Forget the mental problems, I suspect they're a symptom of something you can remedy and should go away when you see to those things. Let's take a look here...
1) You can lighten your skin with many different ingredients. Harder to do than tanning yourself, but possible. I am very white so always gloss over those discussions, but it can be done.
I don't know if I'd recommend it. A dark skinned person whitening their skin might just end up looking like an unhealthy ethnic person rather than a white person. Don't Michael Jackson yourself. You'd probably be better off working on the quality of your skin rather than the color, for which there are many effective treatments performed at cosmetic clinics. Avoid lasers for this as they are too risky.
2) Just to make you aware. There are more permanent solutions for eye lightening. These may be dangerous, but thought you might want to know just because:
a. Stroma Laser (not yet released).
b. Honey eye drops such as those produced by Lighteyez.
I believe the honey drops will take you to hazel, whereas the Stroma laser takes you to blue. You can get permanent contact implants, do not be tempted to get those done.
3) Perfect teeth can be achieved quickly and effectively with Invisalign. Body can be worked on at the gym, focus on your lower body as a woman.
4) If people think you're too Islamic, it's likely a lot to do with your style, not just your appearance. Try to adopt a more Western style if that bothers you. There are many arabic looking celeb women who don't have "extremist" vibes (as you put it). Try to gain inspiration from them.
5) It's actually insecurity which cause your mood swings based on how people react to you. I suffer with this also. Right now your experiences are probably around 50/50 good and bad so you can't determine where you stand.
6) To be perfectly honest, ignore religion completely. There's absolutely zero proof for any of it (maybe ******** anecdotes like "I know it's real, God spoke to me when I prayed and said so!"), and if some manmade religion IS true, there are about 1000 that say you're going to hell anyway for believing in false idols. There's no greater tragedy than living a ****, muted life just on the unfounded belief that there's a better one coming after, then die and there's NO life after death and you essentially just threw away your one and only chance at enjoying existence.
You're already ****ed with your religion anyway, since you've sinned quite badly, and also since the religion states that you are worthless due to being female. You can't win.
7) Maybe your anxiety relates to your self consciousness of your physical appearance. If you can make yourself happier with your appearance through whatever means necessary, then this may reduce dramatically.
Does anyone wanna listen to my problems and give me some advice? xo Watch
Last edited by RockyDennis; 3 weeks ago at 17:28.
The only real help I can provide is with regards to your social anxiety but even then I don't know if it will help as you already noted its irrationality. Anyway here goes (and I'm not trying to be offensive, I get nothing from hurting the feelings of strangers for no reason):
Nobody cares about you as much as you do
By that I mean that with regards to the insecurities you have about your nose, nobody in their right mind will sit and ponder the state of your nose for a time that you should be worried about. The vast majority of those others will either be worrying about their own insecurities because they know themselves enough to see the flaws or will be thinking about something else which is related to the situation. Even if there is a person who sits there pondering the "flaw" that is your nose, that's not a person who has a judgement you should be scared about. In fact they are the weirder one who should be judged more harshly.
Beyond that though, I'm personally not deeply affected by any negative judgements based on my looks as I deem that as a shallow judgement and then judge the judger more harshly because I deem those who judge based on appearance highly as quite shallow in general. That helps me cope with my mild insecurities of my own looks which aren't restrictive to me to a serious extent (as shown by the fact that I have a god-damn personified bread loaf as my profile picture).
The attractive don't need to put much effort into other things like personality to have friends and status and so frequently become washed up, unremarkable objects. (I'm not saying all but most...) With that said it doesn't matter if your nose is "odd", you may be wrong or if "you're not" then don't worry, unattractiveness has its upsides.
(Original post by esmeralda17)
so I've been having a rough time recently and I've been needing to get some things off my chest , and since i don't want to reveal this **** to family or friends i thought TSR would be a great place to get some advice. This is going to be a long post ,and if you're commenting please have an open mind and don't judge. I need advice not a battering. If you take the piss I'll just report you. Background: 20 y/o girl, uni student. Okay here it goes :
This is all true.
-I was sexually abused by my father and don’t have a good father figure.
Sexually abused by my father when i was 14. I’ve only admitted this once to my mum and at the time she didn’t even take it seriously , it made me feel belittled. She told me 6 years later that she misunderstood how serious it was. She’s super religious and I hate how taboo sex is with her that she couldn’t even help out her own daughter and speak openly.
So nowadays I still feel scared of him, and have never let myself get close to him or alone with him again after that. That’s pretty sad to see it typed out but that’s what I went through and no one knew. I never trusted him after that period of time and he would sometimes make sexual remarks or laugh to himself when I walk in the room and even to this day, at age 20, I feel uncomfortable in his presence. I bet he doesn’t even remember doing it.
He caused a lot of destruction and pain in the family, and I won’t get into major details about what he did , but a quick background - he’s schizo- typal , ( a milder form of schizophrenia) deluded and paranoid ,and was violent in the house to my older brother and caused so much destruction . Emotionally abusive to my mum who seems to think its her job to endure **** for no reason. It was bad especially during my teenage years when me and my brother and sister were all growing up. Also he was obsessively controlling about where I could go and with who , subconsciously made me think I couldn’t do it myself, holding back my development.
I’m so conflicted because I feel like almost there are 2 people inside him. I feel guilty for hating him, but can you blame me?
He’s better now that he's older (60), but he's still that same person inside and it makes me feel queasy to be honest that he still lives here.
My mum did her best but I never felt a full support from her- today she makes me feel awful about my virtue and spiritually and doesn’t accept me as a person ( having sex before marriage, drinking) etc. I have to hide a lot from her. She stresses me out constantly and creates anxiety with her reminders that I may burn in hell soon.
So I feel like i don't have a father to fall back on, to guide me through life, and I feel stupid for saying this but i do feel attracted to older guys who can make my decisions for me and take care of me, and I did start seeing a guy in his 40s a few months ago, but broke it off, because turns out he was married ( smh)
-Insecure about my looks
Although I'm told I'm pretty, I'm not conventionally pretty- I'm not white, I'm tanned, light brown, with everything alright I guess but a huge bumpy nose, I’m very mixed race looking with brown hair thats now dyed blonde. I plan on having a nose job and even started wearing hazel contacts to change my brown eyes too. I’ve always been the odd one out from my friends not just in looks but personality and background.
I grew up in a totally white place with no-one similar to me, and I felt like i could never open up 100% with my white friends about my family life/ background and the gazillion problems and **** that Muslim parents will bring in your life, because they don't understand, naturally- they don't get why i have to lie about going out, with friends (in the daytime even), they don't know the struggle of wearing a long dress and tights and huge coat to a party, and then changing quickly in to a cute dress in the toilets, they don't now about having no mum to talk to when a guy hurts you and you get dumped (because she thinks you're not dating anyway, god forbid), they don't get that having to lie so much is exhausting and makes me feel like a bad person. I don’t want to burden my happy friends with my *****y problems, also.
A few times I felt the ‘chilliness’ of culture divide from not only strangers but people i know too, and more than few times I’ve been poked fun at for my race or interrogated about Islamic extremism blah blah blah. I know that people see my ethnicity before they see me.
I do feel very conscious that I look completely different to everyone else, and when guys or whatever do compliment my appearance it’s often that I'm ‘exotic’, furthermore reminding me I’m noticed first and foremost for looking compactly different to the crowd and sticking out like a sore thumb.
I’ve been abandoned by guys and heartbroken too many times , that now i feel very cynical about love. I just feel like life would be so much better if I were perfect. Perfect nose, teeth, body. Getting ghosted/ dumped just reinstates the belief that I'm not good enough. I push away the guys who do really like me because somehow I never attract the guy who I’M attracted to, ffs. Maybe it’s my vibes, I start feeling awkward like I'm not good enough so I'm not charming like I can be with people I feel good with.
I can’t deal with opening up my heart to boys anymore. Just can’t. I had a panic attack after the last guy I was dating ghosted me. Seeing married men cheat so many times also just makes me re think if guys can even be faithful . Which brings me to my next confession, THIS IS HEAVY SO DONT BLOODY JUDGE IF YOU CANT HANDLE IT
-In January I got into prostitution and in March was assaulted on the job
So I lost some weight and noticed the difference in how people treat me, and realised a lot of men seem to be interested. I so badly, so badly want a nose job. And i know a good one will cost £10,000, I've researched. My family has always struggle financially and I've never been able to buy much of what i wanted. So I realised I could benefit from my looks, and one thing led to another and a few months ago I got into this line of work , part time, because i also am a uni student.
I’ve made a ridiculous amount of money on the job - i wont quote figures but- it’s unbelievable because I've been dirt poor all my life. But i do feel like I've sold my soul to the devil. So since I’ve made money from my body and sensuality, I feel that my self esteem is almost totally defined by my looks- so if I have a bad hair day or feel chubby, I can’t interact with people and go out- I feel ugly and worthless.
But then there are moments when I feel great, but it’s very fleeting . It improves when I remind myself of how well I sing/ play guitar and write songs, write poetry and am academic , but I’m hard on myself and don’t celebrate my achievements* at all i just look forward to the next improvement.
The job is stressful and dangerous, which is the cost of earning so much fast cash. I’ve been assaulted on the job, robbed, and ridiculed. While 90% of interactions are honestly nice and really pleasant , there are some like that. I have mild PTSD , and high anxiety and depression after all thats happened in the last 10 months. Keeping it a secret is a huge stress and i do wonder if my family an friends would leave me if i told them the truth. My brother knows kindof that i met sugar daddies a few times, but i don't think he knows the true extent of it.
I’m by nature extremely sensitive and empathetic so any experiences or reactions from people, good or bad, affect me strongly and can swing my mood like a great pendulum from one distance to another. So setbacks make me feel worthless, and a series of successes can give me a false confidence. I hardly even trust my own mind anymore as to what reality is.
Because I’m attractive to some and ugly to others, special to one and forgettable to the next, I don’t know my worth and feel completely lost.
-I have no real sense of identity /Identity Crisis
Growing up in a household of mixed cultures, I feel torn between choosing a path of Muslim religiousness with prayer / abstinence , and the normal British life of partying/ drinking/ boyfriends etc. I feel like two different people with some friends and others, I feel like a fraud. I worry about my spirituality and fate after death and I feel conflicted about if religion is stupid or if it’s the truth.
I’ve taken rebellions steps like drinking and having sex which my parents / aunts uncles in my family would dream of doing. Thankfully I have my older brother and cousin in the same boat. I think I’d go crazy without my brother. Last year I went off the rails partying and coming off as somewhat promiscuous (thats what you get for denying a girl boys for 19 years), and did so many things I’ve super embarrassed about, so I switched university and started anew this year.
-Anxiety in crowds/ Social Anxiety ?
Last one i promise, I definitely have some degree of anxiety in crowds , but I don’t know if this is actually social anxiety because , although I'm shy, I'm perfectly fine with people one on one or even groups and can have great conversations. Probably to everyone else I seem normal. Because I'm good at faking. But crowds like lecture or exam halls or even dining halls send my anxiety through the roof and I often miss lectures or dinner because of it. I feel trapped and like I’m too vulnerable like people can see my nose from awful angles or I look fat when I sit.
It’s irrational but it’s just there and I want the feeling to go away. It’s so much better when I sit at the back of the hall so I feel safer . I just don’t like crowds. It’s over stimulating to say the least.
So I feel very emotionally unstable . I find it hard to trust anyone at all. I’m scared of guys my own age, especially the ones who are attractive and seem successful- the ones I’d like to be with.* Because I don’t feel that way and I feel less worthy.
I don’t trust people who seem to really like me, (strangers / new acquaintances).
Guys or girls. Because of the assault from the woman and being screwed over badly by a male client, I’m very wary of what they want from me. And wary in general of who might be stalking me when I'm walking alone at night / when I get calls from random numbers, because of the enemies I've made in this job, because there are bad, BAD people running these escorting businesses, like awful money hungry pimps who would hire you and then rob you and beat you if you try leave them.
Also I wonder why (regular) people would like me so much, right off the bat, and get fearful and skeptical of their intention. Because I'm very gullible and naive, and I’ve trusted the wrong people before, I don’t know who to trust. So I trust no one.
Inside I’m scared people still see me as the fat ugly girl, and would be disgusted if I were to talk to them. Guys especially.
I’m extremely self-conscious but not proud. Spend ages getting ready but not out of vanity.
I don’t know where I stand with looks and so I can’t commit to anything or anyone.
I definitely have an aversion to commitment and like A LOT of my own space. I’m fussy over being perceived as perfect.
I’m constantly faking self confidence when I have none. Maybe this confuses people and they think I’m stuck up? Or mentally deranged? Maybe I am, I don’t know that’s why I’m here.
I’m naturally very shy so this might make me seem stuck up; because of my anxiety and self esteem issues its been hard making friends at uni and am only friendly with a handful of people.
I feel like an imposter who isn’t actually beautiful or hot and one day someone will turn around and point at me or show me a picture and be like “ hahahah can’t believe you thought you had a chance with me lol look at you ” 😔
(I hate how i look in pictures )
If I could find a way to have a good, stable self esteem, and be more open in relationships, I think that would be a great outcome. Because right now I’m stuck my head and am just isolating myself and I know I have so much more potential than this.
At my best I can be the funniest, most charming, brave caring energetic person. But I feel like a different person to the girl a year ago, and I probably act like it too.
Thoughts . Advice ? xx
You are pretty and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I suppose you need to get out of prosteution. It how you are paying bills but it isn't worth doing a job that is putting you through so much ****. If necessary go to the police if people are threatening to beat you up etc.
Don't worry about how other people percieve you. You arn't going to be liked by everyone, but you need to keep the people who do like you for who you are around. The people who like you for who you are accept both your vulnerable and angry side and your good side.
Also start being genuine to people.I understand we all put on a bit of a mask when talking to people but try to put on as thin a mask as possible, so people can get to know for who you are.
I know anxiety is tough. It was one of the most difficult times of my own life. Could you possibly see someone about it? Does your uni have a councillor? You could see a psychologist or if you don't have the money a local church/charity/mosque. Discuss it with a friend you trust. Also focus on your studies. Uni impotant as it helps you to get a good job. I found focusing on work helped keep my anxiety at bay when I had it.
Also..with regards to being cynical about people and not trusting anybody, you should start trying to trust people. Trust people who seem nice and don't treat you horribly. Try to find people who are open about their feelings, honest and are most of all kind and respectful of who you are and how you feel. There are people in this world like that. I am lucky enough to be friends with one of them.
I hope this helps. Although I havn't seen you or know who you are but all I want to do if give you a hug and try my best to comfort you. You have been through some tough times. I hope life gets better for you. PM me if there is anything I can do to help.