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Want to ask out a girl - need advice Watch

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    #1

    Hi everyone,

    There's this particular girl who I've recently got to know well and really like... as more than a friend. I know that she's single and I'd love to ask her out, but I'm not hugely experienced with asking out women, so I'd really like your advice on how to approach this.

    We are both members of a writers' group that meets up about once a month, so I do meet her in person from time to time. We've also chatted quite often on Facebook, and she definitely shows signs of liking me (e.g. she acts very friendly towards me and often likes my Facebook posts and tweets), though I don't know if definitely in a romantic way.

    However, I very rarely get opportunities to meet her in person alone - she's almost always with a group of people, even after a writers' group meet-up, when she tends to hang around to chat with other people.

    However, there's another writers' group that she attends - and this one meets up once a week. I haven't yet got round to attending this group, just because I've been too busy. Also, the woman who runs the writers' group has recently been too ill to run the sessions, though I think they might have recently started up again.

    I've now got enough free time to go to this second writers' group, so I've considered sending my crush a PM on Facebook (we're Facebook friends) along the lines of: "Hi [crush's name], do you know if [other woman's name] will be running her writers' group next week? I'm asking because I've been wanting to come along to the group, but I wasn't sure if she was still ill."

    If she then replies with "yes", I could reply with: "It'd be nice to see you in person again. Would you like to go for drinks with me after the group?" Maybe I could add that I'd like her advice on my novel that I'm currently working on.

    If she agrees to the meeting, then maybe, when we are drinking, I could ask her out on a date - and make clear to her that it is a date that I'm asking for.

    Does the above strategy sound good? I obviously want to be careful not to mess things up with her, so I'm being very particular with my planning here.

    Thanks for any advice that anyone can give.
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    I think you have a perfect plan. And that is the way most guys would approach the situation. A couple of changes I'd suggest is instead of saying it'd be nice to see her in person I might just leave that out for now. You might say, "I"m glad to know ____ is feeling better. I'm looking forward to attending her session. Do you have plans afterwards? I was hoping we could meet up for coffee afterwards." Hopefully there will be a cafe open to get coffee in the evening. I think there is a lot less pressure on meeting initially for coffee (perhaps for her comfort) than going for drinks. If she says yes, and you go and things flow well then suggest drinks after the next time. If you go for coffee and she invites extra friends just relax the initial first move will still have been made. The next time then message her about meeting for drinks with just the two of you. Good Luck!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Hopefully1)
    I think you have a perfect plan. And that is the way most guys would approach the situation. A couple of changes I'd suggest is instead of saying it'd be nice to see her in person I might just leave that out for now. You might say, "I"m glad to know ____ is feeling better. I'm looking forward to attending her session. Do you have plans afterwards? I was hoping we could meet up for coffee afterwards." Hopefully there will be a cafe open to get coffee in the evening. I think there is a lot less pressure on meeting initially for coffee (perhaps for her comfort) than going for drinks. If she says yes, and you go and things flow well then suggest drinks after the next time. If you go for coffee and she invites extra friends just relax the initial first move will still have been made. The next time then message her about meeting for drinks with just the two of you. Good Luck!
    Thanks for this advice. I forgot to mention it in my original post, but the writers' group itself does actually take place in a cafe that stays open late, so I could ask her if she would be happy staying behind with me there.
    • #2
    #2

    Instead of "It'd be nice to see you in person again. https://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/...lies/smile.png Would you like to go for drinks with me after the group?"

    I would personally say: Cool, anything fun planned afterwards?

    If 'No', then I'd go: Wanna hang out?

    Dunno, i think the 'it'd be nice to see you again' might come across as a bit needy if she's not into you

    Good luck!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for this advice. I forgot to mention it in my original post, but the writers' group itself does actually take place in a cafe that stays open late, so I could ask her if she would be happy staying behind with me there.
    Yes, so I'd just ask her if she'd be available to stick around for a bit after the official meeting to grab a coffee.

    Same thing as before if it is just the two of you and it goes well ask her to join you for drinks afterwards in the future but if she asks other friends don't stress just enjoy the company and companionship. Do try to nonchalantly sit next to or across from her if possible. Then the following couple of weeks I'd ask her if she could stay for coffee again until she had stayed afterward say 3(fish) times. At that point you would have communicated with her enough that even if you could ask directly because other people are around you could ask her to meet you for a drink. If you are concerned that she'll invite others to go for the drink as well make a point to ask her on a day that isn't when the writing group meets. Best of luck!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Hopefully1)
    Yes, so I'd just ask her if she'd be available to stick around for a bit after the official meeting to grab a coffee.

    Same thing as before if it is just the two of you and it goes well ask her to join you for drinks afterwards in the future but if she asks other friends don't stress just enjoy the company and companionship. Do try to nonchalantly sit next to or across from her if possible. Then the following couple of weeks I'd ask her if she could stay for coffee again until she had stayed afterward say 3(fish) times. At that point you would have communicated with her enough that even if you could ask directly because other people are around you could ask her to meet you for a drink. If you are concerned that she'll invite others to go for the drink as well make a point to ask her on a day that isn't when the writing group meets. Best of luck!
    Thanks, I'll keep all of this in mind.

    In place of the "It'd be nice to see you etc." bit I originally mentioned, I'm considering saying this: "Glad to know [other woman's name] is feeling better. I'm looking forward to attending her session. Do you have plans afterwards? I was hoping we could stay behind for coffee, as I'd like your advice on the novel I'm working on." Or maybe I'll wait until she says "no" to the "Do you have plans afterwards?" question before I move onto asking if she would like to join me for coffee. Thoughts?
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    Also, on what meeting should I ask for the date? Would it be okay on the first coffee meeting, or should I wait until the second time, when we are going for drinks?
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    Not many of the members of TSR can help.
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    Bumping this thread...
    • #2
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, I'll keep all of this in mind.

    In place of the "It'd be nice to see you etc." bit I originally mentioned, I'm considering saying this: "Glad to know [other woman's name] is feeling better. I'm looking forward to attending her session. Do you have plans afterwards? I was hoping we could stay behind for coffee, as I'd like your advice on the novel I'm working on." Or maybe I'll wait until she says "no" to the "Do you have plans afterwards?" question before I move onto asking if she would like to join me for coffee. Thoughts?
    With respect, you're overthinking things now. Just do as I said a few posts ago - keep it simple and casual. Don't write her an essay for a simple invite to hang out.
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    If you have to ask a girl out, then it's over.
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    she'll probably say no so don't get invested
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Also, on what meeting should I ask for the date? Would it be okay on the first coffee meeting, or should I wait until the second time, when we are going for drinks?
    Have you contacted her yet? I think you have to wait to see how the first coffee get together goes. If it's just the two of you and you're getting along easily then go ahead and ask if she'd like to meet you for a drink sometime. If others join you take note of your interaction with her. Is she talking more with you than others? If others join you I'd see if she'd meet up with you for coffee afterwards a second/third time.... if she continues to meet with you then just ask her over a text if she'd like to meet for a drink sometime.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Hopefully1)
    Have you contacted her yet? I think you have to wait to see how the first coffee get together goes. If it's just the two of you and you're getting along easily then go ahead and ask if she'd like to meet you for a drink sometime. If others join you take note of your interaction with her. Is she talking more with you than others? If others join you I'd see if she'd meet up with you for coffee afterwards a second/third time.... if she continues to meet with you then just ask her over a text if she'd like to meet for a drink sometime.
    Hi everyone, got quite a big update on this. I basically followed Hopefully1's advice in asking her for a coffee, and she replied that she'd "happily" chat with me. We actually agreed to meet up before the group rather than after, as it was close to Halloween and she said she didn't want to stay out too late. I think the meeting itself went pretty well - she was very friendly and chatty and we talked mainly about my novel, as I'd suggested in my original message.

    I didn't actually ask her for drinks at the end of that meeting, partly because of how preoccupied I was with enjoying it, but also because it was before the writing group rather than after, so I didn't get an ideal moment to do it. I recently asked her to meet up with me for coffee again (again, to talk about my novel) before/after the writing group, but she said she was "really sorry" that she wouldn't have the time.

    If I do ask her for drinks at some point, should I do it in person (e.g. when we are alone together at a coffee meeting), through a Facebook message, or through a text? I don't have her phone number, so texting wouldn't be an option at the moment.
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    Maybe just ask to meet up rather than to meet up with the explicit intention to discuss your novel. Congrats on having the balls to ask her out, but I would not be surprised if you're coming across as a narcissist.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Instead of "It'd be nice to see you in person again. https://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/...lies/smile.png Would you like to go for drinks with me after the group?"

    I would personally say: Cool, anything fun planned afterwards?

    If 'No', then I'd go: Wanna hang out?

    Dunno, i think the 'it'd be nice to see you again' might come across as a bit needy if she's not into you

    Good luck!
    do what this guy says
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    Just ask her mate what is the worst that could happen, she can say no... no problem dust yourself off stick your chest out, plenty more fish in the sea
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    The not having time is not an encouraging sign as if she was interested she would have suggested another time - it feels like just friends. This said there has been some positive signs so If you think there is a chance I would get on and ask her out, in person. By Facebook is cowardly and the wait for a response is excruciating. Good luck.
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    I would stop beating around the bush and just ask her on Facebook if she would like to go for a drink, this could be just a coffee or alcohol whatever. If she says no then at least you know you can just move on.
 
 
 
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