I've always been aware my penis wasn't normal and hoped it would just eventually come right as I aged, but when i did more research last summer I found out I've got phimosis (tight foreskin that can't retract over the penis head) and saw a doctor who suggested the cream which didn't work, hopefully will get a circumcision one day but can't talk with my parents about it since we don't have much of a relationship.
The condition has really defined my life and who I am, I have zero to little self confidence as I'm so embarrassed about it (gone to extreme lengths to stop anyone seeing it) and think it's caused me to develop social anxiety and depression, I've even contemplated suicide because of it. It's made me very shy and quiet, even though I like going out clubbing and drinking, but I find it hard to make friends as I was never that sociable because of it and have an extremely small friends group . When I came to university I often withdrew from some certain social aspects of uni life over fear someone would find out about it and this made me feel quite isolated and lonely as I could see other people we're free to make the most of there uni experience but I couldn't due to condition.
I've always stayed away from relationships with girls because of it (didn't even kiss a girl until uni), when I have gone on nights out I can somehow do alright with girls, but due to my lack of self esteem have a hard time believing any would ever be interested in me (apparently i'm decent looking but I can't see past my penis problem). I've also never had sex as I get really concerned about it freaking the girl out and them telling people I know + me not being good at it even if they didn't mind.
I got with a girl in a nightclub last week and she wanted to have sex but I got out of it cos I was on some stuff and had pilly willy (looked even worse than it usually does), I've been texting her since and she's invited me round to her's and on nights out but I've turned them down as I've got zero idea of what I'd do if she wanted to have sex.
So does anyone have any advice on how I could best approach it if that happened? or just any advice on life in general would also be appreciated thanks.
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