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Am I crazy to give up social housing in this circumstance? Watch

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    To explain the context.
    I grew up in an incredibly abusive and dysfunctional home due to my abusive father and complicit mother. It was directly primarily towards me - although he could sometimes also be abusive to my mum. It was primarily emotional and psychological, extreme control, rage, temper - but also physical - throwing and breaking things often, hitting me, preventing me from leaving the house etc.

    The abuse escalated as I got older to where I had completely lost all my self-esteem (not that I had much to begin with); I had no social skills and was completely xenophobic (essentially keeping me trapped in the abusers' home). I got out and got into a womans' refuge.

    The refuge (which I believe got defunded due to council cuts) was also pretty scary due to some of the other residents' and it wasn't well run. I was put on the social housing list and 8 months later I got my own place from a Housing Association.

    It is an AMAZING 1 bedroom flat. Huge - bigger than most peoples' actually houses. Beautiful. Greenery in every window and the river beside it. In a perfect location in the city. Quiet but a 10 minute walk to the town centre, 2 minute walk to supermarket. Very quiet neighbours. No crime, no hassle. It helped my mental health so much and I found a bar job where I was accepted and slowly built my confidence back.

    Now, the story should end here. But it doesn't. I am not a practical person and I don't find bar work comes naturally to me and despite the horror of my previous existence being over, I still had quite a bit of depression and much of it was related to the fact that although I found good people at my job - this kind of work doesn't suit me. My strength has always been academic. I actually got 6 A*s and 3 As at GCSE and 3 As at A-level (and this was whilst living under his roof).

    I'm in my late 20s and I couldn't see my life go just being a bar-tender forever. People who do not know my situation can't for the life of me understand whilst all the kids I work with go off to uni, I am still working in this bar and find it so strange.

    So I wanted to go back to university, but my city doesn't have one - only in the next big city (40 min train ride away with a further 20 minute walk on either side). I thought this would be OK. But I don't drive and the commute is very long.

    My rent is not huge but it's not cheap either so I couldn't rely on my loans and kept my job. In the first year this was a struggle and I handed in quite a lot of work late (although I did well academically, I almost didn't pass due to lateness) but it was just about do-able. In the second year it isn't.

    Moving to this city would make my life so much easier. I have been promised a student admin job at the university and with the lack of commute and lower rent I could even pay for driving lessons whilst I study and also learn for the career that I intend to pursue. It would also give me the ability to meet someone (I have always been single despite being attractive, mainly due to trust issues, but also due to struggling with my job to survive and the smallness of the town I ended up in).

    My problem is: it would require giving up this flat and my amazing social landlord - an incredibly housing association. Given the precariousness of my situation - this is so difficult. It's quite hard to relay this feeling - but when you don't have family to fall back on - you realise that in the future, housing and EVERYTHING in this country is going to get a lot tougher and harder to come by.

    This place is my safety in such an uncertain world. It's pretty much all I have. But it will also limit my life massively.

    I've found a room in a 3 bedroom property that is close to the university. It is cheap. I trust the landlady. She is a genuinely lovely human being and actually works for a charity that helps vulnerable people. She has also let me transfer some of my furniture. But I am well aware of what a huge gamble it is. Any thoughts?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To explain the context.
    I grew up in an incredibly abusive and dysfunctional home due to my abusive father and complicit mother. It was directly primarily towards me - although he could sometimes also be abusive to my mum. It was primarily emotional and psychological, extreme control, rage, temper - but also physical - throwing and breaking things often, hitting me, preventing me from leaving the house etc.

    The abuse escalated as I got older to where I had completely lost all my self-esteem (not that I had much to begin with); I had no social skills and was completely xenophobic (essentially keeping me trapped in the abusers' home). I got out and got into a womans' refuge.

    The refuge (which I believe got defunded due to council cuts) was also pretty scary due to some of the other residents' and it wasn't well run. I was put on the social housing list and 8 months later I got my own place from a Housing Association.

    It is an AMAZING 1 bedroom flat. Huge - bigger than most peoples' actually houses. Beautiful. Greenery in every window and the river beside it. In a perfect location in the city. Quiet but a 10 minute walk to the town centre, 2 minute walk to supermarket. Very quiet neighbours. No crime, no hassle. It helped my mental health so much and I found a bar job where I was accepted and slowly built my confidence back.

    Now, the story should end here. But it doesn't. I am not a practical person and I don't find bar work comes naturally to me and despite the horror of my previous existence being over, I still had quite a bit of depression and much of it was related to the fact that although I found good people at my job - this kind of work doesn't suit me. My strength has always been academic. I actually got 6 A*s and 3 As at GCSE and 3 As at A-level (and this was whilst living under his roof).

    I'm in my late 20s and I couldn't see my life go just being a bar-tender forever. People who do not know my situation can't for the life of me understand whilst all the kids I work with go off to uni, I am still working in this bar and find it so strange.

    So I wanted to go back to university, but my city doesn't have one - only in the next big city (40 min train ride away with a further 20 minute walk on either side). I thought this would be OK. But I don't drive and the commute is very long.

    My rent is not huge but it's not cheap either so I couldn't rely on my loans and kept my job. In the first year this was a struggle and I handed in quite a lot of work late (although I did well academically, I almost didn't pass due to lateness) but it was just about do-able. In the second year it isn't.

    Moving to this city would make my life so much easier. I have been promised a student admin job at the university and with the lack of commute and lower rent I could even pay for driving lessons whilst I study and also learn for the career that I intend to pursue. It would also give me the ability to meet someone (I have always been single despite being attractive, mainly due to trust issues, but also due to struggling with my job to survive and the smallness of the town I ended up in).

    My problem is: it would require giving up this flat and my amazing social landlord - an incredibly housing association. Given the precariousness of my situation - this is so difficult. It's quite hard to relay this feeling - but when you don't have family to fall back on - you realise that in the future, housing and EVERYTHING in this country is going to get a lot tougher and harder to come by.

    This place is my safety in such an uncertain world. It's pretty much all I have. But it will also limit my life massively.

    I've found a room in a 3 bedroom property that is close to the university. It is cheap. I trust the landlady. She is a genuinely lovely human being and actually works for a charity that helps vulnerable people. She has also let me transfer some of my furniture. But I am well aware of what a huge gamble it is. Any thoughts?
    I think that moving to near the university could massively benefit your future, whereas if you stay where you are you would struggle to finish your degree with as good a grade.
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    I commute, but if you want to move closer to the university. You should. You can also start taking driving lessons.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To explain the context.
    I grew up in an incredibly abusive and dysfunctional home due to my abusive father and complicit mother. It was directly primarily towards me - although he could sometimes also be abusive to my mum. It was primarily emotional and psychological, extreme control, rage, temper - but also physical - throwing and breaking things often, hitting me, preventing me from leaving the house etc.

    The abuse escalated as I got older to where I had completely lost all my self-esteem (not that I had much to begin with); I had no social skills and was completely xenophobic (essentially keeping me trapped in the abusers' home). I got out and got into a womans' refuge.

    The refuge (which I believe got defunded due to council cuts) was also pretty scary due to some of the other residents' and it wasn't well run. I was put on the social housing list and 8 months later I got my own place from a Housing Association.

    It is an AMAZING 1 bedroom flat. Huge - bigger than most peoples' actually houses. Beautiful. Greenery in every window and the river beside it. In a perfect location in the city. Quiet but a 10 minute walk to the town centre, 2 minute walk to supermarket. Very quiet neighbours. No crime, no hassle. It helped my mental health so much and I found a bar job where I was accepted and slowly built my confidence back.

    Now, the story should end here. But it doesn't. I am not a practical person and I don't find bar work comes naturally to me and despite the horror of my previous existence being over, I still had quite a bit of depression and much of it was related to the fact that although I found good people at my job - this kind of work doesn't suit me. My strength has always been academic. I actually got 6 A*s and 3 As at GCSE and 3 As at A-level (and this was whilst living under his roof).

    I'm in my late 20s and I couldn't see my life go just being a bar-tender forever. People who do not know my situation can't for the life of me understand whilst all the kids I work with go off to uni, I am still working in this bar and find it so strange.

    So I wanted to go back to university, but my city doesn't have one - only in the next big city (40 min train ride away with a further 20 minute walk on either side). I thought this would be OK. But I don't drive and the commute is very long.

    My rent is not huge but it's not cheap either so I couldn't rely on my loans and kept my job. In the first year this was a struggle and I handed in quite a lot of work late (although I did well academically, I almost didn't pass due to lateness) but it was just about do-able. In the second year it isn't.

    Moving to this city would make my life so much easier. I have been promised a student admin job at the university and with the lack of commute and lower rent I could even pay for driving lessons whilst I study and also learn for the career that I intend to pursue. It would also give me the ability to meet someone (I have always been single despite being attractive, mainly due to trust issues, but also due to struggling with my job to survive and the smallness of the town I ended up in).

    My problem is: it would require giving up this flat and my amazing social landlord - an incredibly housing association. Given the precariousness of my situation - this is so difficult. It's quite hard to relay this feeling - but when you don't have family to fall back on - you realise that in the future, housing and EVERYTHING in this country is going to get a lot tougher and harder to come by.

    This place is my safety in such an uncertain world. It's pretty much all I have. But it will also limit my life massively.

    I've found a room in a 3 bedroom property that is close to the university. It is cheap. I trust the landlady. She is a genuinely lovely human being and actually works for a charity that helps vulnerable people. She has also let me transfer some of my furniture. But I am well aware of what a huge gamble it is. Any thoughts?
    I think you are doing the right thing by moving. It's just one of those things in life you have to move on from where you were, but in your case is made far more difficult by having no stability in your family - no 'safe base'. It seems as though it would be best for you to give yourself the best chances of succeeding academically, to put you in an excellent position for the rest of your life. Those GCSE and A level grades really are phenomenal considering the circumstances you were in. I am currently in the second year of A levels and have some issues at home (but nothing on the scale of the problems you dealt with) and it makes it so hard to keep on top of the work and stay focused. Hats off to you! Very best of luck. Also, I know this isn't relevant but out of interest, what do you study?
 
 
 
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