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    If I've not heard it before and it made me laugh, you shall receive 12 rep points



    inb4 "your life", "your face", "your mum", "your penis" or anything to do with me
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    Did you hear about Ireland's population?

    It's Dublin
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    You
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    Three tomatoes are walking down the street.
    Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
    Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
    Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
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    (Original post by It's****ingWOODY)
    If I've not heard it before and it made me laugh, you shall receive 12 rep points



    inb4 "your life", "your face", "your mum", "your penis" or anything to do with me
    Can I do a riddle instead? Don't care about reps by the ways!
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
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    Why don't communists drink Earl Grey?

    Because proper tea is theft.
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    What is the difference between a lorry load of sand and a lorry load of babies?

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    You can unload one with a pitchfork.

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    Roses are red
    My mum is white.
    ...
    ..
    .
    .
    .
    ..
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    ..
    .
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Omae wa mou...SHINDEIRU!!
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    (Original post by JDieMstr)
    Roses are red
    My mum is white.
    ...
    ..
    .
    .
    .
    ..
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    ..
    .
    Spoiler:
    Show


    Omae wa mou...SHINDEIRU!!

    This post had so much potential
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    (Original post by Emerald777O)
    This post had so much potential
    Yeh.... I think I brain farted after typing that 2nd line and then for some reason remembered the *Spoilers* line from a fb meme.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by MiszShortee786)
    Can I do a riddle instead? Don't care about reps by the ways!
    Go for it
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    You'll have to bear with this one lads.
    Spoiler:
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    So last semester I met a guy in my economics course at uni. He was cool & an international student. His name was Ving and was from South Korea. His english was really good for a second language, better than I could ever be learning a second language. We often hang out and I show him the sites and tourist destinations in my city. He's much cooler as well as being smarter and funnier than me. I'm just average all over. Whenever I took him to a nightclub or party he was the centre of attention to the point where he didn't need me, but he kept me around anyway. Hell, I'd seen him get free drinks from the bartender on more than one occasion. Ving told me often that he likes it here and doesn't like the high expectations of his family. I felt bad for him. He could actually excel here while I'm kind of just doing average and wasting my degree. He often joked about changing his name to Bruce Lee or something and hide away so he would never have to go back.

    One day after learning about profit margins or something in economics class Ving tells me how he has a sister called Ling who just arrived on exchange at a different uni but in the same city and says it would be cool if we all hung out together because he hadn't seen her in several weeks. We all went to the beach and Ving, Ling and me formed an unlikely trio. Ling was pretty great also, but we both lived under Ving's shadow. Ving kind of made us more confident in ourselves, and made me feel more optimistic on my outlook also. It was a shame that in a few months they had to go back to South Korea.
    Things did not stay this good for long.

    Ving started telling me more about how he disliked the high expectations his family had of him. He said he felt he had truly found himself here & that he didn't want to go back. I was originally skeptical and thought this was a bad idea but at this point in our friendship I had basically become reliant on him to be considered cool with all my uni friends. The fact that I'm Ving's closest friend got me into nightclubs I otherwise didn't have the looks to get into. He said that his sister Ling was already in on the plot and that we just had to follow his instructions.
    He firstly had to change his name.

    The three of us went into the city's Local Citizenship Bureau to change Ving's name. "What are you going to change your name to Ving?" I asked. "Bruce Lee" he joked. He was striding towards the counter, his eyes were earnestly focusing on the person behind the teller.
    Ving walked up to the teller while Ling and I stood a few metres behind him. He asked to change his name. He pulled out his birth certificate. After a little discussion the teller said "Okay here is the form you have to fill out to change your name, however you have to incur a $300 transaction fee to change your name." She was holding out a slip of paper with the $300 fee on it.

    Ving immediately sat down and started to slowly break down into tears. We ran up to see what was going on. "I don't have $300..." He said, crying, "Maybe I've made a huge mistake". His sister Ling took the fee from the teller's hand and looked down at her brother crying uncontrollably on the floor. She had no idea what to do either.
    This was my moment. This was my moment to save the day and help the two people that had helped me so much in my own life. I took a deep breath in.

    "Don't stop, be Lee, Ving. Hold onto that fee, Ling"
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    your biceps
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    Whats the difference between onions and babies?

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    I cry when i chop onions
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    Whats the difference between babies and a trampoline

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    I take of my football boots when i jump on the trampoline
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    (Original post by Retired_Messiah)
    You'll have to bear with this one lads.
    Spoiler:
    Show



    So last semester I met a guy in my economics course at uni. He was cool & an international student. His name was Ving and was from South Korea. His english was really good for a second language, better than I could ever be learning a second language. We often hang out and I show him the sites and tourist destinations in my city. He's much cooler as well as being smarter and funnier than me. I'm just average all over. Whenever I took him to a nightclub or party he was the centre of attention to the point where he didn't need me, but he kept me around anyway. Hell, I'd seen him get free drinks from the bartender on more than one occasion. Ving told me often that he likes it here and doesn't like the high expectations of his family. I felt bad for him. He could actually excel here while I'm kind of just doing average and wasting my degree. He often joked about changing his name to Bruce Lee or something and hide away so he would never have to go back.

    One day after learning about profit margins or something in economics class Ving tells me how he has a sister called Ling who just arrived on exchange at a different uni but in the same city and says it would be cool if we all hung out together because he hadn't seen her in several weeks. We all went to the beach and Ving, Ling and me formed an unlikely trio. Ling was pretty great also, but we both lived under Ving's shadow. Ving kind of made us more confident in ourselves, and made me feel more optimistic on my outlook also. It was a shame that in a few months they had to go back to South Korea.
    Things did not stay this good for long.

    Ving started telling me more about how he disliked the high expectations his family had of him. He said he felt he had truly found himself here & that he didn't want to go back. I was originally skeptical and thought this was a bad idea but at this point in our friendship I had basically become reliant on him to be considered cool with all my uni friends. The fact that I'm Ving's closest friend got me into nightclubs I otherwise didn't have the looks to get into. He said that his sister Ling was already in on the plot and that we just had to follow his instructions.
    He firstly had to change his name.

    The three of us went into the city's Local Citizenship Bureau to change Ving's name. "What are you going to change your name to Ving?" I asked. "Bruce Lee" he joked. He was striding towards the counter, his eyes were earnestly focusing on the person behind the teller.
    Ving walked up to the teller while Ling and I stood a few metres behind him. He asked to change his name. He pulled out his birth certificate. After a little discussion the teller said "Okay here is the form you have to fill out to change your name, however you have to incur a $300 transaction fee to change your name." She was holding out a slip of paper with the $300 fee on it.

    Ving immediately sat down and started to slowly break down into tears. We ran up to see what was going on. "I don't have $300..." He said, crying, "Maybe I've made a huge mistake". His sister Ling took the fee from the teller's hand and looked down at her brother crying uncontrollably on the floor. She had no idea what to do either.
    This was my moment. This was my moment to save the day and help the two people that had helped me so much in my own life. I took a deep breath in.

    "Don't stop, be Lee, Ving. Hold onto that fee, Ling"

    The very long set-up to that punchline was so ****ing worth it :rofl:
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    (Original post by myjiggabob)
    your biceps
    Ahh, see I would'a repped one of your other jokes as it made me laugh, but you broke the rules so you'll have to **** off
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    It isn't a joke...

    It's a crappy video from a good youtube that was made years ago

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    Oooh... I remember this one from primary school.

    What happened to the stone when it fell into the water?

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    It got wet.
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    (Original post by myjiggabob)
    Whats the difference between babies and a trampoline
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I take of my football boots when i jump on the trampoline
    Just a prank bro relax
 
 
 
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