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I'm developing an eating disorder but I don't want to get help Watch

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    I've developed an eating disorder as a response to wanting to get control of my life. At first I thought I was faking it because I felt like I was in complete control of everything and it wasn't disordered eating, it was just me eating healthier and eating less.

    Then the other night after having a very health dinner, I for some reason wanted some biscuits, even though I knew I wasn't hungry and I was just trying to put off going to bed. Then I finished them and moved onto half a can of baked beans and some Chinese prawn things. By the end of it all I absolutely despised myself for losing control and being a greedy pig and was on the verge of either self-harming (I've been clean for a few months now) or making myself throw up (I've never done this before). I knew I wasn't going to self-harm but I tried my hardest to not throw up because it's a habit I definitely don't want. I had a shower, went to brush my teeth and at that point gave in and made myself throw up.

    I realised at that point that my dieting is probably a bit more than just dieting. But I don't want to do anything about it. I've lost about 4kg in the space of a month and I love it. I love that for once I have some control of my life and that I'm seeing the positive effects of that control. I love that I haven't had thoughts of taking my own life in months because I have this control. I can control myself and it makes me feel valid.

    However, I also know I'm playing a very dangerous game, and I don't know what's going to happen now. What do I do?
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    You're unlikely to ever want help when you're in the middle of an ED, but at the end of the day do you want this to be your life? I would suggest you confide in someone offline and then go to your GP. Eating disorders are very damaging and can have lasting consequences, and even cause death. Part of the reason I lost one of my best friends was because her body was too weak to cope due to her eating disorder. It was a hard pill for me to swallow because it meant I had to face my own demons with my own ED.

    If you want to talk to someone about your ED and you're not ready to tell someone offline (yet), you're welcome to PM me, I'll keep you as anonymous.

    Take care.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Pathway)
    You're unlikely to ever want help when you're in the middle of an ED, but at the end of the day do you want this to be your life? I would suggest you confide in someone offline and then go to your GP. Eating disorders are very damaging and can have lasting consequences, and even cause death. Part of the reason I lost one of my best friends was because her body was too weak to cope due to her eating disorder. It was a hard pill for me to swallow because it meant I had to face my own demons with my own ED.

    If you want to talk to someone about your ED and you're not ready to tell someone offline (yet), you're welcome to PM me, I'll keep you as anonymous.

    Take care.
    Thank You
 
 
 
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