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How can I escape my tough start, Asperger's and loneliness and find happiness? Watch

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    When I was younger, I didn't really have the best of starts. My mum was very unwell, so could not work, and my dad left when I was a young age. He would spit in my face, and shout at me a lot. When I was about 12, I had call the Police a lot, as was either shouting at me or my mum, hitting her, or pouring orange juice over her head. My dad left when I was 12. I was put on the Child Protection Register, and was only removed when it was certain that he would not be returning to the family home, and after my grandparents had paid £5,000 to replace the doors he had punched, and the kitchen ceiling he had brought down. If it weren’t for my grandparents, I would have been taken in to care.

    Between the age of 14 and 16, my mum had fallen seriously unwell. I would help the best I could to care for her, but it was very bad. There was no heating in the house over winter, and there was no one to cook meals. My daily dinned consisted of. McDonalds meal, and a load of sweets, crisps and general junk food I would buy out of Home Bargains. My mum couldn’t work. The only household income was what she received in state benefits. I received Free School Meals, but I had so little confidence, I never went to the dining hall to receive them. I just stayed in the library at break times. My weight substantially increased with such a diet. By the time I became 17 my weight was 110KG. I was so shy in school. I just sat in the back of the class and got on with the work. All of this went unnoticed and I did not know at that time that I should have asked for help.

    What got me through it was that I had a flicker of hope: education. I knew that if I worked hard, I would get out that situation. I would work every night, just to really give myself something to do, and have something to aspire to. I fully focused on education at school, and didn’t take any interest in social affairs.

    It worked. My GCSE results, despite my target grades being all A/B grades were outstanding. I received 13A* grades. I was so proud of achieving these grades, in such circumstances.

    I never really engaged socially in school at all at GCSE level. Firstly, receiving only state benefits, my mum couldn’t really afford to send me to extra curricular clubs. Secondly, I was so fixated on academic achievement, to escape the circumstances I was in.

    Not engaging socially didn’t really bother be then. I always had hope that one day, the academic achievement would see me reach a good university, and ultimately, happiness.

    I continued to isolate myself during sixth form – working very hard, with a dream of reaching university. I had such high aspirations – I look back now, and realise they were unrealistic.

    Thankfully, my mum began to get better as I began sixth form. She began to get the professional help she needed, and things began to improve. She is now getting better. One day, hopefully soon, she will be able to get a job.


    I worked very hard throughout my A’ Levels. I attained fantastic grades – A*A*A*AA, that enabled me to attain a place at a top 5 Uni. I had never been happier. I left school having having achieved my dream - I had reached a very top Uni that would stand me in great stead for the future.

    I have just completed my first year at Uni - I got a promising mark in my first year - 67 - but amidst such a struggle. Earlier in the year, having displayed some difficulties and having being recommended for an assessment, I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I haven't told anyone apart from the University this, as in all honesty, I have felt really bad about it. I keep focussing on the negative aspects of the diagnosis, despite my Uni emphasising that it is a good thing which will enable me at access support.

    I am just a bit worried about my future, and would be grateful for any advice.

    I know the I have the intellect to have a great future and hopefully make a really positive impact on many peoples lives - however, I am just worried that the Aspergers Syndrome and my poor family background will hold me back - how can I possibly escape them?

    I just worry especially with the Aspergers, I will always struggle to make meaningful social connections, and as a result, always be lonely. I really worry myself at the thought of growing old and going through all of the ill-health which can occur at that age totally isolated and alone, with no family around me. I just think that I had such a difficult and isolated childhood that karma would say that I will have a happier future. I know that you can never leave anything to chance like that, or live in self-pityness, so I am working so hard at Uni to try and make a good future for myself.

    I am just worried that because of my Aspergers and poor family background, with no connections in the world of work, I will struggle to find any meaningful place in this world despite my efforts.

    Please could you advise me if there is any help out there for people with Aspergers who are trying to make a success of Uni and a way in the world, or if there are any coping strategies that you know of.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    When I was younger, I didn't really have the best of starts. My mum was very unwell, so could not work, and my dad left when I was a young age. He would spit in my face, and shout at me a lot. When I was about 12, I had call the Police a lot, as was either shouting at me or my mum, hitting her, or pouring orange juice over her head. My dad left when I was 12. I was put on the Child Protection Register, and was only removed when it was certain that he would not be returning to the family home, and after my grandparents had paid £5,000 to replace the doors he had punched, and the kitchen ceiling he had brought down. If it weren’t for my grandparents, I would have been taken in to care.

    Between the age of 14 and 16, my mum had fallen seriously unwell. I would help the best I could to care for her, but it was very bad. There was no heating in the house over winter, and there was no one to cook meals. My daily dinned consisted of. McDonalds meal, and a load of sweets, crisps and general junk food I would buy out of Home Bargains. My mum couldn’t work. The only household income was what she received in state benefits. I received Free School Meals, but I had so little confidence, I never went to the dining hall to receive them. I just stayed in the library at break times. My weight substantially increased with such a diet. By the time I became 17 my weight was 110KG. I was so shy in school. I just sat in the back of the class and got on with the work. All of this went unnoticed and I did not know at that time that I should have asked for help.

    What got me through it was that I had a flicker of hope: education. I knew that if I worked hard, I would get out that situation. I would work every night, just to really give myself something to do, and have something to aspire to. I fully focused on education at school, and didn’t take any interest in social affairs.

    It worked. My GCSE results, despite my target grades being all A/B grades were outstanding. I received 13A* grades. I was so proud of achieving these grades, in such circumstances.

    I never really engaged socially in school at all at GCSE level. Firstly, receiving only state benefits, my mum couldn’t really afford to send me to extra curricular clubs. Secondly, I was so fixated on academic achievement, to escape the circumstances I was in.

    Not engaging socially didn’t really bother be then. I always had hope that one day, the academic achievement would see me reach a good university, and ultimately, happiness.

    I continued to isolate myself during sixth form – working very hard, with a dream of reaching university. I had such high aspirations – I look back now, and realise they were unrealistic.

    Thankfully, my mum began to get better as I began sixth form. She began to get the professional help she needed, and things began to improve. She is now getting better. One day, hopefully soon, she will be able to get a job.


    I worked very hard throughout my A’ Levels. I attained fantastic grades – A*A*A*AA, that enabled me to attain a place at a top 5 Uni. I had never been happier. I left school having having achieved my dream - I had reached a very top Uni that would stand me in great stead for the future.

    I have just completed my first year at Uni - I got a promising mark in my first year - 67 - but amidst such a struggle. Earlier in the year, having displayed some difficulties and having being recommended for an assessment, I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I haven't told anyone apart from the University this, as in all honesty, I have felt really bad about it. I keep focussing on the negative aspects of the diagnosis, despite my Uni emphasising that it is a good thing which will enable me at access support.

    I am just a bit worried about my future, and would be grateful for any advice.

    I know the I have the intellect to have a great future and hopefully make a really positive impact on many peoples lives - however, I am just worried that the Aspergers Syndrome and my poor family background will hold me back - how can I possibly escape them?

    I just worry especially with the Aspergers, I will always struggle to make meaningful social connections, and as a result, always be lonely. I really worry myself at the thought of growing old and going through all of the ill-health which can occur at that age totally isolated and alone, with no family around me. I just think that I had such a difficult and isolated childhood that karma would say that I will have a happier future. I know that you can never leave anything to chance like that, or live in self-pityness, so I am working so hard at Uni to try and make a good future for myself.

    I am just worried that because of my Aspergers and poor family background, with no connections in the world of work, I will struggle to find any meaningful place in this world despite my efforts.

    Please could you advise me if there is any help out there for people with Aspergers who are trying to make a success of Uni and a way in the world, or if there are any coping strategies that you know of.
    Sorry I don't have anything to offer but didn't want to 'read and run'. I'm sure that there are people here who can offer some great advice.

    If you google for Aspergers forums you will find advice from people both here and in the US who have made careers with similar circumstances to yourself, and can give lifestyle advice. You absolutely should not feel bad - you've shown that you can achieve amazing things in difficult circumstances.
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    I don't have Asperges but I had a rubbish start in life as many people do. Abandoned at birth, brought up in the care system of the 40s-60s, across the board abuse and other atrocities courtesy of the Catholic Church.
    I won't say I don't struggle - even at nearly 70, but I try not to let my start in life define me. In fact, it is because of that bad start that I have grown up tough, not taking any **** from anyone. A poor family background or no family background must not let you be prevented from having a happy, fulfilling life. You have to be determined not to let that happen and I'm certain that you can do that. There will be other young people here who have had similar situations to yours and they will give you hope, but ultimately you have to help yourself to make life better for yourself. I have grandchildren with Asperges and they don't find life easy either but they are doing just fine now as young adults and you will do the same if you let yourself.
    I advise you to approach your uni to get help with coping with your Asperges and any other difficulties you might face on your academic journey. X
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    My son has Aspergers and just started Uni. I am sorry to hear your difficulty you are facing but please don't focus too much on the negatives.

    If you have been diagnosed through your GP and the diagnosis is in your Medical files, have you got in touch with Student Finance and apply for the Disabilty Support Allowance? If you are eligible, they will pay to get you asessed by a professional body. The report will go to your University's Disabilty Advisory Service Department and depending on the report they will discuss with you what kind of help you require while you are studying there.

    Please don't be reluctant to talk to the Department and seek help with anything that is bothering you. Eventhough you think it is a small matter. They are there to help you.

    Good luck.
 
 
 
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