Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

My friend's worrying anime porn attraction Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I am really quite concerned about one of my friends who I share an apartment with. He is 26, I have known him for around 6 years now, since we were first at university.


    He has never had a girlfriend in the time I have known him (20-26), neither have I ever seen him getting with a girl, nor has he ever brought anybody back to the flat. He claims to have had a girlfriend in the past and to have slept with someone on a night out I didn't go to about a year ago, but I have never found anyone who is able to corroborate this, or any proof of him having been with anyone at all. I am certain he is heterosexual as he would surely have stated otherwise given that he knows that I am bisexual and that our other flatmate/friend is gay.


    He has always been heavily into gaming and watching anime shows, often binge watching them at a time. However, a few days ago (and following some concerned and speculative conversation between us) my other flatmate brought up the topic of porn and he revealed that his favorite categories were cartoon and anime porn with the reason being
    "they can do so much more than real people can".


    Now - people can say that there is nothing wrong with this and it is not hurting anyone - but I am concerned that if this is all he is watching or all he is into then this is hurting him and his potential for dating, happiness and normality, particularly being in his mid 20s, by exclusively pounding away alone in his room rather than wanting to meet real people.


    I am worried that this is an unhealthy and damaging obsession, I don't know what to think about it, and I don't know how to address it from the position of two concerned cohabiting friends. Does anyone think this is exclusively porn/fap related? Can it be addressed at all?

    Please share your thoughts, thanks!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    oi kys, his life not yours, life ain't worth it but anime porn is!
    ever see a chick with breasts 3times the size of her face? no? well they're everywhere in anime boi!

    But seriously.. if it's what he's into then I suggest you let him do what he likes
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    Suggest some activities to him (like going up to him and asking if he wants to come out with you and some mates), or even talk with him about it if you want, but at the end of the day you're not his mom! If he likes living the way he does and doesn't want to try new things and meet people, then that's his choice, and if he's adamant about it then he will probably get annoyed with you asking if he is ok and treating it like a problem when he doesn't see it as one. I get where you're coming from as I wouldn't like to live like him either, but if he doesn't see a problem with it, why should you :dontknow:
    • TSR Support Team
    Online

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Clez)
    I am really quite concerned about one of my friends who I share an apartment with. He is 26, I have known him for around 6 years now, since we were first at university.


    He has never had a girlfriend in the time I have known him (20-26), neither have I ever seen him getting with a girl, nor has he ever brought anybody back to the flat. He claims to have had a girlfriend in the past and to have slept with someone on a night out I didn't go to about a year ago, but I have never found anyone who is able to corroborate this, or any proof of him having been with anyone at all. I am certain he is heterosexual as he would surely have stated otherwise given that he knows that I am bisexual and that our other flatmate/friend is gay.


    He has always been heavily into gaming and watching anime shows, often binge watching them at a time. However, a few days ago (and following some concerned and speculative conversation between us) my other flatmate brought up the topic of porn and he revealed that his favorite categories were cartoon and anime porn with the reason being
    "they can do so much more than real people can".


    Now - people can say that there is nothing wrong with this and it is not hurting anyone - but I am concerned that if this is all he is watching or all he is into then this is hurting him and his potential for dating, happiness and normality, particularly being in his mid 20s, by exclusively pounding away alone in his room rather than wanting to meet real people.


    I am worried that this is an unhealthy and damaging obsession, I don't know what to think about it, and I don't know how to address it from the position of two concerned cohabiting friends. Does anyone think this is exclusively porn/fap related? Can it be addressed at all?

    Please share your thoughts, thanks!
    Anime is basically cartoons and although it seems a little creepy I'd frankly rather he be watching cartoon porn than watching real porn and supporting the porn industry. Cartoon porn doesn't have some poor real person on the other end.

    And as far as watching anime (non-porn) goes- it's just animation again. There are loads of different genres within it. No different from watching Family Guy or American Dad in concept.
    He has the right to enjoy what he likes. You may not like it, but so what?

    It's not your business to be controlling his life or trying to convert him into what you think is enjoyable. He's doing what he wants and enjoys- leave him to it. You're judging him by your standards.

    I know you're trying to help him, but you're being quite judgemental. Just worry about if he's happy, not if it's the right type of happy.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Kindred)
    Anime is basically cartoons and although it seems a little creepy I'd frankly rather he be watching cartoon porn than watching real porn and supporting the porn industry. Cartoon porn doesn't have some poor real person on the other end.
    I know that anime porn is cartoon porn - I have looked it up to see what it was. I'm not interested in a debate on which porn is most ethically or socially PC (if I was, I'd argue that anime porn seems unspecified on the age of consent of it's cartoon actors).

    My point is that preferring anime porn (or any porn) to real people is unnatural to the point of being a mental disorder (it is specified as one, before you get on your high horse).

    (Original post by Kindred)
    And as far as watching anime (non-porn) goes- it's just animation again. There are loads of different genres within it. No different from watching Family Guy or American Dad in concept.
    He has the right to enjoy what he likes. You may not like it, but so what?
    I have no issue with him watching normal anime, and did not say that I did. Plenty of people I know watch normal anime - and sometimes even anime porn, but they also have relationships or at least an interesting in intimacy with real people.

    The thing which led myself and my other flatmate to discuss this was a documentary about a man who was had a delusion of being in love with a woman on a computer game - and also another man who had married a pillow with the design of an anime character - these may also not be harming anyone, but they are also not normal and these people should be getting anti-psychotic therapies.

    (Original post by Kindred)
    It's not your business to be controlling his life or trying to convert him into what you think is enjoyable. He's doing what he wants and enjoys- leave him to it.
    I haven't said anywhere about controlling his life or trying to convert him to something else - those are YOUR words, not mine. He has told us about having girlfriends before but they are suspicious stories with no proof. He is a shy person - we are concerned he is a 26 year old virgin and may be afraid/uncertain about dating and chooses to hide away looking at this creepy porn. All I have said is I want some advice on what I have seen, not what I want to do.

    (Original post by Kindred)
    You're judging him by your standards.
    And what are my standards? The only piece of personal information you have on me is that I am bisexual. So what are you saying? Because it sounds like an age-old Biphobic stereotype to me - in which case you REALLY shouldn't have moderator privilege.

    (Original post by Kindred)
    I know you're trying to help him, but you're being quite judgemental. Just worry about if he's happy, not if it's the right type of happy.
    I have a right to be judgemental from the position of a concerned friend - I know there is a kind of precedent these days that "everyone has a right to be x"; but realistically, this is not a normal or healthy thing to be doing compared to the rest of society.
    • TSR Support Team
    Online

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Before I start I just want to say that I was in no way trying to peg you as a bad person or friend. I am sorry if it came across that way.
    And not in a "sorry you saw it that way" kinda fake apology way- In a real "I did not mean to say that and am sorry if I did" kinda way.

    (Original post by Clez)
    I know that anime porn is cartoon porn - I have looked it up to see what it was. I'm not interested in a debate on which porn is most ethically or socially PC (if I was, I'd argue that anime porn seems unspecified on the age of consent of it's cartoon actors).

    My point is that preferring anime porn (or any porn) to real people is unnatural to the point of being a mental disorder (it is specified as one, before you get on your high horse).
    Although it can be a mental disorder to like animated people over real people, it doesn't mean that just choosing to look at an animated representation of a person while you do your business is.
    There's a big difference between the two. I imagine your friend knows that animation is just a representation of something real, rather than seeing it as something real in itself.

    I have no issue with him watching normal anime, and did not say that I did. Plenty of people I know watch normal anime - and sometimes even anime porn, but they also have relationships or at least an interesting in intimacy with real people.

    The thing which led myself and my other flatmate to discuss this was a documentary about a man who was had a delusion of being in love with a woman on a computer game - and also another man who had married a pillow with the design of an anime character - these may also not be harming anyone, but they are also not normal and these people should be getting anti-psychotic therapies.
    Preferring to watch animated porn doesn't mean that he has a romantic attraction to cartoons or that he would prefer a drawing over a real woman. It could mean that he finds it creepy watching intimate parts of a real woman who he doesn't know, that he's into stuff that is easier to find in animated porns or something else.
    Anime is a representation or real people, but in a more safe way (doesn't have the same moral implications, is cheaper than hiring a real actress, etc).

    I haven't said anywhere about controlling his life or trying to convert him to something else - those are YOUR words, not mine. He has told us about having girlfriends before but they are suspicious stories with no proof. He is a shy person - we are concerned he is a 26 year old virgin and may be afraid/uncertain about dating and chooses to hide away looking at this creepy porn. All I have said is I want some advice on what I have seen, not what I want to do.
    I didn't mean to say that you were trying to or that it was your intention, but you are quite concerned about him when frankly it doesn't matter. There could be so many reasons he doesn't have a gf and I expect that anime porn is a way to satisfy urges because he doesn't have a gf, rather than the reason he doesn't have one.

    And what are my standards? The only piece of personal information you have on me is that I am bisexual. So what are you saying? Because it sounds like an age-old Biphobic stereotype to me - in which case you REALLY shouldn't have moderator privilege.
    I had no idea you were bisexual when writing that and do not care if you are. You are free to like whatever or whoever you like and it's none of my business.

    The standards I was referring to were the importance of having a gf (or partner).
    He might not care about that. Frankly even if he were attracted to anime more than real people (which I don't think is the case btw) it honestly doesn't matter. It's not hurting anybody and he's happy. Sure it's odd, but so what?
    If people want to have sex with trees in a public park then that's an issue that involves the public. If he wants to **** off to a drawing of a woman in his bedroom then that's his own business. He's not involving anybody else.
    Just like it's none of my business if you're bi, because it doesn't involve me.

    I have a right to be judgemental from the position of a concerned friend - I know there is a kind of precedent these days that "everyone has a right to be x"; but realistically, this is not a normal or healthy thing to be doing compared to the rest of society.
    I think that this anime thing is a symptom of a bigger problem. I am not going to argue that it isn't odd and I certainly am not going to argue that you shouldn't care about your friend, but I don't think that the anime is the issue.
    If there is an issue it's that he's shy or doesn't know how to talk to people well or something and he's using anime to fill the void that leaves.
    But, it's not necessarily an issue that he doesn't have a gf. Obviously I don't know him so anything I say is a "possibly" or "if", but he might just not care about having a partner at the moment.

    Animated porn might be easier to find, contain more genres, be linked to shows he may enjoy etc. There's no harm in him choosing that as his outlet and id doesn't necessarily speak to any bigger issue.
    If there is an issue that he is lonely or bad at socialising or whatever then that's a separate issue and it's totally fine for you to be worried about it, but the anime is not something you should worry about.
    You might find it creepy and that's fine, but I really don't think it's anything you need to save him from.


    So just to get this straight, I have no issues with you sexual orientation or any other belief or standard you may have and I have no issues with you caring about your friend, I just don't think that anime porn is something you need to worry about.
    When I say you are putting your standards on him etc I am not saying that your standards are bad, just that they might no be ones that matter to him.
    When I say that you shouldn't be worried about it I'm not saying you shouldn't care about your friend or want to help him, just that I don't think this is a thing that is causing him harm or that needs helping.


    edit: I have just read back on my previous post and I was quite blunt. Sorry. I should have explained better.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Ditch him.
    People that watch anime are sub-human
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    oh yeah introduce the concept of no fap. and the book and ted talk your brain on porn. gives a nice overview of the physical harmful backed up scientifically effects of porn and gives lots of testimonials of people giving up porn. i gave it up 2.5 years ago (ive slipped up hundreds of times ofc) and quitting is probably the best decision of my life. i use the energy and time wasted to do productive **** - go to gym 5x a week, read proper books for men, meditate, study harder, socialise more, went on exchange, worked abroad each uni summer. in my perspective yeah i haven't got a gf in that time sure but imo i wouldn't have experienced all those benefits. i suggest watching the youtubers based zeus, elliot hulse, infinite waters, rsd tyler and similar to him, how to beast, no fap vlogs etc
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Leave him alone. It's none of your business. This is nothing more than normie imperialism. He's quite happy and doesn't need you sticking your nose in. Rude. Butt out.
    Online

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Unless he starts watching animal/child/other overly devious types of it leave him be..
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Some like it, others do not. Its personal choice so leave it for him to choose
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 15, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.