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When SHOULD someone be insecure? Watch

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    There are many numbers of threads where someone is clearly insecure, and quite often too, there is a clear reason why. Yet most of the replies suggest that they shouldn't be insecure, or that insecurity is a bad thing. I mean, sure it is "bad" in the sense that it usually indicates a personal dificiency, but it shouldn't be bad in and of itself.

    That is to say, unless you think no one should be insecure ever, you should admit that under certain circumstances, one should be as insecure as they deserve to be and that one could have the right level of insecurity.

    People generally tend to give ******** soapy platitudes, so I ask you to think. Tell me a scenario where you would actually tell an OP, that "you know what? you're right to be as insecure as you are"?
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    (Original post by oldboy2007)
    https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho....php?t=5009280

    that thread, or any other number of threads where someone is clearly insecure, and quite often too, there is a clear reason why. Yet most of the replies suggest that they shouldn't be insecure, or that insecurity is a bad thing. I mean, sure it is "bad" in the sense that it usually indicates a personal dificiency, but it shouldn't be bad in and of itself.

    That is to say, unless you think no one should be insecure ever, you should admit that under certain circumstances, one should be as insecure as they deserve to be and that one could have the right level of insecurity.

    People generally tend to give ******** soapy platitudes, so I ask you to think. Tell me a scenario where you would actually tell an OP, that "you know what? you're right to be as insecure as you are"?
    Where the situation causing them more concern is more understandable and relatable because it comes close to how they would feel and react in such a situation.

    Cancer, exam stress, feeling down because you have been dumped or cheated on, your parents are nasty etc.

    Its a bit more difficult in other situations where a persons response or worries would not be the same as the ops. Its harder to relate to. In the case of the thread then most people would not worry at all because it is part of a doctors job to examine people and they can handle it.

    If that person was insecure, then that's how they feel, and its still possible to feel empathy or have sympathy.

    When they recognise the issue, then they can move onto the next phase and taking steps to hale the situation better. This often takes time and interaction.

    TSR isnt well suited to either. Its unsurprising people just point out the beginning of identifying the issue lies with the OPs insecurities and not the gf. There are several more steps in working out a solution, but theres no guarantee the OP will ever return or be willing t put the effort in, so people just say what they see and move to another thread.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    If that person was insecure, then that's how they feel, and its still possible to feel empathy or have sympathy.

    When they recognise the issue, then they can move onto the next phase and taking steps to hale the situation better. This often takes time and interaction.
    But even elsewhere, it is rare to see exchanges of this format:

    A: I am insecure because of x in scenario y
    B: And so you should be.

    People seem unwilling to admit that people should ever be insecure, and under certain conditions, they deserve nothing less to be insecure. Say a man with a micropenis goes on a blind date with a woman who turns out to be a female porn star. Or a cleaner with no nascent talents sweeping the floor after an Oxford Bullingdon club social event. In both those cases, they deserve nothing less than to feel insecure and were they to actual feel secure, there is a distinct fault in their perception which should be corrected with some vigour.
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    For me, I tell people they shouldn't feel insecure because it seems to come down to trust. If they're insecure that they might get cheated on or left for someone "better" than themselves, it usually means that they just don't trust their partner, which to me is baffling. Why be involved with someone you can't trust? Why put that emotional strain on yourself? It doesn't make sense to me, hence why I say there's no need to be insecure.
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    If someone is insecure about something they can't change like their height or looks then I would say there is no need. If they are insecure about whether or not they trust their partner then that can be understandable depending on the signals they are getting. If they have no good reason to not trust their partner then that insecurity is unnecessary.

    It is good to be insecure when there is a valid reason for it as it can be something to protect yourself I guess.
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    (Original post by DrawTheLine)
    For me, I tell people they shouldn't feel insecure because it seems to come down to trust. If they're insecure that they might get cheated on or left for someone "better" than themselves, it usually means that they just don't trust their partner, which to me is baffling. Why be involved with someone you can't trust? Why put that emotional strain on yourself? It doesn't make sense to me, hence why I say there's no need to be insecure.
    of course you can find someone lesser to be in a relationship with. it would just be the other person now who would be insecure. Like Sith Lords, <"Always two there are; no more, no less. A master and an apprentice.">, you can replace it with <Always two there are in a relationship, no more, no less. A Settler and a Reacher>

    Hence relationships are like power. It never lasts. It rests on a fulcrum, ever tipping either way.
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    (Original post by oldboy2007)
    of course you can find someone lesser to be in a relationship with. it would just be the other person now who would be insecure. Like Sith Lords, <"Always two there are; no more, no less. A master and an apprentice.">, you can replace it with <Always two there are in a relationship, no more, no less. A Settler and a Reacher>

    Hence relationships are like power. It never lasts. It rests on a fulcrum, ever tipping either way.
    Why does there have to be someone "better" or "lesser" in a relationship? Why does either person have to feel insecure?
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    Insecurity is not a bad thing. It is a human reaction to many situations someone may find themselves in. The issue is when someone uses those insecurities against another person in order to coerce the other into doing what they want regardless of the other person's feelings.
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    (Original post by DrawTheLine)
    Why does there have to be someone "better" or "lesser" in a relationship? Why does either person have to feel insecure?
    because relationships are a function of power. like the layer cake theory of life, you know that one?
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    (Original post by oldboy2007)
    because relationships are a function of power. like the layer cake theory of life, you know that one?
    No I'm not familiar with that theory. However, it's sad to think relationships need power. In my relationship, neither myself or my partner are "in charge". We jointly make decisions and encourage each other. We are equal, hence neither of us are insecure. I can't imagine a relationship where one person is more powerful.
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    (Original post by oldboy2007)
    But even elsewhere, it is rare to see exchanges of this format:

    A: I am insecure because of x in scenario y
    B: And so you should be.

    People seem unwilling to admit that people should ever be insecure, and under certain conditions, they deserve nothing less to be insecure. Say a man with a micropenis goes on a blind date with a woman who turns out to be a female porn star. Or a cleaner with no nascent talents sweeping the floor after an Oxford Bullingdon club social event. In both those cases, they deserve nothing less than to feel insecure and were they to actual feel secure, there is a distinct fault in their perception which should be corrected with some vigour.
    People dont respond in that way. If the situation is one that people can empathise with, then more often than not they get sympathy, empathy and support.

    I dont think its rare to see that type of response on here or on other forums. I disagree with you.
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    (Original post by DrawTheLine)
    No I'm not familiar with that theory. However, it's sad to think relationships need power. In my relationship, neither myself or my partner are "in charge". We jointly make decisions and encourage each other. We are equal, hence neither of us are insecure. I can't imagine a relationship where one person is more powerful.
    The layer cake theory of cake is from the film Layer Cake (2004) with the most memorable quote being

    <You get out in the world, you take more ****. You climb a little higher, you take less ****. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what **** even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake son.> **** = faeces

    I would argue that your relationship is only stable because each party continually strives to maintain their power base with equal success resulting in continued parity. Should one side ever lag behind, the fulcrum will become unbalanced and may eventually tip over.

    Eg, you get a promotion and can splash money on sugar babes. she gets a new tit job / face tuck and gets noticed by a wealthy business baron etc.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    People dont respond in that way. If the situation is one that people can empathise with, then more often than not they get sympathy, empathy and support.

    I dont think its rare to see that type of response on here or on other forums. I disagree with you.
    Well i typically respond in that fashion, but I seem to be in the minority
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    (Original post by DrawTheLine)
    No I'm not familiar with that theory. However, it's sad to think relationships need power. In my relationship, neither myself or my partner are "in charge". We jointly make decisions and encourage each other. We are equal, hence neither of us are insecure. I can't imagine a relationship where one person is more powerful.
    I know that one day when I am good enough to get girls. I will be a terrible person.
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    (Original post by oldboy2007)
    Well i typically respond in that fashion, but I seem to be in the minority
    Not everyone has time.
    Not everyone has the knowledge.
    Not everyone wants the same results as you.

    I dont think you are in the minority at all.

    Plenty of people spend a lo of time going out of their way to be supportive and helpful on these forums, so I disagree with you again. Perhaps you expect too much and dont appreciate the way forums and advice giving works.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Not everyone has time.
    Not everyone has the knowledge.
    Not everyone wants the same results as you.

    I dont think you are in the minority at all.

    Plenty of people spend a lo of time going out of their way to be supportive and helpful on these forums, so I disagree with you again. Perhaps you expect too much and dont appreciate the way forums and advice giving works.
    No I mean I typically respond in the sense of " no **** you're insecure, you're poor / ugly / fat / stupid etc"

    Occasionally I will respond positively, but not often. most of the times, people really are as insecure as they deserve to be.
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    (Original post by oldboy2007)
    No I mean I typically respond in the sense of " no **** you're insecure, you're poor / ugly / fat / stupid etc"

    Occasionally I will respond positively, but not often. most of the times, people really are as insecure as they deserve to be.
    Ask yourself why you respond that way?

    immaturity?
    Lack of knowledge.
    Lack of empathy and compassion?
    Inability to appreciate someone elses viewpoint or the fact they are different from you?
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    Never. If you don't love yourself you're prone to depression.

    And you can't have healthy relationships either without loving yourself first. It's draining for the people that love you.


    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Ask yourself why you respond that way?

    immaturity?
    Lack of knowledge.
    Lack of empathy and compassion?
    Inability to appreciate someone elses viewpoint or the fact they are different from you?
    or maybe he's just a c*nt?
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Ask yourself why you respond that way?

    immaturity?
    Lack of knowledge.
    Lack of empathy and compassion?
    Inability to appreciate someone elses viewpoint or the fact they are different from you?
    probably the bottom 2, i'd say.

    I frequently voice the political opinion that illegal refugee boats should be torpedoed or shot before reaching the shores of Europe as a cost effective deterrent on social media, for example.
 
 
 
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