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I feel out of control

I broke up with my ex ages ago, and I suppose I didn't deal with the emotions at the time, and rebounded, distracted myself etc. Anyway, I think I've come to terms with us never speaking again now, and I just keep crying myself to sleep everyday, and I've started to ask people how he is. I don't know, I just feel like I keep pining for him and I don't want to start looking desperate, it's not who I am, and I don't know what is wrong with me. How do I get over him?
Original post by Anonymous
I broke up with my ex ages ago, and I suppose I didn't deal with the emotions at the time, and rebounded, distracted myself etc. Anyway, I think I've come to terms with us never speaking again now, and I just keep crying myself to sleep everyday, and I've started to ask people how he is. I don't know, I just feel like I keep pining for him and I don't want to start looking desperate, it's not who I am, and I don't know what is wrong with me. How do I get over him?


I think the problem is you're not focussing on you enough. If you're feeling a lack of something within yourself, it's often easy to make that about wanting someone else - you want them to fill a void, so to speak, so you keep wanting them back. You distract yourself from the bad things about the relationship, and you distract yourself from thinking realistically about why it didn't work out. Instead you focus on all the good times spent together, the buzz they gave you, how no one could ever possibly make you feel what they did... there's a big void in you, or so it seems. But actually you could find ways to fill that void. It sounds impossible at the time, because you have a sort of obsession with this person. But if you put yourself in completely new surroundings, like living in a new country, or got to be meeting so many new people - and just focussed on connecting with them as people rather than wanting anything romantic from them, or really focussed on something that made you feel excited, if you made that conscious decision to just write your ex off in your mind... then your attitude to yourself, to the world and to life would change. You'd start to view that person more realistically, and stop idealising them. Part of you would always wonder about them, but deep down in your soul, you would know that they weren't right for you. And even if you did try to re-kindle anything, it would only drag you deeper in despair. Anything away from them is what's actually better for you... that person is toxic to you. Well, that's my experience anyway.
Original post by Anonymous
I broke up with my ex ages ago, and I suppose I didn't deal with the emotions at the time, and rebounded, distracted myself etc. Anyway, I think I've come to terms with us never speaking again now, and I just keep crying myself to sleep everyday, and I've started to ask people how he is. I don't know, I just feel like I keep pining for him and I don't want to start looking desperate, it's not who I am, and I don't know what is wrong with me. How do I get over him?



aww, breakups wil always be hard to deal with. but what I've found is that finding new people, whether they're just friends, or a new guy, helps more than anything else. you need to get busy and start the next chapter in your life, its the only way to forget the past

good luck xx

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