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Drunk actions ruined things with her :( watch

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    Firstly I didn’t cheat or do anything like that but let’s get started.

    So I went out Saturday night with my group of friends and brought the girl I was dating with me (she knows all my friends but not particularly close).

    Anyway just a bit of backstory, this girl and I had/have strong feelings for each other, talked every day, spent quality time together and started out as good friends before we were dating (known each other 1 year +). There were literally minimal arguments the whole time we’ve been exclusively dating..

    Now back to the night, firstly she came to mine to get ready and it was lovely, quite intimate and then we headed to my friend’s house for pre drinks. Again at this point of the night, things were still going well, didn’t drink much but I hadn’t eaten much that day and so got drunk very quickly, like within 10 mins. Then we got the taxi from my friend’s house to the club, paid for the taxi got out and queued up then realised my WALLET WASN’T THERE. was extremely angry because I had my cards, a lot of my money and the girl’s money in (all of which has been paid back to her btw). So basically I was not in a good mood that night. Towards the end of the night, I don’t know why but I was being really quite confrontational with people and asking them if they’d seen my wallet, and almost got into a fight which I had to be pulled away from. Then in an outburst fuelled by me being drunk/ angry at losing my wallet I said to this girl that we’re done for like no reason at all, on reflection it literally meant nothing.

    Anyway, i have met up with the girl since to return some things that she left at my house and had food with her today but she has told me she just wants to be friends due to my actions on the Saturday night, everyone else I’ve asked has said this is an overreaction because I’ve never acted like that before in my life and am generally considered a pretty chill guy. I would like to know if there’s anyone out there on her side who would make a decision that quickly about just being friends, like not gonna lie I was a massive nuisance/ **** that night but she knows I’m not like that deep down. Please share your thoughts thank you
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    this is why i dont drink dude
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    (Original post by iceyyyy)
    this is why i dont drink dude
    So you don’t think it was an overreaction given our almost spotless history?
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    Does it matter what you think, nevermind what random posters on TSR think? She has said she doesn't want to continue the relationship because you acted like an idiot. If you keep pursuing her despite that, you will still be acting like an idiot. Give her some space and maybe she'll think again. If not, it's one to chalk up to experience.
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    Well, that was pretty stupid.

    I don't think its necessarily an overreaction. You don't say how long you've been dating, not just friends, but it doesn't sound like very long.

    If a guy she's only been involved with for a short time gets too drunk and blows up at her early on in the relationship, I think that's a red flag about his general poor judgement and self-control (perhaps unfair to extrapolate, but how's she to know?), and it's a perfectly rational decision to ditch him.

    Also, whether you think it's an overreaction or not, stop being so entitled. Who cares about your 'spotless history'? This isn't a court case, and there's not some judge looking at all the evidence and ruling that she's got to take you back. If you've said sorry and she's not having it, suck it up, learn from it, and move on. Sounds like you screwed the pooch. Accept responsibility and don't do it again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Firstly I didn’t cheat or do anything like that but let’s get started.

    So I went out Saturday night with my group of friends and brought the girl I was dating with me (she knows all my friends but not particularly close).

    Anyway just a bit of backstory, this girl and I had/have strong feelings for each other, talked every day, spent quality time together and started out as good friends before we were dating (known each other 1 year +). There were literally minimal arguments the whole time we’ve been exclusively dating..

    Now back to the night, firstly she came to mine to get ready and it was lovely, quite intimate and then we headed to my friend’s house for pre drinks. Again at this point of the night, things were still going well, didn’t drink much but I hadn’t eaten much that day and so got drunk very quickly, like within 10 mins. Then we got the taxi from my friend’s house to the club, paid for the taxi got out and queued up then realised my WALLET WASN’T THERE. was extremely angry because I had my cards, a lot of my money and the girl’s money in (all of which has been paid back to her btw). So basically I was not in a good mood that night. Towards the end of the night, I don’t know why but I was being really quite confrontational with people and asking them if they’d seen my wallet, and almost got into a fight which I had to be pulled away from. Then in an outburst fuelled by me being drunk/ angry at losing my wallet I said to this girl that we’re done for like no reason at all, on reflection it literally meant nothing.

    Anyway, i have met up with the girl since to return some things that she left at my house and had food with her today but she has told me she just wants to be friends due to my actions on the Saturday night, everyone else I’ve asked has said this is an overreaction because I’ve never acted like that before in my life and am generally considered a pretty chill guy. I would like to know if there’s anyone out there on her side who would make a decision that quickly about just being friends, like not gonna lie I was a massive nuisance/ **** that night but she knows I’m not like that deep down. Please share your thoughts thank you
    Yes I can see why she dumped you. Maybe she will change her mind in future, but you have no idea how bad you were because you were drunk.

    She doesnt know you anything and hardly knows you, so its easy for her to find someone who isnt as brittle as you are. Stay friends and let her get to know you. Stay off being an idiot for a few months and maybe she will give you another chance. I can see why she dropped you though and others would have done so completely.

    Confrontational and harassing never goes down well because its not much further and you are talking out of control, intimidating and violent, which people wish to avoid.
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    If you've only just got together it won't take much to break up. And I wouldn't go back to anyone who was gonna play the 'we're over' card every time they got annoyed. Or someone who seemed like they might have the potential to be violent.
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    (Original post by MonteCristo)
    Does it matter what you think, nevermind what random posters on TSR think? She has said she doesn't want to continue the relationship because you acted like an idiot. If you keep pursuing her despite that, you will still be acting like an idiot. Give her some space and maybe she'll think again. If not, it's one to chalk up to experience.
    Giving her space is exactly what I’m doing, I just wanted to see what people thought
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Yes I can see why she dumped you. Maybe she will change her mind in future, but you have no idea how bad you were because you were drunk.

    She doesnt know you anything and hardly knows you, so its easy for her to find someone who isnt as brittle as you are. Stay friends and let her get to know you. Stay off being an idiot for a few months and maybe she will give you another chance. I can see why she dropped you though and others would have done so completely.

    Confrontational and harassing never goes down well because its not much further and you are talking out of control, intimidating and violent, which people wish to avoid.
    On the contrary she knows me really quite well. We were dating a year ago, stopped because of A levels then were friends for a good few months, then she announced that she had feelings for me towards the end of summer after finding out I was taking a gap year. As well as this I’ve been helping her through her depression, have had to deal with constant mood swings and spent countless hours trying to get old friends who cut her off to reconcile with her. What you’re saying would be understandable if I was a naturally confrontational/ aggressive person but throughout the whole time this girl has known me I’ve never been like that, and all my friends agree.. One of her friends actually experienced my behaviour first hand because she was with us on the night it happened and told me to stop worrying bc it really wasn’t that deep. But thank you for your words
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    (Original post by worldender)
    Well, that was pretty stupid.

    I don't think its necessarily an overreaction. You don't say how long you've been dating, not just friends, but it doesn't sound like very long.

    If a guy she's only been involved with for a short time gets too drunk and blows up at her early on in the relationship, I think that's a red flag about his general poor judgement and self-control (perhaps unfair to extrapolate, but how's she to know?), and it's a perfectly rational decision to ditch him.

    Also, whether you think it's an overreaction or not, stop being so entitled. Who cares about your 'spotless history'? This isn't a court case, and there's not some judge looking at all the evidence and ruling that she's got to take you back. If you've said sorry and she's not having it, suck it up, learn from it, and move on. Sounds like you screwed the pooch. Accept responsibility and don't do it again.
    (Original post by worldender)
    Well, that was pretty stupid.

    I don't think its necessarily an overreaction. You don't say how long you've been dating, not just friends, but it doesn't sound like very long.

    If a guy she's only been involved with for a short time gets too drunk and blows up at her early on in the relationship, I think that's a red flag about his general poor judgement and self-control (perhaps unfair to extrapolate, but how's she to know?), and it's a perfectly rational decision to ditch him.

    Also, whether you think it's an overreaction or not, stop being so entitled. Who cares about your 'spotless history'? This isn't a court case, and there's not some judge looking at all the evidence and ruling that she's got to take you back. If you've said sorry and she's not having it, suck it up, learn from it, and move on. Sounds like you screwed the pooch. Accept responsibility and don't do it again.
    Thank you for your response. I’ve added a few extra details of the situation to another post I replied to.

    Sorry if I am appearing entitled but for over a year this girl and I had got on extremely well, went on several days out as friends and then things developed from there. She’s not in a particularly good place at the moment and to be honest we were never meant to be together in the first place but when she announced feelings for me.. I guess it didn’t take me long to get them. I’ve definitely learnt my lesson but from a very personal perspective I feel that if she liked me as much as she said she did, she would have allowed herself more time to make a decision like that bc I guess that’s what I’d have done. Her friend who was there on the night even said to me that it wasn’t that deep because you were drunk/ lost your wallet and so were naturally going to be annoyed - doesn’t excuse my behaviour though but since it was the first time I’d acted like that i guess I hoped it would have been perceived as a one off, not a complete deal breaker. :/ Also a couple weeks ago I found out something that this girl did that was much worse than my drunk idiocy, and yet I gave her a second chance. Oh well
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for your response. I’ve added a few extra details of the situation to another post I replied to.

    Sorry if I am appearing entitled but for over a year this girl and I had got on extremely well, went on several days out as friends and then things developed from there. She’s not in a particularly good place at the moment and to be honest we were never meant to be together in the first place but when she announced feelings for me.. I guess it didn’t take me long to get them. I’ve definitely learnt my lesson but from a very personal perspective I feel that if she liked me as much as she said she did, she would have allowed herself more time to make a decision like that bc I guess that’s what I’d have done. Her friend who was there on the night even said to me that it wasn’t that deep because you were drunk/ lost your wallet and so were naturally going to be annoyed - doesn’t excuse my behaviour though but since it was the first time I’d acted like that i guess I hoped it would have been perceived as a one off, not a complete deal breaker. :/ Also a couple weeks ago I found out something that this girl did that was much worse than my drunk idiocy, and yet I gave her a second chance. Oh well
    Dude. Stop. You're trying to shift the blame away from yourself and onto a) the booze and b) her. None of this is her fault, it's yours only and she is perfectly entitled to make any decision she wants.

    We have all got drunk and made mistakes. But you think that because you've been well-behaved before, you're not capable of getting drunk and acting like a tool who can't control his temper, and all this is some kind of mix up? Sorry, doesn't work like that.

    Just because you've been a 'nice guy' in the past and helped her with personal problems, doesn't let you off the hook. Probably feels really s4itty to have someone you trust go off at you. You might have been a great standup guy in the past, but you weren't that night and have to accept that.

    You need to take responsibility for yourself. Bear in mind next time you drink that, in the past, it's caused problems for you and other people. Be mindful of that. Right now, think through why you got so worked up - alcohol amplifies and distorts, but it's not anger juice until it combines with something that you're already feeling.

    Leave her alone, don't bother her, give her the chance to come back to you in the future if she wants too, but don't expect it. A booze fuelled blow up early in a relationship is enough to make people run a mile. It's a real red flag. Accept that you've probably blown it and make sure it doesn't happen in the future. Learn from it.
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    Game over.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    On the contrary she knows me really quite well. We were dating a year ago, stopped because of A levels then were friends for a good few months, then she announced that she had feelings for me towards the end of summer after finding out I was taking a gap year. As well as this I’ve been helping her through her depression, have had to deal with constant mood swings and spent countless hours trying to get old friends who cut her off to reconcile with her. What you’re saying would be understandable if I was a naturally confrontational/ aggressive person but throughout the whole time this girl has known me I’ve never been like that, and all my friends agree.. One of her friends actually experienced my behaviour first hand because she was with us on the night it happened and told me to stop worrying bc it really wasn’t that deep. But thank you for your words
    She doesnt know you well enough to know what you are like when you have alcohol in you. It was enough to scare her off.

    You dont know what she felt because you arent her and nether is your friend.

    You dont really know how you behaved because you were under the influence.

    People can get very nervous about those who are aggressive especially if they have encountered it before. Just find someone else.
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    Drinking Alcohol should be illegal.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Firstly I didn’t cheat or do anything like that but let’s get started.

    So I went out Saturday night with my group of friends and brought the girl I was dating with me (she knows all my friends but not particularly close).

    Anyway just a bit of backstory, this girl and I had/have strong feelings for each other, talked every day, spent quality time together and started out as good friends before we were dating (known each other 1 year +). There were literally minimal arguments the whole time we’ve been exclusively dating..

    Now back to the night, firstly she came to mine to get ready and it was lovely, quite intimate and then we headed to my friend’s house for pre drinks. Again at this point of the night, things were still going well, didn’t drink much but I hadn’t eaten much that day and so got drunk very quickly, like within 10 mins. Then we got the taxi from my friend’s house to the club, paid for the taxi got out and queued up then realised my WALLET WASN’T THERE. was extremely angry because I had my cards, a lot of my money and the girl’s money in (all of which has been paid back to her btw). So basically I was not in a good mood that night. Towards the end of the night, I don’t know why but I was being really quite confrontational with people and asking them if they’d seen my wallet, and almost got into a fight which I had to be pulled away from. Then in an outburst fuelled by me being drunk/ angry at losing my wallet I said to this girl that we’re done for like no reason at all, on reflection it literally meant nothing.

    Anyway, i have met up with the girl since to return some things that she left at my house and had food with her today but she has told me she just wants to be friends due to my actions on the Saturday night, everyone else I’ve asked has said this is an overreaction because I’ve never acted like that before in my life and am generally considered a pretty chill guy. I would like to know if there’s anyone out there on her side who would make a decision that quickly about just being friends, like not gonna lie I was a massive nuisance/ **** that night but she knows I’m not like that deep down. Please share your thoughts thank you
    If you got drunk and acted like that, you probably are like that deep down. I find that when people are under the influence they tend to let things go and be more honest around their peers. This girl is realising what a **** you are and doesnt want to date you anymore. The truth hurts, stop making excuses for yourself dude.
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    (Original post by Tomas Darcy)
    If you got drunk and acted like that, you probably are like that deep down. I find that when people are under the influence they tend to let things go and be more honest around their peers. This girl is realising what a **** you are and doesnt want to date you anymore. The truth hurts, stop making excuses for yourself dude.
    i agree. Dude you suck
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    What bank are you with?
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    I've had this before and seen a part of someone I didn't like and didn't want to lose them as a friend so just called it quits there and then. Fact is, it isn't just the alcohol, it did bring out a more confrontational/verbally aggressive side of you which probably shocked her. Doesn't matter if you're not generally like that - the whole point is you lose your inhibitions under the influence so therefore you can't control how you behave etc. If it were me I'd be thinking what if that were to happen again but I'm alone with you? There's nothing to say you wouldn't behave like that with me etc. If she's going through a difficult time right now too perhaps she isn't sure of how she feels in general and this just confirmed to her that she should pause things for a while whilst she sorts her **** out. Better that than carry something on that she's not totally sure of which wouldn't be at all fair to you.

    I don't know. I suppose all you can do is express your regret, say you have your own things going on and it just got to you that night. Don't say it won't happen again because unless you state you're not going to drink again (which theres no need to we all have bad nights) you can't promise that. Good luck whichever way you go
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    (Original post by worldender)
    Dude. Stop. You're trying to shift the blame away from yourself and onto a) the booze and b) her. None of this is her fault, it's yours only and she is perfectly entitled to make any decision she wants.

    We have all got drunk and made mistakes. But you think that because you've been well-behaved before, you're not capable of getting drunk and acting like a tool who can't control his temper, and all this is some kind of mix up? Sorry, doesn't work like that.

    Just because you've been a 'nice guy' in the past and helped her with personal problems, doesn't let you off the hook. Probably feels really s4itty to have someone you trust go off at you. You might have been a great standup guy in the past, but you weren't that night and have to accept that.

    You need to take responsibility for yourself. Bear in mind next time you drink that, in the past, it's caused problems for you and other people. Be mindful of that. Right now, think through why you got so worked up - alcohol amplifies and distorts, but it's not anger juice until it combines with something that you're already feeling.

    Leave her alone, don't bother her, give her the chance to come back to you in the future if she wants too, but don't expect it. A booze fuelled blow up early in a relationship is enough to make people run a mile. It's a real red flag. Accept that you've probably blown it and make sure it doesn't happen in the future. Learn from it.
    Again thanks for the response, the only thing I can think of that could have triggered my anger was my lost wallet. Had a fair bit of money in it as I had been paid the night before and had some of her money in it as well - it was clearly something that was pissing me off greatly as I was asking random people 2 hours later if they’d seen my wallet. It’s all very confusing and I’m very ashamed because I’ve been drunk many times and have never acted out like that. You’re right though, I will definitely learn from this experience.
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    (Original post by PerhapsPhysio)
    I've had this before and seen a part of someone I didn't like and didn't want to lose them as a friend so just called it quits there and then. Fact is, it isn't just the alcohol, it did bring out a more confrontational/verbally aggressive side of you which probably shocked her. Doesn't matter if you're not generally like that - the whole point is you lose your inhibitions under the influence so therefore you can't control how you behave etc. If it were me I'd be thinking what if that were to happen again but I'm alone with you? There's nothing to say you wouldn't behave like that with me etc. If she's going through a difficult time right now too perhaps she isn't sure of how she feels in general and this just confirmed to her that she should pause things for a while whilst she sorts her **** out. Better that than carry something on that she's not totally sure of which wouldn't be at all fair to you.

    I don't know. I suppose all you can do is express your regret, say you have your own things going on and it just got to you that night. Don't say it won't happen again because unless you state you're not going to drink again (which theres no need to we all have bad nights) you can't promise that. Good luck whichever way you go
    Thank you very much. I have been drunk with her, just us but you’re right, maybe the combined fact that she’s not in a good place has some sort of factor in all these, anyway I’ve expressed my regret and whatever we do from now on is very much on her terms because I’ve honestly said all I can. Thanks for your luck but i personally think we know how it’s going to go
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