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Lonely in halls... made no friends at uni. Watch

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    • #1
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    #1

    When I came to uni I thought it would be a totallly different experience to what actually happened.

    I came with a view that my flatmates would become my best friends- obviously didn't happen.
    I have gone to every single event I possibly could and got no friends, but just acquaintances. Whenever I try to take forward, I feel so desperate because people are usually not willing to follow up.

    I had literally been anticipating uni for 4 years because I had no good friends in high school either so I thought uni would really be a good chance to start fresh but all people seem to care about is drinking.
    I don't drink and have very low self esteem so cannot strikingly start a conversation in the best of ways like some people. I wish I could. Once I'm comfortable, I'm totally fine it's just getting over the first hurdle is impossible. I feel like such an extroverted introvert sometimes.

    My flatmates have groups of friends which they bring over some days like today, and they are so loud and happy I wish I could go join them. I would- if it wasn't for that they are playing drinking games.

    It feels so lonely hearing everyone around you interact when you're stuck in your room. I don't even feel like doing work.

    I just feel like such a loser. I had the chance to come out of my shell and fake it to make friends at the start when no one had friends and I've blown it.

    Is anyone else same?
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    Societies?
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    You made any friends on your course? Joined any societies? Joined any social groups set up by your flat mates/course mates?
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    did you have friends at college ?
    • #2
    #2

    I'm in the same situation as you. Had no friends in HS so I assumed that things would change in university. Nope. Nothing has changed. Still alone and friendless.
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    I don't really know what you want here.

    Your issue is that you can't make friends - but you know that you have had problems with exactly this.

    I would suggest that your expectations initially were completely unrealistic. You're also trying to blame the other proximal freshers for wanting to bev all the time. I'm not about to make any suggestions or give you any advice - because the problem is entirely your own.
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    Lol, Universities give people very very little to do if you don't drink. Drinking is the culture in the UK.
    That being said, there will be some societies at Uni who don't put that totally at the forefront of everything. I think you have to accept trashy drinking culture as the norm, even if you don't wanna do it it is what the done thing is, just don't drink yourself.
    Join societies you wouldn't think of joining normally, join the smaller ones. They crave new members and I think by getting in early and establishing yourself as one of the core original people there you could build some solid friendships that way.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My flatmates have groups of friends which they bring over some days like today, and they are so loud and happy I wish I could go join them. I would- if it wasn't for that they are playing drinking games.
    Is there any particular reason you don't drink? Because it would obviously be easier to make friends in this particular group if you could go join in and go along with what they wanted to do.

    have very low self esteem so cannot strikingly start a conversation in the best of ways like some people.
    There are two main answers to this.

    (1) Just try. Once you spend long enough acting confident you actually become confident. Also, you'll get better at starting up conversations if you get some practice.

    (2) Try to care less what people think of you. If you end up not coming out with the most engaging opening to a conversation ever, so what? You're not in a worse position than right now, what the other person thinks about it doesn't really affect you, and they probably won't think about it that much anyway.
 
 
 
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