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    (Original post by Anonymous7901)
    Hi so some time ago I posted with a question that my parents didn't want me to go uni and I wanted but if i did they'd disown me well I've decided to finally quit uni and stay with my parents well because fear of loneliness got the best of me and also they've quite scared me by saying I'll be alone in the future and rot here and there but then I'll be alone with no-one by my side
    You need to swim or sink the choice is yours you know what to do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous7901)
    Hi so some time ago I posted with a question that my parents didn't want me to go uni and I wanted but if i did they'd disown me well I've decided to finally quit uni and stay with my parents well because fear of loneliness got the best of me and also they've quite scared me by saying I'll be alone in the future and rot here and there but then I'll be alone with no-one by my side
    It is sad that everyone has jumped on here and criticised you. I can understand where you are coming from in terms of fear of loneliness and that is probably due to being dependent on them your whole life. Being in uni is not easy, and you need external support to survive it ( emotional, financial ) and without your parents it will probably be hard, but these are challenges you can over come if your dream is that important to you.
    I agree with the others that it is selfish of your parents to ask this of you, but maybe there is a reason. Have you ever had a one to one with them to figure out what their reservations about uni are? eg: afraid of your safety, or maybe one of them is ill but they don't want to say..? Are they lonely without you ( are you an only child ?
    Also, what exactly do they expect you to do while not in uni? work for the family business, live off them? These are all things that have not been explained in your post. Also you didn't say what you were studying, or where. you may find that their problem with uni is simply that you are too far away from them, and they my prefer if you stay in London ( assuming that is where they are based and that is where you currently live ).

    Also don't you have any friends, siblings,or extended family members that you can talk to? They can be your support system while in uni. It seems as though from your post you lack support from anyone but them, which is dangerous. This is something you can try and develop and grow ( support system ) during a gap year.

    PS- during a gap year and think about things and make a decision, save money, get a job. Next year you can reapply and this time you will know what you are doing. Don't let them manipulate you, but also don't underestimate the toughness of not having your family.. even if it is for 3 years.
    ( It is likely that they are bluffing and just want to control you. Once you stick it out for a year or so, and show your determination to stay in uni, they may stop this.)
    good luck with everything
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    (Original post by Poooky)
    I remember your thread. Are you still going along wit that arranged marriage to that guy you don't like?
    It was done already sigh
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    (Original post by pfdavina)
    It is sad that everyone has jumped on here and criticised you. I can understand where you are coming from in terms of fear of loneliness and that is probably due to being dependent on them your whole life. Being in uni is not easy, and you need external support to survive it ( emotional, financial ) and without your parents it will probably be hard, but these are challenges you can over come if your dream is that important to you.
    I agree with the others that it is selfish of your parents to ask this of you, but maybe there is a reason. Have you ever had a one to one with them to figure out what their reservations about uni are? eg: afraid of your safety, or maybe one of them is ill but they don't want to say..? Are they lonely without you ( are you an only child ?
    Also, what exactly do they expect you to do while not in uni? work for the family business, live off them? These are all things that have not been explained in your post. Also you didn't say what you were studying, or where. you may find that their problem with uni is simply that you are too far away from them, and they my prefer if you stay in London ( assuming that is where they are based and that is where you currently live ).

    Also don't you have any friends, siblings,or extended family members that you can talk to? They can be your support system while in uni. It seems as though from your post you lack support from anyone but them, which is dangerous. This is something you can try and develop and grow ( support system ) during a gap year.

    PS- during a gap year and think about things and make a decision, save money, get a job. Next year you can reapply and this time you will know what you are doing. Don't let them manipulate you, but also don't underestimate the toughness of not having your family.. even if it is for 3 years.
    ( It is likely that they are bluffing and just want to control you. Once you stick it out for a year or so, and show your determination to stay in uni, they may stop this.)
    good luck with everything

    -I was going to do law
    -No their reason for not allowing me isn't any of the above rather it's because the Asian community frowns upon girls living out if the house
    -ive tried reasoning many times but the answer remains no;they've agreed to send me to a local uni but it's too late for that now
    -ye they expect me to stay home and live off them
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    One day your parents will cry when they find that their daughter is rotting because they snatched her independence
    (Original post by Anonymous7901)
    Hi so some time ago I posted with a question that my parents didn't want me to go uni and I wanted but if i did they'd disown me well I've decided to finally quit uni and stay with my parents well because fear of loneliness got the best of me and also they've quite scared me by saying I'll be alone in the future and rot here and there but then I'll be alone with no-one by my side
    • #9
    #9

    I thought in our culture, the kids who stick with mum and dad are the useless ones who couldn't make anything of themselves... It's fine if you want to chose family over your own life but the fact that you made this post suggests that you regret it. When your parents die, what are you going to do??
    • #10
    #10

    Just saying all Asian parents aren't like this. The first person I came out to outside my white friends who were ***** about it was my dad, who had an arranged marriage. Genuinely didn't treat me differently at all, dealt with it beautifully. He's a touch autistic he really didn't care, he said it wasn't important for him, told me 'rising' ( not falling) in love was always a good thing. My family are quite liberal though, though traditional in other ways ( good grades!)

    OP, I am so sorry that you can't be educated because of your parents. Girls should be educated obviously! For years now we've known you're equal members of society. I feel so strongly that you should go out follow your dreams and grab the opportunities you deserve! I feel they're stripping you of your independence and power. If you aren't supposed to live outside the home, then you can't ever earn or be financially independent.

    In this situation I'd advise you to be brave. I know it must feel like no one is recognising the sacrifice you've made and how unfair it is, but know that I'm thinking about you with a knot in my stomach. You don't need to go to university now, you can go in a year or two. But if you want to go then go, and use your brain. You're in a really tough spot, well done for tolerating it!
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    What kind of sick parents don't want their child to go to uni? My entire family was over the moon because I was the first in the family. What the are doing is abusive, get out of there now.
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    (Original post by Epitype)
    I know this is going to sound weird,
    It does not sound weird. It sounds normal.
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    Based upon normal demographics, by the time you are 40 or 50, your parents will be dead (or nearly so), you will have few salable skills, probably be unable to support yourself, if you are single, and be unable to support yourself and your children if you have produced any over the 20 or 30 years since you dropped out of uni. The divorce rate in western society is slightly over 50%, and the woman nearly always ends up with the kids - particularly if they are small. She is then faced with having to earn a living, whilst supporting one or more kids. Even in the west, many women say: "Oh! I'm going to get married, my husband will work, and i'll stay home & take care of the kids. Based on divorce rates, this has less than a 50% chance of working. Even if it does, your hubby can be laid off, injured in a workplace accident, or killed. This has the same effect upon you and the kids as a divorce. Insurance [any policy you can afford the premiums of] cannot provide enough dosh to raise and educate even one kid, much less 2 or more. I have assumed in all of this that you are not independently wealthy, like the founder of Sony, a Kennedy, Carnegie, Mellon, or any of those kind of people. If you fall into this category [independently wealthy], please just ignore this rant. Otherwise, consider that if two people are married, and each makes about £40,000 to £70,000, and ONE loses their job, they can still survive. Similarly, if they divorce, and the wife has to support herself and her kids on the lower of those two amounts, i would think that even in the Uk, she could survive with a little belt tightening. At half that amount, i don''t think she could - without ending up on 'benefits'. Perhaps, you don't plan on marrying and having a family. Ok how will you support yourself when you get to 60 or 70 years of age, with no savings, and practically no retirement benefits?? Best of luck... Cheers.
 
 
 
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