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Do you think that I have no friends? With ADDED QUESTION Watch

  • View Poll Results: Do you think that these people are my friends?
    Person 1 is my friend but Person 2 isn't.
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    Person 2 is my friend but Person 1 isn't.
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    Both people are my friends.
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    Neither person is my friend.
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    17.39%

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    Moderators, if possible , please keep this in Chat so I can get more responses.

    I recently got some messages on social media from some people who I knew from a few years ago. I have Aspergers and struggle a lot to interpret messages like thie because of the effects of this on me I also tend to overanalyse messages and most of the time reach the wrong conclusions.

    Please can I have some advise as to whether you think these people are my friends or not?

    The first message from Person 1 said:

    'First of all you need to chill. You are not a retard. The dictionary definition does not apply to you because you are social and you know how to interact with people. Only you can change your loneliness. Throw caution to the wind. Join a club/society. Ignore those who insult you - you have dealt with worse at school. If you think you have no friends then you are wrong. Look up the definition of friend in a dictionary and apply it to people you know. It's not all about uni work. You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way.'

    I think that the 'You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way' suggests that this person doesn't consider me as a friend as 'friends will come your way' implies that they think that I have none, including them.

    and the second message from Person 2 said: 'Just because you don't always talk to friends doesn't mean they aren't always there for you. Also, please never assume a person doesn't care about you just because they haven't told you so... I hope today has made you realise how many friends you have '.


    I haven't saw either of these people for quite a long time now, although the messages are both fairly recent. I have them both on Facebook and we are in touch quite infrequently. Do you think that the people who sent me these messages are my friends? In particular, what is the significance of the ellipsis in the second message? Also, in the first message, I haven't saw this person for a few years now, so how can they so confidently say 'if you think you have no friends then you are wrong'?
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    Surely you'd know if they were friends or not
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    (Original post by Goeke)
    Surely you'd know if they were friends or not
    I have no idea, as my Aspergers has largely blinded my social abilities.
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    I think that the 'You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way' suggests that this person doesn't consider me as a friend as 'friends will come your way' implies that they think that I have none, including them.
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    Thank you all for your responses. For those that voted on the Poll for the Person 1 isn't, Person 2 is - why? How to they differ in terms of their responses? Why do you think that Person 1 isn't my friend whereas Person 2 is?
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    (Original post by Tomm98)
    Moderators, if possible , please keep this in Chat so I can get more responses.

    I recently got some messages on social media from some people who I knew from a few years ago. I have Aspergers and struggle a lot to interpret messages like thie because of the effects of this on me I also tend to overanalyse messages and most of the time reach the wrong conclusions.

    Please can I have some advise as to whether you think these people are my friends or not?

    The first message from Person 1 said:

    'First of all you need to chill. You are not a retard. The dictionary definition does not apply to you because you are social and you know how to interact with people. Only you can change your loneliness. Throw caution to the wind. Join a club/society. Ignore those who insult you - you have dealt with worse at school. If you think you have no friends then you are wrong. Look up the definition of friend in a dictionary and apply it to people you know. It's not all about uni work. You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way.'

    I think that the 'You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way' suggests that this person doesn't consider me as a friend as 'friends will come your way' implies that they think that I have none, including them.

    and the second message from Person 2 said: 'Just because you don't always talk to friends doesn't mean they aren't always there for you. Also, please never assume a person doesn't care about you just because they haven't told you so... I hope today has made you realise how many friends you have '.


    I haven't saw either of these people for quite a long time now, although the messages are both fairly recent. I have them both on Facebook and we are in touch quite infrequently. Do you think that the people who sent me these messages are my friends? In particular, what is the significance of the ellipsis in the second message? Also, in the first message, I haven't saw this person for a few years now, so how can they so confidently say 'if you think you have no friends then you are wrong'?
    The answer is simple. And easy to find. You can find it.

    Look through your friends list and see if you can find these people on there. If you can't find them, they're definitely not your friends.

    Hope that helped.
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    I'll be your friend.
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    (Original post by Tomm98)
    Moderators, if possible , please keep this in Chat so I can get more responses.

    I recently got some messages on social media from some people who I knew from a few years ago. I have Aspergers and struggle a lot to interpret messages like thie because of the effects of this on me I also tend to overanalyse messages and most of the time reach the wrong conclusions.

    Please can I have some advise as to whether you think these people are my friends or not?

    The first message from Person 1 said:

    'First of all you need to chill. You are not a retard. The dictionary definition does not apply to you because you are social and you know how to interact with people. Only you can change your loneliness. Throw caution to the wind. Join a club/society. Ignore those who insult you - you have dealt with worse at school. If you think you have no friends then you are wrong. Look up the definition of friend in a dictionary and apply it to people you know. It's not all about uni work. You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way.'

    I think that the 'You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way' suggests that this person doesn't consider me as a friend as 'friends will come your way' implies that they think that I have none, including them.

    and the second message from Person 2 said: 'Just because you don't always talk to friends doesn't mean they aren't always there for you. Also, please never assume a person doesn't care about you just because they haven't told you so... I hope today has made you realise how many friends you have '.


    I haven't saw either of these people for quite a long time now, although the messages are both fairly recent. I have them both on Facebook and we are in touch quite infrequently. Do you think that the people who sent me these messages are my friends? In particular, what is the significance of the ellipsis in the second message? Also, in the first message, I haven't saw this person for a few years now, so how can they so confidently say 'if you think you have no friends then you are wrong'?
    Hi Tomm,

    I think that Person 1 cares about you, and is therefore giving you advice to better improve your life, but it doesn't seem like they are a very close friend of yours, because if they were, they would probably have said something like "don't forget, you have me" or "I'll always be your friend".

    I think Person 2 is your friend and really cares about you. They are very encouraging and subtly hint that they are your friend, even if they don't explicitly say so. I don't think the ellipsis is very significant- it just signifies a pause, in my opinion.

    So in conclusion, I think you definitely have two people that care about you very much, especially Person 2.

    Have a good day!
    Anna xx
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    (Original post by Dekuyper)
    The answer is simple. And easy to find. You can find it.

    Look through your friends list and see if you can find these people on there. If you can't find them, they're definitely not your friends.

    Hope that helped.
    Hi, @Dekuyper ,

    Facebook is the worst for me - yeah, they're both on there (along with c.500 'friends') but I know that not everyone on Facebook is a 'friend' -- It should be called 'contacts'! What's the difference between a Facebook friend and a real life friend?
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    (Original post by AnnaBanana2000)
    Hi Tomm,

    I think that Person 1 cares about you, and is therefore giving you advice to better improve your life, but it doesn't seem like they are a very close friend of yours, because if they were, they would probably have said something like "don't forget, you have me" or "I'll always be your friend".

    I think Person 2 is your friend and really cares about you. They are very encouraging and subtly hint that they are your friend, even if they don't explicitly say so. I don't think the ellipsis is very significant- it just signifies a pause, in my opinion.

    So in conclusion, I think you definitely have two people that care about you very much, especially Person 2.

    Have a good day!
    Anna xx
    Hi Anna,

    Thank you so much - this has really helped me!

    I just have a question as one small thing confuses me - how can you be cared about someone by someone like Person 1 but they don't consider you a friend? What's the difference between caring about someone and considering them a friend?

    A bit of context behind what Person 1 said is they first contacted me asking how my course was going. I was feeling a bit lonely/stressed when I replied (I really shouldn't have replied like this, but I was suffering from a few things!..) saying that I had no friends and was lonely - quiet a few times as I had a lot of academic pressure on me!

    Tomm
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    Hey!
    I really easy way to find out would be just to ask them both Say something like 'Would you consider us to be friends?'
    Job done!
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    (Original post by Angus CSPhy)
    Hey!
    I really easy way to find out would be just to ask them both Say something like 'Would you consider us to be friends?'
    Job done!
    Hi @Angus CSPhy ,

    That's a really good idea - I really would do it, only I get so shy asking any type of question like that - especially so to the people themselves! I'm not good at judging these types of things (hence my thread!) and worry that they'd be angry at me if I asked them. Can't explain why - I just get so anxious about everything.

    Posting here just gives me the chance to ask a question that I feel too nervous to my Asperger's to ask and gives me the change to get a good range of perspectives!
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    Generally speaking, how does one spot their true friends?
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    (Original post by Tomm98)
    Generally speaking, how does one spot their true friends?
    extremely rare to come by but true friends for me understand me and don't mind helping me in any reasonable situation i need them in. Along with a host of multiple other qualities it's not the easiest thing to define a true friend, what it really is i think is that what suits you. Each person has their own perfect idea of a friend
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    (Original post by will'o'wisp2)
    extremely rare to come by but true friends for me understand me and don't mind helping me in any reasonable situation i need them in. Along with a host of multiple other qualities it's not the easiest thing to define a true friend, what it really is i think is that what suits you. Each person has their own perfect idea of a friend
    Suppose if I had someone who I wanted to speak to, even if we haven't spoken for a few months prior.

    I ask 'Please can I talk to you' and they get back pretty much straight away with 'of course,...' - do you think that I have a good friend in this person?
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    Suppose if I had someone who I wanted to speak to, even if we haven't spoken for a few months prior.

    I ask 'Please can I talk to you' and they get back pretty much straight away with 'of course,...' - do you think that I have a good friend in this person?
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    (Original post by Tomm98)
    Suppose if I had someone who I wanted to speak to, even if we haven't spoken for a few months prior.

    I ask 'Please can I talk to you' and they get back pretty much straight away with 'of course,...' - do you think that I have a good friend in this person?
    just like how true friends have multiple qualities, you can judge if you have a good friend simply if they reply.

    you gotta get to know them in person and hang around them to learn more about them, generally ppl show their true selves after a while.

    There is a limit to how much of a friend a person can be when chatting to them through any electronic means. There's only so much you can know about them, you don't know their appearance, hygiene, how the act etc so there's only so much you can know

    I'd say it's a good start but you gotta look out for more of those qualities of a friend that you look for in a person.
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    (Original post by will'o'wisp2)
    just like how true friends have multiple qualities, you can judge if you have a good friend simply if they reply.

    you gotta get to know them in person and hang around them to learn more about them, generally ppl show their true selves after a while.

    There is a limit to how much of a friend a person can be when chatting to them through any electronic means. There's only so much you can know about them, you don't know their appearance, hygiene, how the act etc so there's only so much you can know

    I'd say it's a good start but you gotta look out for more of those qualities of a friend that you look for in a person.
    Thanks!

    Yeah, Facebook really confuses me - sometimes I send out messages and don't receive a reply. I then get all upset thinking that they hate me. Perhaps a few weeks or even a couple of months later they'd get back to me just to say they were so busy when I messaged them etc.

    On the scale of things, would you say that people who do this are friends?

    I guess the fact that they did eventually reply (even a few months after I messaged them) and the fact that they were honest about the delay placed them well above someone who wouldn't reply at all. However, do you think the fact that they took so long in replying overall suggests that they don't really see me as a friend? Do people generally not reply on Facebook because they are too busy at the time? What would you think of someone who got back to me a few months later saying 'sorry I haven't been in touch...' and just explains that they have been busy? Would they be a friend?
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    Facebook really confuses me - sometimes I send out messages and don't receive a reply. I then get all upset thinking that they hate me. Perhaps a few weeks or even a couple of months later they'd get back to me just to say they were so busy when I messaged them etc.

    On the scale of things, would you say that people who do this are friends? I guess the fact that they did eventually reply (even a few months after I messaged them) and the fact that they were honest about the delay placed them well above someone who wouldn't reply at all. However, do you think the fact that they took so long in replying overall suggests that they don't really see me as a friend?

    Do people generally not reply on Facebook because they are too busy at the time? What would you think of someone who got back to me a few months later saying 'sorry I haven't been in touch...' and just explains that they have been busy? Would they be a friend?
 
 
 
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