Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

She's cut me off (f***ed up situation, beware) Watch

    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lukauu)
    Sorry but that doesn't give him the right to be a ****.
    So in your book, losing your mum makes you a ****?
    mmmkay
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lukauu)
    Entitlement issues much? You can't leave someone you admit cares about you hanging on mate. And then expect her to not be sleeping with other people when you treat her like that. That's just ****ed up, as you say. Perhaps show some respect and tell her how you feel. When we bottle things up, that adds to confusion. And don't expect her to wait around, she has a right to be happy and you're denying her that by keeping her hanging on.
    I have told her.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Don't take it out on yourself. You can't change the past.

    It seems to me that she's hurting really badly too. She's pulled away to deal with it. Maybe if you give her a bit of time you'll eventually come to an agreement?

    Either way, for the meantime, try your best to move on. I know it'll be difficult at times and you'll feel somewhat betrayed by her, but you deserve better. If you truly loved her, you'd let her go. Right now, I think that's what's best for the both of you.

    Good luck for the future I hope everything works out okay
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Vallito)
    I don't think you are trying to understand the situation.
    He told her he doesn't have strong feelings for her after he lost his mum, now I might be wrong here but if I lose my mother I would be in despair and extremely sad and I doubt I would be emotionally stable to dedicate my "full love" to someone, even my boyfriend.
    I think it is a reasonable human reaction for someone who has lost a family member to be closed out and cold towards other people. What she should have done as a loving girlfriend is been there for him and give him time and space to heal and regain his emotional stability, and she did not.
    Of course, I was not there and have not first hand witnessed it, and as you said- there are always two sides to a story, but from what we have I can clearly see where he is coming from.
    She got with him after she broke up with her ex-boyfriend (of 5 years), she was with him for 1 year and now she is with someone else. Maybe it is just me but if I truly loved someone and separated I'd want some sort of a break so I can move past it. It seems to me that this girl does not really know what love is(and who does, actually?), but is more latching on to whoever boy is available and willing to put effort and emotion into her. I have done that, I have been there and this is something very familiar to me.
    It is sad for me to say but I truly feel like she did not have "strong feelings" for him, judging that not long after she started to sleep around, but rather has an attachment disorder. To be honest most people do. We often don't want to be alone. Some people go and make friends, others go and get boyfriends/girlfriends to pass time, it's normal.

    Anyway, as other forumers have told you it is best to get over her and move on. At least the person above was right for one thing - you are "loving" her now because she is not yours. Don't obsess over her or stalk her on facebook just try and spend time and effort in hobbies and frineds rather than focusing on her.
    Yes well I have had lots of experience with what are quite frankly f**kboys who won’t properly commit to you until they see you moving on with other men. I have sympathy for him losing his family member but nothing else.

    Also I think you are confusing this situation with one where a loving relationship has already been established. I my husband lost a family member I would love and support him and give him all the space that he needs, but we have already established that we love and care for each other deeply. This is not the case, the relationship “started to blossom into love” for her but he told her he didn’t feel the same way, quite frankly she owes him nothing.

    The best thing he can do is give himself time to properly grieve his mother, and leave relationships out of it for a while.
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Glyndwrkid)
    I have told her.
    I've just shown your situation to my friend who is sitting next to me and what he said is that you need to move on.
    Often people are not on the same page in terms of feelings. When I first started dating my now boyfriend it took me 5 months to love him on the level he loved me. But he never lost hope and was always there for me. I adore him now and I could even say I feel stronger for him than he does for me.

    Now I don't know if you officially broke up during your argument but if both sides were not on the same page -that you are separating and you are allowed to see other people, then effectively she has cheated on you. As I said before if I broke up with someone I'd want some time to think and sort myself out and won't go on a shag streak.

    I don't think you not feeling the way she felt at the time to be selfish, you are entitled to your own emotions and your own feeling and you should never feel pressured to feel and think a certain way just because you'll be perceived as a "****" or a "bad" person. Now what you can't control are her feelings. She has chosen to move on and cheat/replace you. She is in her right to do so even if I/other people don't agree. In her mind, her reaction is justified and in your mind, yours is, nothing you can do about that.
    In terms of friendship, she does not owe you that too. She chooses who to be with and who not to be with. Maybe you were toxic for her or maybe she is too proud to admit she went on a rampage streak because she wanted to some sort hurt you.
    Anyway, I will stop spamming your threat as I feel passionate about this and would probably end up writing 1 million essays in here. I hope you do okay in your life and as I said I don't think you were selfish or wrong in reacting the way you did.
    Take care.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Vallito)
    So in your book, losing your mum makes you a ****?
    mmmkay
    No it doesn’t, acting like a **** makes you a ****
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Glyndwrkid)
    I know. I'm trying my best but I'm still clinging to hope she'll break silence after some time, because that's what happened when we had a row before we started seeing each other. But then again, she was a loner then and her bf wasn't paying her much attention.
    Okay maybe I was too harsh on you.

    Anyway, if I was her I'd be waiting for you to make the first move. Everything is on you. She doesn't want to open herself up to rejection. If you can't give her what you know she wants, just leave her alone. If you don't see a future with her, don't prolong her pain. Simples.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Vallito)
    So in your book, losing your mum makes you a ****?
    mmmkay

    Do you honestly think that is an argument? What a pathetic attempt. Clearly I was referring to his behaviour, it can't be excused because his mother passed. People deserve respect no matter what the scenario. If I don't see a future with a girl and she told me she wanted one, firstly I wouldn't expect her to wait around for me and secondly I wouldn't expect HER to be the one to get in contact first. I'd want to know they see a future, if not let me move the hell on. OP has a lot to learn, and he needs to stop being selfish and imagine if this was him being treated like that.

    Muddled my comment there lol.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by del1rious)
    Yes well I have had lots of experience with what are quite frankly f**kboys who won’t properly commit to you until they see you moving on with other men. I have sympathy for him losing his family member but nothing else.

    Also I think you are confusing this situation with one where a loving relationship has already been established. I my husband lost a family member I would love and support him and give him all the space that he needs, but we have already established that we love and care for each other deeply. This is not the case, the relationship “started to blossom into love” for her but he told her he didn’t feel the same way, quite frankly she owes him nothing.

    The best thing he can do is give himself time to properly grieve his mother, and leave relationships out of it for a while.
    I understand your point of view and there is no right or wrong here, just opinions.
    I don't classify him as a **** boy since a one-year relationship has been going between them and I feel that a fuk boy would have moved on as soon as he slept with her(as the definition of a fuk boy suggests). I feel like viewing him in a certain way other than neutral based on your past experiences makes you a very unsuitable person to give advice. since you are taking a defensive approach to this rather than a calm/ bias-free opinion. As you said you've had past experiences in this so maybe you're projecting onto him what you experienced. Anyway, I'm not here to judge.

    The more substantial thing is that if you read my past comment I said everyone is entitled to their feelings. The way you say she owes him nothing because he did not love her enough, you can reverse, and say he owes her nothing because she pressured him into loving her. Frankly, neighter is okay. I very much feel like this is a situation where things are moving very fast for one partner and not fast enough for the other.
    I do agree, however, that he should focus more on healing rather than on this girl. Wheather he is a "fuk" boi or a normal confused human is not up to me or you to decide. Every person goes through relationship struggles and in love and war there are no rules.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lukauu)
    Do you honestly think that is an argument? What a pathetic attempt. Clearly I was referring to his behaviour, it can't be excused because his mother passed. People deserve respect no matter what the scenario. If a girl doesn't see a future with me and I'd told her I wanted one, firstly I wouldn't expect her to wait around for me and secondly I wouldn't expect HER to be the one to get in contact first. I'd want to know they see a future, if not let me move the hell on. OP has a lot to learn, and he needs to stop being selfish and imagine if this was him being treated like that.
    You are just wrong.
    I don't know how you view life but insulting people is not the way to go.
    I don't think this is an argument but a discussion, which I will end right now because no matter what I say to you, you will block out due to your ignorance.
    Here is thought for food tho - what shows disrespect more? Not being there when your partner is in grief and sleeping with other people post-argument because of anger or not being able to express your feelings properly?
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    did you try any specific positions when sleeping with her?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by up the arse?)
    did you try any specific positions when sleeping with her?
    Are you taking the piss or do you genuinely want to know? lol
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Also I feel quite surprised at the amount of sl*t shaming going on here. If a single girl wants to sleep around that doesn’t mean she is “damaged” or has some kind of emotional disorder.
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Glyndwrkid)
    Are you taking the piss or do you genuinely want to know? lol
    a bit of both
    So I take you didn't try any new positions then?
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Glyndwrkid)
    Mainly missionary.
    This really is getting weird. I’m gonna leave you to it
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Glyndwrkid)
    She has an attachment disorder.
    Speculative, not confirmed
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Glyndwrkid)
    What's with all the f**k boy nonsense? Yes the sex was good, but so was the cuddling, and her sense of humour, and the way she looked to one side when she was shy. Does loving her make me a f**k boy?


    Also, I can see plain as day she has an attachment disorder, because what these people do is they will love you when they are "in the moment" with you, but as soon as other people come along, whether its friends or lovers, they will drop you at the drop of a hat.

    Do you know what it's like to fall in love with someone who is actually incapable of loving anyone?
    You aren’t her psychiatrist. You can’t just label someone as mentally unsound just because they don’t have feelings for you. And it isn’t all about sex, you messed around her feelings.
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    sloots gone sloot
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    You're going to hurt for a long ass time. You've just got to sit it out and hope for the best.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    She's just texted me having a go for blocking her on fb
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 7, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Will you be richer or poorer than your parents?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.