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Was I wrong to get angry at my friend? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    It's a long, complicated story and we both have a large role to play.

    I've known a guy for almost 2 years, we're both mid-20s. There was always a lot of attraction on both sides, and we ended up being FWB.

    He had been single for a couple of years and has now been single for 4 years in total. He's told me that in this time he hasn't had feelings for any girl whatsoever and is no longer able to get attached.

    I wanted more at one point and knew he didn't (also because he was moving abroad) so the FWB ended.

    I always kept him in my life as a friend and we said so many times that the FWB was over but then after a month or so he would try to initiate again telling me he'd been looking at pictures of me, I had a hot body, he'd been thinking about me etc.

    I decided to go along with it again because I wasn't interested either in having an LDR; I knew he wasn't looking for any commitment and I was very attracted to him and wanted to do that with him and I knew we wouldn't see each other often.

    Once I went to see him after having spent months flirting online. He had been asking me for naked pictures, videos etc. and I did. Then I went to see him and he was acting strange; then told me nothing should happen between us as he didn't want me to get attached. He also kept me waiting for a couple of hours and made excuses about the bus etc.

    I decided to forget him and move on and then a few months later we spoke again. Once again the sexting began. I told him I was ok to do it but that I wanted to see him in person as well; that it wasn't just some online thing. (We live 3h apart now)

    He changed his mind 5-6 times about the whole thing. First of all, he was making excuses. I asked him if he was hesitating and he said yes. I told him that I was fine to be FWB and that I wasn't interested in an LDR either.

    He said ok, that as long as everything was clear between us. Then he carried on asking me to send him pics etc.

    Then he said to me once again that he didn't want me to leave disappointed that we weren't in a relationship. I assured him again that this would not be the case but that if he wanted we could just be friends and stop all this.

    But he asked me for more pictures and I asked him, are you 100% sure about us seeing each other then? Is it what you definitely want? And he said, yes, i'm sure.

    We were supposed to see each other in 2 weekends. I'd reserved my ticket as it was less expensive. He carried on the flirting online and then literally out of the blue ,told me that the photos etc .needed to stop; he needed to leave me alone and stop doing this to me. I needed to forget him etc. he needs to work on his issues.

    That would be perfectly reasonable had it not been about the 15th time he has done this in 2 years. Then a month later ,he will start again.

    I admit, I lost my temper, and I've never spoken to anybody that way before.I told him that he was a seriously messed-up individual, and asked how long it would be before he tried it on again.

    I told him that it was a blessing we weren't together or anything, as that meant I was free to find somebody much better. I just told him to stop messing with me; to stop picking me up and dropping me when it suited him and that he was an absolute ****, and to go and **** himself.

    Then I told him to go and find somebody he actually gave a damn about and that if he dared to ever try it on with me again that I would block him.

    he was very upset and apologetic. I could see that i'd really hurt him. He had told m he wanted us to be friends and to see each other as friends but I just cannot trust him not to try other things and mess with me again.

    However this morning I felt terrible for losing it like that. I messaged him to apologise; saying that he was right; and that I did not want to lose him as a friend; I'd known him a couple of years but that I was sick of all this. I apologised profusely for all that i'd said and said that it wasn't true. He hasn't replied and I don't know if he will; which is understandable.

    I feel like I massively overreacted and was extremely harsh on him. What do others think? However, in 2 years we clearly haven't been able to be friends without flirting or sexting etc. and I don't see why it will stop. I know we both need to move on and stop being in contact. At the same time, I think it is a shame as I do like him as a person and we did get on well as friends. Any advice? Thanks
    • #2
    #2

    You kept giving him what he wanted. Just be more resistant next time if you are still friends.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    You are right.... I just wish I'd been more mature about the situation and not lost my temper like that. I know I've hurt him with my words and wish I could take them back. I should have just walked away from the situation and I guess the friendship is tarnished now..
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    So this guy has treated you like trash for years, you finally called him out on it and then you backtracked and apologised?! Wow he really has you wrapped around his little finger. I would just block him on everything and move on, all he's doing is messing you around. Ofc he's going to keep asking you for pictures and sexting etc if you're always so readily available and willing to do what he wants, he's a man.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You are right.... I just wish I'd been more mature about the situation and not lost my temper like that. I know I've hurt him with my words and wish I could take them back. I should have just walked away from the situation and I guess the friendship is tarnished now..
    Feels like he's using you, leave now.
    • #3
    #3

    Please tell me why you apologised? This guy has been treating you like a dog and you say sorry? He should be the one apologising not you! Hes been using you this whole time open your eyes! I suggest you cut all contact with him and tell him your not sorry and tell him to get over himself and rot in hell. You need to know your worth girl. You are worth so much much more and you deserve someone that is gonna treat you with respect not someone that's gonna pick and drop you when ever they like.

    I suggest you take time out of relationships and find yourself and build yourself as a person and know your worth. Once your sure of what you want start dating. But please don't let these guys take advantage of you. Your much stronger than that xx
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    I don't think it was rude I would speak to someone like that if they were on and off with me to be honest, because I am not a thing that you can come back to when you're bored.
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    I don't think you should stay friends at all. You cannot be friends without the "benefits" it seems, you are just there when he needs you. Ok, you can like him as a person, but it doesn't mean you have to stay friends or talk to him. How can you expect to have a healthy relationship when it always comes back to you and him? Take some space for yourself and concentrate on you. Become your own person! If he cares for you, he will let you go.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for the replies I was also responsible; I should have told him no from the start. I thought the FWB would be ok as I knew the distance between us was far and I was attracted to him.

    I was just sick of him constantly changing his mind; trying to reply to me once every 4 days sometimes but when sex was involved replying much more quickly. Then he told me that we could meet but only if he came with one of his friends; we couldn't be alone together.

    He was always saying the photos etc. would stop and then it started again after 1 month .Again, I am largely responsible. I tried to meet someone else but it was just the same thing; he got what he wanted and then only saw me as a 'good friend'.

    It's true I need to work on my self-esteem but I am lonely and some days would really like someone. I will hopefully forget him finally
 
 
 
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