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He wanted multiple wives but doesn't anymore Watch

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    so this guy I was talking to wanted multiple wives when I first met him, even a year and a half after knowing him he still wanted it. I told him I didn't like the idea and that I don't want to marry him if he wants that. He wanted to marry me but wasn't willing to change his mind about that.

    Then a year ago I messaged him and we hadn't spoken in a long time before this and he asked if I was with anyone and I told him I was getting married (I'm not marrying this guy anymore). He then asked if there was anything he can say to change my mind about marrying this guy, then he said 'actually I don't want to come in between you two'. He said hes changed and that he was young and it was the 'hormones speaking' and that he only wants one wife now. He said one is enough of a headache. He also said he loves me. But I don't anymore and once I told him that he seemed really hurt as he asked me why I didn't. We were talking this year on and off. He was starting all the conversations and he keeps putting up sad love songs on his snapchat.

    These are some examples of the lyrics:
    -'since you went away I can't explain the pain that I'm feeling'
    -'the sun doesn't shine, the world doesn't turn alright if I don't have her'

    I can't remember anymore but he puts stuff like that alot. Is he trying to make me feel guilty? The fact that he wanted multiple wives really damaged my self confidence and I was in a really bad place before because I loved him so much. People tell me I'm really pretty and that I can be a model but I don't believe them because of this guy.
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    Second chances are always possible. Stick with what your gut says never go for what your heart wants.
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    Jeez them songs sound DEAD
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    (Original post by Asha_19)
    Second chances are always possible. Stick with what your gut says never go for what your heart wants.
    my friends don't believe me that I don't have feelings for him anymore but he's honestly too late. If he said all this a year and a half ago then things would've been really different. If he's genuine about his feelings then I guess he knows now what I went through
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    anyone else?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    anyone else?
    He is a massive cu*t. Run away from him.
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    (Original post by edd522)
    He is a massive cu*t. Run away from him.
    So you dont think hes being honest?
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    If you are muslim: you shouldn't be speaking to him privately like that without your wali, if you aren't marrying then leave him alone as it'll only cause more fitnah.
    He isn't following islam by what he's doing, babying around and playing emotional mind games. It's his fault for putting himself in the position to 'love' you, which in my opinion is 99% just a lie. If the other guy fits the criteria, practices well and you are going with it then stick to him. Don't know much about him but I assume he'll be less likely to be messaging and messing around with other girls than the other guy, who is already messaging you (haram) and has confessed a tendency to want multiple women.
    If you aren't a muslim, pretty much the same thing but less relatable.
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    (Original post by TheProphetsPath)
    If you are muslim: you shouldn't be speaking to him privately like that without your wali, if you aren't marrying then leave him alone as it'll only cause more fitnah.
    He isn't following islam by what he's doing, babying around and playing emotional mind games. It's his fault for putting himself in the position to 'love' you, which in my opinion is 99% just a lie. If the other guy fits the criteria, practices well and you are going with it then stick to him. Don't know much about him but I assume he'll be less likely to be messaging and messing around with other girls than the other guy, who is already messaging you (haram) and has confessed a tendency to want multiple women.
    If you aren't a muslim, pretty much the same thing but less relatable.
    Why do you think its a lie? Im a muslim and I know I regret it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    so this guy I was talking to wanted multiple wives when I first met him, even a year and a half after knowing him he still wanted it. I told him I didn't like the idea and that I don't want to marry him if he wants that. He wanted to marry me but wasn't willing to change his mind about that.

    Then a year ago I messaged him and we hadn't spoken in a long time before this and he asked if I was with anyone and I told him I was getting married (I'm not marrying this guy anymore). He then asked if there was anything he can say to change my mind about marrying this guy, then he said 'actually I don't want to come in between you two'. He said hes changed and that he was young and it was the 'hormones speaking' and that he only wants one wife now. He said one is enough of a headache. He also said he loves me. But I don't anymore and once I told him that he seemed really hurt as he asked me why I didn't. We were talking this year on and off. He was starting all the conversations and he keeps putting up sad love songs on his snapchat.

    These are some examples of the lyrics:
    -'since you went away I can't explain the pain that I'm feeling'
    -'the sun doesn't shine, the world doesn't turn alright if I don't have her'

    I can't remember anymore but he puts stuff like that alot. Is he trying to make me feel guilty? The fact that he wanted multiple wives really damaged my self confidence and I was in a really bad place before because I loved him so much. People tell me I'm really pretty and that I can be a model but I don't believe them because of this guy.
    he only wants one wife now. He said one is enough of a headache.
    Charming...

    Remember the reasons you rejected him in the first place. He sounds a little immature writing those kind of lyrics to guilt trip you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why do you think its a lie? Im a muslim and I know I regret it.
    It's typical behaviour of someone who is trying to play the emotion card. Using an emotional noose to try and guilt you into something he wants. It's impossible to actually love you, perhaps infatuation or desperation. His feelings shouldn't affect your situation, he'll find someone else to love. Do what's best for you in your situation, are you going to have an insecure relationship and regret not staying with this man?
    Whoever is the best practicing muslim and fears Allah, you should go for. And the more you talk to this guy the worse, if you decide no then say no and shut him off. Don't allow him & shaytaan to affect you. And keep it thoroughly halal so you'll have blessing in your marriage.
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    (Original post by TheProphetsPath)
    It's typical behaviour of someone who is trying to play the emotion card. Using an emotional noose to try and guilt you into something he wants. It's impossible to actually love you, perhaps infatuation or desperation. His feelings shouldn't affect your situation, he'll find someone else to love. Do what's best for you in your situation, are you going to have an insecure relationship and regret not staying with this man?
    Whoever is the best practicing muslim and fears Allah, you should go for. And the more you talk to this guy the worse, if you decide no then say no and shut him off. Don't allow him & shaytaan to affect you. And keep it thoroughly halal so you'll have blessing in your marriage.
    Why do you think its impossible that he loved me? Ive known him for 2 and a half years so its hard to cut him out but youre right
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why do you think its impossible that he loved me? Ive known him for 2 and a half years so its hard to cut him out but youre right
    You'll have to cut him out for your husband and the sake of your relationship, so do it for Allah now too who is more important. The years you've known him doesn't matter, he won't offer anything for you at all if you decide not to marry him so this sentiment is doing nothing but give you fitnah and cause you problems.
    Most likely he's combining "i love you" with all this emotional none-sense to guilt you.
    *I was under the impression you were about to marry another guy but i think this isn't the case then same applies, ignore his feelings towards you and assess him.
    Is he committed to his religion? Would you be happy with him raising and teaching your children? would you be secure?
    Whatever your situation, pray istikhara prayer and make dua and stop speaking to him privately, only in front of your wali so he can't mess you around.
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    (Original post by edd522)
    He is a massive cu*t. Run away from him.


    I don't see why he is cu*t, he was totally upfront about his desire to have multiple wives, he didn't try and deceive her, plus being a muslim ..having multiple wives is not unheard of.

    If he was a western man, yes asking for multiple wives is a bit cheeky and unrealistic, but for a muslim man i don't really think it's the same thing......
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    lol'd
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    my friends don't believe me that I don't have feelings for him anymore but he's honestly too late. If he said all this a year and a half ago then things would've been really different. If he's genuine about his feelings then I guess he knows now what I went through
    You shouldn't listen to your friends because at the end of the day it's your life and you choose who you would want to be with.

    And think once again if you didn't have any feelings for him then you wouldn't make a thread for other opinions you still like him but just scared and he's a changed man and understands what you've been through it's up to you really of you're willing to take this once chance then go for it if I was you yo uve got one life so live it to the best.

    Think wisely don't make a decision that you'll regret.
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    (Original post by ANM775)
    I don't see why he is cu*t, he was totally upfront about his desire to have multiple wives, he didn't try and deceive her, plus being a muslim ..having multiple wives is not unheard of.

    If he was a western man, yes asking for multiple wives is a bit cheeky and unrealistic, but for a muslim man i don't really think it's the same thing......
    why do you think he wanted multiple wives? Was I not pretty enough for him or something
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    (Original post by Stuffme)
    lol'd
    Glad someone got something good out of this horrible situation.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    why do you think he wanted multiple wives? Was I not pretty enough for him or something

    He knows there are some other muslim men out there with multiple wives ...so wanted that for himself too

    If western culture permitted it, you'd probably find a lot of men here too would take multiple wives if the female partners were ok it
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    (Original post by ANM775)
    He knows there are some other muslim men out there with multiple wives ...so wanted that for himself too

    If western culture permitted it, you'd probably find a lot of men here too would take multiple wives if the female partners were ok it
    But why? What do you get out of it? I was thinking maybe he thought he would get bored so if I was a 10/10 then maybe he wouldnt have wanted it because you wouldnt get bored if someone was that good looking. Or am I wrong. Can people who are 10s only keep their men happy with just them god i give up with relationships. I tried but men are just disgusting so Allah cant be angry with me for never marrying right?
 
 
 
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