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    Hi,

    I'd appreciate any advice here. I'm in a real sticky situation and i don't know what to do.

    I'm in a gay relationship, and have been with my boyfriend for just over 18 months now. By and large, we get along great and have been doing so especially of late.

    However, I often find that I get hugely jealous. Often for no reason. I really struggle with him talking to other guys that I know he finds attractive that are his friends (an unfortunate part of being with the same sex & same sex friends? Is that just me that has this issue here or do others find the same? If so, any advice for how to cope/deal with it?)

    We are both talking to someone as both find attractive at the moment (we talk openly about this is like this, and we don't flirt etc). However, I always ask if he's been talking to this person and what they were talking about. I think perhaps the reason I do this is whenever I do he is so secretive and protective over the messages that get suspicious, even though I'm certain he wouldn't cheat on me. I don't know how to explain to him that this secrecy causes me to doubt him. I feel that if he was open about it (as I am - I'll always say "oh I spoke to **** about xyz earlier" if I have been) then I wouldn't feel the need to constantly ask. How can I explain this?

    Now comes to the real issue. We both know each others Snapchat passwords so that should one of us forget to maintain our streak the other can log in and rectify. Perhaps sad, but it's seemingly a fundamental part of life nowadays 😂. Anyway, I was doing so last night and found that he'd been talking to said person last Friday, and out of curiosity I looked. I found they'd been talking about other guys being attractive and similar, and this really annoyed me. Not that they'd been having this conversation particularly, but that this has been hidden from me. Why the need to keep it secret?

    I was going to save talking about it until I next see him in person but i cant hide something from him, it's just not me, and I ended up telling him and asking why he had lied to me. He flew off the handle at me (as I expected - this has happened before, when we had fallen out a year or so ago and I wanted to know if he'd been saying nasty things about me (and what) which he'd told me he had and apologised) and now won't answer my phone calls.

    I know it sounds like I'm really over the top, but I feel like utter rubbish this morning now and am not really sure how to approach this now. Any constructive advice would be hugely hugely helpful :-)
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    Hi, I understand that it’s difficult when you get jealous – I am the same way, even for seemingly no reason. I find that my jealousy comes from my own insecurities and not feeling good enough. Unfortunately, I haven’t found a way of tackling it yet, other than being open with your partner about how you’re feeling and trying your best not to get angry through jealousy.
    If he is being secretive and protective over the messages and that (understandably) makes you suspicious, then just say that to him. You could say that when you ask questions about what him and this other person are talking about, he seems to try and hide them from you, which makes you feel like he is actively trying to hide things which makes you really suspicious. Tell him that if he was more open about who he is talking to and when, you wouldn’t feel like he was hiding something.

    I can only imagine what it felt like to come across those messages on his snapchat, but is he actively hiding the conversation from you or has he just not told you about it? If it’s just a case of him not telling you then I think that’s understandable as you don’t need to know exactly who each other is talking to and what you’re talking about. You are in a relationship but you’re also entitled to be your own person too because you have your own lives – I don’t mean this to sound harsh or punitive, it’s just an alternative point of view!

    You’re not over the top at all (in my opinion), it’s just you showing how much you care and how much he means to you – I would be more worried if you didn’t care at all about the messages!

    Take care!
 
 
 
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