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Is it wrong to admit feelings to a girl if she's in a relationship? Watch

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    (Original post by Woeful)
    I kinda want to keep her in my life though. We promised not to stop talking to each other if we ended up in a relationship way way back.

    I think I have two options: either cut her out completely and regret it for ever or tell her how I feel so at least I have it off my chest and we can hopefully stay friends from a distance.
    she is such a cocktease
    she had no right to lead you along and then ditch you when she felt like it
    don't make her your enemy but talk less to her
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    I know what you're going through (kind of). I went out with this girl and after we broke up we remained friends for a bit but i still had feelings for her. Eventually things just kind of got too much and we argued a lot and decided that it was best to just not talk to each other.

    I think you need to tell her your feelings. They probably are too much to ignore for much longer. Best case scenario she also likes you (it is unlikely but it could be the case). Worse case scenario she get annoyed at you ,like when i told me ex, and you don't talk.

    I think not talking to her will help.
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    Tell her how you feel.
    If she doesn't reciprocate the same feelings, then oh well... no gains, but no losses. What's there to lose other than an evidently distanced and dying friendship?
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    Thats another level of friend zoning. She's savage. I would say take her twix by force.
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    (Original post by ineedthosegrades)
    Thats another level of friend zoning. She's savage. I would say take her twix by force.
    ****, it's kinda true.

    Sometimes I feel like there might be mutual feelings there but if she did really feel that way she would break up with him.

    I told her I'm coming next week by text this morning and she says she would tell her bf to come another day so we could spend the whole day together. She's a bit of a mind****. I told her don't bother because I'm going out with other mates and she's said ok but I definitely want to see you before you go.

    I think I just need to give her the cold shoulder and try and get with other girls. At the very least it'll make her jealous. Seems she only seems to realise my worth when she's without my attention for a while.
    • #2
    #2

    Just tell her, I know everyone says don't but this is going to be a thing that will eat you up and you'll regret it later. Just say that you think you have feelings for her and that you will respect her relationship but it's hard being around her. So she doesn't wonder why you avoid her or if she may come to a realisation etc. I just think it's better then completely cutting her off and leaving things unsaid. (I'd personally prefer to know then for you to isolate me and me wonder always why you avoid me etc) x
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    What good is telling her going to do?
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    (Original post by Woeful)
    ****, it's kinda true.

    Sometimes I feel like there might be mutual feelings there but if she did really feel that way she would break up with him.

    I told her I'm coming next week by text this morning and she says she would tell her bf to come another day so we could spend the whole day together. She's a bit of a mind****. I told her don't bother because I'm going out with other mates and she's said ok but I definitely want to see you before you go.

    I think I just need to give her the cold shoulder and try and get with other girls. At the very least it'll make her jealous. Seems she only seems to realise my worth when she's without my attention for a while.
    I would just almost ignore her. Obviously being rude isn't what i mean but go out with other girls and live your life rather than waiting for her to like you. If it is meant to be then it's meant to be(or any other cliché you can think of).
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Tiger Rag)
    What good is telling her going to do?
    well hef said, he's decided on two choices: either cut her out and ignore her or tell her how he feels. If she's actually important to him or he's important to her, it seems that the only option is to tell her so at least there's still a bond. but then again if she was actually someone he valued then he would probably just suck it up and be friends, idk
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    TLDR but in answer to the title no you shouldn't they're in a relationship and unless their relationship is coming to an end and she's expressed and interest in being with you then there's no point and you'll likely just stress yourself and her out...
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    (Original post by Woeful)

    I'm thinking to tell her that I realised I had feelings for her and accept that our friendship isn't going to be the same now. Think it's the only way I can move forward you understand ? It's not even like I want to split her and her boyfriend up, I want her to be happy. But my feelings are kinda eating me up inside.
    The name of game here is self-preservation.

    Telling her that you had 'feelings' for her, will not change her 'feelings' for you and will only serve to boost her ego at the expense of your own. I expect she knew anyway as you come across pretty keen in your post.

    Time for you to move on with your pride intact. Just tell her that you're fine, but pretty busy and you'll see her around sometime.
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    (Original post by Woeful)
    So last year me and this girl ended up getting proper close towards the end of my last year in uni. She'd previously gone out with a guy I knew and he was an acquaintance so she was kinda off limits but I was ok with that as I was only interested in being friends anyway.

    During the year we got REAL close, I mean we didn't have sex but aside from that we were practically in a relationship, we would see each other every other day and constantly take each other out for "dates" like we would take each other out for drinks, restaurants, films and hang around town etc practically everything a couple does.

    Everyone thought we were dating. She's introduced me to numerous members of her family, even invited me to her graduation with her mum when she only had two guest passes. I got to know her better than I'd ever known anyone in my life, told her stuff I'd never told anyone. She's literally the only girl who's ever understood me as a person and actually liked me for who I am.

    Near the end of the year she tells me she has some news and there's a guy she's started seeing and my heart kinda sunk. I think there's was an unspoken thing with us that eventually we'd both end up in relationships but still be friends throughout - but I didn't anticipate getting feels.

    Fast forward a few months they're offficialy boyfriend and girlfriend.

    She invited me up in September for a party and things have definitely changed, we're not like we used to be. I spent most of the party trying to avoid talking to her. She asks me If something's up and I tell her I'm tired.

    Anyway since the party I've just avoided contacting her like I used to as I accept the only way I'm gonna be able to get over her is by distancing myself. So for four weeks I refuse to message/call her.

    Today she sends me a message asking how I'm doing and how much she misses me and that she wants to go for drinks, coincidentally I was going to be going up to uni to see some friends for a few days. (She's doing a post grad and I've graduated btw).

    I'm thinking to tell her that I realised I had feelings for her and accept that our friendship isn't going to be the same now. Think it's the only way I can move forward you understand ? It's not even like I want to split her and her boyfriend up, I want her to be happy. But my feelings are kinda eating me up inside.
    the fact that she still invited you over, attempted to talk to you and the FACT THAT SHE MESSAGED YOU AFTER THE PARTY shows that she cares about you more than friend. If she's like that even now with a boyfriend, imagine what would happen if you had a girlfriend? She would be the total opposite of how you are feeling right now. You're feeling insecure.
    • #3
    #3

    No it isn't wrong to do so just tell her how you feel the worst that can happen is she doesn't feel the same. Either way it will make the situation better for the both of you and you will be more open with each other in the future. Good Luck
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    Ask her for a threesome
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    (Original post by Woeful)
    ****, it's kinda true.

    Sometimes I feel like there might be mutual feelings there but if she did really feel that way she would break up with him.

    I told her I'm coming next week by text this morning and she says she would tell her bf to come another day so we could spend the whole day together. She's a bit of a mind****. I told her don't bother because I'm going out with other mates and she's said ok but I definitely want to see you before you go.

    I think I just need to give her the cold shoulder and try and get with other girls. At the very least it'll make her jealous. Seems she only seems to realise my worth when she's without my attention for a while.
    My opinion is that you should tell her. If you don't, you will be thinking about this for months/years to come and it will eat away at you slowly as you wonder 'what if..'.

    Chances are she's not going to change track, but you need to confirm this by telling her and then explaining it's the reason you're going to start being more distant (or even cut off completely, which I think is probably better since you were/are so emotionally invested in her).

    I think there is a bit of malice on her part. She led you on and then started dating some other guy. Perhaps she is innocent of malice but she really toyed with your emotions here. I don't think most girls understand how emotional guys can get about them. I'm not saying you should hate her, but she is not an angel.

    Tell her and end this chapter in your life. Update us. Good luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My opinion is that you should tell her. If you don't, you will be thinking about this for months/years to come and it will eat away at you slowly as you wonder 'what if..'.

    Chances are she's not going to change track, but you need to confirm this by telling her and then explaining it's the reason you're going to start being more distant (or even cut off completely, which I think is probably better since you were/are so emotionally invested in her).

    I think there is a bit of malice on her part. She led you on and then started dating some other guy. Perhaps she is innocent of malice but she really toyed with your emotions here. I don't think most girls understand how emotional guys can get about them. I'm not saying you should hate her, but she is not an angel.

    Tell her and end this chapter in your life. Update us. Good luck
    I keep changing mindsets about this.

    I think what someone's said in this thread is true, if I tell her all it's really going to do is boost her ego even more. I just have to preserve myself and stop being so damn soppy.

    I'm going to go for drinks with her but I'm just going to act like I've been busy and try and keep things friendly I guess.

    I'll tell you guys what happens.
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    Having been in a similar position recently I would recommend telling her.

    I don't think it's fair for you to act like her friend when you are hoping for something more and trying to get with other girls in order to make her jealous is definitely not a good idea.

    Tell her the truth about why you have been distant recently; that you had developed feelings for her and you felt awkward because she had a new boyfriend. Emphasise that in your own mind you began as friends and didn't necessarily envisage wanting to be more than that, but your feelings have changed over time. Tell her that you are not putting her under pressure to make a decision either way, that you just want to be honest with her.

    If she is grateful for your honesty and still wants to be friends with you then that's great. If she falls out with you for your sincerity then that's good too and you can move on without any ambiguity or feelings of 'what if ?'

    It would be a lot worse if you let things drag on and she ended up sussing you out herself. Then she is more likely to feel decieved or that your friendship was built on false pretences.

    Good luck.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Woeful)
    I keep changing mindsets about this.

    I think what someone's said in this thread is true, if I tell her all it's really going to do is boost her ego even more. I just have to preserve myself and stop being so damn soppy.

    I'm going to go for drinks with her but I'm just going to act like I've been busy and try and keep things friendly I guess.

    I'll tell you guys what happens.
    I don't think the ego part is true at all. Your focus shouldn't even be on her. She's in a relationship and happy to keep you on a string, prolonging your anguish.

    I don't see any point in maintaining this friendship as an act when it's clearly not what you're after. I still highly advise being honest and then going for a clean break in contact. You can then move on.

    Up to you though
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    Well, when the opposite sex tells me they are in a rship, I take it as a NO, because it's simple. If they were interested in you, they would have either made a move or made it very obvious. She has done neither.
    I don't think she will reciprocate your feelings if you tell her.

    That been said, you sound quite tortured by your feelings, so I would take some sort of action that would release it or gain closure...
    If you want to tell her, then tell her with no expectations of a good outcome i.e.she will fancy me back, but rather to be just open, release and move on.
    Less emphasis on her response and more about you and moving forward with your life.
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    (Original post by Woeful)
    That's harder on me though, screw that.

    It's hard enough when I sub consciously compare every girl I meet to her and find it hard maintaining interest in any of them. I need to sort myself out man.
    (Original post by artful_lounger)
    Is there a reason you can't just treat her as a human being and remain friends with her and accept and respect her relationship with someone else...
    (Original post by DaenerysT)
    Don't tell her. A guy has recently put me in this position knowing full well I have a boyfriend. It hurts because it confuses me as to whether I have feelings for him or whether it's nothing. She may end up resenting you for making her feel conflicted. I know it's going to suck so much, and I know it's going to hurt but if I were you I'd try and move on. It's only fair to the both of you and her boyfriend.
    I think you should tell her maybe she will come back to you
 
 
 
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