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Is it wrong to admit feelings to a girl if she's in a relationship? watch

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    You had so much time to make it official and tell her how you felt. You waited and paid the price, despite already being close.
    Tell her how you feel, if it is mutual, she will leave her bf for you and that is cool- since it is her choice. Maybe she thinks your not interested since never really asked her out.
    Tell her. If she isn't into you. Walk away and phase her out of your life and move on. Atleast you have closure and you can move on and find someone else. Maybe she will come back to you. In which case you hit your jackpot (by wrecking her relationship- but that doesnt matter tbh; she prefers you)

    If you get feelings for someone and try to stay just friends- it NEVER works out well. It's depressing seeing someone you want with someone else by the sound of it, and makes it harder to move on.

    If she chooses to stay with her bf, you need to choose yourself, cut her out and move on. Simple as tbh.
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by Woeful)
    I kinda want to keep her in my life though. We promised not to stop talking to each other if we ended up in a relationship way way back.

    I think I have two options: either cut her out completely and regret it for ever or tell her how I feel so at least I have it off my chest and we can hopefully stay friends from a distance.
    Not gonna lie, but I don't think you really need to cut her off completely. She clearly means something to you and if you cut her off out then there will be a gap in your life. The fact that she messaged you and said that she missed you also shows that you do mean something to her as well. However if y'all made that promise to each other about "not to stop talking to each other if you end up in a relationship" and you did, then dude, you low key broke that promise. Don't stop talking to her cause she's in a relationship. If the relationship doesn't work out and you're still there for her as a friend then at least she'll know that you're someone who won't just leave when things don't go your way or when the road gets kinda rough. To be honest, mostly all girls like someone where they know that they won't go running off then "things get too hard" for them or the next person.
    BASCALLY, don't tell her about yo feelings, and be there as her friend
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Not gonna lie, but I don't think you really need to cut her off completely. She clearly means something to you and if you cut her off out then there will be a gap in your life. The fact that she messaged you and said that she missed you also shows that you do mean something to her as well. However if y'all made that promise to each other about "not to stop talking to each other if you end up in a relationship" and you did, then dude, you low key broke that promise. Don't stop talking to her cause she's in a relationship. If the relationship doesn't work out and you're still there for her as a friend then at least she'll know that you're someone who won't just leave when things don't go your way or when the road gets kinda rough. To be honest, mostly all girls like someone where they know that they won't go running off then "things get too hard" for them or the next person.
    BASCALLY, don't tell her about yo feelings, and be there as her friend
    So I'm meant to practically be a cuckold and watch while she screws someone else ?

    Realised how pathetic I've been tbh of course a girl will like it if they can have someone bend over backwards for them and not expect anything in return. All she really misses is the attention she used to get from me.

    Still going to remain friends with her but at a distance.
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by Woeful)
    So I'm meant to practically be a cuckold and watch while she screws someone else ?

    Realised how pathetic I've been tbh of course a girl will like it if they can have someone bend over backwards for them and not expect anything in return. All she really misses is the attention she used to get from me.

    Still going to remain friends with her but at a distance.
    Nahh you don't have to be a cuckold, which i'm pretty sure you are not seeing as you aren't her husband or boyfriend while she's gone off with someone else and you're not having a sexual relationship with her right now.

    Welpp, girls do like that but I feel like it has to be a two way thing rather than one way because if only the one person is doing all they can for the next person, making the effort and still not getting anything in return for it, if it carries on for a good while then tbh you're kinda getting used because of your kindness and how much you care and that shouldn't be happening in any sort of relationship. Also, if she just misses the attention she used to get from you then ngl, that doesn't sound like a healthy friendship.

    But you do what you is best for you though, love can twist you around in many directions so you gotta be careful and think about whether any of this will benefit or disadvantage you in the future.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Woeful)
    I'll tell you guys what happens.
    Hey.. what happened?
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    (Original post by Woeful)
    So last year me and this girl ended up getting proper close towards the end of my last year in uni. She'd previously gone out with a guy I knew and he was an acquaintance so she was kinda off limits but I was ok with that as I was only interested in being friends anyway.

    During the year we got REAL close, I mean we didn't have sex but aside from that we were practically in a relationship, we would see each other every other day and constantly take each other out for "dates" like we would take each other out for drinks, restaurants, films and hang around town etc practically everything a couple does.

    Everyone thought we were dating. She's introduced me to numerous members of her family, even invited me to her graduation with her mum when she only had two guest passes. I got to know her better than I'd ever known anyone in my life, told her stuff I'd never told anyone. She's literally the only girl who's ever understood me as a person and actually liked me for who I am.

    Near the end of the year she tells me she has some news and there's a guy she's started seeing and my heart kinda sunk. I think there's was an unspoken thing with us that eventually we'd both end up in relationships but still be friends throughout - but I didn't anticipate getting feels.

    Fast forward a few months they're offficialy boyfriend and girlfriend.

    She invited me up in September for a party and things have definitely changed, we're not like we used to be. I spent most of the party trying to avoid talking to her. She asks me If something's up and I tell her I'm tired.

    Anyway since the party I've just avoided contacting her like I used to as I accept the only way I'm gonna be able to get over her is by distancing myself. So for four weeks I refuse to message/call her.

    Today she sends me a message asking how I'm doing and how much she misses me and that she wants to go for drinks, coincidentally I was going to be going up to uni to see some friends for a few days. (She's doing a post grad and I've graduated btw).

    I'm thinking to tell her that I realised I had feelings for her and accept that our friendship isn't going to be the same now. Think it's the only way I can move forward you understand ? It's not even like I want to split her and her boyfriend up, I want her to be happy. But my feelings are kinda eating me up inside.
    Jim Halpert is that you??! Jokes aside you can tell her but I doubt anything will change based on the now. My advice is you should move on there is nothing you can do or I don't know maybe by telling her she could realize how important you are to her. But for anything that happens hope both of you are happy
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    (Original post by Woeful)
    So last year me and this girl ended up getting proper close towards the end of my last year in uni. She'd previously gone out with a guy I knew and he was an acquaintance so she was kinda off limits but I was ok with that as I was only interested in being friends anyway.

    During the year we got REAL close, I mean we didn't have sex but aside from that we were practically in a relationship, we would see each other every other day and constantly take each other out for "dates" like we would take each other out for drinks, restaurants, films and hang around town etc practically everything a couple does.

    Everyone thought we were dating. She's introduced me to numerous members of her family, even invited me to her graduation with her mum when she only had two guest passes. I got to know her better than I'd ever known anyone in my life, told her stuff I'd never told anyone. She's literally the only girl who's ever understood me as a person and actually liked me for who I am.

    Near the end of the year she tells me she has some news and there's a guy she's started seeing and my heart kinda sunk. I think there's was an unspoken thing with us that eventually we'd both end up in relationships but still be friends throughout - but I didn't anticipate getting feels.

    Fast forward a few months they're offficialy boyfriend and girlfriend.

    She invited me up in September for a party and things have definitely changed, we're not like we used to be. I spent most of the party trying to avoid talking to her. She asks me If something's up and I tell her I'm tired.

    Anyway since the party I've just avoided contacting her like I used to as I accept the only way I'm gonna be able to get over her is by distancing myself. So for four weeks I refuse to message/call her.

    Today she sends me a message asking how I'm doing and how much she misses me and that she wants to go for drinks, coincidentally I was going to be going up to uni to see some friends for a few days. (She's doing a post grad and I've graduated btw).

    I'm thinking to tell her that I realised I had feelings for her and accept that our friendship isn't going to be the same now. Think it's the only way I can move forward you understand ? It's not even like I want to split her and her boyfriend up, I want her to be happy. But my feelings are kinda eating me up inside.
    I think your idea is quite honest. You guys were good friends and it would be good for both of you to know the honest reason for the end of your friendship. You would be able to look back without regrets, and she wouldn't be left wondering and more hurt.
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    It’s not fair on her and it will only make your friendship worse for now. Don’t put her in an awkward situation!
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    I would tell her how you feel and explain you need some distance at the moment - she should respect that. Or, she will realise how important you are to her and dump her boyfriend... who knows!
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    • #6
    #6

    Ok guys, so in the time that has passed a few major changes have occurred, the next post of mine is going to be quite lengthy as I need to give it justice.
    • #6
    #6

    I went to visit my friends again and spent a few days there and on the last day I asked her if she was around and she met me and our friendship group in town. We wandered through town and there were quite a few of us so her and I didn't get to properly converse as we was having conversations with the whole group. Near the end I did start talking to her about the fact that we've grown apart and that we wouldn't always be as close as we once were and she got quite shocked about it and tried to say it was only because of the distance and because I'm not active on social media and I tried to state some truths to her but she ignored me and called her boyfriend to meet us.

    a few days following that I messaged her telling her that I didn't mean to say we wouldn't be friends anymore simply that i acknowledged that we wouldn't always be as close but I still want her to stay in my future and she said that she understands but hopes we both still keep up effort and that she misses going for drinks with me and having proper conversation and how she was annoyed we couldn't have had a proper one on one conversation in that time I came to visit.

    So that was in mid October and for the remainder of October and November we don't talk, which was fine by me as it seemed it was clear that she was going places with her boyfriend and I finally accepted that. I spent a lot of time working on myself and learned to cope without the intimacy we had and I was finally in a good place but then as if by clockwork she sended me a message a few days after Christmas wishing me a merry xmas, wishing my well, and telling me I better be free as she was passing through my town.

    I told her it was unlikely as my schedule was very busy this month, but I'm coming up to your town next month so we can get food or something. She said that'd be great and randomly changes up the conversation mentioning that she was going to see her boyfriend that day, and she was unsure how it was going to go as things were going rocky. I told her that was a shame and she should just follow her heart and do what feels right. Messages me a few hours later that they broke up. Spills all the details about the **** that went wrong, his reasoning etc I told her if he really wanted her he wouldn't have let he go. She starts mentioning how much fun we used to have on dates, how much she misses me, can we just go on dates. Bla bla

    Truth is, I've got over her, like don't get me wrong I'm definitely still attracted to her and think fondly of her but I've come to accept if she got with that guy while our friendship was starting to resemble something else I can't have really satisfied her needs and I likely never will.

    I'm going to see her for dinner and drinks in January which will be the first time we've had a proper one on one since she got with her boyfriend. This is my time to tell her everything that's been piling up in my head and I plan on telling her that we aren't going to go back to how we were before because it was hard on me when she got in a relationship.

    TLDR: Lots of time passed, the girls relationship went to **** and now all of a sudden she wants to act all friendly again but I'm not going not to be the guy to pick up the pieces again and plan on telling her I can't be as close to her as I developed feelings.
    • #6
    #6

    The above posts are mine
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I went to visit my friends again and spent a few days there and on the last day I asked her if she was around and she met me and our friendship group in town. We wandered through town and there were quite a few of us so her and I didn't get to properly converse as we was having conversations with the whole group. Near the end I did start talking to her about the fact that we've grown apart and that we wouldn't always be as close as we once were and she got quite shocked about it and tried to say it was only because of the distance and because I'm not active on social media and I tried to state some truths to her but she ignored me and called her boyfriend to meet us.

    a few days following that I messaged her telling her that I didn't mean to say we wouldn't be friends anymore simply that i acknowledged that we wouldn't always be as close but I still want her to stay in my future and she said that she understands but hopes we both still keep up effort and that she misses going for drinks with me and having proper conversation and how she was annoyed we couldn't have had a proper one on one conversation in that time I came to visit.

    So that was in mid October and for the remainder of October and November we don't talk, which was fine by me as it seemed it was clear that she was going places with her boyfriend and I finally accepted that. I spent a lot of time working on myself and learned to cope without the intimacy we had and I was finally in a good place but then as if by clockwork she sended me a message a few days after Christmas wishing me a merry xmas, wishing my well, and telling me I better be free as she was passing through my town.

    I told her it was unlikely as my schedule was very busy this month, but I'm coming up to your town next month so we can get food or something. She said that'd be great and randomly changes up the conversation mentioning that she was going to see her boyfriend that day, and she was unsure how it was going to go as things were going rocky. I told her that was a shame and she should just follow her heart and do what feels right. Messages me a few hours later that they broke up. Spills all the details about the **** that went wrong, his reasoning etc I told her if he really wanted her he wouldn't have let he go. She starts mentioning how much fun we used to have on dates, how much she misses me, can we just go on dates. Bla bla

    Truth is, I've got over her, like don't get me wrong I'm definitely still attracted to her and think fondly of her but I've come to accept if she got with that guy while our friendship was starting to resemble something else I can't have really satisfied her needs and I likely never will.

    I'm going to see her for dinner and drinks in January which will be the first time we've had a proper one on one since she got with her boyfriend. This is my time to tell her everything that's been piling up in my head and I plan on telling her that we aren't going to go back to how we were before because it was hard on me when she got in a relationship.

    TLDR: Lots of time passed, the girls relationship went to **** and now all of a sudden she wants to act all friendly again but I'm not going not to be the guy to pick up the pieces again and plan on telling her I can't be as close to her as I developed feelings.
    Wow, how things can change so quickly over time!

    Thanks for the detailed update, definitely keep us informed how things progress if you want, I noticed you posted anon so perhaps don't want to keep being reminded of this thread, which is fine

    I totally understand your reasoning. Anyway see how it goes in Jan. All the best
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The above posts are mine
    I think it's good that you have got over her. As someone who has been in a similar situation I don't know why she kept you in her life. Whether it was for her ego, attention or maybe she did still like you. But either way you're right that she still chose him over you and you shouldn't be willing to be sloppy seconds, it took me a while to realise that. Maybe now she's broke up she just wants someone else to give her attention to take her mind off the break up. But that shouldn't be you.

    But I don't think you should tell her your feelings. You've got over her, there's no need to say that, it might bring doubt back into your mind about what you're doing. She'll be going through what you went through in that you've got over her and don't need her attention, whereas she now wants yours. And you never know, you may keep some kind of contact and maybe down the line you'll meet again both having fresh minds.
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    I love it when an OP returns to conclude the story :daydreaming:

    I would tell her what happened, that you got feelings and distanced yourself and you're reluctant to go there again after being hurt, plus you're pretty much over her now anyway.
 
 
 
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