 5 yrs, its not easy just to cut someone out.

    If you trust her, then don't worry about it.
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    I think if she still wants to message her ex it's really disrespectful to you and if it was the other way round would she like it? You have a reason to be annoyed about it, I would be. It's not fair on you, and it will make you doubt your relationship. Maybe just have an honest chat about how she feels in regards to her ex and see where that goes. Tell her you don't feel comfortable and ask her if she would if it was you with the ex..
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    This happened at the start of my relationship. I dated a guy that unknown to me had literally just finished a 2 year relationship. Had no idea but a few months later his ex was messaging him to get back together (clearly a bad idea because she'd already cheated twice). We ended up splitting up a bit after that because he needed to think about what he really wanted. Fast forward 3 years later and we're now happily engaged, so even if you have a rocky start, it doesn't mean things can't turn out good in the end. As mentioned they have 5 years worth of memories together, so it's got to be hard to let go of that. Maybe suggest going with her if you don't feel happy about it. After all that should be no problem if they're just friends?
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    Its not necessarily strange to stay in touch with an ex. One of my ex girlfriends is Godmother to one of my children. Breaking up doesn't need to mean cutting the person out of your life, especially after a 5 year relationship. Like it or not, that is 5 years worth of memories that can't just be forgotten about.
    Of course she has residual feelings for him, it would actually be pretty worrying if she didn't. While honesty is best policy and she should have told you that she was texting him, you need to trust that she isn't up to anything. If you don't trust her, whats the point in the relationship anyway.
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    Give her an ultimatum, it's either you or the dog house. Also what's the big deal in texting someone, it's not that deep unless she's not being honest with you.
 
 
 
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