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Boyfriend is hanging out with his ex . How do I not over think? Watch

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    A few weeks or so ago, I found out he had gone to his ex girlfriend’s house. He wasn’t alone, as one other friend was with them. He didn’t tell me about going there until I had asked him what he had done that night.

    A few times now he has gone back over to her place, with a friend too, but I’m unsure on if he was alone with her last night.

    I had asked him to tell me when he is going over her place and so far he has been doing that. But because he is telling me, I have noticed that he has gone over there quite often, and I don’t like it too much.

    I refuse to be one of those girlfriends that control there partner. I talk to him if I have an issue and vice versa.

    When I did talk to him, he insisted that he and his ex are better just as friends and they get on well together, and that he won’t ever go back there. In my mind, I hope he wouldn’t do anything, but she might, just because she doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to men. However I want to believe she won’t make an advance on him because she may just be lonely and needs a friend, which happens to now be my boyfriend.

    He is over her place for hours on end. I’m so uncomfortable with him being there alone with her! I have a tendency to over think things. What if he spends so much time with her that he ends up liking her again? There relationship was never great before but since then they have both matured a lot, what if?

    I won’t ask him to stop seeing her. But how am I supposed to be cool with it and not wonder, what are they doing? Chilling and talking? About what? Old times? Is that not dangerous territory? Am I being stupid because I don’t believe will do something to jeopardise us.
    Does anyone have any have any similar experiences and how they dealt with it? I basically just want to know how to cope and not break out relationship with worry and nagging him about questions 24/7
    Thank you

    ***UPDATE***
    He just told me that the friend that is there with them, tends to fall asleep ( this is a after midnight thing- they are all night people) but i dont understand why he wont leave once they fell asleep? like its clearly getting late...go home? so if they are asleep surly that counts as him and his ex being alone?
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    You don’t have to be cool with it maybe try asking him to hangout all three of you so you can get to know her as well and it may make you more comfortable. If he doesn’t want all three of you to hang together than that would be cause for concern. If there is nothing going on there is no reason you guys can’t hang as a group.
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    Threesome possibly
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    no thats not ok he doesnt deserve you xx
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    In all honesty I would talk to him and simply express you're not sure how you feel about it. It isn't jealousy or whatever just more insecurity. Highlight that at one point they were just friends before they got together and if they were together once why not again? Ask him how he might feel If you were hanging out with an ex without telling him.

    Perhaps he didn't say anything because he didn't see it as a big deal (I've been in this situation before because once I end a relationship it is 110% over and if I hang out with them its as an acquaintance or friend).

    Hope you sort it out. I just think openess and expressing your feelings without attacking is the best way to go about things and it'll make you feel better too.
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    (Original post by PerhapsPhysio)
    In all honesty I would talk to him and simply express you're not sure how you feel about it. It isn't jealousy or whatever just more insecurity. Highlight that at one point they were just friends before they got together and if they were together once why not again? Ask him how he might feel If you were hanging out with an ex without telling him.

    Perhaps he didn't say anything because he didn't see it as a big deal (I've been in this situation before because once I end a relationship it is 110% over and if I hang out with them its as an acquaintance or friend).

    Hope you sort it out. I just think openess and expressing your feelings without attacking is the best way to go about things and it'll make you feel better too.
    Yes I do feel I'm insecure about it. However when I did mention me with my ex, he didnt seem to botherd, he is a very secure bloke. He will shrug it off as no big deal. :/
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    (Original post by Redxox1357)
    You don’t have to be cool with it maybe try asking him to hangout all three of you so you can get to know her as well and it may make you more comfortable. If he doesn’t want all three of you to hang together than that would be cause for concern. If there is nothing going on there is no reason you guys can’t hang as a group.
    I have actually asked him this, if she is going to be your friend can't I meet her like the others, but he told me she has anxiety and don't really leave her house so me seeing her there isn't an option
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    Hanging out is fine but I don't think it's okay that he's spending the day at her place regularly. You should explain that you're not happy with that and come to an understanding, he might tell you what he does or he might realise that it's upsetting you and do something in public instead.
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    (Original post by T.sos)
    A few weeks or so ago, I found out he had gone to his ex girlfriend’s house. He wasn’t alone, as one other friend was with them. He didn’t tell me about going there until I had asked him what he had done that night.

    A few times now he has gone back over to her place, with a friend too, but I’m unsure on if he was alone with her last night.

    I had asked him to tell me when he is going over her place and so far he has been doing that. But because he is telling me, I have noticed that he has gone over there quite often, and I don’t like it too much.

    I refuse to be one of those girlfriends that control there partner. I talk to him if I have an issue and vice versa.

    When I did talk to him, he insisted that he and his ex are better just as friends and they get on well together, and that he won’t ever go back there. In my mind, I hope he wouldn’t do anything, but she might, just because she doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to men. However I want to believe she won’t make an advance on him because she may just be lonely and needs a friend, which happens to now be my boyfriend.

    He is over her place for hours on end. I’m so uncomfortable with him being there alone with her! I have a tendency to over think things. What if he spends so much time with her that he ends up liking her again? There relationship was never great before but since then they have both matured a lot, what if?

    I won’t ask him to stop seeing her. But how am I supposed to be cool with it and not wonder, what are they doing? Chilling and talking? About what? Old times? Is that not dangerous territory? Am I being stupid because I don’t believe will do something to jeopardise us.
    Does anyone have any have any similar experiences and how they dealt with it? I basically just want to know how to cope and not break out relationship with worry and nagging him about questions 24/7
    Thank you
    As other people have said, you should tell him that hanging out with his ex makes you deeply uncomfortable. Maybe, you can ask him for suggestions on how he can reassure you. If he is close friends with her then ask him to let you meet her. It is normal for couples to meet each other's friends after all.
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    Along with the other suggestions you could always think of things the two you can do together and make him spend more time with you.
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    (Original post by T.sos)
    Yes I do feel I'm insecure about it. However when I did mention me with my ex, he didnt seem to botherd, he is a very secure bloke. He will shrug it off as no big deal. :/
    That's not a bad thing or something you should hide from your relationship though! Perhaps highlight that to him, that whilst he might not think twice about that sort of thing, you do. and it isn't a fact that you don't trust him as much as he does you - we all have our things that bother us. You're not saying to him he can't see his ex, you simply just want to know more about it.
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    (Original post by Redxox1357)
    You don’t have to be cool with it maybe try asking him to hangout all three of you so you can get to know her as well and it may make you more comfortable. If he doesn’t want all three of you to hang together than that would be cause for concern. If there is nothing going on there is no reason you guys can’t hang as a group.
    I agree with this. I'm not saying you have to be best friends with her, but to give you a piece of mind it might be a good idea to get to know each other. As Redxox said, if there's nothing funny going on, then there should be no issue in all three of you hanging out together. Or you and her alone! Talk to him about it again and express your concern, I'm sure he will understand, and perhaps bring up meeting her.
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    ask him, "how would you feel if i started hanging out with my ex and going to his house", everyone knows what his answer would be. He's taking you for a mug and he's being disrespectful. he knows you don't like it and he's still doing it anyway. you need make some boundaries and stand your ground sweetie
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    (Original post by tbeyan)
    ask him, "how would you feel if i started hanging out with my ex and going to his house", everyone knows what his answer would be. He's taking you for a mug and he's being disrespectful. he knows you don't like it and he's still doing it anyway. you need make some boundaries and stand your ground sweetie
    I agree with this. I dont think you should be putting up with that! I would definitely not be okay about it, it's not just a friend thats a girl, it's someone he used to love.. it's not fair on you.
 
 
 
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