I am wondering if anyone could please help me here (i'm 18 yrs old, by the way).
I've been dating my boyfriend for around 19 months. My Mum has never liked him, but has always, to be fair to her, supported us (until recently) - she let us sleep at home together, he could stay over, come round, etc. This even continued after we got 'caught' in bed together (she didnt actually see, but knew). That was possibly a turning point, but we hadn't been getting on for a while before that.
She says that I am pushing her away, and everyone else away. I used to go to my grandparents house every night for tea, I now see them perhaps once a week for a few hours. I spend very little time with her, largely (in my opinion, though she disputes this) because we dont get on and it is no fun. My parents are separated, and I hadnt seen much of my Dad whilst I've been with my boyfriend. He lives an hours train journey away and so when I used to see my Dad at the weekend I tend to see him, or do my voluntary work in an area I love.
My Dad understands this, I think. We weren't getting along great, but we are getting on better now. Since starting University I've been trying hard to build bridges and we are doing well.
As Ive just said, I started Uni this year and am commuting in, living at home with my Mum. I'm always really busy. My typical week consists of:
- Monday: Uni all day, society in the evening
- Tuesday: 9-11, see boyfriend for lunch, work 4-830.
- Weds: Off Uni, tend to do work, see boyfriend in the evening
- Thurs: Uni all day, work 6-10.
- Fri: Off every week, varies, work 4-730, brass band 8-10
- Weekend: either a day volunteering and the other volunteering, or the weekend with my boyfriend
Since starting Uni, things have really gone down hill at home. I'm hardly ever there because I'm so busy. My mum is insulting my boyfriend a lot (he doesnt treat me marvellously, all of the time, and we do row quite a bit, but we are happy, and I mean that), especially of late.
Now earlier in the week, we 'broke up' (for about 5 hours, we both knew it was a mistake and we were both in a grump). I was in a heck of a state that evening, though, as it felt so real at the time. I wasnt particularly nice to my Mum / Grandparents in this time because I wanted to be left alone and they wouldnt respect that. Anyway, they arent happy for me being back with him. I do, in a way, understand why. It wasnt right what he did and the way he did it, and he accepts that fully. I must add, though, that the break up was for a genuine reason, 80% my fault.
That takes us to where we're at today - living in the same house, 'hating' each other's company. I don't want it to be like this, and I am 100% sure she doesnt either. She thinks I'm pushing her away, but I'm not. I just want to grow up, and I dont think I'm acting any differently to any other teenager my age. I dont speak to her with the nicest tone (i can be quite horrible if I get angry at her, often as a genuine result of her moaning at me for always seeing him, having an untidy room, insulting him, etc. - my limited tolerance is probably because we arent getting on at the moment.) and I hate myself for it, but I just feel like I'm reduced to nothing else at times. It feels like she doesnt listen.
I'm sure she only wants what she thinks is best for me - we just don't agree. I love my boyfriend, and naturally (I think, not just me I'm sure?) want to spend a lot of time with him. I see him 1 full day p/w, with an evening and lunch slotted in on a day we are both free. She moans I don't have a 'real job' - I dont really think circa 12hrs p/w is too little for a student, who also does a voluntary job 10hrs p/w most weeks (I know its only voluntary, but its my hobby, plus my future career path), is that little?
I can't find the words to express how I want things to be nice, and for things to be better. Can anyone help me? :-)
Son-Mum relationship falling apart Watch
- Thread Starter
Maybe you should write all this down and give it to her in a letter if a face-to-face talk is a bit too far. Imo, you expressed your feelings really well here. I completely understand your situation and how you feel.