Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Would you be with an asexual? Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Dom2375)
    I'm pretty sure forcing someone to have sex if they don't want to is rape.
    They're not talking about rape, they're saying that I could have sex for their happiness.

    I would only do that once or twice a year if I wasn't attracted to them.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I've given up on any chance of dating someone who isn't asexual.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I probably would because I have a lower libido level than most anyway (but I'm not completely asexual).
    Still, assuming that my partner would not be interested in sexual intercourse at all, it would be nice if she could give me a handjob or blowjob from time to time
    I honestly don't mean that in a macho kind of way. But it would bring us closer together than solo masturbation, and she wouldn't have to worry about the relative "complexity" of penetration sex, which wouldn't give her any pleasure anyway (if she was asexual). I hope this suggestion doesn't offend anyone, but I honestly think it's a fair compromise.
    • #2
    #2

    What about an asexual who can be turned on by soft foreplay ie general touching/massage and is willing to compromise and have intercourse even though they dont particularly enjoy it?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    No, they are still human and I despise you all.
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Yes. I'm not the most sexual person to begin with anyway. For me, companionship is more important than sex but I understand why others couldn't be in a sexless/mostly sexless relationship. I'm lucky my husband is ok with me being the way I am.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    I'm an ase and I get what you mean
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MLPfourever)
    I'm not self centered or controlling.
    I just don't believe in porn.
    Not everyone is okay with it.
    Well, hell; frankly, I'm not in favour of porn either. I don't know what 'not believing in porn' means exactly, but it seems like an industry that's harmful and exploitative of its producers and inculcates unrealistic ideas about what sex should be like in its consumers. All the same, I wouldn't try and stop my partner from watching porn, because I want them to be happy, and their enjoyment comes before my disapproval. Forbidding your partner from watching porn because of your own moral scruples is controlling by the definition of the word. In what way does it harm you?
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    I'm completely asexual myself, a lot of people seem confused by the terminology, asexuality isn't low libido or not wanting to sex, it's a lack of sexual interest or attraction. You can still get turned on.

    Your best bet is finding another asexual, unfortunately we're really hard to come by and the variations in preferences can be wide. Being with a sexual person is also ok, people don't NEED sex to live and most can survive without, but you won't have the same understanding and you'd have to watch out for the people who stupidly think "Oh I can change them, they'll become sexual with me".

    I've had two relationships with sexual people in my time, one was completely ok with just cuddling and kissing, and the other was always forcing me to do things I didn't want to, so I think it really depends on who you find.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
    Well, hell; frankly, I'm not in favour of porn either. I don't know what 'not believing in porn' means exactly, but it seems like an industry that's harmful and exploitative of its producers and inculcates unrealistic ideas about what sex should be like in its consumers. All the same, I wouldn't try and stop my partner from watching porn, because I want them to be happy, and their enjoyment comes before my disapproval. Forbidding your partner from watching porn because of your own moral scruples is controlling by the definition of the word. In what way does it harm you?
    When I say I don't believe in porn what I'm saying is I regard it as cheating.

    (Original post by frankiefusciaxx)
    I'm completely asexual myself, a lot of people seem confused by the terminology, asexuality isn't low libido or not wanting to sex, it's a lack of sexual interest or attraction. You can still get turned on.

    Your best bet is finding another asexual, unfortunately we're really hard to come by and the variations in preferences can be wide. Being with a sexual person is also ok, people don't NEED sex to live and most can survive without, but you won't have the same understanding and you'd have to watch out for the people who stupidly think "Oh I can change them, they'll become sexual with me".

    I've had two relationships with sexual people in my time, one was completely ok with just cuddling and kissing, and the other was always forcing me to do things I didn't want to, so I think it really depends on who you find.
    I know that asexuals can become aroused, they just don't want to act on it.

    Finding another asexual is hard as they're so rare. My ideal relationship would be with another asexual/demisexual where there would be a cuddle to sex ratio of 50 to 1.
    I would love it if I could find a hyposexual hyperromantc heteroromantic heterosexual.
    I very much prefer emotional intimacy than sex.
    I'm sex repulsed/negative so I don't want much sex and if I was to sex I would want it to be in my own words ultra safe sex.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MLPfourever)
    I'm on the asexual spectrum.
    I regard myself as demisexual.
    That means that I only feel sexual desire/attraction if I feel a strong emotional bond to someone.
    Just because I feel an emotional bond with someone I love doesn't mean I'll feel sexual attraction to them though.

    If I ended up not finding my partner sexually appealing I would hope that they would just accept it and still be okay with me finding them psychically appealing.

    Would you date someone like me or anyone else who's on the asexual spectrum?
    For me I would find that ideal. I've recently started identifying as a Demi-Biromantic Asexual so for me another Asexual is likely the only sort of person I could have a relationship with, with all sexual interactions off the table.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MADMANMALIK)
    Demisexual just sounds like a label for a bisexual that is more into emotions than just physical appearance due to very low libido. I personally don't believe in this spectrum in general (gender is a spectrum, but "asexual and demisexual" are not a part of it- just online tumblr stuff).
    And no i wouldn't date anyone on that "spectrum", as a similar libido level is important for a healthy relationship.
    I disagree with that statement. There are many different levels of sexual interest. Bisexual is open to either sex rather than any gender, which is what a pansexual describes. Asexual's have a spectrum as well such as Demi-sexual to Demi-romantic where the difference being that the romantics will only form romantic interests and never sexual desire. Even within this there are more levels such as Demi-Biromantic or Demi-Homoromantic and so on which also describe they sexes or genders that people are attracted to.
    • #3
    #3

    I was in a relationship with someone I wasn't sexually attracted to. They were good looking but I was more attracted to their mind. Even though I didn't get any proper sexual pleasure with him, I still thoroughly enjoyed having sex because of the connection at the time. As much as I still love them, I know a long term relationship wouldn't work with him and it'd feel unfair (however this wasn't why we broke up). Btw they never brought it up properly, just thought that they weren't skilled enough to please me.
    So ultimately, I'm not sure relationships like that could work. They might look elsewhere for someone to sleep with, they may feel strange for having sex with someone who clearly isn't that into it (would be like them having sex with someone who's gay). And I don't think it's fair to say that they should just compromise. Sex is a special part of relationship and you shouldn't make people feel bad for wanting it. As other people have said, I think a relationship with another asexual could be good. Difficult to find them but they're out there. (And btw I don't consider myself asexual, there are people I am v sexually attracted to, just not my ex)
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MLPfourever)
    I'm on the asexual spectrum.
    I regard myself as demisexual.
    That means that I only feel sexual desire/attraction if I feel a strong emotional bond to someone.
    Just because I feel an emotional bond with someone I love doesn't mean I'll feel sexual attraction to them though.

    If I ended up not finding my partner sexually appealing I would hope that they would just accept it and still be okay with me finding them psychically appealing.

    Would you date someone like me or anyone else who's on the asexual spectrum?
    I think this is interesting. Personally, it's kind of just like having a best friend if you're not going to have the physical/sexual relationship.

    It isn't really about would a sexual person date you an asexual. In that scenario you are asking the sexual person to change their interest and desire or make accommodations when the real question is would you ...... as a asexual be willing to have sex (on a regular basis) with a sexual person if you wanted to be in a relationship with them. Because the truth is you can't get anyone else to change you can only change your own behavior.

    Being demisexual is really a non-issue it is just someone who doesn't want casual sex without commitment and no one-night stands. Quite a few people don't really find the idea of a sexual encounter pleasurable w/ a strange or acquaintance and it takes an emotional commitment to be willing to have sex. A lot of people fall into this category.

    Yes, I think a sexual element of an adult relationship is important but that is because it does help w/ bonding (for the sexual person anyway). And differentiates the relationship from just having a roommate or a bestie. The amount of sex as the relationship goes on will change over time based on what is happening in life.

    It will be harder to find another asexual partner - you've already acknowledged that, so what are you also willing to accommodate your partner sexually and then hopefully he/she will be willing to accommodate you on occasion as well. In a relationship it is about both people's needs. The sexual person's experience and needs are just as important as your need to just cuddle.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    i personally have a really low sexual drive so i'd like to think that if i really liked someone i could go without sex. however i generally only get into relationships with people i'm sexually attracted to (i guess thats the difference between a relationship and a friendship) so being sexually attracted to someone and knowing they don't find you sexually attractive would probably be a massive mind**** for me and i don't think i could do it :/
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Basically, relationships and asexuality seem to be very difficult to manage. But I would say if two asexual's met and got together it would be stronger than if it was based on looks or sex. I wonder what the stats for asexual relationships would be.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    I dont know.

    I'm only 15 now, so at the moment it wouldn't matter, however in the future I think that it would be more difficult to maintain the relationship.

    Depends on the individuals involved though.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 7, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.